Don't I Know You?
by Not All Heroes Wear Capes
Summary: Edward can read Bella's mind, and always has done even though she lives in Pheonix, but here's the catch. Bella can read his too & knows what he is. They are best friends but have never actually met, so what happens when events take them both to Forks?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer  
****I hate these! I am in denial! Why can't I own Twilight and not Stephenie Meyer? :(**

**A/N: Sorry about the crap summary, give it a go!**

**Do I Know You?**

I sighed in aggravation as I looked at the snoring man next to me. His head was drooping over to my chair, his three white and whispy strands of hair in my face as he slept. I clicked my tongue in annoyance, but simply turned the other way, ignoring him.

I was more of a peace maker than a fighter. I tended to avoid confrontation. Call me a wimp if you want, but its just my way.

Well, it depends on what I'm fighting for really...

I was shocked out of my thoughts as I felt something hot and wet soaking through the leg of my jeans to my thigh. I screwed my face up as I saw the drop of saliva shining on my jeans, quickly unbuckling my seat belt and walking to the tiny bathroom. I was glad to find it empty as I quickly shut and locked the door behind me.

I grabbed a tissue and ran it under the tap, rubbing the mark on my jeans thoroughly. Once I was sure there would be no mark, I had another problem. I looked like I had wet myself. Not a very good thing to appear to have done when you have another three hours with the same people.

I sighed as I closed the toilet lid, plonking down heavily. Maybe this was just a bad omen. Honestly, there are plenty of free seats next to normal people, middle aged people who are reading or listening to music on their I Pod's, but I get the snorer. Go figure.

Maybe I should just get a connecting flight and go back. If I even had a choice in the matter, but I didn't. I had to move to stupid Forks, with my stupid father, away from every stupid thing I know.

Okay, Forks isn't stupid. I wouldn't mind if I was choosing to go there, but... I would never, ever volunteer to go to Forks. But I'm getting that rebellious feeling. You know, when you get told to do something but your too stubborn to do it when your told to. And you would have done it by yourself, but just because you get _ordered _to do it, you don't? That one.

And my father isn't stupid. Charlie is of a rather average intellect, well apart from when it involves football. I think he could answer any football question you threw at him. Heck, I didn't even know what he looked like anymore. I wonder if he has a beer belly? Mum always said that with the amount he drinks he should have by now.

Not that he is an alcoholic or anything but.... well he is a man, who watches football, is the police chief and goes fishing a lot. Of course, beer will be a major part of his life.

I was knocked from my little musings by a frantic knock at the door. I quickly stood up and unlocked the flimsy piece of plastic, opening it and coming face to face with bald and snoring man. He glared at me as he hopped up and down slightly.

"How could you have been so long and still had an accident?" He spat at me looking at the wet patch down my leg. I could feel my cheeks reddening. I opened my mouth to tell him that it was his saliva I was washing off, but he barged passed me and shoved me out the door, shutting it with a loud thud.

I stood fuming for a moment before I clenched my fists and went and sat down, muttering unpleasant things to myself.

Ten minutes later, I was bored as hell. The most interesting thing that happened was a young man, in his early travelling alone, dropped his I Pod. Yep, that was it. Our cabin was silent, not even the babies cried!

It was times like this when I needed Edward. But... he was ignoring me and I have no idea why. One night, I went to sleep talking to him normally, the next day... nothing. He wasn't listening at all, in fact he was blocking everything I threw at him. So, in my stubborn way of thinking, I am ignoring him back, and have been doing for the past week.

Torture. Pure torture.

I have never been so bored in my entire life, literally. Edward was always there to entertain me when I was bored or upset, but not anymore. Honestly, it hurt that I was being ignored. I considered Edward my best friend, the one person I could trust with anything and everything. He knew me better than my own mother did, but that can't be helped.

You see, Edward and I... we have never met, we have never even spoken one word to each other. Yet I know him back to front. I know every quirk, every mannerism, everything. Because Edward and I are linked.

You see, ever since I can remember, I have been able to _hear _Edward in my mind. When I was a child, I didn't understand why no-one else could hear the same voice I could, but after a few concerned looks from my mum, I decided to play dumb and stop asking.

It was then I knew that something was wrong with this.

When you grow up with something, you don't question it. Like if you grew up, being taught that yellow and pink. You would _know _because that is all you have been told, that is all you know. So I never questioned the voice in my head until I grew older.

People called me a freak, a weirdo, the scary girl. Children are cruel, and if it wasn't for Edward calming me down I would have burst out crying. But in truth, it was Edward what caused all the problems.

I couldn't explain to the teachers why I would burst out laughing in an exam when nothing was even remotely funny. I couldn't tell them that the man in my minds' older brother Emmett had just seen his newly spray painted jeep and screamed. It had gone from a dark green, to a barbie girl pink.

But it was in class too. Sometimes I would burst out crying, sometimes I would laugh when it was inappropriate and I couldn't explain why. The teachers just gave me detentions, and the kids just laughed and picked on me.

Edward knew me as well as I knew him. When I was younger, we didn't know how to block each other, and so... we saw everything. I saw him shower, thankfully he learned to avert his eyes, and he saw me.. in less than flattering experiences. But we put up with it, because we had to and there was nothing we could do.

We had tried to severe the connection with our minds, but had no idea how. Besides, we grew dependant on each other. Mum always thought I hid away in my room to be anti-social, but really... I wanted to be able to react to what Edward was saying without having to hide it. Edward got picked on by his brothers, Emmett and Jasper, for holing himself away.

Neither could tell the truth about the other without being told we were crazy, which is a possibility. Of course, Edward tried to talk to Carlisle, his 'dad' about it, and everyone in his family found out and thought he was crazy. He hadn't tried to talk about it again with them, he even lied to Carlisle when he asked if it still happens.

I have thought more than once that I have never been right in the head. I tend to think differently to others, plus Edward. I have an imaginary friend, which is okay when your a child, but not when your seventeen. Its weird and not right. I have thought about going into a doctors and telling someone, but Edward always dissuaded me.

Edward was my one and only friend, as sad as that is since he may not even be real. He is the only one who knows me and that is my fault. I never allow anyone to get close enough to come close to finding out about Edward. Honestly, I'm saving them time. Even if they do become friends with me, once they find out, they'll go running and telling everyone. Friends are circumstantial.

I closed my eyes, concentrating on Edward. Once again, coming up empty. I could feel his presence, it never leaves, but it was blocked. I saw nothing, and heard nothing. I felt so alone without him with me, he was my constant companion. Now.. I felt truly alone.

Has my one and only friend abandonned me as well?

It hurt even more to think of loosing Edward, he is the only one that got me through everything that has happened. When I pushed everyone else away and tried to push Edward away, he was the only one that persisted and got through. We understand each other.

I decided, after hurling a few choice insults at Edward, that I would count the different coloured stripes on the reclining chair in front of me.

It entertained me for about twenty seconds until I discovered a pattern and I gave up.

Stupid Edward. Since when does he ignore me and succeed?

Obviously, spending every second with someone, you are bound to argue and fight, and Edward and I are no different. We would attempt to ignore each other, but we have never actually accomplished it before. The closest I got was still hearing him but not replying. I began to wonder when Edward had been practicing ignoring me.

When had he been ignoring me before?

The annoying man came back, glaring at me before turning to his other side and falling asleep, his snores filling the silence of the cabin. The last two and a half hours of the flight were filled with daydreams and thoughts, mostly about Forks and my dad, wondering how different my life would now be.

I think I even fell asleep for a while, but when I opened my eyes again no-one had moved and there were no time markers. Still, I suppose it killed some of the time.

_"Can passengers please buckle their seat belts as we are landing momentarily"_

The annoyingly fakely happy voice filled the cabin, and numerous clicks hurt my ears. On the up side, the sudden change from silence to noise woke the man up. He snorted as he jolted awake, looking around and seeing everyone else buckling up before reaching for his own. I turned away to hide my smile.

After a bit of turbulence, we hit the ground and I looked out the window, glad to finally see the ground stationary. After the usual tradition of thanking the cabin crew that had lined up at the door, I walked out into the fresh damp are and took a deep breath. At least there was less polution here, I suppose that's a good thing, right?

Unfortunately, thanks to the typical rainy weather of Forks, the steps leading to the ground were wet, and I almost did a rather spectacular face plant on the asphalt. When I did finally reach the ground, I planted my feet firmly thanking God that the ground wasn't moving anymore. I had thought, in my boredom and my imagination ignited, that the plane would crash, or if I stepped too hard on the cabin floor, that I would fall through the aeroplane.

In my moment of thankfulness, I had managed to miss the fact that it was raining rather heavily and was now soaked to my skin, my clothes clinging to me. I cursed myself for wearing a hoodless jacket today as I ran towards the arrivals terminal, only tripping once. That was good for me.

I shook my head, glaring at a raindrop as it rolled down my nose and dripped off the end onto the carpetted floor. I managed to get through security with my wheelie case, my hopes of enjoying my time here disappearing as the rain hit the windows. This was not the best way to start anew. Rain.

I stood, feeling rather stupid after realising I was the only one who had been dumb enough to stand outside in the rain, and as a result was getting some strange looks from passing people. My cheeks burned as people stared at me with disapproving eyes and scowls. I sighed deeply as I made an effort to ignore them and the tutting security guards, looking around for Charlie. I had no idea what he looked like, only that he had dark brown hair, and maybe a moustache if he hadn't shaved it off.

After a few minutes I gave up trying to spot him and spotted some plastic seats, heading over to them shyly and trying to avoid any ones gaze. I was accompanied by a constant _drip drip _and I realised I was making a little trail of water. My day couldn't get any better.

I plopped down with a squelch, glad no-one else was sat there. I unzipped my small case and got out my phone. I had been advised to get a phone by my counsellor, God knows why. I had no-one to call, but I did have Charlies number.

The bad thing? I had no idea how to use this thing, I wasn't very technically minded. Edward usually talked me through it if I got something I didn't understand. I gritted my teeth slightly, determined not to be so dependant. After all, everyone else copes without someone in their head telling them what to do.

It was five minutes that I realised how to turn it on, it was a small accomplishment on my part. I never got any further into exploring my phone as someone tapped my shoulder, making me jump and squeak slightly.

"Sorry if I scared you Bells" Charlie stood there, wet dark curly hair dripping his face, moustache still there, and in his police uniform. Now I was getting looks for different reasons. I put my head down, making a show of putting my phone in my pocket.

"'s okay" I mumbled as I stood up, slipping on the puddle that had been formed beneath my chair. I offered a small thanks as Charlie steadied me, grabbing my bag as Charlie grunted uncomfortably. Charlie is not one for expressing his emotions.

We walked out of the airport in silence, Charlie taking my wheelie case from me at some point. I groaned silently as I spotted his Police cruiser through the pelting rain. If I had any dreams of being unrecognised, they were long gone. Charlie was already getting 'Hello's' and 'Good afternoon Chief' and I was getting looks. Again. It seems everyone knows who I am and feels compelled to stare as if waiting to see a sign on my forehead.

I stayed in the doors, out of the rain as Charlie ran out and put my case in the boot. I ran to the car door, grimacing as I was once again soaked as I got in the car, quickly shutting it behind it. I shook my head slightly but gave up as I realised I was wetting the inside of Charlie's cruiser too.

The car rocked slightly as Charlie shut the door behind him, rain falling from his huge police jacket as he looked at me for a moment.

"Seat belt" He told me quickly as he reached over a clicked his own in. I repressed a sigh, expecting something along the lines of 'Good to see you again Bells', not a comment on my car safety. Still, I clicked it in, staring out the window as the car vibrated with the engine. I sighed quietly as we got onto the road, turning to stare out of the side window at all the green.

Green, not my favourite colour. The rain, the trees and wildlife, it was the exact opposite of Phoenix. Great.

"So Bells, how are you holding up?" I turned as Charlie asked, sounding rather uncomfortable with the conversation topic.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about it" I grumbled, not moving from staring out the window. I didn't want to talk about what happened, the only person that I would talk to was Edward, and he was currently ignoring me so...

That was the biggest amount conversation for the entire journey. Maybe I shouldn't have been so rude before, I hadn't exactly been very happy when I saw him and my sharp comment would have thrown him. Yet I couldn't force a conversation with my Dad, I lapped up the silence.

However, after an hour silence was grating on my last nerve. It was times like this, of awkwardness and boredom, that I needed Edward. He would talk to me, or offer conversation topics at least. He was like Ask Jeeves.

Poor Charlie. He tried, bless him. He tried to talk to me, he asked me what I liked and what I didn't and I tried to act interested, but it wouldn't work. I could see his frown in the reflection of the window, and knew he was worried about me. Back in Phoenix everyone was used to me being like this, but of course it was new to Charlie.

"Is there anything you need specifically?" He asked, sounding rather desperate.

"I won't know until I see what you've already got" I sighed, and I cursed myself for being so rude.

"I'm sorry Dad, I didn't mean-" I began, feeling rather out of my depth here.

"Don't worry about it Bells, I understand" He sighed sadly and I nodded. If anyone understood me being like this, after Edward of course, it was Charlie.

We lapsed into silence again, but it was more comfortable this time. I suppose living with a quiet person wouldn't be so bad.

I leaned my head back as I felt my eyes droop. The flight and this drive had taken all the energy from me and I hadn't even done anything.

At some point later, I felt something shaking me gently "Come on Bella"

I realised that it was Charlie, and that I must have fallen asleep. From the lack of vibrations and the silence in the car, I guess we had arrived or stopped for a break. Once I managed to open my eyes, I realised we had finally reached our desired destination.

The little house I remembered vaguely hadn't changed on the outside. It was still the same faded white, maybe a little more faded thanks to the excessive rain. The flowers that used to frame the rectangular lawn at the front had disappeared because my mum wasn't here to tend to them. The same stone path cut through the middle and led to the door, the same curtains hung at the windows.

The scene made me smile slightly.

I was knocked from my happy reminiscing by another dull thud and I realised that Charlie must have gotten tired of waiting for a reply and had left the car. I sighed as I looked outside again, peeking at the house again. Thankfully, the rain had receded, but thunderously dark clouds hung overhead, threatening to break at any moment.

I slowly got out of the car, feeling rather guilty as I watched Charlie put my case on the ground as he closed the boot. I stuffed my hands in the pockets of my jacket as I stood awkwardly, not knowing whether I should go and help or go to the door.

"Go on in Bells, the key is up under the eve" Charlie told me, probably recognising my expression. Apparently, I get my emotions and such from Charlie.

Nodding silently, I walked up the stone path, thanking whatever God there was that I didn't slip once. Maybe things would look up in this dreary town. I reached up rather hesitantly, not sure if my hand would meet some furry creature or a huge spider. I breathed a sigh of relief as my hand clasped around a small cold thing.

I smiled slightly to myself as I stuck the key in the lock and turned it, hearing the click as Charlie splashed his way up the path towards me. I pushed the door open slightly dramatically, wiping my feet on the mat as I shuffled in, revelling in the warmth that was quickly drying my wet clothes.

Without a word, Charlie walked upstairs and I followed automatically. He walked into a room, my old room if I remember correctly, but he seemed to have redecorated. The walls and ceiling where a nice blue, and there nestled in the corner was my bed, on the other corner was a desk and what seemed like an ancient computer on top of it.

My eyes swept passed the wardrobe and dresser as I stepped in. It wasn't big, it wasn't fancy, but I loved it. It was simple, and mine.

"If you don't like the colour then-" Charlie turned as he laid my wet case on the floor and turned to me, scratching the back of his neck as he obviously misjudged my silence.

"Dad, I love it" I smiled honestly, smiling wider as he smiled and sighed back. I knew living with me must be hard, especially since we barely knew each other. So seeing him smile made me feel less guilty. Living with me wasn't going to be a slice of heaven for Charlie, but I could make an effort to make it easier.

There was a moments pause where I was smiling and Charlie was looking at the floor.

"I'll leave you to get settled in. I'll order pizza for tea" He told me as he looked at me. I frowned before nodding. Did he expect me to say no? What would he do if I did?

"Thanks Dad" I said quietly as he walked passed me.

"I'm your Dad Bella, its my pleasure" He smiled before shutting the door. I stayed where I was for a moment as I heard his loud footfalls thumping on the stairs.

As they faded, I walked over to my case and unzipped it. Thankfully, none of it was wet. I didn't have many clothes, not having the chance to shop for any. I only shopped when there was no other option. If I could put ip off, I would, but it seemed I couldn't put this off any longer. I needed to go shopping.

The next three hours were filled with me looking through my case and sorting it out, and putting things away. I sat my many books side by side on the shelf above my bed, setting Dracula down on the little table beside my bed. I smiled as I remembered Edward's amusement when he found me reading it.

You see, Edward was a vampire. Just like the rest of his family.

Vampires.... scary men that have fangs and run around at night in capes, preying on dumb pretty young women. I say dumb because no pretty woman would be out on her own at night.

But Edward and his family weren't the typical vampires. They hunted animals, and it was a good job they did otherwise I would have to yell a few times at Edward. They didn't have fangs, though their teeth were very white. They actually wore designer clothes thanks to Alice, though I think Emmett has a cape from a Halloween a few years ago.

Edward wasn't happy. He didn't want me to know. Stupid vampire. How did he think he could keep it from me? I saw everything he did. I was bound to find out eventually. But I found out when I heard Rosalie and Jasper arguing about something and they said that they were vampires. Edward tried not to hear it, or tried to distract me from hearing it, but I did.

So he told me everything, not that he had a choice. It explained the speed, how he would move so fast yet everything was so detailed, how he could hear cars from his bedroom. It also explained why I saw him attacking a deer. He did explain that he had tried to hunt when I was asleep, but he slipped up a few times.

Was I scared of him? Not really. I knew he was dangerous and that he could kill me, but he cared for me. At least I thought he did.

So... I knew what they were now. Vampires.

You see, this is what made me think I was one sprinkle short of a sundae.

Who hears a man in their head, much less a vampire, a vegetarian vampire at that? Its not normal, its not possible, but I have lived with this for all of my life. To me, it was normal. If I didn't have Edward, I didn't know what I would do.

xxx

"Bella, come on. It's time to wake up" I heard Charlie's voice as if he were standing a distance from me.

"Come on Bella, you'll be late" His voice was getting louder.

"Late for what?" I grumbled rather confused. What the hell?

"School" Charlie sighed.

I managed to open my eyes, groaning as I the grinding ache in my stomach reminded me of the need for food. I must have fallen asleep at some point while I was unpacking and missed pizza. I was laid oddly, my legs on the floor as I laid sidewards on the bed. Not the most comfortable position to be in. I also realised, that I was still in my damp clothes. This was getting better and better.

School.

"Why am I going to school? It's...." I frowned as I sat up, wincing as I realising I had back ache from my sleeping position.

"It's Friday" Charlie sighed and I looked at him. It was still dark out, so Charlie was reduced to a mere dark shadow in front of me.

"Why am I going to school on a Friday?" I groaned as I stretched, hearing my bones click.

"I enrolled you a few days ago" He avoided the question and it didn't go unnoticed.

"That isn't an answer" I pointed out, now sitting and watching him intently. He's better have a good reason for waking me up in the middle of the night.

"I have to go to work in a few minutes, and I'm not leaving you here by yourself" He mumbled and I rolled my eyes and huffed. Honestly!

"Charlie, I won't-" I began but he cut me off.

"Bella, you're going to school, okay. Just go and check it out for the day" He encouraged, trying to mask the fact that he was ordering me to do something. I slumped my shoulders in defeat. Charlie was worried about me, and he didn't want to leave me by myself. I could understand that, I didn't exactly look so good. If it made Charlie stop worrying so much...

I guess I was going to school.

"Okay, I'll go. But how do I get there? My car hasn't arrived yet" I asked, resigning myself to the fact I would have to endure the torturous first day of high school again. I missed my car, I loved that little thing, if the delivery people had hurt my baby they would pay!

"Actually, it arrived last night. It's sitting in the drive" He chuckled to himself as I smiled brightly. I loved my car. I knew nothing about them, but Edward had informed me that this one was a good make and I went with his advice.

"Here" He chuckled as he dropped the car keys into my open palm.

"Okay, when do I have to be there?" My spirits high again as I yawned, standing up and stretching. My legs felt horrible and stiff, but after a few steps, they felt a little better.

"Half past eight" He told me as he walked out of the room, wishing me good luck before closing the door. I yawned again and stretched, pulling out my phone as I felt it bulging in the pocket. I hope I didn't break it.

It was six o'clock. That was way too early to even consider being conscious.

I heard the door bang as I set my keys down on the bed, an engine started outside as I walked out to the bathroom. I think it's the bathroom, I haven't been here in a while.

I was glad to see that it was the bathroom, and even happier to see Charlie had a shower. I jumped in quickly, worried until I spotted shampoo on the shelf. I guess Charlie was prepared for a girl, at least to some extent.

After washing my hair quickly, I jumped out and shuffled to my room with a towel around me, glad for the central heating. The house was silent, and I hated it. I wasn't used to so much quiet. I needed Edward here to fill it, to laugh and joke and talk to me.

I have to admit, I was getting passed the stubbornness quickly. I wanted Edward, I needed Edward. I felt... empty without him here with me.

I realised I was staring sadly at my wardrobe as I was still wrapped in a towel. I shook my head a little, walking forwards and simply grabbing the first things my hands touched. I didn't really care what I wore.

This whole Edward thing had me down. If he was ignoring me, I had no-one to turn to.

It turned out I had picked a pair of jeans and a black vest top and a dark zippy jacket. Simple, not too bad, and it lets me blend in. Perfect.

I quickly dried off and got dressed, extracting my hair dryer from under my bed and drying my hair in a hurry as I realised it was seven o'clock already. Once I had tried to tame my hair and admitted defeat, leaving it to hang down my back in its disarray of curls, I made my way downstairs. I have to admit, I was exploring a little.

I hadn't been here in four years, and even then I didn't remember things that well. But as I walked into the yellow kitchen my mother had painted, I realised that this was Charlie I was talking about. He wouldn't change anything. He still loved my mum, and that's why he was hurting so much.

I smelt the lovely smell of cold pizza and dived for the box on the table. Three slices of pepperoni. I guess I could manage two... or three. I ate as fast as I could, hoping I wouldn't be late for school on my first day. Who goes to school on their first day, on Friday? I knew people would stare, they would gossip and whisper, but I was used to it. I was no stranger to high school drama.

As it turns out, I could finish three slices of pizza quite easily. I sat in silence, thinking for a while. The typical things, my mum, school, Edward.

Maybe I had been crazy but now I was better?

I sighed as I looked at the clock hanging above the doorway. It was eight. I have half an hour, but knowing me I would get lost and be late anyway. It's better to start early. I stopped a sticky note on the fridge as I walked passed and stopped to read it. I doubted it was Charlie writing to himself, he didn't seem that sort of person.

_Bella,  
Sorry for dumping school on you on your first day here, but I didn't like to leave you by yourself all day. You'll do fine, don't worry, but if you need me you can call me at any time at the station. I got you a bag, not sure if you like it or not but it has everything you need inside so don't worry about that. There's a set of house keys in the door for you as well._

_Good Luck_

I smiled as I finished reading the message. He worried about me too much. It was only school, its not like I was going to have a meltdown or anything. Still, its nice to know he cares.

I had actually forgotten about a bag, it was a good thing Charlie mentioned it. I spotted the bag on a chair and assessed it. It was nice, I liked it. Maybe Charlie knew me better than I thought.

I shivered as I saw the mist settling around me. I turned around, hitching the bag strap further up my shoulder as I locked the door behind me before pocketing the key and making my way towards the drive. The mist had been blocking my view of the drive, but once I saw it, I had no idea how I could ever miss it.

There sat my car. I had to control my squeal as I skipped over to it, ignoring the wet ground and the mist around me as I kissed the top of it, giving it a hug. What? I was attached to it.

It was an Audi, I knew that much. It had a bunch of letters after it, but all I knew is that it was orange. Maybe not the most flattering colour, but it grew on me and I wouldn't have it any other way. It was my baby.

I unlocked it and got in, throwing my bag in the passenger seat and shutting the door to keep the cold out. But having been sat outside all night, the car was freezing anyway. I quickly shoved the key in the ignition and started it, switching the heaters on full. I sat there for a moment before looking at the small digital clock in the dashboard and reversed quickly.

If I didn't hurry, I was going to be late.

And I was.

It took me fifteen minutes to find that stupid school in the thick mist, but I did. I slid into an empty parking space and got out quickly, walking quickly towards the building that said office. Again, I breathed out a sigh of relief as I was warmed once again. Why did it have to be so cold around here?

My eyes nearly bugged out of my head. It was green in here too. I couldn't escape it!

"Hello? You must be Isabella"

I made a small smile appear on my face as I walked up to the counter she was sat behind. Even she was wearing a green shirt! Though I did think it was rude and strange how people assume you are someone, even when they are right.

"I'm Mrs Cope" She told me in a fakely happy voice, and I wondered who would marry her.

"Here's your schedule and a map of the school" She pushed a pile of paper towards me and I took them, not even glancing at them.

"And you have to ask your teachers to sign this and bring it back here at the end of the day. Thank you" She said quickly, dismissing me as she sat back down and picked up a book called _Green is Good._

I got out of there quickly, leaning on the wall outside and looking at the map. I had English in room 209 now, which was right in...

I was cut off by a bell, the school bell? Was I that late to school that I had missed the first hour? I quickly checked the schedule and map again. Now I had German in 143. Which, according to the map, was across campus. I sighed as I folded them up, not wanting it to be obvious I was new here as I tried to memorise my schedule.

"Your Isabella right?" A male voice came from my left, and I turned sharply, annoyed that once again, I didn't even have to introduce myself.

"I'm Eric" He held out his hand for a hand shake and I took it hesitantly. What teenager shakes hands? But he looked like the sort. Greasy hair, spots, pile of text books under his arm. Typical chess club.

"Hey Eric, who're you talking-" I sighed as I heard my name once again, turning around and coming face to face with four other people. There was a small unnaturally blond haired on, a sour looking short dark haired one, and a smiling average looking girl. She seemed genuine and nice. I liked the latter best.

Then there was the boy. He didn't introduce himself at first, preferring to smile at me strangely.

"I'm Mike" He basically purred, swaggering over to me and laying a hand across my shoulders. Okay, this guy was too close for comfort.

"Bella" I introduced quietly as I slipped from his grasp, standing next to the kind girl and introducing myself to the group.

"I'm Angela, this is Lauren and Jess" Angela told me, shooting sideways glaces at Lauren as if asking permission to go on. I guess she was the leader of this group.

"Hey... do any of you know where German is? I missed my first lesson" I smiled a little at Angela, hoping she would help me. Lauren looked like she would rather eat dog poo, and Jess just stared vacantly across the parking lot we were facing. Mike and Eric where quite the opposite, they were a little to eager to help.

"It's okay, I've got German next, I'll take you" Angela smiled as she began to walk away. I stumbled after her as she called a swift good bye to the others. I glanced behind me, noticing how none of them looked happy. The girls were both glaring at the two of us, the boys pouting slightly.

"Don't worry about them Bella, they will have forgotten about it at dinner" She told me, obviously noticing my worried look. The last thing I needed or wanted was a fight or confrontation. I was supposed to be taking it easy, this was my new start.

"Okay" I mumbled as we made our into the school and through a maze of corridors. I didn't even try to keep up with it all.

German was... boring. I knew German pretty well thanks to Edward. He would help me in class if I got stuck, and I gradually learned the vocab. I wasn't made to stand up in front of any lessons, thankfully being sent to sit at a vacant table next to the window. The teacher didn't bother me, probably thinking she was doing me a favour by letting me take it easy. She wasn't.

I would rather do work than be bored any time.

I frowned as I concentrated on Edward for the hundredth time, screaming at him in my mind. Nothing. No response at all. All I could hear was the scratching of pens on paper in my class as everyone else got to work. There was something missing, someone missing. I needed Edward.

I could feel my eyes filling with tears at the very thought but I pushed them back. I would be strong. I didn't _need _Edward, or maybe I did. Either way... I could live without him. Everyone else lives without a voice in their head, and so can I.

It didn't stop me from missing him though. Edward was my one and only friend, and if he was gone...

I was shook from my thoughts by the bell. I slowly shoved my books in my bag and stood as Angela appeared.

"How did you find it?" She asked nicely as we dodged crowds of students in the small hallways.

"It was okay" I shrugged, once again feeling down over the Edward situation. I felt like I should be doing more, but what else can I do short of finding him and actually asking him verbally why he is ignoring me.

We spoke no more as I followed her to Math and we sat down. I slouched down after I had made my speech, my face typically tomato red as I stuttered and stumbled to my seat afterwards.

Math was boring, and this time the window was on the other side of the classroom. On the plus side though, I had Angela, and she talked to me most of the time, keeping my mind from straying to less than happy topics. Angela seemed to sense my bad mood, but kept quiet, for which I was thankful.

I liked Angela. She wasn't too bitchy, she wasn't sour or fake. She was just a sweet girl, and could possibly be my first friend. I am not counting Edward, he may or may not be real.

_Of course I'm real Bella _

I gasped as I heard his voice, my eyes wide as I stared blankly at the sheet of equations in front of me. It took me a moment to recover from the shock before the old stubbornness reared its head and I glared at the paper.

_Leave me alone Edward _I huffed, concentrating back on the equations.

_Bella, I have to- _He began, and I interrupted him. I was slightly annoyed he chose _now _to talk to me, in the middle of lesson on my first day.

_Oh, so you're talking to me now? Save it! I'm busy!_

I let venom cloud my mind as I glowered at the paper beneath me. Edward tried to talk, his voice still there in the back f my mind, but I started to recite the lyrics to Sweet Like Chocolate, succeeding in blocking him out and doing the work.

"Bella, are you okay?" Angela broke my concentration as I frowned at the ground, walking towards the lunch room. I had been invited by her to sit with them at dinner, and I accepted. Maybe I didn't have to be a loner this time, it was a fresh start after all.

"Yeah, I'm fine" I told her, mustering up a small smile but from the frown on her face she didn't believe it.

I could hear the cafeteria from down the hallway, the people inside where that loud. I kept my eyes down as I walked in after Angela, following her as we both grabbed trays and stood in line. I heard my name being said- supposedly quietly - many times, but I ignored it. If people want to talk, they can

"Come on Bella" I felt a nudge in my back as I realised I had fallen back int he queue, the lunch lady tapping a ladle impatiently, staring at me with a scowl. I blushed madly as I trudged forward, simply grabbing an apple and paying for it.

I stood at the side, holding my apple as I waited for Angela to get served. She got a tuna sandwich, quickly ushering me towards a table in the middle of the room. So, I had to walk passed half of the people in the cafeteria, most of whom stared and whispered loudly as I went passed. I simply concentrated on not falling on my face, holding my apple tightly, not wanting to drop it.

"Hey guys, Bella's going to sit with us" Angela announced happily as I timidly sat down, not sure if they wanted me there or not. I suppose I could go and eat in my car.

"Good idea Angela!" Mike chirped up loudly, making me blush and duck my head as I took a bite from my apple. I was not used to this attention from boys. I was the freak, the girl who is to be avoided at all costs.

When I did look up, I met the blue icy eyes of Jessica, her fake blond hair bouncing as she huffed and turned away dramatically. Angela simply shook her head at me, rolling her eyes as Jess. I let it go. I hadn't done anything to her.

The conversation flowed around me, but I stayed out of it. Mike tried to drag me in a few times, but I simply shrugged and went back to slowly devouring my apple. Again, my foul mood was creeping up on me as I kept on shoving Edward's voice to the back of my mind, reducing his words to a mere mumble.

_BELLA! LISTEN TO ME!_

I squeaked a little as I dropped my apple in shock, not expecting his voice to be so loud.

"Are you okay Bella?" Eric asked, and I nodded vacantly, only blushing when I realised everyone on the table was staring at me.

"Just remembered something" I mumbled, and they all nodded or shrugged, the conversation carrying on again as I let my heart calm down again.

_Don't do that! _I berated him in my mind.

_Bella, you have to listen to me. Please, it's important _He begged and I almost gave in.

_Is it the reason you've been ignoring me for the past week and a day? _I huffed, needing an answer. I was glad to hear his voice again, feeling a little more whole when he was there, not that I would tell him that now. I didn't care if I was crazy, at least I wasn't alone.

_No.... Bella, I'm sorry _He said quietly, but sounded sincere about it. I was rather annoyed.

_No. I have gone through hell over the passed week because I thought I'd lost you or something. You can't just swan back in and say 'sorry'. If you don't like this, then don't bother talking to me ever again! _I could feel my face getting hot as my anger got the better of me. When I get upset or sad, it sometimes come out in anger. I didn't want Edward to leave, he knew that, but I was truly peed off with him.

_I know I hurt you Bella, but this is important! _

Why did he keep on going on about this important thing? What did it have to do with me anyway?

_Bella, look at what I'm seeing _He ordered me.

I sighed before diving into his mind and looking at what he was seeing. I could never get over how much better Edward's vision is than mine.

_Concentrate Bella _He mentally chuckled and I felt a small smile tugging at my lips. Damn him and his lovely chuckle!

I finally did what he asked, and found nothing of interest. He was in a lunch room too, teenagers shouted at one another across the room, others ate and laughed and talked. I could see Jasper and Emmett sat opposite him, their wives on their sides as they all gazed off in various directions.

_Look at where I'm looking _He continued quieter, as if worried about something.

I did look where he was looking, but didn't see much. I saw tables of students laughing and messing around, very few actually eating the terrible cafeteria food. A poster hung on the wall....

_The poster! What does it say?_

I mentally rolled my eyes at him and his urgency over this, but humoured him.

_It says.... Home game, Spartans versus Hawks on the nineteenths. Go Forks High!_

I was about to question the point of the whole thing until it hit me. Forks High. It says Forks High. Edward is looking at a Forks High poster. He is at Forks High. So am I. Right now. He is sat in the cafeteria. Right now. So am I.

Edward is at my school right now. I quickly zoned back into my own world, stepping back from Edward's mind so that I could see through my own eyes once more. I ignored Jess, who apparently was jabbering on about something to me, not noticing that I wasn't even listening, and looked around. There is was.

The blue and red poster right in front of me, hanging between two windows. It said exactly what I had read out, I could have passed it off as the same poster in another school, but it even had the same graffiti on it.

_Bella, turn around _Edward asked quietly, and I suddenly understood why he was so nervous. Edward was here? He was real? I'm not crazy? This was huge.

.... them are so gorgeous, its unnatural. But I can't complain, Edward is... words cannot describe"

I was about to turn around and see Edward before I heard her, my head snapping to her as I stared at her in shock. She knew Edward.

It was stupid, I knew it was, but I had always thought of Edward as my friend, mine and mine alone. I guess not.

"Jess, you asked hm out four times and he turned you down every time" Eric laughed, making her blush a startling shade of red, and I had to duck my head to hide my smirk.

_Wait, this... this is Jess? The same Jess that asked you in front of your family? _Even in my head I was laughing. I deep groan resonating around in my head confirmed my suspicions as I hide a snort of laughter. Edward described this girl as 'stalker material', and I suddenly see why. She was fixated on him. Right now, she was gazing off, her eyes glazed over slightly and I shuddered, not wanting to know what she was thinking.

"Anyway, he's perfect. I know he likes me, he just needs time to realise it for himself. I'm willing to wait" She carried on dreamily, everyone on the table hiding their own smirks. I smiled a little genuinely as I saw Angela and a boy called Ben holding hands beneath the table. It was so sweet!

Jess kept going on and on, the only reason people didn't laugh out loud as Lauren glaring at them. I really didn't like this girl. Control freak much?

_Bella!_

I couldn't help it. I turned around and searched for him at the sound of his voice. He was here somewhere.

"Bella, are you listen...." Jess's voice trailed off as I found what I was looking for and my smile grew so side I think my face will actually ache for a while.

Because as our eyes met across the crowded cafeteria, I felt only happiness. Everyone else went on laughing, totally oblivious to the fact that my life had shifted so greatly that I doubted it would ever be the same again.

_It's nice to meet you miss Swan _I watched the famous one sided smirk grace his lips as he sat facing me, ignoring his family and everyone else as I was. My smile widened, impossibly at the sound of his voice.

_It's nice to finally meet you too Mr Cullen _

_

* * *

_

**Okay, not sure how people would take this...  
Tell me what you think....  
I don't really have a plan with this story, it just popped into my head, so suggestions would be welcome. The possibilities for this story are huge!!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer  
****I hate these! I am in denial! Why can't I own Twilight and not Stephenie Meyer? :(**

**OMG!! 60 reviews for my first chapter! Thats amazing :) YAY! You guys made my eyes pop out my head when I saw that number!!**

**IVE SEEN NEW MOON TWICE! IT CAME OUT HERE THREE DAYS AGO! ITS AMAZING! AMAZING! AMAZING! AARRGGGGG!!**

**Do I Know You?**

**Previously....**

_"Bella, are you listen...." Jess's voice trailed off as I found what I was looking for and my smile grew so side I think my face will actually ache for a while._

_Because as our eyes met across the crowded cafeteria, I felt only happiness. Everyone else went on laughing, totally oblivious to the fact that my life had shifted so greatly that I doubted it would ever be the same again._

_It's nice to meet you miss Swan I watched the famous one sided smirk grace his lips as he sat facing me, ignoring his family and everyone else as I was. My smile widened, impossibly at the sound of his voice._

_It's nice to finally meet you too Mr Cullen_

**Now....**

"Bella, what are you.... Oh, that's Edward" Jess stopped halfway through her sentence, but I was barely listening to her. I had found Edward. Edward was right there, across the cafeteria staring right back at me.

"Why is Edward Cullen staring at you?!" She asked, sounding rather annoyed. Even her insult couldn't make my smile falter. Edward however was a different story. I heard his growl through his own mind, and I saw with my own eyes as several students turn to see what the strange noise was.

"Edward! People. Do. Not. Growl" I hissed urgently, knowing he would hear me. His eyes remained dark, even after he stopped growling at the arrogant girl on the table.

_Come here _The darkness in his eyes faded to their beautiful butterscotch as he looked back at me, softening as he watched me stand up.

"Bella, where are you going?" Mike called, and I was suddenly hit by the fact that everyone had stopped to watch the little exchange. Damn it!

I ignored Mike and walked towards Edward, the students getting out of the way as though I was some sort of celebrity on the red carpet. I didn't even care enough to blush at all the attention. Edward was here!

_Remember what we promised we'd do if we ever met each other? _I smiled as I quirked an eyebrow.

When I was younger, Edward and I had made a pact. We were best friends, but despite this, meeting would probably be impossible. Or so we thought. I know it was childish, but... eh. It is Edward.

I watched as he looked deep in thought for a moment before a huge smile lit up his face. I paused three tables away as Edward stood up, his arms by his side as he cocked his head to one side.

_Come on then _He taunted as he opened his arms slightly. I giggled a little at the absurdity of it all before running the rest of the distance, my path clear to Edward. He laughed as I jumped into his arms and he spun me around, both of us laughing.

_I can't believe you're here _He thought happily as I felt him kiss the top of my head.

_I can't believe you're real _I retorted as I tightened my arms around his neck. He's definitely solid.

_Of course I'm solid silly _He chuckled as he set me back on my feet, keeping me steady with a hand on my waist and poking my nose childishly. I stuck my tongue out at him, making him chuckle once again as he pulled me into a rib cracking hug.

_It's good to know I'm not crazy too _He thought quietly, more subdued than before.

_I know the feeling _I admitted as he let me go and held me at arms length, looking me up and down as I did the same to him.

"Not bad Isabella Marie Swan" He teased me again, knowing how I hated the use of my full name.

"Not too bad yourself Edward Anthony Masen Cullen" I poked him in the stomach, amazed at how toned he was.

_Sorry I never mentioned it _He rolled his eyes at me and I giggled again. Since when was I such a giddy school girl?

"Sit with me" He asked suddenly, basically begging me with his eyes.

_Honestly Edward, like I would sit anywhere else _I took his hand as I walked back towards my table, but only got so far before I was pulled back.

_Bella, what are you doing? _He asked, looking rather confused as he looked at our hands. I turned to him slowly.

"Edward, I just found you, do you think I'll let you go that easily? You might disappear into a puff of smoke for all I know" I told him honestly. He simply shook his head and nodded his head, urging me on. I turned promptly, dragging him quickly towards our table. I slowled once I felt him hesitate, and I couldn't blame him.

You see, I hear what Edwar hears, and Edward can hear other people's thoughts. So... you get the picture. The only thing was before, I would hear the voices, but unless they were from Edward's family, I didn't know who they belonged to. Plus, I only heard the extra voices if I concentrated on them, or they were screaming in their heads. I could block them if I wanted. But now, I have a face for the 'voice' that had tormented Edward, and Jess was throwing herself at Edward.

I cringed as her thoughts slowly became more explicit, suddenly feeling very sorry for Edward, having to put up with this five times a week.

"Sorry guys, but I'm going to sit with Edward today" I told them quickly trying to get away from Jess, who was staring at Edward and not even making an effort to hide it. Yet the smile would not fall from my lips, no matter what I did. I quickly bent down and retrieved my bag, slinging it on my shoulder.

"That's okay Bella" Angela smiled at me, her eyes flashing to Edward quickly before settling back on me. It looked like she was the only coherent one on the table, but from the looks on Mike's and Eric's faces and how they were glaring at Edward, I didn't want to know what they were thinking.

I heard Edwards rumble in his mind before it could escape his throat, and I quickly elbowed him in the stomach. It wouldn't hurt him, but he got the idea.

"See ya Ang" I smiled as I turned around and walked with Edward back to his table. My eyes settled on his family, and I couldn't help but freeze.

_Edward, I know them but they don't know anything about me. They don't know I know. I'm not supposed to know! _I panicked a little, or a lot, before Edward turned around and looked me straight in the eye.

_Bella, just meet them. I know you know them, but.. well I'm not exactly sure how to handle this. They won't do anything to you Bella _He promised me seriously, and I knew better than to argue with him. When Edward gets that tone of voice, its better to just go along with it, because Edward is very stubborn when he is determined.

_Hypocrite _He shot at me as he pulled me along again. I know, I know. I'm stubborn too, but Edward took it to a whole new level. He simply chuckled at my train of thought as we arrived at his table. He literally pushed me down into a chair beside him before sitting down himself and looking at his family as if nothing where wrong. I gulped rather loudly, Edward picking up the gesture and taking my hand and squeezing it under the table.

I almost started laughing as I finally looked around at his family.

Alice looked horrified, probably because she didn't see any of this. Emmett looked so strange. He had his head tilted to one side, and we looking between Edward and I like we were some sort of puzzle that he had to solve. Jasper looked so confused, it was almost cute. The poor soul looked to lost. And Rosalie... well she was glaring at me. I didn't need Edward's gift to know she already hated me.

But in a strange way, I liked Rose or I had a great respect for her. She is so confident, so protective and fierce when to comes to the ones she loves. If only I was that strong. I had had many arguments about her with Edward. He just put her behaviour down to pig headedness. Stupid boy.

"I'm not that bad, surely" Edward turned and pouted at me looking so childish that I had to laugh a little.

_Whoa, since when does Edward mess around? _

I turned to Emmett as I heard his loud thought, and we ended up frowning at each other, both confused by the other. Edward was always like this with me, sure we had our.... disagreements and all that, but we were always joking around.

Edward laughed again, his mind showing how strange Emmett and I looked staring and frowning at each other.

"Stop frowning at him" He laughed again and I looked at him finally.

"Sorry Emmett" I said quietly, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. I knew I was human, and he was a vampire, and to have your food sit in front of you and stare at you might be a little unnerving for him.

"What... how...." He stuttered, and I turned to him in confusion. All the Cullen's were watching me with slight shock on their faces, but also... fear? I could feel my cheeks glowing as they continued to stare, unblinking at me, not offering an explanation as to why. It was Edward who finally explained the reason.

_You said his name. They don't know you know. They're scared of how much you know and what you might do _He told me quickly, my eyes widening as I realised I had messed up big time.

"Fuck" I cursed quickly and quietly, making Edward flinch in shock. He was such a gentleman, I doubt he has ever actually cursed out loud, he only curses when he is angry, or really annoyed. Usually at Emmett.

"Since when do you curse?" He asked seriously.

"Since you started ignoring me, thank you by the way" I spat at him, my old anger coming back.

"Bella, I didn't have a choice" He sighed but I didn't buy it.

"No way. We always stick up for each other, its what we do, and then suddenly you're gone? You could have at least told me" By the end I was whispering to the table as my eyes filled with tears.

_I never felt so alone. I thought I'd never hear you again _I thought sadly, the fact I was being stared at my four vampires fading to the back of my mind as I told him the truth. This was how Edward and I were. No matter how much pain or embarrassment it caused the other person, we told each other everything. They would find out eventually anyway.

_I'm sorry I hurt you so much Bella, I thought I was doing the right thing _He squeezed my hand as I didn't reply.

"Okay, what the hell is going on here?"

Edward and I both looked up at Emmett, who was now scowling at the two of us. Damn! I guess we had to get used to speaking normally now and not in our heads. I guess it would seen strange, the two of us reacting as if we were in a conversation, yet no-one was speaking.

"Er..." I chewed my lip as I looked back at Edward. How do we even begin to explain all of this?

_I have no idea what to tell them, but they need to know. We have to explain why a human jumped me in the cafeteria _He smirked and I rolled my eyes at him.

_I did not jump you, I was simply playing out a promise _I smirked back, remembering how I had been laid in bed with my eyes closed, totally immersed in Edward and his world. I saw what he saw, heard what he heard. So I saw Emmett and Rosalie making out in the kitchen, and I could also hear the bed springs about an hour later.

Thankfully, Edward had kept my mind away from those things, distracting me with questions of 'what if's'. What if both of us got a puppy? (His answer was Jasper would probably eat it, which made me laugh) What if we won the lottery? - He said it wouldn't matter to him anyway. Stupid rich vampires.

But then he asked what I would do if we ever met, and I told him I would run at him, jump on him and he would spin me around. Keep in mind, I was seven at this point.

I thought meeting Edward was the last thing I would ever get to do, and I also had no idea what why the bed springs were making that annoying noise. Now, I am glad I never actually asked him what it was. That would have been embarrassing. But he agreed to my guidelines of what would happen if we met. I can't believe he even remembered. I was seven!

Yeah, I also thought Santa came down the chimney and that I was getting a unicorn for my birthday. Still, if this happened, maybe I could still get that unicorn....

"Bella, you aren't getting a unicorn" Edward chuckled at me, bringing me back to reality and probably listening to what I was thinking.

"Why not? It could happen?" _If I found you, anything is possible _I added mentally, watching him nod in agreement.

"Are you ever going to reply or just stare at each other?" Rose basically growled out, glaring at me. I was used to it by now. I had been subjected to that glare many times when she had glared at Edward, it used to scare me... but now? Not so much.

I rolled my eyes dramatically "Jeez calm down" I shook my head as Edward chuckled beside me.

_Stupid little human! How dare she talk to me like that! _Her glare reached new levels of hatred as she thoughts spat at me. I knew I should be scared. She was a vampire, I was a human, and I pissed her off. But... I have 'lived' with Rose for all of my life, and I wasn't scared of her. Besides, Edward wouldn't let her do anything to me.

_Too right I wouldn't _Edward chimed in, sending me a smirk and a wink as we both chuckled at a very angry Rosalie.

"Aren't you going to get something to eat? All you had was an apple" Edward asked, still smiling and holding my hand and totally ignoring his fuming sister.

"Spying on me now are we Cullen? Nice" I teased, happily.

"Sue me Swan" He stuck his tongue out at me and I chuckled a little.

"I might actually, imagine all the money I'd get. Though you'd probably hire some lawyer extraordinaire and end up winning" I mused, knowing I was right. There was no way in hell, anyone could win in court against any Cullen. Heck, any of them could act as a lawyer and still win.

"Very true, but you are avoiding the question" He pointed out "Aren't you hungry?" He asked with a concerned frown.

_I swear you're bipolar _I thought before I spoke.

"Not really, had a big breakfast. Besides, its cafeteria food. That's not what I call edible food" I grimaced as I saw the lunch lady slap a pile of... well I don't know what it was. It was brown, lumpy and watery. Maybe stew?

"Good point, but you should still eat something" He told me, pushing his untouched tray towards me. I still thought it was stupid that they actually bought food and sat it in front of them. It only makes it more obvious that they aren't eating anything.

He had a plate of mashed potato and the brown mush. It did not appetise me in the slightest.

"I'll do you a deal Edward. I'll eat this..." I looked at it a little closer "Goo, if you do too" I leaned back and crossed my arms, knowing he would never do it. Food tasted like dirt to them, I knew what he meant. Every time he saw me eating something, he would remember when he was forced to eat a piece of pork for appearances sake. The memory of the taste made me want to gag.

Edward cocked an eyebrow, a grin spreading on his face as he picked up the fork. My eyes widened as I leaned forward again.

_If I go down, you're coming with me _He sang in his mind, smirking wider.

I glared at him as I realised what he was doing. He would make me live through the horrifying taste, and then I would have to watch and listen as he puked it back up again. It was not something I care to witness for a second time.

"Drop the fork" I ordered as he shoved it into the 'food', making a quiet squelching noise. He didn't stop smirking or drop the fork.

"But I'm hungry Bella" He joked innocently, knowing full well I knew he was lying. I knew he wasn't hungry, at least not for human food. Besides, his eyes were gold, not black.

"Please" I rolled my eyes as I shook my head, thanking the stars that he stopped moving that stupid fork towards his mouth.

"Edward, if you do this, you will have 'Sweet Like Chocolate' playing for the next three months" I threatened, loving his grimace as he narrowed his eyes at me.

"I hate that song" I mumbled as he dropped the fork like a sulky child.

"Aw, poor Eddie" I teased, giggling as he huffed in annoyance at my use of his hated nickname.

"Hey, how come you can call him Eddie and we can't?" Emmett asked, sounding like a very spoilt child.

"Because Bella's nicer than you" Edward shot at him evenly, leaning back in his chair, the picture of ease. His hand never moved from mine, something I hadn't failed to notice.

"Edward.... can you explain this?" Alice chirped up, looking almost scared. From what I knew of Alice, which is a lot, she is not like this. She is bouncy, unstoppable and wrathful if you get on her bad side. She looked almost shy as she leaned against Jasper's side, looking so small I thought she may disappear.

I turned to Edward, honestly wondering what he would come up with.

"Maybe..." He turned to me and I shrugged, not knowing how we would do it anymore than he did "But definitely not in the space of lunch time" He explained as he sighed.

"But... you can explain.. how this girl knows Emmett's name, and seems to be... rather close to you?" She questioned, looking between the two of us.

_If only she knew how much I really know.... _I smirked, wondering how they would take it. They took the fact I knew Emmett's name badly, Godknows what they'd do once they figure out I'd been listening to them for all of my life. Maybe a heart attack?

_We don't want to scare them Bella, but it would be funny _He admitted with his own signature lop sided grin.

"The girl's name is Bella, and yes we can explain. It might take a while though" He told them, squeezing my hand gently.

"We have a while" Rose spat out impatiently, and I couldn't resist rolling my eyes.

_If she carries on glaring at you I'll tear her eyes out _I heard Edward's growling voice in my head and I turned to stare at him in shock. If anyone should be angry, it would be me. Edward was not an angry person in any sense, but can be very overprotective of his family. I watched his eyes turn from gold to pools of blackness within the space of a second, his eyes fixed on the perfect blond across the table from him.

It was my turn to squeeze his hand this time, wanting him to calm down. I didn't want them to argue over me, or cause a scene in the middle of the school cafeteria. Two fighting vampires would not look good in a room full of humans.

_Edward, calm down. She has a right to be angry, she sees me as a threat and is treating me as such. You can't blame her _I urged him, tugging on his hand as I saw his jaw flex. I kept my thoughts from Rosalie's insults, pushing them to the back of my mind like I had done with Edward's earlier. Her shouts and cusses were dulled to a mere murmur.

"Just watch me" Edward growled out beside me, never turning or looking at anyone else. I saw Emmett realise what had happened in the past two seconds, a deep growl rising in his throat as he glared at Edward, his own eyes darkening.

"You'd do the same" I told him quietly, hoping to get through that thick skull of his. It was true. If he saw something as a threat, we wouldn't be all smiles and hugs either.

I breathed a sigh of relief as he unclenched his jaw, his eyes lightening to a dark butterscotch. It wasn't good, but it was better than black. Emmett relaxed too as he saw Edward's eyes lighten.

_Edward you can't go attacking your sister because she doesn't like me _I told him evenly, watching as his eyes never left his sister. I knew she was still glaring at me, but I ignored her. She was trying to intimidate me, to scare me off but she would never make me run. I had found my Edward, and I wasn't about to run away because one vampire didn't like me.

_It's nice to know you aren't scared of her, though maybe you should tell her that. I'd love to see her reaction _Edward finally tore his eyes from Rosalie to look at me, his eyes dancing as he imagined her reaction, of course I could see it too. Rose... growling, stomping away, slamming doors, lots of swearing and insults...

"Bella? Can I ask you something" I turned as I heard Alice squeak my name, smiling kindly at her. It was slightly strange to see a vampire being scared of a human.

_They aren't scared of you personally, their scared of what you know _He comforted me quickly as I nodded at him a little to show I had heard him.

"Of course Alice" I sighed, giving up on dancing around the subject. I heard a gasp as her eyes widened at me.

"You know my name too?" She whispered, Jasper's arm wrapping around her and hugging her closely to him as he scowled at me. I knew that Jasper used to be a soldier, and that he strategises. If he saw a threat, he would take that threat out of the equation. I also knew that he was fiercely protective of Alice, and would do anything to keep her safe.

I sighed again "Yes, I know your name is Alice Brandon Cullen, I know all of your names"

"Bella!" Edward hissed out , squeezing me hand again, but this time in restraint.

"What? There's no point in hiding everything is there? They're going to find out soon" I rolled my eyes as I turned back to a rather exasperated looking Edward.

"You know all of our names?" Jasper questioned quickly, staring at me intently, then turning to glare at Edward for a moment before turning back to me. I knew he was 'reading' my emotions, no doubt the crease between his eyebrows was from confusion at me beingsurrounded by vampires and feeling no fear. I knew he constantly struggled withhis thirst, but he still thrust himself into the world of school. This dark eyed quiet man staring me wasn't Jasper. I saw Jasper at home, messing around with Emmett and Edward. Jasper was battling his monsters head on, and I had a great respect for him for it.

"Yes I do" I smiled slightly, knowing what was coming.

"Go on then" He challenged equally, making me smirk as Edward sighed beside me once more.

"You are Jasper Whitlock Hale, your wife is Alice Mary Brandon. Then there is Rosalie Lillian Hale and Emmett McCarty Cullen. Plus Edward of course" I smirked as I noted all of their wide eyes and slack jaws. I decided not to mention Carlisle and Esme, I didn't want them to be too scared.

I decided to peek inside their heads for a moment, curious as to what they thought.

_... ward must have told her, that's the only explanation. I will rip him apart when we get home. Humans can't know about us! Did he forget about..._

_... does she know? We never stay in any one place long enough for people to know us as closely as she knows Edward, no-one even knows our real names apart from the family, they change every time we move somewhere new. How...._

I pulled out of Emmett's and Jasper's minds, knowing the others would be along the same lines. Maybe I had been a little too obvious with the whole hugging thing, they were supposed to be lying low after all. No wonder they were shocked when a human ran up and hugged their brother.

I picked up my bag from the side of my chair as the bell rang loudly in the room, standing up with Edward as he picked his own bag up.

_What lesson do you have now? H_e asked me, and I frowned, trying to remember by schedule. I missed English, went to German and Math, so that means I have Biology.

_Me too _Edward's smile almost blinded me as he beamed.

He turned back to his family, but none of them were looking at our faces, their eyes were fixed on our entwined fingers that we held between the small space between us. I could feel my face burning as I realised what this must look like, yet I couldn't make myself pry my hand from Edward's grip.

_Does Edward go out with Bella?_

_How long have they known each other?_

I ducked my head as I shuffled my feet, Edward however simply smiled even wider, holding me hand even tighter in his iron grip.

_I love that blush, it's nice to finally see it with my own eyes _He commented, and I looked up to find him staring intently at me. Embarrassed by his compliment, I elbowed him again causing him to laugh at me. He turned around and started to walk away, only stopping once he found I wasn't going with him.

_What's wrong? _He turned back to me frowning.

"One minute" I told him before turning around and looking at Alice again.

"You had something to ask me before we got distracted with names?" I asked, feeling Edward come and stand behind my left shoulder, waiting for us to go.

"Oh er..." I watched her eyes widen as she glanced around nervously before gulping and actually speaking coherently.

"I was just wondering... if you and Edward can't explain here.... are you coming to our house after school?" She asked quietly, trailing off at the end. If it wasn't for Edward's good hearing I wouldn't be able to hear her at all.

"Sure" I smiled, thinking that this was the time to meet Esme and Carlisle. Even though I have never met them, I think of them as my parents. Not that I would tell them that, it might scare them a little.

_You know Esme won't mind _Edward told me, pulling me around to face him, still smiling all the way.

_Maybe, but it might be a little strange for me to turn up at their house and hug them, calling them mum and dad _I joked as we walked out of the cafeteria, leaving the Cullen's sat in a state of shock behind us.

I noticed, as we walked through the hallways, that people actually stopped and stared at us with wide eyes and open mouths. I couldn't help but giggle at it, earning a tut from Edward.

_Well, here you are, the dark, brooding and mysterious Edward Cullen, holding hands and walking the new meat to class _I laughed out loud lightly, happier than I had been... in a rather long time.

_I don't brood _He chuckled as he pushed me a little, keeping his hold on my hand and pulling me right back to his side, making me bump into him a little, only making him laugh a little at my clumsiness.

A thought struck me and I frowned at him as we carried on walking.

_Are you okay Edward? I know how... tempting my blood is for you, is it hard for you? Should I- _I made to take my hand from his, but all he did was tighten his hold, shaking his head at me.

_I told you Bella, I'm past my blood lust with you. Being attached to you for seventeen years has made me basically immune to it actually. I think even if you bled in front of me I'd be fine, but lets not put that to the test just yet... _He smirked and I pouted at his teasing. He knew it was only a matter of time until I trip up or cut myself on some insignificant thing, and I would end up having to have stitches, bleeding everywhere. It wouldn't be the last time, and it would never be the last.

_Yeah yeah, whatever smarty pants _I smiled as he stopped a door, letting go of my hand and opening the door, motioning me inside with a flourish of his hand. I rolled my eyes at him, giggling as he winked behind me before letting the door close and making his way to his seat.

I approached the teachers desk, my cheeks reddening as the fifteen students that had already arrived started to whisper and stare at me, then at Edward. Edward wasn't fazed by it, as usual. He simply sat there, his elbow on the desk as he put his chin in his hand and smiling at me. I shook my head before turning my attention back to the teacher.

"You must be Miss Swan" He stood up from his chair, shuffling a few pieces of paper around on his messy desk before clearing his throat and handing me three pieces and a text book. I extracted the little slip from my bag and handed it to him, watching as he scratched the back of his neck as he looked at the small piece of paper as though it offended him.

Using Edward's talent, I took a peek inside his mind, wanting to know what was so offending about a piece of paper.

_...is it? I haven't seen one odthese before, but when was the last time we had a new student? I thought we would be notified of stuff like this? What do I even do withit? What's with all the dotted lines? I can't ask the new student, I'll look like an idiot _He rambled on and on, and I pulled out and looked at him with sympathy as a sheen of sweat shone on his forehead.

"Mrs Cope said something about.. getting every one of my teacher to sign it...." I trailed away acting as if I didn't know as well, not wanting it to appear I was belittling him. He visibly relaxed as he put it down on his desk and smiling at me.

"Of course. Now Miss Swan, I'm afraid we only have one seat left available..." He sounded truly sorry about it, but I smiled brightly. I new from experience in Edward's mind that he hated Biology, and that he was the only one without a partner. He was a vampire, and although girls fawned over him they still felt the natural urge to run away from him.

"That's okay sir" I sang happily, surprising him as he stuttered slightly before motioning for me to take my seat. I quickly walked to my new seat next to Edward, setting my book on the desk with a thud before dropping my beg to the floor and kicking it beneath the desk.

_Hey partner _I chirped in my mind as I turned to Edward.

_Hey yourself. Well, at least I won't be bored anymore _He smiled lightly and I was slightly distracted. Here, without his family watching our every move, I actually took the chance to look at Edward.

I had seen him in mirrors, and through his families thoughts but never through my own eyes. I didn't know what I expected, I knew he didn't age or change in any way.

His skin was white as snow, his lips a lovely shade of pink, his bronze hair its usual mop of disarray that would make anyone else look like a tramp, but Edward made it look like a runway style. He was beautiful, but every vampire was.

Edward was different. I think the thing that made him even better than the others was his smile.

Edward could be dangerous, and when he glared at you and when he actually meant it, you peed your pants. But a smiling and happy Edward was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Whether it was his small mischievous smile, or the lop sided one, or even the one he was currently sending my way, the face cracking smile.

It made him look so free and natural....

_Done analysing me? _I poked fun at me and I blushed and looked away once I realised I was still staring. Damn it!

He didn't say anything out loud or in his mind, which shocked me. Edward always said something when he embarrassed me, he always teased me about it. I was brought back to the present by something cold brushing against my burning cheek. I gasped at the temperature, my mind registering that the only people that were that cold, were vampires.

Edward.

Why wasn't he teasing me? Had I gone too far? I knew how Edward hated what he was, how he thought he didn't have a soul. He hated how people liked him for his beauty, because of the 'curse' that had been put upon him. How could they love a killer? I had argued with him many times on the subject, but he remained stuck in his way of thinking. Didn't he like me thinking he was beautiful?

_You have no idea.... _

I watched with a frown as he dropped his hand and turned back to the front with a sigh, his hand holding his chin still, but his smile was replaced with a deep frown, making a crease form between his eyes.

I leaned over and pressed my finger to the spot, watching as it smoothed out and he stopped frowning. He sighed before thanking me with his mind, and I sat back down in my seat. I watched the last few students filter through the door and hurriedly take their seats as the teacher wrote 'Cellular Mitosis' on the white board.

_Sorry _Edward's soft voice filled my mind and I sighed.

_It's okay Edward, its bound to be weird _I admitted, noticing how he seemed to be rather distracted now.

I left him to whatever he was thinking about and...

Wait. Whatever he was thinking about? I... I didn't know what he was thinking about. I looked over at him, seeing the frown set on his face again as he stared at the front of the class. He was definitely thinking, but... he was hiding from me. Again.

Why would he hide it from me? I never hid anything from Edward, ever. Why would he hide what ever this was from me? I was hurt that he didn't trust me enough to let me in anymore. Maybe it was because he knew I was real now, and that I might tell someone whatever I heard.

It wasn't true of course, I would never tell anyone anything that Edward told me unless he said that I could.

I bit back the hurt and turned my eyes to the front of the class as the teacher stood up and began the lesson. I honestly wasn't paying attention at all, and I knew I should be. I was trying to find a way into Edward's mind, but coming up empty. This was my first day, I should be making a good start, but once again Edward was on my mind and I was worried.

What if he didn't want me to be part of his life? Was he happier with me as just some stranger in his head? Did he even want me here?

I felt someone grab my hand, squeezing it gently, and I didn't need to look up from the worn wooden tabletop to know it was Edward. I stared at a dint in the wood, pushing back the tears as I went over my thoughts, not caring that Edward was listening.

He didn't want me here, he was hiding from me just like he did before.

_Bella, meeting you is the best thing that has ever happened to me _He told me gently, playing with my fingers beneath the desk.

_Then why are you hiding from me Edward? What's changed? We never used to hide anything from each other, and now suddenly you're shutting me out. What did I do? _I begged him, tears once again forming in my eyes.

Did my best friend not want me anymore?

_Bella, of course I want you. I'm only hiding my thoughts.... because I don't want you to know. It's nothing bad Bella, and I certainly don't want you to go away, just some of the things I think about... I don't want you listening to _He explained, and I knew now that he was staring at the side of my face. Even his mental voice sounded desperate.

_Edward, I've seen you hunt, I've seen you attack someone in anger, I think I can handle whatever it is _I thought indignantly, a little offended that he didn't think I could cope with whatever it was. He and his family were vampires for Gods sake! If I could handle that, I think I could handle most things.

_Trust me, okay? If you don't hear anything from me, its only because I'm shielding you from this... mess. I'll try to stop it _He promised and I nodded, feeling a little guilty I was making him control his own thoughts around me.

I sniffed quietly as I raised my head and turned to the teacher. I watched as he motioned to the board, flinging his arms around as his jaw moved quickly, but his words didn't reach my ears. I sat in my own little bubble, and when the end of school bell rung out in class, I reflected and realised I hadn't heard a word the teacher had said.

_Don't worry about it, if you need a tutor, I'm here _Edward told me as he waited for me to pick up my bag, never letting go of my hand the entire time. Everyone stared as we walked passed, but I was past caring. I was no longer smiling, I just stared at the floor in front of me as we walked out of the class.

_Bella _I felt a tug on my arm before Edward pulled me to one side of the full corridor, pushing me against the wall and shielding me against the many pupils that were running and shouting about the up and coming weekend.

"Bella, please, you're my best friend. You know I would never to anything to hurt you, not unless I didn't have a choice" He told me, his eyes becoming intense as he crushed me against the wall, his face centimeters from mine.

"We always have a choice" I whispered, still hurt by his ignorance.

"Not always Bella, sometimes.... sometimes things happen that you can't control and everything gets so much more complicated.." He trailed off as he closed his eyes for a long moment, drawing in a large breath before opening them again and staring me in the eyes once more. He stood, his golden eyes wide as I tried to find an answer to that.

"Edward... I have no idea what you're talking about" I told him quietly, frowning as I saw his tormented gaze move to the ground for a moment.

_Of course you wouldn't... _His thoughts echoed around in my head, his sad voice hitting me more than anything else. He seemed so defeated and sad as he raised his eyes again.

"What is it Edward?" I asked gently as I put my hand against his cheek. His eyes swam with emotions I couldn't comprehend for a moment before his expression cleared and he smiled that lop sided smile once more.

"How about we do a deal? I don't mope about it, if you don't mope about it?" He asked with his eye brows raised.

"Edward... if its got you this worried maybe we should talk about it..." I suggested, not wanting to see him so hung up over this thing. I had never 'seen' Edward like this. He was always so calm, so laid back. What could have changed all that?

"Bella, I'll be fine. It'll probably pass soon anyway" He sighed as he pulled away, taking my hand and pulling me with him. I noticed that the hallway was empty, and I wondered how long we had been stood there.

I let Edward guide me through the corridors, me having no clue what so ever. I smiled once I saw the doors out to the car park, rummaging around in my pocket and fishing out my car keys as we walked outside.

It was still grey, still dark, but at least it wasn't raining. It was however, rather windy, making my hair flap about everywhere. I huffed in annoyance as it blocked my eyes, making Edward laugh.

"It would be better to be bald" I muttered as I flipped my head, making it move to its correct position for a moment before it wafted back over.

"If you cut your hair, I'll hunt you down" He said, faking offense as he took a loch of my hair in his hand.

"You try having it so long, its not to easy to handle as yours. Not everyone can just run their hand through it and be done" I poked him in his side as we stepped off the curb, Edward dropped my hair and letting it whip around in the wind. Only two cars were left in the student car park, mine and Edward's, who were actually sat beside each other. How did I not notice that before?

I frowned as I saw all the Cullen's stood around it, leaning on it, waiting rather impatiently as they stared at the two of us.

_For people who have forever, they don't like waiting do they? _I smirked up at Edward who nodded back to me, chuckling in agreement.

"I'll ride with Bella" He smiled as Rose gave a huff, glaring at me once again.

"You could have told us that before we sat here waiting" Jasper rolled his eyes, Edward merely shrugged, reaching into his jacket pocket and throwing them to him. Damn vampires and their good reflexes.

I felt the weight of the key disappear from my palm and I turned to glare at Edward, finding that I had turned to thin air.

"I'm glad you went with my advice. It's a good car" His voice sounded smug as I turned around again and spotted him leaning on the bonnet, tapping it gently with his index finger.

"Why thank you Edward" I huffed as I made my way over to him.

"Did it have to be orange?" He cringed as he looked at me sadly.

"It was the only colour they had, and besides, its grown on me" I told him as I came to stand in front of him, palm out and waiting.

"Yes Bella?" He asked, smirking as he twirled my car keys around his finger.

"I will not let you drive my car" I hissed sternly. There was no way he was getting behind the wheel of my baby.

Edward rolled his eyes "Bella, I am an excellent driver"

"Do you still drive like a maniac?" I asked, watching as he nodded unabashed.

"Well then, you are a monster driver. One- you will hurt my baby, and two- my dad is the Police Chief and he would not be happy if I got a speeding ticket on my first day of school, thank you very much" I knew I had him when he sighed, pushing off the bonnet and walking around to the side of the car, dropping the keys in my palm as he went.

I smiled as I went around to the drivers side, poking my tongue out at Edward before sliding in, shutting the door behind me. Edward was already there, a pout on his lips as he stared out of the windscreen like a child. I shook my head slightly, making my hair fall back into place.

I turned the key in the ignition as I watched Edward's family zoom passed in Edward's Volvo. I watched them worriedly for a moment before Edward shook me from my worried mind, taking my hand once more.

"It'll be okay" He soothed me as I pulled out of the parking space and turned onto the road.

"Yeah" I muttered, taking a deep breath.

I knew every Cullen, the real people they were, not the characters they showed to other humans. I knew them like they were my family, and I think of them as that. But they have no idea who I am, they don't even know I exist. This might get a little uncomfortable for them. A human knowing everything about them? I couldn't picture them taking this well.

I took the familiar road to Edward's house, familiar because I have seen Edward drive it so many times. Edward left me to my thoughts on the ride there, keeping quiet, and I thanked him mentally. I needed some time for my own thoughts. Never in a million years did I leave the house this morning and expect all of this to happen. Never.

I smiled as I broke through the long winding driveway, the forest no longer obstructing my view of Edward's home. I could never understand how Esme could build all of this herself.

_She's amazing like that _Edward commented as I killed the engine, getting out quickly.

"It's still beautiful" I sighed, craning my head to see the top of the three story house. Edward met me once more at the front of the car, walking towards the house with me, hand in hand once more.

I don't know what was with the hand holding, but I wouldn't knock it. It made me feel... safer, even closer to Edward. If that was even possible...

The gravel crunched beneath my feet only, Edward's footsteps not even disturbing them in the slightest.

_They're all inside apart from Carlisle. They've called him from work and he'll be home in about five minutes _He told me as we climbed the few steps to the porch.

_Did they have to pull him out of work? It's not that important _I thought worriedly. I knew how seriously Carlisle took his job, and didn't want anything bad to happen to him because of me and this whole mess of a situation.

_Don't worry about it _He rolled his eyes as he opened the door _They are all going mad not knowing. It's driving them crazy _He smirked, pulling me inside and shutting the door behind me.

_Good crazy or bad crazy? _I asked, knowing full well which one. They were going bad crazy, they were scared of how much a human knew and what I could do with that information.

"Edward?" I heard the familiar tones of Esme ring out in the entrance, and turned to find a very curious but happy looking Esme, her eyes flitting between the two of us, then settling on our hands.

_Oh my! Edward she's beautiful! You'd be perfect for each other! I don't care if she's human, I can see how happy you are! _Her thoughts screamed at me, breaking through the barrier that was around my mind. I couldn't help but blush as I ducked my head in embarrassment, Edward squeezing my hand, his thoughts slightly more mortified than mine.

"Esme, please-" Edward began but Esme chose that moment to imagine our wedding.

I had to admit, it was a beautiful image, but me and Edward? Married? The very thought had me fighting back a snort of laughter. I made sure to turn my head away from Esme, not wanting to offend her and make her think I was laughing at her. I peeked up quickly, noticing everyone else minus Carlisle, had come to see what the fuss was about. Once again, they were all frowning between my grin, Edward's frown and Esme's glazed look.

_Bella, go get a drink _He pushed me away slightly, his mental voice annoyed as I bit my lip to keep from laughing.

"Okay" I whispered as I quickly made my way away from them, to the huge kitchen. I knew where everything was, I even knew what they had in the fridge and cupboards.

_Take a Fanta, they won't get used otherwise _Edward told me as I thought about what to drink. I nodded as I opened the fridge, cringing at the smell of off ham as I grabbed a bottle of Fanta, shutting the door behind me. They really needed to check this food more often.

I leaned against the counter as I tried to 'listen' to Edward. He was blocking me again, but I let him this time. He was talking with his family now, he should be able to have some privacy. Still, I wondered what they were talking about. Me probably. I cursed my lame human hearing, not only deaf to Edward but the rest of his family too.

I took a sip of the lovely drink, but almost choked as a picture flashed before my eyes.

Children. Esme was picturing mine and Edward's children. Oh dear Lord...

I had to set the bottle on the counter to stop myself from dropping it. My shoulders shook as I laughed silently, my mind basically hysterical as I focussed on the image of our children. A boy and a girl, they were beautiful of course. The girl had Edward's golden eyes, long brown hair, pale complexion and Edward's smile. The boy had Edward's hair, my nose, my smile.

Still, me and Edward? Esme was getting quite exuberant about this, which was only adding fuel to the fire.

"What, may I ask, is so funny Bella?" I heard Edward say, but my eyes were shut as I leaned on the counter for support. I couldn't answer him even if I wanted to.

_Me... and you.... kids.... Esme.... I thought.... you're kind... were... infertile _I choked up on the last one sliding down and sitting on the floor. I must have looked crazy, sat on a kitchen floor, my knees to my chest, tears running down my face as I laughed silently.

"Bella, this is not funny" Edward laughed slightly as he picked me up, holding me by the tops of my arms as he smiled down at me.

I cleared my throat, reminding myself why I was here in an effort to control myself.

"There" I said, taking a deep breath to calm myself but was unable to take away the smile.

"Finished?" He asked, smiling with me as I nodded. In a blur, he handed me the bottle of forgotten Fanta, keeping a hand around my waist as we walked towards the living room. I didn't know if I could face Esme without laughing ever again.

_Hang on a moment _He thought suddenly, stopping his steps and turning to face me.

_Bella.... how are you? _He asked, his brow crinkling as he frowned at me. I understood a moment later, taking a deep breath, and looking down at the floor.

_I'm fine Edward _I sighed, knowing he would never believe me.

_You're right, I don't. Bella... _He sighed at me _After.. after what happened in Phoenix, all the repercussions, then moving to Forks with your Dad, meeting me... You can't be okay Bella _He set his hand on the side of my face, looking tenderly into my eyes. I knew he was concerned, my Dad was too.

_I'm fine Edward, I'm getting through it. Yes, it's going to be hard, and take a long time but I'll get there eventually _I promised him with conviction. I wouldn't let what happened hold me down, but right now it was pinning me beneath it. In time it would get easier, but right now... it was hard.

_It's weird, I almost picked up the phone and called... I forgot _I nodded to myself sadly as I bit back the tears, not wanting to dwell any longer than necessary.

"It's bound to be hard Bella, but it will get better" He pulled me into a strong hug _You've got me _He added quietly, and I nodded again. Edward had helped so much over the past few months, I doubt I would have made it if it weren't for him.

_Please don't think like that Bella _He requested, grimacing as he stepped back and led me towards the living room.

_Time to get down to business Bella _He told me as he sat me down next to him on one of the sofas, his hand going to my own once more and ignoring the rest of his family. I couldn't.

I was being stared at, with varying degrees of hate, curiosity and fear by five vampires. It was slightly unnerving. No-one spoke, and I was very aware that the only noise was my own breathing and heartbeat. I was suddenly eager for Carlisle to get home and dispel this tense and horrible atmosphere.

_Calm down Bella _Edward squeezed my hand, and I realised my foot was bouncing quickly. It's something I can't help, I always do it when I'm nervous.

_But what if they don't like me? What if after we tell them, they think I'm a liability and get rid of me? It's definitely possible Edward. I'm a human that knows way too much about your kind _I rushed out, looking at him with wide eyes.

_If any of them try to hurt you, I will kill them myself _He snarled out, a real growl rumbling in his chest.

_Edward, you can't. If its a choice between me or your family, your family should win every time _I told him strongly. He couldn't give up his family for me, it wasn't fair on any of them.

Edward remained silent, but I knew he wasn't blocking me, he just didn't have an answer for me. He glared at Emmett, Jasper and Rose harshly, probably because they are the ones that would be against me the most. The confusion on their faces was enough for me to kick Edward from his anger.

_I swear... if she gets hurt I'll kill them. I don't care who they are, I'll rip them to shreds before they even get near her.. any of them _Edward growled to himself, and I was slightly taken aback. He would never hurt Esme, Carlisle or Alice voluntarily, and they would never hurt him. But I knew he would attack the others out of anger, he had done it in the past.

_Why are you so... defensive? _I asked, truly puzzled, but trying to calm him down by changing the subject.

_Bella, do you think you're the only one who's been searching? I've been hoping for this too and I'll be damned if I loose you now _He gripped my hand tighter as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

_I understand Edward, honestly I do. But you can't just glare at them, they haven't done anything _I told him as he opened his eyes and finally turned away from his confused family to look at me.

"It's difficult. If they did-" He began, and I knew he was going in circles. He was stuck in 'what if's', going round and round.

"But they haven't, and if it comes to it then.... " _I'll leave _I looked him squarely in the eye, and I meant it. If I caused Edward and his family that much hassle, then I would move away somewhere else. I would never loose contact with Edward, I don't think it was possible.

"You're not going anywhere" He whispered _Not without me, you're not _He smirked a little guiltily. Did he think I wouldn't want him to go with me?

"What is going on Edward? I don't understand..." Esme burst our little personal bubble as we both turned to look at her. She looked scared, apprehensive. I couldn't blame her.

"The others haven't told you anything?" He enquired, looking at his siblings.

"We know as much as she does" Emmett pointed out, and I could tell that he was quickly loosing patience with the situation.

"But Edward.... a human? How could you? You know the rules, you know what will happen if anyone finds out" Esme whispered, her voice too low for human ears to pick up. It's a good job then, that I had Edward's ears to use.

"Edward didn't tell me anything, I swear" I told her quietly, watching her eyes widen as she realised I had heard her. There was no point in trying to act human now, it was a useless effort.

"Then how did you find out? How do you know about us?" Jasper shot at me, his eyes dark and narrowed as he tightened his arm around Alice who was cuddled up to his side.

"It's.... complicated" I gulped under his gaze. Jasper had the worst control, and although I respect him for his efforts and battles with it, I didn't like being on the receiving end of one of his dark eyed glares. Not in a room with five possibly hostile vampires.

"Jasper" Edward growled out, making him drop eye contact and look to the ground. I shuddered as I thought about the content of Jasper's thoughts, and was glad I kept out of them.

_Why do you have to smell so good to our kind? _Edward hissed in frustration as he scooped me up and sat me in his lap. I had to admit, I felt a lot safer here than sat by myself. I may call the Cullen's family but they don't call me it, and that causes a problem. They could attack me...

"They wouldn't ever get close enough" Edward whispered as he wrapped his arms around me protectively, taking my hands into his and setting them on my lap, pulling me flush to his chest, my head against his shoulder. Frownes coloured the faces of his family as they stared at the two of us.

All of us looked to the door as we heard the gravel crunch and the sound of an engine. Carlisle is home.

Edward traced circles into my hands with his thumb when I tensed. This is it. Carlisle gives the vote, if he says I die, I die. He decides my fate. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

_Bella, it'll be okay. Carlisle will understand _He tightened his arms even more, thinking I would try to escape. Instead I pressed myself into Edward, trying to hide from view of the doorway Carlisle will be standing in in a moment. Childish I know, but I couldn't help it. Edward didn't stop me as I crushed my back into his chest.

Thanks to Edward, I could hear every step he made on the gravel, I could hear the stone he caught withthe toe of his shoe as he climbed the steps to the porch, I could even hear him as he stood on the other side of the front door and took an unnecessary deep breath before opening it.

I held my breath as he closed the door behind him, the thud sounding rather ominous now. I watched him without blinking as he walked towards the living room slowly, looking around. No doubt he heard my heartbeat and breathing, by now he knew something was wrong and he knew it had something to do with a human. I wouldn't be surprised if he ordered me to be killed immediately.

_Don't be silly Bells, Carlisle is much fairer than that _Edward told me and I nodded slightly in acknowledgement. I did know that, and I did feel slightly guilty for thinking such things about such an extraordinary man. Like th others, I respected Carlisle for different reasons than I did the others.

I respected Alice for her strength and bravery when she was a newborn and she denied her thirst because of a vision of the Cullen Coven. I respected Emmett for his childishness, but also for his fierce protectiveness of the ones he loves. He may act stupid sometimes, but I would never want to get on the bad side of him.

But Carlisle... is amazing. He denied himself the very thing he thirsted for, just like Alice. However, he had no visions of what would happen or what he could do. He did it simply because he didn't want to be a monster. I cannot imagine the pain and struggle he must have gone through those months.

I watched him walk towards the sofa's, not seeing a vampire, but someone who was a saint in a sinners body. He's still a saint, I don't think anything could stop him and his morals, but he had been 'cursed' with this affliction that left him a sinner by nature.

"Rosalie, I got your call. What is this about?" He asked, his golden eyes alight with curiosity but also strength and determination. I couldn't help but grimace at the news that it was Rose who had made the call. God knows what she had said.

"Edward and some human he seems to know rather well. We witnessed their little reunion at school" She spat out rather rudely at Carlisle, before turning and glaring at me once again.

_It's not a reunion if you've never met before _Edward thought, and I wondered why he didn't say it aloud. Probably not wanting to freak them out even more.

Carlisle either ignored Rose's rudeness or was too used to it to care anymore. He spotted Edward and I, walking towards us and standing in front of the sofa opposite, beside where Esme was sitting, looking between the two of us. If it weren't for Edward I would have bolted there and then.

_He won't do anything, he's just curious _"Dad, this is my friend" He took a breath, looking down at our hands before looking back up at Carlisle again, his mind a blur of images and voices of memories and thoughts. I stopped trying to understand after I began to feel dizzy.

"Isabella Swan" Edward said strongly, as though it meant something, like he expected something to happen. I rolled my eyes and smiled a little at the dramatics of it all, but frowned once I heard Carlisle's gasp. I met his eyes and leaned back even further. He was staring at me, his eyes and mouth wide in shock.

"But... No.... it's not possible that.... she..." He took a deep breath, stepping forwards and gulping before coming to a stop in front of us,

"Bella?" He asked rather breathy. I could see the others exchanging confused glances, Rose simply glared at me again. I was going to comment on that, but Carlisle's presence reminded me of what was happening at this moment. A comment to Rose could wait till later.

"Hey Carlisle" I whispered out, watching as he seemed to struggle for words.

_Ha! I told them I wasn't crazy! And did they listen? No! Served them right! _Edward was mentally doing a happy dance, the smug smirk on his face giving his thoughts and feelings away to those who weren't in the know.

_Is that why you did all this? Just to prove you weren't crazy? Honestly, you are so juvenile sometimes! _I rolled my eyes as he poked my stomach lightly, chuckling but agreeing with me.

"Are you... can.... is it.... This can not to happening. This isn't possible. This isn't true. It can't be" He continued to stare at me and I felt the fear drain away. I knew Carlisle well enough to know that if anything, it would be question after question. He would never allow anyone to hurt me.

A sudden realisation made me frown _How does Carlisle know about me? I thought you didn't mention it after they all thought you were crazy? _I shot at Edward.

"I didn't, but he asked me a few weeks ago about it... and I told him. I didn't like to keep secrets from them" He spoke aloud, confusing everyone else except Carlisle, who simply smiled rather reverently.

"Is that... why you..." _Why you were ignoring me? _I looked from Carlisle to Edward.

"He told me to... to try to stop it" He whispered out as I turned to glare at Carlisle, who surprisingly enough actually stepped back.

"What?! It's his fault! Why did you even do what he said? You knew yourself it didn't work! You are such a jackass!" I yelled at him, slapping his chest though I knew it would not hurt him. I sat up and turned to him, and he had the sense to look guilty about it.

"I know, but I thought I would give it a go and see what happened" He told me softly, taking my hands in his and holding them tightly.

"You know what would happen Edward, we tried it before. It doesn't work. It's not hurting anyone, so whats the problem?" I shot at him, my sudden bout of anger subsiding quickly.

"The problem is that it isn't normal Bella" He sighed _We shouldn't be able to do the things we do. Vampires may be able to because of their enhanced abilities, but humans? It's not natural._

"So what? You want to get rid of me?" I asked, once again ignoring the others. I doubted anyone but Carlisle would understand what we were saying anyway.

"No. No, never" He hurried to say "But Bella, remember what you thought, what we both thought?" He asked.

"That we were crazy and the other was imaginary" I sighed in understanding.

"Exactly. I didn't know what it would do to you, I didn't even think you were real" He let go of my hands to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear.

"Now do you understand?" He asked softly, and I felt quite stupid for my little outburst.

"You have every right to be angry Bella" He told me, pulling into another hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck tightly, never wanting to let go.

"I hurt you, and I'm sorry. I left you when you needed me the most" He whispered into my hair as I buried my face into his shoulder, his hand stroking my hair.

"You're forgiven" I pulled back, looking him in the eye. _Besides, it not like I could hold a grudge against you. I'm stuck with you for the rest of my life_ I shrugged as Edward chuckled at my logic. I turned and sat back down in his lap, his arms winding around me again and holding my to him closely.

"Carlisle?" I frowned at him, watching as he stuttered before answering.

"Yes Bella?"

"Please don't ever tell Edward to ignore me again" I requested nicely, sighing as he nodded.

"Wait. So Carlisle knows as well?!" Emmett proclaimed, looking between the three of us.

_They need answers Edward_ I sighed as I told him, feeling his own chest expand and contract as he sighed.

_I know, but how do we tell them?_

_

* * *

_

**I'm sorry I didn't get the explanation in this one. I wanted to, but this chapters already over 12,000 words and my p.c. is slowing down.  
I'll update quickly, I promise, or I'll try to.  
Tell me what you think!!  
Is an Edward chapter in order? Or do you want to keep it all in BPOV?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer  
****I hate these! I am in denial! Why can't I own Twilight and not Stephenie Meyer? :(**

**Do I Know You?**

**Previously....**

"Carlisle?" I frowned at him, watching as he stuttered before answering.

"Yes Bella?"

"Please don't ever tell Edward to ignore me again" I requested nicely, sighing as he nodded.

"Wait. So Carlisle knows as well?!" Emmett proclaimed, looking between the three of us.

_They need answers Edward_ I sighed as I told him, feeling his own chest expand and contract as he sighed.

_I know, but how do we tell them?_

**Now....**

We all fell silent, Carlisle, Edward and I sharing nervous looks. It seemed Carlisle was as apprehensive as us about this. Still, I guess its better than him wanting me dead.

"Are you going to explain or do you expect us to guess?" Alice chirped up, no longer scared, but the curious spark in her eye worried me. How would they take the news of me knowing everything about them?

_I have no idea how to even begin _Edward shifted uncomfortably, watching as Carlisle went and sat down next to Esme heavily, his eyes fixed on the two of us.

"How long have you two known each other?" Esme began, smiling a little.

"Seventeen years" I answered immediately.

"Eight months" Edward continued and I narrowed my eyes in his direction.

_Wait! _I ordered as he opened his mouth again. I did the math mentally, smiling when I worked it out.

"Eleven days" I smiled happily in Edward's arms, sending him a mental 'Ha!'.

"Nineteen hours, and two minutes" Edward chuckled at my pout as he watched the clock. He laughed until I gave out.

_How do you know the exact time I was born? _I questioned, honestly curious.

_Bella, we have photographic memories, we forget nothing. Besides, it was the day my life changed _He thought quietly, sighing out loud as he leaned in head on mine. I was confused by the last part, I mean my life changed too, I have a vampire in my head! But the way he said it...

"Seventeen years? How come we've never heard of you? Or seen you? Or a letter? Or a phone call?" Rose rattled off quickly, obviously getting frustrated with our lack of answers.

"We have... alternate means of communication" We both smirked as Edward's comment left Rose fuming. None of her questions had been answered, and she hated it.

"Besides, today was the first time we have ever met" I told them, watching there eyebrows scrunch together in confusion.

"But.... how?" Jasper finally spoke, taking a lung full of air quickly before cutting off his breathing once more. My scent had no doubt already permeated the room, and was making it rather difficult for him to maintain control.

"Edward, I think you ought to do this" Carlisle spoke up, his face more composed now as he watched his son. I nodded in agreement, not wanting it to be me to explain everything. I said I'm not a fan of confrontation.

"Fine" He sighed deeply. _Well here we go...._

"Can you remember seventeen years ago, roughly, that I... 'lost it'" He removed his arms to frame air quotes with his fingers before quickly wrapping them around me again.

"Yeah... you started attacking everyone" Emmett frowned, and I shuddered as Edward replayed it in his head. He had been sat here, watching television with the others when he lost it. He had attacked everyone in his family that got close to him, even Esme and Carlisle. He stayed holed up in his room for nearly two months until he could handle being around my scent and not loosing control again. Poor Jasper had a hard time.

"Well... it was because of Bella" He hurried to get out, his words becoming one in his haste.

"Bella? Bella made you attack everyone?" Rosalie raised an eye brow as she scoffed at him.

"Yes, she did. Can you remember what else I told you a few days later?" He continued, ignoring his sister.

"That.... that you could hear something in your head?" Alice answered as a question, Edward merely humming an ascent.

"Because seventeen years ago, Bella was born. On the same night, at the same time, I began hearing the voice and smelling the scent. It was Bella" He sighed, watching his families faces twist in confusion as they tried to understand.

"But... I thought Bella was from Phoenix?" Emmett frowned, the confused expression making him seem rather adorable.

_Don't tell him that, it would damage his ego _Edward pitched in as he chuckled into my hair. I took the liberty of answering for him.

"I am, born and bred" I told him, a little worried of _how_ they knew that but... they are vampires after all.

"So... let me get this out" Jasper began, all eyes turning to him and he shifted under the scrutinous gazes of everyone in the room.

"At the same time Edward snapped and started hearing a voice in his mind, Bella was born. You seem to be best friends even though you have never met, and you say you have an alternate means of communication" He frowned between the two of us.

"Could you hear Bella all the way from Phoenix?" He breathed out as he finally worked it out. I wanted to cheer.

"Yep, from the moment she was born I was able to hear her thoughts. Every single one of them" Edward squeezed me as they all took to staring at me, my face burning as I hid in Edward's chest.

"But... what about the silence in the cafeteria?" Emmett questioned, hugging Rose tighter.

"What silence?" Carlisle spoke up, finding something he didn't already know.

"When they sat down, they seemed to be talking. I mean... their expressions changed and they kept on reacting like they were in a conversation, but they weren't talking" Alice explained, gasping a moment later as her eyes widened on me.

"You can hear Edward's thoughts too" She breathed, the others falling silent as they awaited my answer.

"For as long as I can remember" I sighed heavily, watching their reactions closely. Carlisle didn't seem shocked by this revelation, but he was the only one. The others seemed in various states of shock, all staring into space or at the two of us. Rose's glare even slid into a shocked slack jawed gape.

_For mythical creatures, they don't take news of the supernatural well do they? _I chuckled as I watched them in amusement.

_Give them a break Bella, they're just taking time to digest it all _But he even chuckled in his mind, he was just as amused with his families reaction as I was.

_That reminds me, what the hell were you thinking at lunch? Were you honestly going to eat that food? _I turned to glare at him playfully, making him laugh, poking the tip of my nose and causing me to giggle.

"Only if you hadn't begged" He teased me with a lop sided smile.

_Are you hungry? You only had an apple for your lunch _He quickly frowned and I once again questioned if he was bipolar.

_I had a big breakfast _I told him, showing him the three slices of pizza that I ate for my breakfast.

"Pig" He laughed as he insulted me. If anyone else had called me a pig... I would be crying or maybe yelling, but Edward can. I have called him worse.

"I fell asleep and missed it the night before" I poked my tongue out at him as I giggled.

"Oh my God"

Edward and mine's banter came to an end as we turned to face the others once more.

"It's true then.... you can hear each others thoughts" Esme breathed as we both nodded.

"Not another one" Emmett moaned, making me laugh slightly at his reaction.

"Relax, I don't read every ones mind, just Edward's" I soothed, and he did relax a little. I hated to burst his bubble.

"But...." His eyes shot to mine as he cringed, knowing the next part would not be taken lightly.

"I can hear what Edward hears, and... Edward hears your thoughts so...." I trailed off as Emmett's face twisted into one of mortification.

"You mean that... you can hear us too?" Alice asked rather nervously.

"Only when he was near you and he heard you too. I only hear other peoples voices if I concentrate on them, I can ignore them if I want to. Unless they are yelling them at me..." I glanced at Rose, but quickly averted my eyes as I found her staring at me.

"Can you hear everything Edward hears? Every ones thoughts?" Esme pushed.

"Yeah, though some are not fit for young eyes and ears" I grimaced as I remembered some of the fantasies I have had to endure over the years. Jessica Stanley's stood out among the rest.

"So.... you... know about... us?" Jasper asked, rather hesitantly, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Yeah, I know you're all vamps" I chuckled as they all gaped at my casual reference of it.

"Edward! How could you tell a human?!" Rosalie screeched, standing in a blur, her black eyes boring into mine. I didn't look away, I wasn't scared. Not of Rose.

"I already told you, Edward told me nothing. In fact, it was you and Jasper who actually gave it away" I told her evenly, a little anger seeping into my voice as I glared right back at her. How can she just jump to conclusions and insult me in the same sentence?

"Don't you dare blame this on me and my family!" She screethed, her chest heaving before something flickered across her eyes and her jaw set.

"You know too much. You need to be taken care of" Her voice flattened out at the end, a deep grown rumbling in her chest as her eyes turned black and she disappeared in a blur.

The next part was too fast for me to catch.

_No! _I heard Edwards scream before I found myself on the sofa by myself. I loud crash and several savage growls rang around the room. I sighed when I saw the situation.

Rose must have tried to get to me, because Edward had her pinned to the wall by her throat, both of them growling and snarling at the other. Emmett was being restrained by Jasper and Carlisle as he struggled against their hold, trying to protect his mate. Poor Esme and Alice looked so lost, stood there watching the scene unfold.

I stood quickly after hearing Edward's thoughts going down dangerous roads.

_I will kill her. She tried to hurt her, I warned her, I warned them all. She knew the consequences..._

I quickly made my way over to them. I was stopped momentarily by Esme and Alice.

"Bella, don't" Esme told me, reaching out for my hand as I turned around to look at them both.

"If I don't... Edward will go too far" I told them quickly but quietly. Apparently not quietly enough. Emmett's loud roar filled the room as he heard me, struggling even fiercer. I glanced at him, finding that Esme and Alice were also trying to hold him down from killing Edward. I paid little attention to them as I neared Edward and Rose, their coal black eyes inches from each other as they continued to snarl at the other.

"Edward" I said quietly, laying my hand on his arm.

"Bella...." Carlislewarned from behind me, his voice breaking a little as he struggled against Emmett. I knew that vampires lash out when they are angry, and it was dangerous for anyone but another vampire to be near them when it happens. Anyone weaker and they would get hurt. But I know Edward. I ignored Carlisle, knowing Edward wouldn't hurt me.

"Edward, Rosalie is your sister" I told him, or reminded him. His mind was so full of anger and plans of revenge I could feel it reflecting in me as well. I shook Edward's dark thoughts from my mind quickly.

Edward's growling had stopped, as had Rose's, but he hadn't loosened his grip on his sisters neck, nor had they stopped glaring at each other.

"Edward... let it go" I ordered him softly, tugging on his shirt sleeve. It wouldn't move him, but he would understand.

_I told them.... She deserves to- _

"No Edward, she doesn't. She is your sister, and Emmett is your brother. Do you want to hurt them both?" I shot at him, his jaw loosening a little as he leaned back slightly, not letting go though.

"Let her go Edward" I whispered gently, tugging on his shirt again. He sighed, loosening his grip for a moment, letting Rose out of the dent in the wall, but grabbed her a moment later.

"If you ever, try to hurt her again, I will kill you no matter what Bella says. You owe her your life" He growled out before letting her go and turning to me. Without a word, I took his hand and dragged him away from the others and into the kitchen. I pushed his shoulder down, well, I couldn't push him but he got what I wanted and sat down on a stool.

I paced for a moment in front of him before sighing heavily.

"Edward, you can't go attacking your family because they don't like me. It's not fair and it's not right" I told him seriously.

"She was going to kill you! Of course I was going to stop her!" He stood up, towering over me as he glared at me with black eyes. I would have been scared but I knew he wasn't angry with me.

"Sit down!" I ordered loudly as I saw his eyes dart to the doorway again. There was no way he was going to attack Rose again.

"I know she was going to hurt me, and thank you for saving me. But you were going to kill her Edward, I saw it in your mind. And that... that is what I have a problem with" I sighed as I began pacing again.

"They are your family, they come first, above me and everyone else" I spoke quickly and quietly, feeling more like a mum punishing a child.

_You come first _His mental voice whispered and I sighed again.

"I know, but I shouldn't. You have been with Carlisle for over a hundred years, this has been your family for decades. You have known me for seventeen years Edward, but I should not be above your family" I spoke sadly. I was silently rejoicing that I meant so much to him, but I was worried.

"Edward, I know you care about me, but... I'm only human. What will you do when I die? You can't push your family away, because they will be here when I'm not. You need them Edward" I looked at him, finding his eyes on the tiled floor. As if sensing my gaze, he looked up at me, his golden eyes swimming with emotion.

"Bella..." He blurred in front of me, my face resting between his hands.

"Don't... ever... talk like that. I can't imagine a world without you anymore" His voice was quiet and soft, yet it still broke in several places.

_I couldn't.... I won't.... No... I can't loose her.... not now... not ever...._

"Edward" I took his hands from my face, holding them in my own "I'm not going anywhere any time soon" _Unless my luck hits again_ I added in my mind.

"But one day, I am going to die. You can't save me from everything, not even old age" I broke to him gently, watching him breath deeply and feeling my own chest aching. It hurt to see him in such distress.

He pulled me into a bone crushing hug, but I didn't complain as I hugged him back, burying my face in his chest.

"We'll get past this Edward, we'll sort this out. Don't push your family away for me, you need them and they need you" I whispered, my voice muffled by his chest and shirt.

"And you need to apologize" I told him as he pulled away.

"I'm not apologizing for protecting you" He told me as he glared at thin air.

"Fine, don't apologize to Rosalie for protecting me, but at least apologize to Emmett for hurting his wife, to Jasper for causing him so much pain with all of your emotions, and to Esme and Carlisle for acting like an animal" I told him sternly, watching his head bow as he nodded.

"Good" I grabbed his hand and he let me pull him back to the living room. I ignored all the wide eyed looks I was getting from everyone, pushing Edward into the room. I had never seen him so ashamed or nervous.

"I'm sorry for my behaviour. It was not how I was raised, or how you taught me to behave" He looked at Esme and Carlisle for a moment before focusing back on the floor.

"Emmett, I'm sorry for attacking your wife. I know how much you must want to tear me apart right now, but I hope you can understand why I did what I did" He looked at Emmett. Emmett simply nodded rather stiffly, and I was surprised he accepted it. Emmett was not one for forgiveness when his family or mate was at stake. I also didn't understand that _I hope you understand why I did it _part.

"Jasper, it can't have been nice feeling all of my emotions, and it can't have been easy. I'm sorry for putting you through such hardship" Jasper also nodded, his eyes rather wide as he looked back to me. I simply smiled at him as I walked forward and took Edward's hand, pulling him back to the sofa and sitting down again.

"I think I should explain and re-word my previous statement" I thought aloud as I looked back at Rosalie. She was no longer glaring at me, and even met my gaze evenly, nodding slightly indicating I could go on.

"What I meant was that Edward had managed to keep what he was from me. He hunted when I was asleep and every time it came up in conversation or someones thoughts, he would distract me or leave so I wouldn't hear. But one day, Jasper and you were arguing about... something and you both started yelling about you being vampires. I think it was about... Jasper starting school after he had a bad... experience at another" I frowned to myself, trying to recall the argument.

"I remember that, Jasper won anyway" Emmett told me lightly, and I was glad he wasn't angry at me for getting his wife attacked. I spared a glance at the ruined wall, the plaster lay in pieces on the floor. I had been here about two and a half hours and I had caused a fight and damage to their home.

"That's how you found out?" Rose whispered, and I was shocked by the lack of anger. She seemed almost... neutral.

"Yeah, Edward was good at hiding it" I smiled a little and was glad to see it was returned.

Everyone had taken their previous seats in the room, Esme with Carlisle, Rose with Emmet, and Alice with Jasper. Jasper however, was staring at the floor, his shoulders slumped and his face forlorn.

_...so weak. I thought I was better than that. I shamed them, Carlisle trusted me and I failed him. If it weren't for Emmett..._

I frowned at Jasper's thoughts, hating that he was blaming himself, and hating even more that it was me that had brought it up.

"Jasper...." I sighed and his eyes shot to mine.

"Don't. You put yourself through so much everyday, no-one expects you to suddenly have control because you're in Carlisle's family. None of them are ashamed of you" I told him gently, watching his eyes widen as I continued.

"And you?" He asked quietly.

"Why does it matter what I think?" I asked, confused as to why he was request my opinion.

"The others are biased, but you aren't. Without Edward or anyone elses influence, what do you think?" He seemed almost nervous of my answer as I leaned back on the sofa. I was silent for a moment as I thought.

"Honestly?" I asked and he nodded.

"I think that, apart from Carlisle and perhaps Rosalie, that you are the strongest one here. No offence to anyone else. But from the background you came from, hunting humans and fighting, to this? It's got to be hard and a struggle to keep from falling back on what you know instinctively. The others know no different, but you have lived the other life, the life of a non-vegetarian vampire. To change from that, to this for Alice, for love, is an amazing feat to accomplish" I complimented him kindly, ignoring the others and focusing on the vampire sat opposite me.

"Even now, sat so close to me and your eyes aren't even dark. You go to school nearly everyday, you interact with humans, you sit close to them and you don't act on what your instincts scream at you. Of course, everyone has their bad days, and perfect know-it-all vampires are no exception" I chuckled and he smirked lightly.

"But honestly Jasper, I have nothing but respect for you, and what you are trying to do" I concluded, breaking the little bubble I had immersed the two of us in.

"And what am I trying to do?" He questioned curiously.

"You are trying to fight the monster, and be a person. You are doing an amazing job of it too" I smiled as he leaned back, appraising me for a moment as Alice took his hand in hers.

"Bella.... you could be the strangest human... actually you are the strangest person I have ever met" He chuckled as I nodded my head. Yeah, I'm not exactly the normal one.

"But thank you" I nodded slightly as I nodded back, glad to have done some good today at least.

_We tell him the same thing all the time, but I suppose it means more coming from you _Edward told me, obviously hearing my thoughts.

"When Edward and Rose were... fighting" He cleared his throat and I heard Edward sigh beside me.

"I felt something from the two of you... I could feel Edward's anger from himself, but then... from you as well. It was like a light in a mirror, it kept on bouncing back and forth between you" Jasper frowned at us and Edward and I nodded.

"When ever one of us feels a...powerful emotion, the other feels it too" Edward mumbled, and I squeezed his hand with all my might. We all lapsed into silence for a moment before a thought occurred to me.

"How did you know about this? About me and Edward?" I questioned Carlisle, who seemed to be rather shocked by my sudden train of thought.

"Well, I was thinking about what happened before when Edward... snapped, and asked him if he still heard the voice. He told me everything then, and I was surprised he had managed to hide this from us all for so long" I snook a smirk at Edward before looking back at me.

_I didn't want to lie to him _He smiled sadly and I nodded in understanding. Edward had nothing but respect for his creator and 'father' and if he asked, I would expect him to answer him truthfully. The only reason he hadn't told them before is because no-one else had bothered to ask.

"He told me all about you too, how he could hear you as a baby, even if your thoughts were disjointed and simple. I was slightly amazed at how you aren't afraid of him or us though" He raised his eye brow in question and I rolled my eyes.

"If you grew up with a voice in your head all the time, you'd be the same. I didn't know any different. It's not like it was common knowledge, or a topic of conversation I would have when I was a child. It wasn't until I was about six or seven that I realised that it wasn't right for me to still have an 'imaginary friend'. Of course I heard the thoughts of him when he hunted after he gave up trying to hide it, I heard him when he got thirsty but I knew he would never hurt me. He'd pay for it anyway" I smirked at Edward, knowing full well what his punishment would be.

_God I hate that song so much... _He shuddered as he grimaced.

"How can you make Edward pay for it?" Carlisle asked, looking rather amused.

"I can play 'Sweet Like Chocolate' in my head, over and over again. He absolutely hates it" I laughed slightly as he nodded blandly.

_You're sweet like chocolate, boy, you're sweet like chocolate, you bring me so much joy, you're sweet like chocolate, boy _It began in my head, and it was one of those songs that was on a loop.

I heard Edward groan beside me "Oh God, Bella think of something else please. I am begging you" He pleaded as I hummed along to the tune in my head.

"Okay, I have a question" Emmett asked, breaking the intense staring contest Edward and I had begun, the song playing in the background continuously. We both broke contact at the same time, turning to look at him expectantly.

"Okay, that was just weird. But... if you can hear each other all the time, does that mean that you see everything too?" He asked and we both nodded. I saw Edward roll his eyes at what ever Emmett was thinking, but his brother continued anyway.

"So... like when you both got showered and... stuff? You saw everything?" He laughed, a large smile on his face as he jumping slightly. Esme didn't take the news well, her face a mask of worry and horror. Alice simply looked between as if expecting the answer to by written on our heads. Jasper was smirking, Rose just shook her head at her husband, and Carlisle looked... interested.

"Calm down Em, we both... avoided that. We don't look" He told them firmly and I felt my face heat up. These people may not have any flaws with their body, but I am no vampires. I can't imagine anyone wanting to look at my body.

"You... you didn't look? How could you not look for over seventeen years?" Emmett gaped, dropping from his high quickly.

"Quite easy once you get used to it actually" I sighed, grabbing the bottle of Fanta off the floor and taking a sip, just for something to do.

"This.... this is just bizzare" Jasper said, looking between us.

_They're taking this better than I imagined _I thought happily, glad that we only had one minor set back.

_Minor set back? She tried to kill you Bella, that is not minor _Edward slung at arm over my shoulder and pulled to into his side, rolling his eyes.

_Well, only one tried to kill me. I'm surprised Em didn't kill you for attacking his wife _I smiled at Emmett for a moment, confusing his quite a bit.

_Please, I could take him any day _He boasted playfully, remembering all the times he had won at wrestling with him.

"Are you two doing it again?" Emmett pouted "Are you talking about me?" He shot at the two of us.

"No" We both answered quickly at the same time, making everyone else laugh and Emmett huff and cross his arms.

"It was nothing bad Em, I swear. I was just hearing Edward gloat that he could take you any day" I hummed happily as I saw his eyes narrow at Edward, wearing that oh so familiar smirk I have seen so many times before.

"Really?" He raised one eyebrow at his brother questioningly and I heard Edward chuckle beside me.

"You know its true Em, you haven't won since 1997 and that was because Bella distracted me" He chortled remembering how I had screamed at him to stop fighting, worried he would get himself hurt. Emmett was huge!

"Oh brother, it is so on" Emmett cracked his knuckles and I couldn't help but smirk. Edward would win, Emmett used too much muscle and doesn't think about what he does.

_I think you should be his coach, with advice like that he would beat me _Edward poked me gently and I rolled my eyes at him.

"I have another question" Esme even raised her hand a little as the room fell silent waiting.

"So Bella, you have heard everything that we have thought and said for the past seventeen years?" She asked, sounding rather nervous and I nodded. She opened her mouth to continue but no words came out.

I used Edward's ability once more to try to understand what she wanted to know. Unfortunately I was met with rather X rated images of her and Carlisle.

"Ew! Stop stop stop! I do not need that image engrained in my mind for the rest of my life" I groaned, putting my head in my hands. I saw Carlisle as a father, and did not need to see him like that!

"I second that" Edward groaned, burying his face in my hair as he spoke.

"What?" Esme asked, and I looked up to see her looking rather frantic.

"You and Carlisle. If you are asking whether I have heard of your night time entertainment with each other, then yes I have. Lucky me" I told her, watching them all gape at me. It was not the ideal thing to hear when you are trying to sleep.

"You could try being quiet, poor Edward can hear everything. And I mean... everything" I turned my gaze to Emmett and Rose. Emmett had a huge grin, but at least Rose had the decency to look sorry about it.

"Well, since you know everything about us, I think its only fair that we knew a bit about you" Alice chirped up, looking just like she did before I scared her. I did not welcome them knowing about me. I led a boring life, it was dull and their vampire existence, no matter how much they denied it, was much more interesting than mine.

"My life is boring, there's nothing to tell" I shrugged, looking down. If they asked about... I had to tell them, they deserve to know. I know everything about them, so they have a right to know everything about me. Even the dark parts.

_Bella, you don't have to tell them _Edward squeezed me tightly but I kept looking at the sofa.

_They deserve to know _

_They don't need to know anything Bella _He told me firmly, but he was wrong. It was only fair. I knew all of their secrets, its only fair that they know all of mine.

"Brothers and sisters?" Emmett shot at me. I sighed, relieved at the easy questions.

"Only child"

"Do you like Forks?" Esme asked gently, and I felt rather uncomfortable. I knew these people, and they were talking to me like they didn't know me. I knew they didn't... but it was still weird.

"It's.... cold, dark and very green. The very opposite to Pheonix, but I suppose it'll grow on me" I shrugged. I didn't hate Forks per say, but the place definately was not my favourite place. The people that were here however... made it bearable.

"What's it like in Phoenix?" Jasper asked and I raised my eyebrows in question. He was well over a hundred years old, the second oldest in the family actually, so I was confused as to why he was asking. Hadn't he gone himself?

"We can't go to sunny places" He explained, his voice slightly saddened. I mentally slapped myself for my stupidity. Of course they couldn't, not withut revealing what they are and scaring everyone they met. I mean, what sort of people walk down the street and look like a disco ball?

_Nice comparison _Edward commented and I shrugged. I liked it.

"Phoenix is... nice. Warm, it hardly ever rains, little humidity, big, lively... and very little green" I pulled a face and they all laughed a little, filling the room with the sound of bells. It sounded wonderful.

"Okay, so you don't like green, we got that" Alice giggled and I smiled wryly.

"Hobbies?" Emmett asked, watching me as though assessing me for a competition.

"Er... reading? and Edward's teaching me piano" I added quickly. Emmett simply rolled his eyes, exhaling rather loudly. Edward was teaching me piano, but since I didn't have a piano for myself it was slow work. Still, it was fun.

"Definitely Edward's type. I bet it was him that made you like this, I bet he moulded you into a mini Edward" He got a far away look in his eyes and I had to laugh at him. He did have a big imagination.

"You also happen to be the Halo champion" Edward told the others indirectly, snapping Emmett out of his little day dream.

"Really?" I swear he even bounced a little.

"Yeah, sometimes Edward lets me play against you and he controls it" I laughed as his jaw dropped "I kicked your ass"

I couldn't help myself. The others laughed at him as he spluttered for an answer.

"Admit it, you got your ass handed to you by a human" I laughed as he huffed again.

"You two keep picking on me" He pouted, Rosalie putting an arm around his shoulders to comfort him, but I could see the grin on her lips.

"Because you're entertaining" Edward chuckled.

"Any pets?" Alice asked, carrying on the interrogation of my life.

"It was difficult to look at any animal the same after watching Edward hunt" I admitted, and they all nodded slightly in agreement.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" Carlisle asked, and the others rolled their eyes at him.

"I don't know. My life isn't exactly normal, I'm just going with the flow at the moment" I told him with a shrug. I doubt I could do a job with the public, not with Edward constantly in my head. It would be just like school. I would be the freak everyone would stay away from and insult. Maybe I could get a job by myself...

_I really have messed up your life haven't I? _Edward sighed, and from a peek at his thoughts he actually meant it.

"It's not exactly your fault Edward, you can't help it any more than I can. It'll work out in the end" I told him, immediately wondering why I was the one comforting him about my future life.

_Because I'm the only one out of the two of us that seems to care _He shot back.

"I do care, it's just not one of my priorities right now" I sighed, rolling my eyes at him.

_You sound like Charlie. _That shut him up.

"Are you smart?" Emmett frowned and the others tutted at him, and his eyes widened as he continued. "No, I mean if you are, you can be a doctor like Carlisle" He trailed off quietly at the end, I just laughed a little.

"I can't stand blood at all, so definately not the hospital profession for me. Plus, I'm no brain box if thats what you mean. I'm average." I nodded and I heard Edward snort.

"Please, you get nearly full marks in exams"

"And who's fault is that, Mr Know-It-All?" I shot back at him, remembering all the times I would just day dream in lesson and Edward would just catch me up afterwards.

"Edward! You did not help Bella cheat!" Esme scolded, and we both smirked.

"Only in Middle School, but that was Edward's fault anyway" I glared at him playfully and he sighed once more.

"It was not my fault Bella"

"Yes it was!"

_No it wasn't_

_Yes it was_

_No it wasn't_

_Yes it was_

"Okay, okay! Explain before you kill each other" Jasper ordered as we glared at each other.

"Both are just as stubborn as the other then" Rose muttered, smiling as I turned to her and nodded.

"Well, I am not a vampire, I do not have a huge brain to multi-task with everything. I didn't have any real lessons or exams in Infants School, but in Middle school I actually had to start listening and it was difficult with all of you in the background twenty four seven, as well as Edward giving a running commentary all the time. So I couldn't concentrate in lesson, and so... I failed my exam. I mean, come on! Who fails their Primary School tests? That's just embarrassing!" I grimaced at the memory.

"So Edward promised to help me when I re-sat it. He didn't give me the answers though, he still made me work them out. I don't know why though" I poked him in the ribs.

"Because you have to learn for yourself" He explained, ruffling my hair as I glared at him.

"Yeah, and that has worked out so well hasn't it smart pants?" I stuck my tongue out at him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Carlisle frowned at the two of us.

"I don't really... go with school. We just don't get along" I sighed _Or the people in the school and I don't get along._

"So Edward usually tutors me about stuff I didn't understand or miss" I said sadly.

_Sorry by the way. I must have taken up so much of your time recently. _I had missed so much school over the past three months that Edward had taken to tutoring me almost every night to keep me up to date.

_It's okay, it kept me busy and it kept your mind off what happened _He hugged me tighter to his side and I sighed as I leaned my head on the side of his chest. I didn't think about it, it hurt too much.

"I suppose that's okay" Esme conceded with a sigh.

"He's kept me from failing" I smiled at her and she beamed at her son, obviously proud of him.

"You sound like you really liked Phoenix" Jasper commented, and I hoped he wasn't going where I thought he was.

"I did" I nodded, noticing how the others had fallen silent as my heart beat increased suddenly.

"Then... if you loved it so much, why did you move somewhere you didn't like?" He asked slowly, the sadness and understanding in his eyes made me think he already knew it wasn't something I was particularly happy about.

I sat in silence for a moment, not knowing how or even if I could answer. I hadn't spoken about this to anyone but my counsellor and Edward, not even Charlie. The poor man was lost as to how to help me, but he was so worried I didn't need to be Edward to know he was scared.

He still loved my mum, the dark patches on the walls showed where all the pictures of her had been and that Charlie had only just taken them down. He never stopped loving her, even when she left him. He had no councillor, he didn't have an Edward. He had me, and that wasn't much to go on.

"I didn't have a choice" I whispered, trying to push back the tears that had blurred my vision. I blinked to clear my vision, causing the tears to fall down my cheeks. I felt Edward's arms move and myself being picked up and laid down again. Edward obviously. I was once again in his lap as he hugged me tightly, my face turned into his chest as I cried silently.

My mum...

I had gone to the funeral, I had sat in her room for three days, I had gone through her things, and yet I haven't come to terms with it yet. I just can't understand how one minute she was there next to me, laughing, and next... she was gone forever.

Edward was silent once more, but he wasn't blocking me. He was giving me space and time to get this out.

_It might take a while _I told him. At the funeral I broke down and cried for hours, but that was because my mum was sat in front of me in a wooden box, white and motionless. It was a closed casket, but I knew what she would be like, seeing Edward's pale skin and all. Just imagining her motionless, blank eyes staring straight ahead... The very idea had me shuddering. At one point, I couldn't even hear Esme's voice without crying like a baby.

Edward was so lucky to get a second chance at a family.

"Bella... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything" Jasper rushed out, and I knew him well enough to know he was feeling guilty.

_Tell them _I told him, unable to tell them myself. My throat felt like it had swollen about three times its normal size, I doubted speech would be possible. I had at some point grabbed a handful of Edward's shirt, and my hand was visibly shaking.

_Are you sure Bella? _He sounded doubtful, but I simply nodded.

"Bella.... Bella lost her mum three months ago"

I heard the words, but it sounded like I just 'lost' her. I didn't 'loose' her, I would never 'find' her again. Like they usually did, the words didn't hit me, they just bounced off. Maybe it was shock? Denial? Self preservation from all the pain?

The tears wouldn't relent, and if anything became even more frequent. I still expected her to walk through the door, to hear her laugh, to sit on the sofa on Saturdays and watch a movie. Like I told Edward, I even picked up the phone and was going to call her until I remembered.

"It was a car accident. The other car hit her mums side, she was killed on impact. Bella only had minor injuries" Edward whispered, and I knew that I would have never heard him if it wasn't for our connection.

"Oh Bella... I'm so sorry" I heard Esme's soft voice, and if anything it hurt me even more. Esme was a mother, she had her family, the others had their mum still. I saw through Edward's eyes as he shook his head at Esme.

They were silent, and I did feel bad for coming over and then crying everywhere.

_Bella, take a look in Emmett's head for a moment _Edward prodded gently, speaking for the first time since I started my little fit.

I did as he asked, curious as to why he would ask such a strange request.

_...at her. She looks so sad and scared. I want to hug her. She was so happy before and now look! Stupid Jasper and his stupid questions! She shouldn't be crying. Would she let me hug her? Would Rose? She's not scared of us and appears to know us all so well its slightly frightening. But Rose seems to like her after what she said to Edward. I'm not sure..._

I pulled out and let out a shaky laugh.

_See, you've known them for four hours and they already love you _I felt him kiss the top of my head and I shook for a moment as I sob ripped through my chest.

"Emmett, come here" Edward told him quietly, and I saw through his eyes as Emmett stood up and walked over to us. I felt him brush past me and the sofa dip as he sat down beside us, where I had just been sat.

"She's the same Em, don't worry about it" I heard Edward whisper before it got confusing. I was being moved again, it was different from before, but I was put down again quickly. I knew from the scent that it was not Edward.

I felt huge arms wrap around me, hugging me tightly but not painfully as I pressed my face into their chest.

Emmett.

I clung onto him tightly, not caring if my scent was too much for him. I loved Emmett like a brother, and in almost ever sense he was. He has been there all my life, I have seen every up and down since then.

"I'm sorry" I choked out, my voice sounding horrible as I tried to calm down.

"What are you sorry for?" He asked gently, and I was slightly shocked. I never took Em for the sensitive and caring type, he liked to use his muscles more than his emotions.

I didn't know how to answer. I had a lot to be sorry for. I was sorry for telling my mum we should get some ice cream for our Saturday DVD day. I was sorry for laughing and joking and distracting her. I was sorry I couldn't be normal. I was sorry I couldn't be strong for Charlie. I was sorry I needed counselling. I was sorry I caused everyone so much pain. I was sorry I couldn't cope with it all...

I couldn't tell him all that, I stuck to one that he would understand and accept.

"For crying on you" I sobbed, and it sounded a rather pathetic thing to be apologizing for after my little reflection.

"Bella, don't you dare think like that!" Edward growled out somewhere beside me. I saw that he was beside me, glaring at me actually as I as curled up in Emmett's lap. I had never looked or felt so small than in that moment.

"Like what?" Emmett whispered as he laid his head on mine, hugging he even tighter as if trying to get rid of them what ever nasty thoughts he thought were plaguing me.

_Please don't Edward. Please. _I begged him mentally, but I had seen his decision before I had even pleaded.

"She blames herself for everything" He spat out angrily and I winced at the venom in his voice.

_...so stupid! It's not her fault! How many times do I have to tell her? She's never going to let this go and she'll end up hurting herself in the process..._

He was worried, and he was angry because I wouldn't listen. He didn't understand.

"Yes I do Bella, but you won't listen to me" He sighed.

"You can't tell me its not my fault. If I hadn't said anything, we wouldn't have been in the car. She wouldn't have been hit and she would still be ali-" I choked up at the end, not even able to say the word.

"It's not your fault. It's the bastard who was driving the other car at 120 miles an hour on a 50 miles an hour speed limited road" He growled again as he spoke of the boy. And he was a boy. I had gone to court to see as he got charged with manslaughter and he sat there, not looking the least bit sorry for it.

He slouched in his seat, chewing gum and tapping his finger on the table the entire way through. He met my eyes for a moment before sneering and looking away. I don't think I have ever been so angry in my life.

He had killed my mother, and he just laughs and smiles. I wanted to go down to the stand and murder him, an eye for an eye, a life for a life. Edward talked me out of it, effectively calming me down. I know I would have never gotten anywhere near him with all the guards around him and in court, but the idea was irresistible.

"I would have" Edward growled darkly, and I heard Esme berate him for his behaviour. I didn't mind, I knew it wasn't directed at me and I knew that even if it was, he would never hurt me anyway.

I have no idea how long Emmett held me, but the room steadily grew darker. Unfortunately my tears still ran freely, so much so that my cheeks were rather sore. I just couldn't get the image of her out of my head.

It was after the impact, and I woke up after blacking out for a moment. I looked over to my mum to see if she was okay, but her eyes were closed, and her head was turned towards me, blood dripping from her head, her face cut and mashed. It took two hours for the fire fighters to get me out, two hours having to sit next to my dead mother. It stayed with me every night, replaying in nightmares.

The image of her will never fade in my memory.

My tears and trembles had slowed, but they seemed to have drained my body of the little energy it had gained from last nights awkward sleep, and I could feel my eyes drooping closed of their own accord.

_Get some sleep Bella _I heard Edward hush, once again humming the lullaby he had made for me in his mind. These past few months, I have been unable to sleep without it. As you can imagine, that week he ignored me, sleep was fitful and scary.

_I should... go home to... Charlie _I thought slowly as my body relaxed in Emmett's arms.

_Call him _Edward told me. I groaned as I forced my eyes open and reached blindly into my pocket and pulled out the phone. I immediately handed it to Edward. He knew how terrible I was at anything technological. He handed it back to me a moment later, and I pressed it to my ear, closing my eyes.

_The idea is to stay awake Bella _Edward chuckled in my mind.

"Shut up Edward" I mumbled, barely even coherent.

I heard a click from the phone, and my dads voice came over the line.

"Bella? Where are you?" He sounded a little scared, but at least he wasn't angry.

"I'm fine Dad" I paused to clear my throat, the crying making my voice sound hoarse and horrible.

"I'm at a friends house" I managed to open my eyes a little, not wanting to sound like I was nearly unconscious.

"Which friend?" Charlie pushed, obviously worried and a little concerned. I couldn't blame him, I wasn't in the best condition at the moment, and he wanted to make sure I didn't get any worse. Plus the fact I had only been at school one day and already gotten a friend. I wasn't the most social person in the world. He had a right to be shocked.

"Alice Cullen" I said immediately, glancing at her and smiling as I saw her grinning right back at me.

"Cullen? Well... they're a good family Bells" Though he didn't sound too happy about admitting it.

_He's worried about you, that's all _Edward commented and I nodded mutely.

I was about to open my mouth when Alice's frantically waving hands caught my attention. I frowned as I saw her mouth the words 'sleep over'. I wasn't sure this was such a good idea. They hardly knew me, but Rose seemed nicer after she tried to kill me, and Emmett likes me. I nodded slightly as I went with it.

"Er... can I stay here tonight Dad? I don't want to drive back in the dark and I'm too tired" I let the heaviness in my voice seep through, and stayed silent for a moment while he thought. I was basically hear him weighing out the pro's and con's.

"Bella, I don't think its a good idea. You've only been here one day, maybe you should come home" Charlie rushed out, sounding rather awkward at showing that he cared and enforcing something. Or trying to. He may enforce the law to the town, but he was a little lost when it came to me.

"Dad, I'll be fine. Besides, Kim said I should be getting out" I reminded him. Kim was my psychiatrist, and unfortunately she had a phone call with Charlie before I came here, telling him my 'condition' and what and what not to do. Honestly, I'm not a dog, I can function my myself.

"I know that, but its only your second day. Shouldn't you be getting used to the place first?" He sounded on the fence about it.

"I already know the place. It's wet, green, full of trees and had a very small population. Ta da. Dad I'll be fine, there are seven of them and Carlisleis a doctor remember?" I managed to roll my eyes at nothing in particular. Everyone in the room was silent, no doubt listening to the conversation.

"Don't you need... stuff?" He asked, and I smiled as I pictured the confused look on his face. Poor Charlie never understood girlie things, he would have been better if I had been a boy.

_That would have been awkward _Edward chuckled and I smiled wider. Yeah, me and Edward sharing thoughts if we were both boys...

"I think Alice will have that one covered" I grimaced as I saw her nodding, a huge grin on her face. Oh God, what have I got myself into?

"If anything, and I mean anything Bella, happens or you need me, just call me okay? Any time" He told me strictly and I was touched by how much he cared.

_He's your father Bella, of course he cares _

_Yeah, but I hardly know him._

"I promise Dad. Good night" I said finally, knowing if I didn't he would talk my ear off all night and probably convince himself that I needed him.

"Good night honey" He said quietly before ending the call. I doubt Charlie would get any sleep tonight. I slipped the phone back into my pocket, relaxing again, but finding I was a little more awake.

"Damn you Edward" I muttered, glowering at him as I opened my eyes.

The room was black, the only way to see any of them was their pale skin that seemed to glow in the darkness. It was slightly creepy. With a soft gust of wind, the lights were turned on and I closed my eyes sharply.

"Ow" I muttered, squinting at the renewed lighting. Were they always that bright?

"Who's Kim?" Emmett asked and I sighed, knowing I had to tell them. They already knew about the accident so...

"Kim is my psychiatrist" I answered quietly, wishing the lights were off again so I could hide.

"You have a psychiatrist?" Carlisle frowned and I nodded.

"After... the accident, I didn't handle it very well" I put it lightly, Edward and I sharing a sad look.

"That's not the full story Bella" He prodded, and I sighed. Edward glared a little at his 'father' but I didn't take offence. I knew Carlisle was inquisitive by nature, and is always curious about new information.

"The whole truth?" I paused for a moment, taking a deep breath and looking at one of Emmett's huge tree trunk arms that were wrapped around me.

"If it weren't for Edward... I wouldn't be here" I whispered, Edward's eyes never leaving me. I owed Edward my life, simply because he repeatedly talked me out of ending it all.

"You... you tried to kill yourself?" Rose gasped and I shook my head slightly.

"Every time I tried Edward would yell and growl at me until I stopped and gave up. I couldn't do it. I was admitted to the hospital for depression and put under 24/7 watch in case I tried anything" I felt shame swell in me. No wonder everyone stayed away from me, I was the freak. No wonder Charlie wanted to keep an eye on me, he probably thought I would try to kill myself again.

"How... I mean.. was it... that bad?" Alice gaped, looking a little lost as she tried to phrase it correctly and failing.

"I understand Alice. Why did I take it so hard? Because the way I see it, it was my fault. Plus, my mum was all I had. I had only met my dad a handful of times, I had no friends or family. When I lost my mum, I lost everything" I told them, knowing I could tell the Cullen's more than I could ever tell Kim.

"How could you not have friends? You're so.. happy?" Esme wondered and I shook my head sadly again.

"I'm only happy because I found you guys. Besides, I couldn't have friends in case they found out about Edward and I. If they did find out, they'd think I was crazy and run away screaming. And the friends I did have thought I was a freak anyway. When I was younger, I wasn't as controlled as Edward, and I... I'd start laughing at something totally irrelevant to what was going on around me. As we got older, they didn't think it was funny anymore and stayed away from me" I shrugged, realising how very sad and pathetic I sounded. My friends turned against me and ended up being the ones who made my life hell. I was a seventeen year old, who had no friends.

"Edward really had fucked your life up hasn't he?" Jasper whispered sadly and I chuckled a little, remembering how Edward had said the same thing, but phrased it differently.

"Perhaps, but he's made it worth living as well. He was the only thing that kept me sane through school" I grimaced, remembering all the pranks, all the times someone tripped me up, all the name calling. They made my life hell.

"That... that's why you and school don't get along then?" Carlisle surmised and I nodded. I spent most of my school life trying to stay in the background and out of every ones way. It was difficult when everyone seemed hell bent on embarrassing you in front of the whole school. They succeeding many times.

"But then.. you weren't alone. You had Edward" Esme smiled a little, no doubt proud of her son and what he has done to help me.

"Yeah, right" I laughed, but stopped after I saw they puzzled expressions.

"I hear a mans voice in my head all my life, he talks to me, and I can see through his eyes and even hear other peoples thoughts too. What would you think?" I asked with a humourless smile.

"Crazy" Rose nodded in understanding.

"Exactly. I tried to believe he was real, but... it was too illogical. And if my only friend was part of my imagination, I truly was alone. I couldn't help but think I was crazy, sometimes I didn't care but... well I didn't really want to be crazy. Edward stayed with me all the way through the accident and afterwards, but then.... he left" I trailed away in a whisper and I felt Edward's shame radiate through me.

"He... he left?" Jasper asked, sounding and looking rather confused.

"One night we talked and I fell asleep, the next day I woke up, and he was gone. He was blocking me, and he did for a week. He stopped when I got here" I said sadly, the previous emotions of hurt coming to the surface again.

"That's what you were talking about earlier with Carlisle? That he told Edward to ignore you?" Esme asked, turning to scowl at her husband. Carlisle pressed himself into the back of the sofa as everyone turned to look at him. I could see the others glaring at him, but I didn't.

"Why?" Emmett asked, almost growling as he squeezed me even tighter.

"Well... Edward told me he still heard this girls voice, and I told him to ignore it and it might go away" He mumbled, and I questioned myself. Was this the man who was strong? Well, I suppose he isn't used to his family looking at him like this.

"Bury his head in the sand?" I chuckled to myself.

"I had no idea that you were real Bella, if I had...." He trailed off, looking rather distraught and lost as he pleaded with his eyes for me to forgive him.

"I know. Besides, its Edward's fault for listening to you" I told him. _I thought our friendship was stronger than that _I thought sadly.

_It is, but I hear your voice in my head... I thought I was crazy Bella_

_I don't care if I'm crazy Edward. You've helped me so much, I owe you so much... I'd rather be crazy than alone _I told him honestly, watching as he ran a hand through his hair.

_How can I... She's right, I shouldn't have listened. I was an idiot. I couldn't live without her anymore. I think I could have accepted the fact that I was crazy as long as she didn't leave..._

I felt bad for getting him all worked up over this, even if he did deserve it. I tapped Emmett's arm and he slowly removed his arms from around me. I crawled straight from Emmett to Edward, Edward being too caught up in his emotional and mental turmoil to notice me. I sat on his knee, facing him, our faces level with each other and he still didn't see me.

_Edward, listen to me _I yelled at him, finally gaining his attention as he looked down at me with sad eyes.

_Yes, it is your fault for ignoring me. But I can't blame you for following what Carlisle told you to, and I can understand why you did what you did _I admitted. Yes I was hurt that he would do that, but I did understand what made him do it.

"That's no excuse" He whispered, and I hated the pain that filled his face.

"Edward if you are just going to keep moping about what happened I will be the one ignoring you" I huffed _I know how stubborn you get. You'd keep apologizing until I was on my deathbed, and even then you'd still apologize for something _It was true. He always seemed to be apologizing for something.

_Bella, don't think like that. Ever_ He grabbed my hands in his as he glared at me like I was planning my death.

"Edward, are you always this sensitive or is it just because I'm here?" I asked, watching a small smile tug at his lips. I always knew how to cheer him up, how to calm him down. I knew everything about him.

_Just the thought of loosing you is painful. Hearing you talk about it so casually after what happened... _He actually shuddered, his eyes shutting tightly before he opened them again to focus on me. I didn't see the sorrow in his eyes, I was too entranced by the image that had flashed through Edward's mind.

Me, cold and white, still and unbreathing, laying on a bed, my eyes closed. Dead. I couldn't see any difference myself, I was still pale. If he hadn't have spoken about it, I would have thought I was asleep.

_Edward, I'm not going to do anything like that again _I squeezed his hands as tightly as I could _Not now that I've found you _I added.

He pulled me into a hug, wrapping his arms around my waist as I wrapped mine around his neck, he let me rest my head on his shoulder as his rested on mine.

_You truly are an amazing person. How could you forgive me after what I did? _He stroked me hair soothingly, and I felt my eyes suddenly grow heavy again.

_I never said I forgave you Edward, I said I understood. It still hurts _I yawned, burying my face in Edward's neck. It was strange how I found Edward and Emmett comfortable. Everyone else thought they were hard and cold, but I didn't even notice.

_I'll spend forever making it up to you _He whispered in his mind as I felt myself sinking.

_No doubt _I managed before I fell completely, the real world fading and being replaced by the wonderful land of nod.

It was too bad it couldn't last.

I was awoken some time later by Edward calling me in my mind. I groaned as I saw Alice's plans to dress me, and I heard Edward's loud chuckle reverberate around what ever room we were in.

My arms where no longer around Edward's neck, but Edward was carrying me into his room. I saw everything through his own eyes, and I looked shattered.

He laid me down on the sofa, waking me up even more as my skin met the cold leather. I opened my eyes slightly, seeing Edward standing in front of me with a small smile on his face.

_Don't let Alice get me _I moaned in my mind, watching as Edward laughed again.

_You can't sleep in what you're wearing, Charlie will figure out you lied _He told me, his mind racing quickly with possibilities. He thought Alice's clothes would be too small, Esme's would be too long, and so would Rose's, but I wouldn't even ask to borrow hers. She might throw a fit or something. Vampires and their clothes...

_Can't I just borrow one of your shirts? _I yawned, sitting up. I smirked as his eyes shot up.

_Edward, you're huge compared to me. It would be like a nighty on me. Please! _I begged, watching as he sighed, blurring away for a moment before returning.

I loved the shirt he chose, seeing him pick it out of the hundreds of others. It was blue, low necked and short sleeved. There was nothing significant about the shirt itself, but it was the same shirt Edward wore when I first met him, or the first shirt I ever remember him wearing.

I took it from his outstretched hand, unashamedly sniffing it, inhaling the wonderful scent that is Edward's before setting it down on my lap.

_I...I'll go and get pillows and... _He disappeared quickly and I giggled. Edward may be alright with me blocking myself from his view when I was changing, but I guess now that I am here in the flesh its a bit different.

I quickly stripped off the shirt and trousers, slipping on Edward's shirt. It was huge. The sleeves nearly came to my elbows, the bottom came to just above my knee. And it smelt heavenly.

Edward came back as I was dumping my clothes in a corner, and I quickly turned around. Edward stood, staring at me with wide eyes, holding a huge quilt and two pillows. I waited a full ten seconds before walking over and taking the things from him. He never moved a muscle not even to stop me taking the stuff.

His eyes however, followed me from where I had been stood to where I was now stood at the sofa. I set up my make shift bed, sighing before turning around and putting my hands on my hips. Edward still hadn't moved, and he was still staring.

_Haven't you ever seen a pair of legs before _I smirked, but it fell as he answered me in his mind with a resounding no. I got nothing else from him, words or images. He was blocking again. Jeez, he is so annoying.

His staring was actually making me a tad uncomfortable and I turned around and climbed into bed, pulling the huge quilt up my neck and burying myself in it. It could possibly be the most comfortable place I have ever slept on.

_Edward, are you going to stand there all night _I quirked an eyebrow. My words seemed to bring him out of what ever he was thinking about, and he shifted his weight uncomfortably. I shook my head at his behaviour.

He smile a little as well, walking forward and kneeling in front of me as I rolled onto my side to face him.

_Good night Bella _He smiled gently, kissing my forehead as I yawned widely.

_It is okay for me to stay here right? I mean... I didn't exactly ask_ I asked, rather conscious of it.

_Bella, they are all dying to get to know you. I think they love you already simply because of how easily you accepted them _He smiled, tucking a stray peice of hair behind my ear.

_Of course I did....they're my family _Even my thoughts seemed to slur slightly.

"Get some sleep Bella, its been a long day" I felt his cold fingers as he stroked from my cheek to my jaw, my eyes already shut.

"'Night Edward" I mumbled, already have asleep.

I barely heard the door click shut quietly, or the whisper Edward left behind that seemed to hang and linger in the room.

"Welcome to the family"

**Okay, so... I broke my finger. It hurts, but I am typing with one hand and my thumb! Its an art!  
Tell me what you think!  
Most of this was just a filler though so...**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer  
****I hate these! I am in denial! Why can't I own Twilight and not Stephenie Meyer? :(**

**Do I Know You?**

**Previously....**

_Bella, they are all dying to get to know you. I think they love you already simply because of how easily you accepted them _He smiled, tucking a stray peice of hair behind my ear.

_Of course I did....they're my family _Even my thoughts seemed to slur slightly.

"Get some sleep Bella, its been a long day" I felt his cold fingers as he stroked from my cheek to my jaw, my eyes already shut.

"'Night Edward" I mumbled, already have asleep.

I barely heard the door click shut quietly, or the whisper Edward left behind that seemed to hang and linger in the room.

"Welcome to the family"

**Now....**

**EDWARD'S POV!! **

I could no longer hear her trying to talk to me, to get me to listen to her and it broke my heart to think that I had lost the connection with her totally. Bella kept me sane. But I still didn't open my mind again.

Carlisle was right. This isn't normal, even vampires with abilities don't have this sort of thing. Everyone thinks I'm crazy, their words say they don't but their thoughts betray them. I don't blame them. Who ever heard of a vampire that hears a voice of someone non-existent in his head?

Yes, I am a mind reader and am used to everyones thoughts bombarding me all the time, but this is different. This is constant.

But it was Bella.

Bella, my best friend, the person who knew me more than any one in my family did. I trusted her with all of my secrets, every single one of them.

Part of me wished for her to be real, just so I knew I could actually connect with someone so closely who wasn't a figment of my imagination. I wanted to talk to her, face to face, to see her reactions with my own eyes, to hug her when she feels sad and calm her down when she's angry or upset.

But for now, all I can do is offer words of comfort. _Words. _I feel useless and pointless, trying to calm her down while she is somewhere totally different getting worked up. But she may not even be real.

You see, this is what is annoying and frustrating about the whole situation. I care so much about Bella, I stay with her all the time and watch over her, knowing I can't do anything but I still do it. But what if she isn't real? What if this is all in my head?

"Eddie man, time for school" I growled lightly at the use of Emmett's nickname for me. I only allowed Bella to use it, and that was only because when she was a baby she couldn't say Edward and she stuck to Eddie. It was cute coming from her, and I didn't mind anymore.

I did however, when it came from Emmett or any of my other siblings.

He ran out of the room, scared I was going to attack him or something. Rose followed quickly after him, unsurprisingly bored and annoyed at her husbands behaviour. I simply sighed, moving for the first time in eight hours as I sat up.

_Edward, what's going on? Why are you so depressed? _Jasper asked as he walked downstairs, Alice's hand in his as they both paused at the bottom step, waiting for me.

"Nothing" I muttered, forcing myself to stand and function as I grabbed the car keys from Alice's hand, making my way out to the garage at a human pace.

_... for the best I think, but seeing him like this... Maybe it was better before. He seemed to much happier for so long, everyone noticed the change, but now he's even worse than he was before... _

I frowned at Carlisle's thoughts as he flipped through a page in a medical text book.

I told Carlisle everything, simply because I can't lie to someone I trust and respect so much. We arranged to meet when we both went 'hunting', so no-one else would hear. He let me explain everything as much as I could, sitting patiently as I paced back and forth, recounting what I had felt and seen these past seventeen years.

He thought I was crazy, or had a 'mental condition' as he put it. He had another theory, one that I liked much more. He thought that this was an extention of my mind reading ability, but there were a few catches to that one.

How could Bella hear me as well, she isn't a mind reader because she only hear me? How can I hear her when she is nowhere near me?

He was stumped on how to 'help' me, but said that I should ignore her. That, if it was my subconscious, then if I pay no attention to it, it will disappear after a while.

I didn't want 'help', I wanted Bella in my head again, but the fact that she was gone was no-one fault but mine. I was the one blocking her. But I wanted to be normal as well. I didn't want to have to lie to my family, I didn't want to have to cover my expressions. I wanted to laugh when Bella said or did something amusing, or get angry when something bad happened to her.

I ignored my siblingsthoughts all the way to school, blocking out the hum of whispers that where no doubt about me. All of them kept shooting me furtive glances, their minds full of concern and confusion at my strange and sudden change of behaviour.

I couldn't blame them. I used to be so sad and... lonely. Then Bella came, and she changed my life. I smiled, I laughed and I actually found something to live for, not just exist. Everyone else had their mates, and I had no-one. But now I had Bella, and I felt like I didn't need anything else. I felt whole for the first time in my existence.

But once again I was depressed, but now it was even worse than before. Because now I know what I'm missing. I used to think that a nomad life was all I could ever lead, but after living with Bella in my mind for so long and now she's gone, I felt like a half completed puzzle. Broken.

She was ignoring me, simply because I was ignoring her. She was stubborn as hell, but I knew I had hurt her, that I was still hurting her with every second I kept a wall around my mind.

_Come on Edward _Alice said gently as I realised we had arrived at school already, having drive here on autopilot. The others were already standing outside, waiting for me.

I begrudgingly got out, slamming the door behind me in frustration and making a few humans jump at the loud noise. I locked it quickly, seeing my less than inviting reflection in the car window.

_Jesus Edward, what the hell is wrong with you? _Emmett scowled at me, but I simply pocketed my keys and barged past him roughly and away from my families troubled thoughts as they watched me walk into school.

I needed Bella, just being without her made me like this. An ass. But it was even worse because I knew it was all my fault, and I was pissed at myself for doing this and still doing nothing.

The humans lining the hallways avoided eye contact with me today, my foul mood making their natural instincts even more acute as I glared at anything in front of me, my hands fisted at my sides as I made my way to English. I opened the door, letting it thud against the wall behind as I made my way to my seat next to the window and ignoring everyones stares.

"Thank you Mr Cullen for that dramatic entrance" The teacher drawled sarcastically, smiling smugly until I turned my glare on him, his eyes widening and his heart rate picking up, suddenly becoming interested in some papers on his desk.

The last students filed in moments before the bell and taking their places, the seat beside me remaining empty. It was the last seat in the class, and it remained so because I glared at anyone who even thought of sitting beside me.

The lesson was as captivating and enticing as dry wall, so I spaced out for the time being and stared out the window. I heard the girls whispering about me being a 'brooding God', but it only got me even more wound up. When I smile they go mad, when I'm pissed it's even worse.

These girls were so stupid, they thought everything was about looks. That just because I look good, I must be amazing at everything. I wanted nothing more than to run away and find Bella and never leave her. To just hide from civilization. I could actually _talk_ Bella, about real things and subjects. We can laugh and joke and she doesn't get caught up in my looks or anything else.

We are just two people who talk. Or I'm just a crazy person that talks to himself.

But her scent hasn't left me, it still clings to me and follows me everywhere. It used to drive me insane, her scent. I am ashamed to say that I couldn't handle it at all when I first smelt it, my mind and body reduced to that of a feral animal, acting more like a new born than the hundred year old I am. Her scent is delicious and it the most potent smell I have ever had the pleasure of finding.

She is my singer, and if I had met her in person before I knew her, there is no doubt in my mind that I would have drained every last drop from her body. But I couldn't. I was at home when it happened, there was no humans for miles, no-one else could smell the wonderful scent that drove me wild with thirst. I thirsted for this blood, but the human it came from was nowhere to be seen.

I used to think that it was my punishment for my rogue days, to have this scent around me with no way to stop or relieve the burning in my throat that I felt constantly.

But once I got to know her, and I actually stopped to listen to the voice I found the thirst was pushed away. She was no curse, she was my salvation. There was no doubt that if something had not happened soon, I would have run off again by myself.

But the mind of a child is a wondrous thing, and she showed me that I belonged with my family. Besides, I couldn't hurt this innocent child. I would not give in to the monster inside me.

It was with that frame of mind that I got to where I am now. I am all but immune to it now, it has by no means lost its potency and she still smells as beautiful as she always has, but the burn is barely noticeable. I can understand what Carlisle talks about when he says that it is mind over matter, that all you have to do is think of something else. Not that I can tell him that...

I may have told him everything about our connection, but no-one knows she's my singer. I think Carlisle will be impressed with me, and I am aching to have something to shove in Emmett's face, knowing from his thoughts that he killed both of his singers.

"Edward... lesson's over" Unfortunately, my thought bubble was popped by the annoyingly obsessed girl known as Jessica Stanley. She stood at my desk, smiling sweetly, pushing her cleavage at me and batting her eyes. In any other situation I would have said a polite 'thank you' and left, but I was in no mood for kindness.

I turned my glare on her, never dropping eye contact as I grabbed my bag and stood up, towering over her. She didn't even seem fazed by my less than welcome reaction, her eyes taking on a glazed quality as I finally heard her thoughts.

_We were in a less than appropriate position, me whispering how much I love her in her ear as she..._

I quickly stalked away from her, leaving her nearly drooling and still spaced out, staring at thin air. This was the good thing about Bella, she didn't fantasise about me, and when I did think about her or talk to her, everyone else's thoughts simply fade away because I concentrate solely on hers. Without them, I was left to the mercy of people like Jessica.

I passed Em and Jazz in the hall, ignoring them as they tried to talk to me about what ever was bothering me, I weaved in and out of the human crowds quickly in an effort to get away from them. Their continuous commentary of me and my behaviour was wearing on my last nerve, and I decided that I wasn't going to sit around and waste my time in this pathetic institution, listening to stupid adolescent thoughts full of sex and parties, as well as all of the concerned thoughts from my family.

_Edward! Come on! _Emmett called behind me, watching me change direction and walk out of the doors and into the car park. They followed me at a human speed, trying to catch up to me, but I was past caring.

I was in a foul mood, and I doubt anyone could snap me out of it. I felt like breaking something, or a few things. I was angry and frustrated and lonely and... I just needed Bella.

I reached into my pocket and got out my keys, my eyes locked on my car as I reached it, unlocking it and reaching for the handle. I was abruptly turned around and slammed against it, not hard enough to damage the car, but enough so that I couldn't get out of it without breaking the human facade. The keys were taken from my hand and I couldn't help but growl at them.

Emmett held me down, his hands on my shoulders, Alice standing at his side with my keys around her finger, looking worriedly at me as Jasper stared intensely at me, probably trying to calm me down or whatever.

"Edward, what has gotten into you?" Emmett asked sternly, his mind showing his genuine concern for me.

"Nothing. Get the hell off me" I spat at him, shocking them all.

"Why were you going to leave?" Alice asked quietly.

_Why would he? Have we done something to upset him? Does he want to go back to his nomad days?... _

"Because I'm sick of this" I snarled out, trying to free myself, but Emmett only pushed me down harder, and I could feel the top of the car moulding to my shape as the pressure increased.

"What's changed? Something has set you off" Jasper continued frowning at me and I glared at him.

"I am not a child Jasper. I am just sick of all of this. I'm sick of pretending, I'm sick of sitting next to pathetic humans all day and listening to teachers telling me things I have been told hundreds of times. I'm sick of it!" I told him, venom dripping from every word.

"You were going to leave the family Edward" Alice continued in a whisper. That stopped me.

Was I? I knew I was leaving school, but leaving the family entirely?

"What? Why?" Emmett growled at me, picturing Esme's broken and sobbing because I had run off somewhere.

I could never do that to Esme.

"What's got you so depressed?" Jasper asked genuinely concerned and confused. I shook my head at them. Carlisle didn't even understand the connection between Bella and I, I doubted anyone else could either. Even if I did try to explain it to them, they would think I was crazy anyway.

A slight breeze rufted my hair and my clothes, and I stiffened as my eyes grew wide, sagging against the car in shock. Emmett frowned as he suddenly became the one to hold me up, his mind screaming at me to talk to him and explain but I was totally out of it.

I smelt it. Her scent. It was here. She was here. Bella. Bella was in Forks, she was here in this school. She was here, right now.

"Edward, what the hell is going on with you?" Jasper asked, and I saw myself from his eyes. I was being pushed against the car, my arms hung limpy at my side, a small smile on my face as my eyes remained slightly glazed over. I looked high.

"Hey... do any of you know where German is? I missed my first lesson"

My head whipped around as I heard it. Her voice. Was I crazy? Had I finally snapped fully? Was I so past it that I was having hallucinations as well?

But she was there. She was turned away from me, but slightly to the side so I could still see part of her face. I didn't need to see her face, I would recognise her hair anywhere with the amount of time she spends trying to tame the curls. She was even more beautiful in person. The blush was there, the big brown doe eyes that you seemed to melt into, the full lips. She is a beautiful young woman.

_God, look at the rack on her. I thought Jess was nice, but Bella... _Mike Newtons thoughts hit me like a hammer to the head and I had to resists the urge to run over there and snap him in two. That might break our cover.

I watched them, blocking out Mikes and Eric's thoughts as Angela Webber -a nice girl in my opinion- directed Bella to her German class, leaving a nearly drooling Jessica Stanley staring at me from just outside the office. I watched Bella as she disappeared, too shocked, happy and... I wasn't sure what else I was even feeling at this moment. But I knew Bella was no hallucination, not if other people could see her as well.

"If he wants to go, then let him go" I heard Rosalie sneer as she appeared, no doubt wondering why Alice wasn't in her Home Ec class. I turned back to my family, slightly dazed and on a rather Bella inspired high.

_And they say I'm the dramatic one _She began to insult me in her mind, standing beside Alice and Jasper as they all watched me as if I was going to explode.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying" I breathed out. There was no way I was leaving, not if Bella was here. She was here. She was real!

"Wow, that was quick" Rose quipped but I was too happy to even insult her.

_This is just getting freaky. I have never felt such drastic mood changes, and I have to sit with girls all day. There must be something that has happened that he isn't telling us. _

Jasper tried to figure this out, and I silently wished him luck. No-one would guess this in a million years. Emmett's thoughts were much simpler.

_He's gone off the deep end._

After a moment, I realised that Emmett would not let me go anytime soon on his own, so I pushed him away, using my enhanced strength now that there were no students milling around. I straightened myself out, suddenly anxious to get to class and see her. I deflated a little once I realised I didn't have German next, but if all else fails, I will surely see her at lunch.

I only have two hours until I see her. 120 minutes to go, 7200 seconds to wait to see her.

I left my siblings without a word, grabbing my bag which had fallen to the floor when Emmett had attacked me and quickly excusing myself, making my way back into school. My mood was drastically improved, and I could barely wipe the smile from my face as I sat down in Geography, politely apologizing for my tardiness as I walked in.

I didn't hear one word anyone said in their minds or out loud, it was like I had stopped my ability entirely, but I knew that if I stopped thinking about Bella and come down from my high, that everyone would be loud in my mind once more. I sat staring at the table for an entire hour, the smile never dropping from my face as I bounced my leg, something I had picked up after so long around humans. The bell rang loudly in the classroom, and everyone hurried out of the room, me with them.

Bella had Maths, and I had Chemistry. Her class was right above mine, and it was going to be torture knowing that she was so close. Thankfully we had no practicals today, only worksheets and questions out of a text book. Again, I had no partner, but I honestly didn't care either way.

Maybe Bella was right. Maybe I am bipolar...

Bella. I could talk to her!

I slowly opened up my mind again, letting the barrier around my mind drop as I tentatively listened to her thoughts, curious at to what she thought of Fork's and everything. I was careful to keep my mind blank so as not to let her know I was listening. I expected to be hit with thoughts of the school, or possible friends, or missing home.

Not of me.

She was thinking of Angela, obviously liking the girl. But of course, her thoughts went to me and I couldn't help the thought that slipped through.

_She was just a sweet girl, and could possibly be my first friend. I am not counting Edward, he may or may not be real._

_Of course I'm real Bella _I almost whacked my head on the desk as she heard me. I heard her gasp with my own ears, and gave up the facade of not being here, using her eyes to see what she was doing.

_How dare he.... thinks he can... IDIOT!.... Leave me alone Edward _She huffed finally, seeming not to realise any of the previous thoughts. I flinched away from thin air as I realised she was angry at me. I hated when she was angry with me, but it never lasted too long. It was hard to hold a grudge when you have to be with someone all day every day.

Well of course she was angry with me! I just stopped talking to her and blanked her for nearly a week, I'd be pissed too!

She concentrated back on some equations she had been set to do, but I would not be stopped by education now. Unlike me, she couldn't fully block me from her mind. If she concentrated on something hard enough, then it blocks me out but her concentration slips after a while and I get in again.

_Bella, I have to- _I tried to explain, but she interrupted me, and I could nearly feel her annoyance, it was that palpable.

_Why now? .... middle of lesson on my first day.... Oh, so you're talking to me now? Save it! I'm busy! _She yelled at me, venom filling her mind as she ignored any further attempts to talk to her. I began to worry that she wouldn't even want to see me in person, she seemed to really despise me at the moment.

After a while, she used a trick she had learned when she was younger. She began to play 'Sweet Like Chocolate' in her mind over and over again, and I cringed visibly, coming out of her mind slightly so that her voice was just a whisper. I really hate that song. Still, at least she got the work done.

The bell rang loudly once more, and I barely spared a thought about keeping up the human act as I sped out of class. I made it to the lunchroom, but my siblings were already there, watching me as I literally vibrated, walking to our table and sit down, dumping my beg on the floor.

"What's got you so excited?" Jasper asked, looking rather amused at my strange behaviour. I simply shrugged, torn between worry and elation. Would she be happy to see me, or would she ignore me like she did in her mind? Could I handle it if she ignored me?

My family fell silent and I blocked their thoughts from my mind, wanting to concentrate solely on Bella, but they never took their eyes from me. I couldn't even bring myself to tell them to stop. Bella was here! She is real!

Jealousy sprouted up in me as I saw her speak to Angela as they walked towards lunch but I pushed it aside. It was my fault she was ignoring me. She's nearly here! Unfortunately, she had been invited to sit with Angela and her friends and she said yes. I was glad she was making friends, and I hoped they were better than the ones she used to have.

"Bella, are you okay?" Her thoughts had been foggy and I had been unable to make anything out of them, but Angela broke her concentration for a moment. She had been blocking me from her thoughts, but also zoning out of the real world.

"Yeah, I'm fine" She told her new found friend, and I saw her smile through Angela's eyes.

_She doesn't believe me anyway _I heard Bella sigh in her mind, and I felt sorry for her. She wanted to fit in, she didn't want to stand out and be called 'freak' like she used to. And who was I to change that?

I watched with wide eyes as she walked through the cafeteria doors, her head down as she stared at the floor. She hated attention more than I hated that song. The only reason being that she only attention she used to get was because people where set on bullying her.

Her name bounced around the cafeteria like a bouncy ball in a cement box and it drove me mad. Bella was mine, no-one else had the right to take her from me. Possessive, I know. But Bella had been mine and only mind for seventeen years and I don't want to share her with anyone.

Angela poked her in the back when she spaced out in the queue, and I watched as she blushed a furious red as she hurriedly walked forwards towards the annoyed lunch lady. She was going through a divorce, her husband wanting her kids and the house. She wasn't in the best of moods.

I scowled as she only bought at apple, my eyes going to her tiny frame. I know she hasn't been eating well since the accident, but just an apple? That's it?

Everyone stopped to stare at her as she walked past, her face reddening even more as she concentrated on the ground. Bella's biggest flaw was her clumsiness, or that's the way she saw it. I found it endearing, but she had gotten tripped up and laughed at so much, she has come to hate that she can't stay on two feet for very long.

She clutched that damn apple like her life depended on it. Even the apple was getting more attention than I was from her. Stupid apple.

Whoa, why am I angry at an apple? Well, this is what Bella swan does to you.

"Hey guys, Bella's going to sit with us" Angela said happily as I watched Bella sit down in an empty seat, hunching over slightly as if waiting for someone to disagree and send her off again.

_...did they even want me here? I could go and eat in my car... _

There was no way in hell Bella was going to eat her apple in her car. If she got thrown off their table, she would come and sit with me.

"Good idea Angela!" Mike said loudly, his mind running over ways to 'bed Bella' as he watched her duck her head and blush, hiding her face in a curtain of hair as she bit into her apple. Mike and Eric's thoughts went wild as she did so... and began to replace themselves with the fruit. Bella had to get away from those idiots before they try something.

She wasn't used to this. She went to school with the same kids she had grown up with, they all knew her and picked on her. Genuine attention from boys isn't something she would be comfortable with or appreciate.

_Stupid cow! I have been working on Mike for four months, and she comes here for one day and he's drooling! _She screeched in her mind, glaring at Bella before turning away from her with a huff. A look of confusion and worry crossed Bella's face before Angela simply rolled her eyes. Bella visibly relaxed again.

She probably expected Jessica to start something, she was used to it after all. Everything was blamed on her by her peers, even if she wasn't there. She tried to stick up for herself, but when its over a hundred against one, it was a waste of time. Poor Bella was crushed and defeated by the time she finished her first week of High School.

She didn't enter any of the conversation, remaining silent as she slowly ate her apple. Mike was adamant she liked him, and was eating the apple to try to 'seduce him'. I shuddered at the thought.

"Edward, why are you staring at the new girl?" Rose asked, angry as usual. I didn't reply, seeing my window of opportunity. She was quiet, no-one was watching her. Now was my chance.

_BELLA! LISTEN TO ME! _I yelled at her, finally getting frustrated when she kept pushing my voice away. I watched her eyes widen and her heartbeat spike as she dropped the half eaten apple to the table with a thud. Her little squeak made me smile lightly.

"Are you okay Bella?" Eric asked annoyingly, and I watched her nod for a moment, her eyes glazed over. Not a moment later she blushed, seeing everyone one the table staring at her with rapt attention.

"Just remembered something" She mumbled, staring at the table top. None of them believed her, but let it go, continuing their own conversations once again.

_Don't do that! _She ordered me sternly, but I wasn't going to play around yet.

_Bella, you have to listen to me. Please, it's important _I pleaded with her, and I felt her resolve waver, her face dropping into a scowl as her jaw set.

_Is it the reason you've been ignoring me for the past week and a day? _She began glaring at the table as her thoughts became clouded once more. I guess she could block me in her own way.

_No.... Bella, I'm sorry _I told her quietly, knowing that Bella would be Bella and she wouldn't rest until she found out why.

_No. I have gone through hell over the passed week because I thought I'd lost you or something. You can't just swan back in and say 'sorry'. If you don't like this, then don't bother talking to me ever again! _I could see her face growing red as her anger at me grew and I knew that my words would only make things even worse if I tried to calm her down.

She was pissed at me, and there is nothing more dangerous than a pissed woman who can see what your thinking every minute of every day. If she wanted, she could make my life hell. But Bella wasn't like that...

_I know I hurt you Bella, but this is important! _I implored, ignoring the students that were staring between the two of us.

_Why is Edward Cullen staring at the new girl? What's so good about her? _One girl thought and I frowned a little as I continued to stare at Bella. Bella is good, in and out in her heart and soul. You would struggle to find a more compassionate and loving person in the world.

_Why did he keep on going on about this important thing? What did it have to do with me anyway? _She thought to herself, the glare melting into a confused frown.

_Bella, look at what I'm seeing _I told her after a thought struck me. I watched as she looked into my mind and shared my sight with me. It was a strange thing, seeing something through my own eyes and then seeing it again through Bella's.

_... how much better Edward's vision is than mine _I saw her smile a little vacantly and I couldn't help but chuckle at her in my mind.

_Concentrate Bella _I playfully berated her and I smiled when I saw her lips turn up slightly.

_Damn him and his lovely chuckle! _It made me laugh that, it wasn't my face or my body, my scent or my personality that she liked the most. It was my smile and my chuckle.

She dove into my sight but didn't understand what I was trying to show her. I turned my head slightly so I could show her my family, glad that they had finally decided to stop the staring. Nerves filled me as I wondered again I she would even want to see me.

_Look at where I'm looking _I told her quietly, debating on just leaving and letting her live a normal life with a normal school friends. If I was here with her the weird factor would be even greater than before. But maybe with us both together, it won't be as bad. Besides, no-one messes with the Cullen's, and if Bella is my friend they won't touch her either. If they did, I would kill them.

_... tables of students laughing and messing around, very few actually eating the terrible cafeteria food. A poster hung on the wall...._

_The poster! What does it say? _I hurriedly inserted. I saw her mentally roll her eyes as she went along with me. She would understand in a moment.

_It says.... Home game, Spartans versus Hawks on the nineteenths. Go Forks High! _She added a fake happy voice with it and I couldn't help but smile. She was totally oblivious to Jessica who was trying to talk to her about some trip somewhere. Jessica never actually realised Bella wasn't listening, to caught up in her own world to notice to absence of responses.

I waited a moment for it to sink in and surely enough...

_Forks High. It says Forks High. Edward is looking at a Forks High poster. He is at Forks High. So am I. Right now. He is sat in the cafeteria. Right now. So am_ _I. Edward is at my school right now._

She left my eyes to see through her own, her eyes searching and finding the same poster I was looking at. I watched as her muscles tensed and she froze, her eyes wide and still fixed on the poster as her heartbeat ran a mile a minute. Even her mind was blank with shock.

_Bella, turn around _I asked quietly, awaiting the words when she would say no. But she didn't. Her thoughts quickly filled my mind once again as she unfroze.

_Edward was here? He was real? I'm not crazy? This was huge! _Her thoughts screamed at me.

".... them are so gorgeous, its unnatural. But I can't complain, Edward is... words cannot describe" Jessica rambled on and on, but my name seemed to alert Bella to her presence and shock her even further.

_She knew Edward. It was stupid, I knew it was, but I had always thought of Edward as my friend, mine and mine alone. I guess not. _Her voice sadenned and I smiled a little was I realised she thought the same as me. Neither wanted to share.

"Jess, you asked him out four times and he turned you down every time" Eric laughed as Jess turned a bright red, Bella's smirk obvious from where I was sat. I heard Jasper's thirsty thoughts as he stared at Jessica's blush before Emmett kicked him from under the table and he lowered his eyes.

If he ever hurt Bella...

_Wait, this... this is Jess? The same Jess that asked you in front of your family? _

Only Bella could break me from my murderous thoughts, but she did, laughing loudly in my head as she put two and two together. I couldn't help but groan in my head as I thought about the irritating human. I smirked though as she hid a snort of laughter with a cough.

_...this girl as 'stalker material', and I suddenly see why. She was fixated on him._ Her thoughts oozed laughter and amusement as she looked at Jessica, shuddering and cringing before lowering her head again.

_I do not want to know what she was thinking... _Lucky her. We were once again in an X rated position, one even Emmett would cringe at and I doubted she was that flexible.

"Anyway, he's perfect. I know he likes me, he just needs time to realise it for himself. I'm willing to wait" Jessica carried on even though she had stopped a good minute ago. Her voice was dreamlike as everyone on the table hid smirks.

_She's dreaming _Angela thought with a chuckle, her smirk turning into a real smile when her boyfriend, Ben Cheney took her hand. Those two had liked each other for over a year, and he had finally asked her out on a date. Bella spotted their hands too, her own smile growing.

_So sweet!_

Lauren as Jessica's best friend, and put up with her for some reason unbeknown to anyone, even me. But anyone that dared laugh would get a glare from her. She was like Jessica though. She followed me around and stared at me, but her thoughts weren't as X rated as Jessica's.

_I really didn't like this girl. Control freak much? _Bella observed and I sighed, remembering what we were going to do before the irritation known as Jessica happened.

_Bella! _I yelled loudly, making her jump and turn around automatically at the sound of her name being called.

"Bella, are you listen...." Jessica's voice left Bella's mind as she her eyes met mine and she smiled wider than I ever thought she could and I couldn't help but smile back.

_Edward, what the hell are you smiling at a human for? _Alice asked, looking between the two of us. It seemed my smile had alerted them to yet another change in attitude.

I could feel the stares of my family, I could see the heads and faces of countless teenagers that were between the two of us, yet I didn't care. My world was whole, if not even more so than before. Because she was no figment of my imagination, she was real. She was here!

_It's nice to meet you miss Swan _I couldn't help but smirk as her smile widened even more at the sound of my voice or my smile.

_It's nice to finally meet you too Mr Cullen _She giggled a little, turning around so that her back was to everyone else on the table

"Bella, what are you.... Oh, that's Edward" Jessica stopped halfway, her thoughts becoming venomous as Bella frowned, not wanting to be interupted again. She was hardly listening, she like me, was having trouble accepting this.

_I had found Edward. Edward was right there, across the cafeteria staring right back at me. _She spelled out as if stating everyone would make it more believable.

"Why is Edward Cullen staring at you?!" Jessica said in her horrible grating voice. Bella simply blinked, ignoring her, but I couldn't ignore it. Here was this stupid human girl, insulting Bella! My Bella!

I couldn't help the growl that bubbled out from my throat, shocking my family and causing several humans to turn around at the strange noise.

"Edward! People. Do. Not. Growl" Bella hissed out loud, and I stopped immediately. The first time Bella had ever spoken to me in person... I continued to glare at the insolent girl, my growling ceased but my anger still there. I could see the incredulous looks Bella was now getting from my family for her remark, but she either didn't see them or didn't care.

_Come here _I asked, wanting her away from Jessica, away from the perverse Mike and Eric, and away from distractions. Just me and Bella. I watched through her own eyes as my eyes lightened again, showing that I had hunted last night thanks to the light goldencolour.

I watched her stand, smiling lightly as she walked away from her table and towards mine. She seemed to faulter at Mike's voice, her eyes shooting around the room and finding all eyes on her.

_Damn it! _She berated herself, but kept on making her way towards me, watching with amusement as people scuttled out of her way. She didn't even blush at the attention, and she seemed as shocked by that news as anything else.

Her smile grew impossibly larger as her thoughts went back to when she was younger.

_Remember what we promised we'd do if we ever met each other? _She smirked at me, quirking an eyebrow waiting for me to catch on.

Of course I remembered. Bella was only young, but she said that if we met, she would run up to me and I would scoop her up and spin her around like a little girl. She watched my own smile stretch across my face, pausing a few tables away as I stood up.

_Edward! What the hell are you doing? _Jasper asked, his thoughts worried as he watched Bella and I. It seemed they had watched the entire exchange, which would have seemed silent to them of course. I didn't reply, not wanting anyone else to interrupt mine and Bella's reunion.

I smirked as I opened my arms slightly, tilting my head to the side as she stood there, watching me, her eyes wide and bright as she nearly vibrated. She never moved her gaze from me, as if she expected me to run away.

_Come on then _I smirked even wider as she giggled, the sound like the most beautiful music to my ears.

_This is absurd _She thought before running towards me, her hair whipping out behind her as she flung herself at me. I laughed, feeling free and more happy than I could ever remember as I wrapped my arms around her and spun her around. Both of us laughed, acting like children but neither caring. All of the cafeteria was watching, even the kitchen staff stood gaping at us.

I was a little surprised she ran that distance without falling, but...

I buried my face in my hair, savouring her scent that was even more potent now that she was here in person. Her hair was so soft, and smelt like strawberries. Bella...

_I can't believe you're here _I couldn't help but laugh as I kissed the top of her hair, amazed that she was here.

_I can't believe you're real _She retorted quickly, her tiny arms tightening slightly around my neck.

_He's definitely solid._

_Of course I'm solid silly _I couldn't help but laugh as I set her back on her feet, making sure she didn't fall before poking her on the tip of her nose, remembering how she used to hate the gesture when she was younger. Her answer was sticking her tongue out at me, and I couldn't help but laugh once again as I pulled her to me.

_It's good to know I'm not crazy too _I added as an after thought, wondering what Carlisle would say right now.

I knew I might be hurting her, but as her arms wound around my waist and stayed there firmly, I knew she was okay. Her tiny body was so warm, I could feel it heating my own frigid skin up.

_I know the feeling _She admitted as I held her at arms length, looking her up and down with my own eyes. She was still small for her age, still had long brown hair, still pale, still thin, still as beautiful as ever. She was perfect...

Woah... perfect? Really? Well... she was perfect for me, probably not to everyone else.

I smiled once I saw her checking me out too, a look of wonder on her face as she raked over my body. I got a strange twinge of self consciousness before I beat it down again. Bella wouldn't care if I was a dwarf with yellow hair and a beer belly.

"Not bad Isabella Marie Swan" I smirked as she frowned in irritation, knowing how much she hated her full name.

"Not too bad yourself Edward Anthony Masen Cullen" She extended her index finger and poked me in my stomach, her eyes growing wide for a moment.

_Wow, he is... toned..._She seemed lost for the appropriate word as she stared at my stomach for a moment, retracting her finger and meeting my eyes a second later.

_Sorry I never mentioned it _I rolled my eyes at her as she managed to contradict what I had been previously thinking. Maybe she did care about what I looked like, but she was still a hormonal girl. Just like all the hormonal boys in this place.

"Sit with me" I blurted out, staring at her and knowing she would cave. I would not have her going back to the presence of Mike and co. No way. Bella may want friends, but even she has standards.

_Honestly Edward, like I would sit anywhere else _She smiled as she took my hand turning to walk away to her table. But I froze at the contact.

Never had a girl taken my hand like this, not even in a playful way. Alice had her boundaries and reserved grabbing peoples hands for when she was dragging them along behind her when she shopped. But with Bella... it felt like more.

I couldn't understand the bubble of emotion that rose inside me, the feelings that were so alien yet so familiar were incomprehensible. Honestly... they scared me.

I quickly cleared the subject from my thoughts, not wanting to scare Bella because I knew she would panic and tell me to go and ask Carlisle.

_Bella, what are you doing? _I asked genuinely confused as I wondered where she wanted to drag me off to. She turned to me, an expectant but amused expression on her face as she cocked her head to the side ever so slightly.

"Edward, I just found you, do you think I'll let you go that easily? You might disappear into a puff of smoke for all I know" And from the wideness of her eyes, I knew she was telling the truth. I allowed her to drag me through the cafeteria, hearing her small apologies every time she hit someone, but they were too shocked to even acknowledge it.

I couldn't help but slow down, fighting the urge to just rip Bella away from here and run. Because there, sat staring at me with wide eyes and an open mouth, was my worst nightmare. Jessica Stanley.

I saw Bella wince as she too saw Jessica's less-than-flattering expression, the content of her thoughts becoming angry and jealous as she stared at mine and Bella's hands together.

"Sorry guys, but I'm going to sit with Edward today" She spoke through clenched teeth, no doubt seeing the renewed positions that were playing out in Jess's mind. She picked her bag up, slinging it over her shoulder before anyone could unfreeze, all of them staring at our hands that still held together.

"That's okay Bella" Angela smiled at Bella, her eyes meeting mine for a moment before she looked away again.

_Oh, they make such a good couple. And he's actually smiling! I always knew he had some sort of secret girlfriend, no-one as hot as he is could ever he single _Angela's thoughts were void of any of the envy or anger that was currently pouring out of everyone from the table.

I ignored Mike and Eric's glare for as long as I could, but after seeing what they want to do to Bella, I couldn't help but want to rip them apart.

They would _never _touch my Bella. Never.

I felt someone touch my stomach, and realised that once again Bella had stopped me from growling at her admirers.

"See ya Ang" Her voice sounded cheerful, almost bouncy as she turned and pulled me back towards our table. I restrained myself as the boys watched her bum as she walked away, concentrating on Bella's hand in mine. I had the strange urge to jump on a table and yell 'Ha!' in their faces.

I almost walked into Bella as she abruptly froze, her eyes wide on the table that held our family who were all watching the two of us carefully.

_Edward, I know them but they don't know anything about me. They don't know I know. I'm not supposed to know! _Her eyes widened impossibly, her heartrate picking up as she squeezed my hand tighter.

I quickly moved in front of her, blocking my intimidating family from view as they carried on staring at her. Honestly, couldn't they just calm down?

I looked straight into her chocolate brown eyes, marvelling in the colour for a moment before I came back down to earth.

_Bella, just meet them. I know you know them, but.. well I'm not exactly sure how to handle this. They won't do anything to you Bella _I promised her, using the tone that she knew meant I wouldn't be swayed. I smirked when I found that she had realised this too.

_Hypocrite _I shot back, pulling her back towards the table again.

She could deny it all she wants, but she is as stubborn as hell. I heard her thoughts of my own stubbornness and couldn't help but chuckle. Maybe I did take it 'to a whole new level' as she put it, but ... eh.

I sensed her worry and fear as her steps slowed and she started to pick at her sleeve unconsciously. I knew Bella to well to know when she is trying to be calm. Her thoughts though were rather excited to be finally meeting the people she had seen and heard every day of her life.

I had to push her into a chair, actually having to use force when she didn't move. I would have let her go, knowing how uncomfortable it was for humans to be around one of us, never mind five, but Bella wanted to meet them, to actually speak with them herself.

I sat down next to her, sending a lazy smile my families way secretly taking Bella's hand when she gulped too loudly to be considered calmly. I knew what she meant before. What if she disappeared on me? I gave her hand a gently squeeze, to make sure she was real and to help to calm her down. She was still human after all.

Though as she finally looked at my family, a huge grin slid onto her face and her mind was howling with laughter. She went though everyone, trying not to laugh at their comical expressions like I was. I almost choked when she called Jasper cute, smirking at him and wishing I could just throw that in his face. And he thought he was scary...

She showed o fear even as she leveled Rosalie's gaze with a calm one, simply passing over her a moment later, acknowledging the fact that she didn't like her yet she still held respect for my sister.

God knows why. It must be a girl thing.

_...so confident, so protective and fierce when to comes to the ones she loves. If only I was that strong _She thought with a longing tone and I wanted to shake her from head to foot and actually make her look at herself. After what she has been through... she could be the strongest person I have ever known.

_...put her behaviour down to pig handedness. Stupid boy _She snarked nonchalantly, even adding a mental sigh as she insulted me as if she were sad about it.

"I'm not that bad, surely" I asked out loud, turning my pout on her and watching her laugh at my expression. I got a little lost in her laugh, and was a little confused when her head whipped around and she began to frown at Emmett who was already staring at her. To say it was funny would have been an understatement.

Emmett looked so child-like as he tried to 'figure' Bella out, Bella looking as though she were solving an algebra question as she peered at Emmett in confusion.

"Stop frowning at him" I laughed simply because of the freedom I felt and the scene that was in front of me. I was glad to find no hostile thoughts from Emmett, he was simply wanting to find out how much she knew.

If only he _did _know...

"Sorry Emmett" I turned my panicked mind to Bella as she uttered those words, just waiting for the onslaught of anger, confusion and questions that were bound to follow. She didn't even realise what she had done.

"What... how...." Emmett was even less coherent in his mind, only managing single words before he couldn't make anything else. Bella blushed as they all stared at her, ducking her head. I couldn't blame her. It was slightly unnervingto have four unblinking vampires staring at you in fear and confusion.

_You said his name. They don't know you know. They're scared of how much you know and what you might do _I thought quietly, watching her eyes widen as her thoughts were filled with remorse. Then she did something I had never actually heard with my own ears from her.

"Fuck" She spat out as she continued to mentally berate herself and I couldn't help but flinch in shock at the word. I had been on the receiving end of her colourful language many times when we disagreed over something and argued, but I have never heard it with such anger and frustration even from her mind.

"Since when do you curse?" I frowned at her seriously. Yeah, I was old fashioned but it was not becoming of young women to have language that would better fit a pub.

"Since you started ignoring me, thank you by the way" Her eyes narrowed as she glared at her, her thoughts showed her anger was resurfacing again.

"Bella, I didn't have a choice" I tried to explain but she didn't believe me. I didn't even need to be a mind reader to know that.

"No way. We always stick up for each other, its what we do, and then suddenly you're gone? You could have at least told me" Her voice broke in three places, her eyes filling with tears as she whispered to the top of the table. My family sat in shock at the crying girl at out table but all I wanted to do was take her away from them so that we could actually _talk. _

_I never felt so alone. I thought I'd never hear you again _She continued in her thoughts, probably at the thought of the four vampires that were listening with adamant attention. But she wasn't even worrying about them. She was thinking about us. How we were with each other. How we worked.

_I'm sorry I hurt you so much Bella, I thought I was doing the right thing _I tried to soothe her but she didn't respond. I wanted to tell her about Carlisle and what he said but I know that it will only hurt her even more.

"Okay, what the hell is going on here?" Emmett blurted out in frustration as he had witnessed the strange exchange between Bella and I. Still, it helped to bring Bella out of her thoughts.

"Er..." Bella chewed her lip and I resisted the urge to stop her as she looked up at me with pleading big brown eyes. An she thought I was bipolar.

_How do we even begin to explain all of this? _She asked desperately but I had no answer for her.

_I have no idea what to tell them, but they need to know. We have to explain why a human jumped me in the cafeteria _I couldn't help but smirk as she rolled her eyes, smiling back despite trying to appear serious.

_I did not jump you, I was simply playing out a promise _She thought childishly huffing as she remembered our little game of 'what if'. It had only started once I had walked in on Rose and Em basically consummating their love in the kitchen, immediately turning around and leaving to save Bella from seeing that. But Bella being Bella had already seen in and asked what they were doing.

Bella had always been curious and perceptive, maybe it's with having me in her mind all the time, or just her nature. But I listened to the thoughts of my family as they watched in amazement as this 'little human', as Jasper put it, sat in complete comfort and spoke to them. They also picked up on our 'silent' conversations, and where even more confused than before.

I found that, even with my family burning holes in our heads, Bella was the most easy and comfortable person to talk to. I could still tease her and all that and she would give it straight back. It was nice to know that that part was real.

I couldn't help teasing her even more as I threatened to eat that gloop called 'food', watching the grimace on her face in amusement as she glared at me and begged me not to, and then ended up having to threaten me to get me to stop. She knew me so well...

I couldn't help but glare at Rosalie when her angry and hate filled thoughts slammed into me, her glare set on tiny Bella at my side. I growled once more and I could feel Jazz trying to calm me but Bella succeeded where he failed. Her tiny hand in mine squeezed every so slightly, even more warmth filling me as she managed to settle me down a little and remind me where I was.

It was amazing how Bella could shift my emotions and moods to effectively so quickly. She made me go from furious to amused in less than ten seconds. She had also transformed my siblings from 'scary' and intimidating students to totally vulnerable and shocked mush simply by sitting down next to me.

When the bell rang and Bella reached for her bag, I reached for mine as well. If I had my way, Bella would never leave my side. Maybe I should ask her to move in with me, but she is only seventeen....

_Whoa, does Edward go out with Bella? _I heard Alice's thought as I saw them all staring at our hands, feeling the heat from Bella's cheeks growing as she ducked her head in embarrassment, obviously hearing the thought as well.

Honestly... It didn't bother me. Bella was perfect, or she was to me anyway, but she was human. Did I love her? Of course I did, she meant everything to me, I would be a shadow of the man I am now if it wasn't for her. But _she is a human_. She's fragile and warm and small and... If I hurt her I would gratefully kill myself.

I turned to leave, stopping once I realised that Bella wasn't coming with me. I watched in amusement as she directly spoke to a frightened Alice and Alice stuttered something about her coming to our house after school. She happiness that shot through Bella was palpable to all on the table, Jasper watching her curiously.

I pulled her away before a full blown interrogation broke out and they kidnapped her. I almost laughed when she began worrying about Esme and Carlisle's reaction to her knowing. She often thought of them as her parents having grown up with them playing the parenting role. Honestly, Carlisle would be totally freaked out by the fact that she is real, and Esme... I knew for a fact she would love Bella.

I was too used to the scaring, the whispers and the rumours to even notice it. And so was Bella, but not for the same reasons. She was so damn self conscious around other people because of what some bitches said to her in Phoenix.

But she surprised me by giggling at the people stopping to stare at us as we dodged crowds. I couldn't help but chuckle as I pushed her gently. She always said I was broody and more temperamental than a woman going through the menopause. I should have factored in the fact that Bella can't walk on a flat surface without falling.

I quickly pulled her back to me before she fell into the lockers that lines the walls, using a little too much force as she bumped into me and stumbled again. I couldn't help but laugh. Through Bella's mind I knew that she fell and stumbled frequently throughout the day, and it was quite endearing to see it for myself.

I couldn't help but turn even a serious conversation about my blood lust into a teasing session as we walked into the classroom. I was comforted by the knowledge that she at least held some self preservation. Not that I want her to fear me, but I don't like the idea of her getting all cuddly around _all _vampires.

I made my way to my seat as she walked up to the teacher, blushing once she realised that the students were staring at her. She must have been distracted in the hallway otherwise she's be fire truck crimson for months.

I smirked as Bella subtly helped the teacher, letting my head fall into my palm as she looked over when the teacher announced that there was only one chair left.

I ignored the voices of the girls around me, their thoughts scorched with jealousy. But the boys... their thoughts weren't so easily pushed aside. Rude and simply disgusting fantasy's all containing Bella swirled around my mind from the eight boys that were sat throughout the room.

The only thing that stopped my from getting up and killing every one of them when they all stared at her ass as she walked was the fact that Bella had walked towards _me. _For some reason I felt a slight victory for it and had to resist sending a condescending smirk their way.

A small clack, a loud thud and then a smaller one signalled Bella setting her book down, dropping her bag and then kicking it further beneath the table. Humans always seem to be making some sort of noise.

_Hey partner _She greeted me happily, and just like that I felt all the anger drain from me. Because Bella was _here_, with _me. _Not over there with those filthy hormonal boys.

_Hey yourself. Well, at least I won't be bored anymore_ I smiled, watching her eyes lip out of focus a little as she gazed at me for a moment before I gave up trying to give her a little privacy without pushing her out totally, and letting her thoughts flood my mind totally.

She went through how I looked, and I let her, knowing that she wasn't fulfilling some fantasy. This was actually the first time we had been along together without everyone watching. I listened as she set me apart from other vampires, saying that I was 'different'. I almost laughed when she commented that my glare could make someone pee themselves but her next thought stopped me.

_But a smiling and happy Edward was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Whether it was his small mischievous smile, or the lop sided one, or even the one he is currently sending my way, the face cracking smile. It made him look so free and natural..._

_Done analysing me? _I poked fun at her, watching her blush and look away now knowing that I caught her ogling me. It was slightly obvious.

But I felt my heart warming from what she said. She said I was beautiful, but not in the vampire way. For some reason... I value her opinion even more than my families. I turned my eyes on her with a gulp as I saw her cheeks reddened even more, her eyes still glazed as she was in her own thoughts.

I couldn't help but graze her scorching cheek with my hand, hearing a gasp at the touch but not pulling away.

I was scared of these... emotions that were running through me. I wanted to run away with her and hide her from everyone else. I wanted no-one else to even look at her. I wanted to hold her and never let go.

And I wanted her to feel the same way.

I didn't understand any of these things and quickly broke my train of thought before I got totally enveloped in my own thoughts and get all 'mopy' as Bella calls it.

_...hated how people liked him for his beauty, because of the 'curse' that had been put upon him. How could they love a killer? I had argued with him many times on the subject, but he remained stuck in his way of thinking. Didn't he like me thinking he was beautiful?_

I almost choked. She thought I hated how she thought of me as beautiful? How could she not know my feelings for her are past sibling and friendly? How every time I thought of her I feel a little warmer inside? How when she was near me now it felt like my heart was beating again?

_You have no idea.... _I quickly dropped my hand back to the table and turned to the front of the classroom with a sigh.

I have known Bella for all of her life, I have watched her ups and downs, all of her embarrassments and fights. Everything. It was only natural to form some kind of bond through that alone. But it always felt like more than friends to me.

Like when she fell over and her mum was out of sight, I wanted nothing more than to scoop her up and take care of her myself. Plus screaming at her mother for letting her fall in the first place.

Or when a boy asked her out in fifth grade and she was so flattered that she couldn't even form a coherent sentence. I had been so... jealous, so angry at the thought of her with someone else that I had to go on an express hunting trip to get my anger and frustration out.

I didn't understand then, why I was flooded with all of these emotions. But I do now. All the jealousy, the moodiness when she is asleep or the happiness when she isn't... its all Bella. It's like Bella controls me, and my life it just a reaction to hers. She _was _my life.

I resurfaced for a moment when I felt heat between my eyes, and I automatically relaxed as I recognised the scent and touch as Bella. She always complained about me frowning and scowling. After a moment the heat was gone and I was left by myself again.

I noticed as I looked at her out of the corner of my eye, that she was frowning at the table and slumped slightly, her thoughts wanting to know what was wrong with me.

_Sorry _I sighed mentally, wishing I could explain all of this to her but knowing I couldn't. I didn't want to risk the friendship we have over something that might never be. I didn't want to scare her or push her away, I didn't want to loose her. Besides, how could I explain this to her if I didn't understand it myself?

_It's okay Edward, its bound to be weird _I barely heard Bella's voice, but I felt my heart plummet. She was blaming herself. True Bella style.

I knew Bella inside and out. Everything about her, every thought and action. Yet there were still parts of her that I hadn't fully cracked. I never knew what she would say, her thoughts always seemed to have no pattern, and I found myself wondering what she would come out with next.

But I liked it. She was spontaneous if put in the right situation. She was happy when with people she knew and liked. She was caring when things were wrong. She was so forgiving that it was almost her biggest weakness. She could be waffy and slightly hyperactive after a few too many Fanta's, but when it comes down to it she could be so serious and logical she sounded like Jasper.

I knew that I could trust Bella with anything, just like she knew she could trust me.

She had accepted me and my family openly, though that might have been my own influence. Growing up with a vampire in your mind might have knocked her views of danger out of whack a little, but I always put it down to the fact that she has an hallucination. But even after finding out that we were real and that vampires exist, she didn't fear us.

But I was still Edward to her, and I was glad that I was. She never thought of me or my family as vampires, we were just people to her. That was why I knew everyone would love her. She wouldn't hesitate to put any of them in their place, well once she knew that they were okay with her. She wasn't scared of them, and I would love to see Emmett or Jasper try to scare her, watching their faces drop as she laughed.

She knew we could be dangerous, but she had seen the side of my family that no other human has. The loving and gentle side, the times when we all laughed and joked around with each other. That is what she thought of when she thought of my family, not blood drinking monsters.

I spent most of the rest of lesson thinking about Bella -obviously- and trying to figure these strange feelings out. I had a feeling what it could be... but I wouldn't acknowledge it. It was impossible.

I was glad to find that I had shielded my mind from Bella through my little musings, glad that she didn't know the mess my mind was in right now. The relief didn't last long.

_What if he didn't want me to be part of his life? Was he happier with me as just some stranger in his head? Did he even want me here? _Bella's thoughts sounded so down trodden and heart broken that it was all I could do not to grab her and crush her to me. But I couldn't. Not in a room full of humans anyway, and not in the middle of lesson.

I settled for her hand as I grasped it gently in mine, all thoughts of family and strange feelings lost as I saw her trying not to cry. I knew Bella well enough to know when she is overcome with emotion. She was chewing her bottom lip as it trembled slightly, her hand shaking in mine and her hair falling between us like a curtain. She had always hated people seeing her cry after being bullied in school.

_He didn't want me here, he's hiding from me just like he did before _She thought sadly, not caring that I was listening at all.

I tried to tell her that I wanted her here more than anything and that she was the single more important person to me, but she was as stubborn as ever. She wanted to know why I was blocking her, if it was her fault, what she had done...

She wouldn't listen and I was seriously contemplating gagging her mentally to let me talk. When she finally gave me time to reply she shot my responce down instantly, claiming that she could handle anything I threw at her.

I knew she was strong mentally and physically, and maybe even emotionally. But she had been through so much so recently, and she told me that I was the only thing that kept her sane. If I do tell her and she freaks out, I'm not the only one that would suffer. But my biggest fear... I didn't want Bella to reject me. Stupid and childish... yes, but I couldn't help it.

I couldn't understand how she felt guilty about me shielding my thoughts from her when she should have been angry. I stood when the bell rang loudly and most of the other students left, Bella taking a little more time before she stood and grabbed her bag. I kept her hand in mind all the time but she showed no notice of it, and I feared that I had hurt her even worse with my blase explanation.

Her face held none of the happiness I had come to love, only despair and sadness. She didn't acknowledge my gaze on her as she stared at the tiled floor, making our way out to my family in the car park. They were getting impatient already, used to us walking at a fat human pace as soon as school is over.

The small hallways were cramped with students, all eager to leave school and go home or where ever they all go. I found, like I always have with Bella, that other peoples thoughts seemed quieter when she was there.

I ignored the children bustling around us as I heard Bella's small sigh, tugging on her arm before I pulled her to one side, standing in front of her to she didn't get shoved around.

"Bella, please, you're my best friend. You know I would never to anything to hurt you, not unless I didn't have a choice" I implored, my heart aching once I realised that she might not believe me. The amount of children suddenly increased, and I was forced to move even closer to the wall and Bella, our faces inches apart as I pressed against her.

"We always have a choice" She whispered, her eyes showing her hurt.

"Not always Bella, sometimes.... sometimes things happen that you can't control and everything gets so much more complicated.." I stopped trying to explain, taking a deep breath and trying to think of a way to explain this but coming up empty.

Bella simply told me that she had no idea what I was talking about and I couldn't help the hurt that flashed through me and the thought that popped into my mind. I lowered my face to the floor for a moment, not wanting her to see the pain etched there.

_Of course you wouldn't... _I cursed myself for letting it slip through, my own voice sounding so sad and.... a little bitter. I looked her in the eyes again, her huge eyes already boring into mine. I searched for the emotions I had and was confused at what I found.

"What is it Edward?" She out her her hand against my cheek and I couldn't help the tiny sigh that escaped me, her hand instantly spreading warmth through my entire body as it felt like I was humming with energy.

This was Bella. Even if I didn't tell her, she would always care about me, she would always be there for me. I would never loose Bella.

I smiled at the realisation, letting that logic soothe my worries. "How about we do a deal? I don't mope about it, if you don't mope about it?" I asked her, a little unsure of what her answer would be.

"Edward... if its got you this worried maybe we should talk about it..." She looked truly worried, and I felt my mind rush to conclusions but I pushed them aside.

_I've never 'seen' Edward like this. He's always so calm, so laid back. What could have changed all that? _

Her. Bella. She had changed all that. I felt so... alive with her here.

"Bella, I'll be fine. It'll probably pass soon anyway" I lied a little as I pulled away, glad to find that only a few students were still milling around as I took her hand in mine and walked with her towards the car park.

And just like that, everything was back to normal. We teased each other, we messed around, we joked. We could have had the most life changing conversation and yet nothing ever changes for us. It gave me hope that we could be strong enough to survive what is bound to be heading our way. I wasn't sure I could not show these emotions with her here now.

My family kept their thoughts silent as we walked towards them, teasingly threatening to hunt her down if she ever cut her hair. It was beautiful, and I knew she loved it too but she got annoyed. She claimed her hair only 'worked' in the summer when there was little wind.

Of course she teased me back, having watched my version of combing my hair so many time to realise that I don't bother. After all, it's not like I ever get 'sleep hair'.

_Take your time, don't worry about us _I heard Rosalie's annoyed voice break through the various methods they had managed to learn after these decades to block me. But not even Rosalie's snappy voice could make me angry today.

Bella seemed to know where I was looking and I peeked at her, only to find her frowning in an amused sort of way. My family stared right back, something they had never done before. People staring at us was a normal thing, but to stare back would scare them, their natural instincts kicking in.

Not Bella.

_For people who have forever, they don't like waiting do they? _I couldn't help but chuckle as she smirked, totally agreeing.

Once I announced that I wasn't even driving with them, they all got annoyed. Well, Emmett and Rose were mostly annoyed. Emmett was rather curious and excited to find out some 'dirty secrets' about me. Alice was terrified that she had no idea what was going to happen and Jasper simply stared at the two of us as he guarded his thoughts from me.

I threw him the keys, hoping to make his mental wall faulter but still met silence. I quickly snatched the key from Bella's open palm, unable to miss a chance to tease her. It was hard not to be myself around her, and so I gave in. I stopped moving as a human speed and being detached. There were no humans around here now.

My family were not impressed but thought that Bella didn't even notice so they let it go.

I was smug as I insulted her 'baby'. I liked the car, it was fast but not too fast, and it was safe and practical. That was why I suggested it for her. I just wished it wasn't orange, still a car is a car, even if it was an ugly colour. I could always sneak it away and get it sprayed a different colour.

I wanted to drive it, simply because I wanted as much time with her as possible, and I wouldn't be distracted by the road. But Bella won, saying I drove like a maniac and did have a good point that her father was the Police Chief, and where as we can get away with it by dazzling, it was Bella's first day here and I didn't want her to get into trouble.

I gave her back the keys and slid into the car, ignoring the calls and threats from my family as they drove past us, Alice already on the phone and talking to Carlisle.

Grabbing her hand and trying to soothe the worried frown that was now on her face, she pulled out and into the road.

She knew the road to my house after seeing me drive it so many times before, and I kept quiet knowing this was going to be slightly scary for her and she would need to collect her thoughts. I smiled gently once I received a small thank you for it.

A huge smile broke out on her face as she pulled up and killed the engine, looking up at the huge mansion-like house we called home.

_I could never understand how Esme could build all of this herself _Her voice was rather awed as her eyes grew even wider.

_She's amazing like that _I told her, as she opened the door as I did.

I sent a worried glance to the front door, where Esme was stood listening to us.

_I thought it was another one of Emmett's pranks or something! He's found a girl! Oh my! I bet she's wonderful!_

"It's still beautiful" Bella sighed, and I smirked as I heard Esme squeal a little at hearing Bella's voice and a compliment about the house.

I grabbed her hand once more, just needing the contact and loving the warmth and emotions this girl brings out in me.

I told her who was there, that Carlislewas at work in an effort not to scare her and make her more comfortable. She was just worried about inconvieniancing Carlisle, knowing as well as I did how seriously he took his job. We walked up the porch steps and I kept up the talking, trying to calm her down and distract her.

It worked. When I opened the door she did seem a little reluctant, but a small tug from me and she was inside and I was shutting the door behind her.

_They're here! _I heard Esme's thought a moment before she spoke out loud. I turned and stood next to Bella, squeezing her hand slightly as she watched Esme apprehensively, trying to gauge her reaction. I watched as Esme's eyes found our entwined hands, the mental calm she had forced herself into for my benefit broke instantly.

Needless to say she was ecstatic.

_Oh my! Edward she's beautiful! You'd be perfect for each other! I don't care if she's human, I can see how happy you are! _I was used to this, but Bella was not. I saw her wince slightly as her eyes widened and that beautiful blush filled her cheeks and she lowered her head in embarrassment.

That was mortifying. I now know how humans can complain when their parents bring out the baby photo's. Thankfully we have none or Esme would no doubt be flashing those too. I tried to soothe Bella while trying to tell Esme to stop it but she wouldn't.

I saw me in a tux in a church, Bella walking down the isle in a long white dress. Then I saw us both in the living room saying our vows.

Oh good God. She's planning our wedding. Please someone just shoot me now.

I tried not to be hurt when the idea of being married to be amused Bella but I got sidetracked with the arrival of everyone else on the scene. We had made it no further than the door mat and they had all been standing in the living room listening. Obviously, they were wondering what the silence was about.

I was shocked to see Bella grinning at Esme's thoughts, but simply sighed. Esme was in her own little world, totally oblivious to the torture she was putting me through.

_Bella, go get a drink _I told her as I frowned at Esme, pushing her in the direction of the kitchen.

She obeyed with a small 'Okay', and I waited for a moment as I heard her footsteps and the fridge opening before turning back and facing a rather dreamy looking Esme.

"Oh Edward I'm so happy for you! She's beautiful! It doesn't matter that she's human!" Esme squealed as she flung herself at me and hugged me tightly. I didn't want to burst her bubble, knowing how much she worried about me being lonely all the time. Emmett... well he, Rose and Jazz had a running bet to see if I was gay.

Only Jazz bet in favour of me being straight.

_Take a Fanta, they won't get used otherwise _I thought distractedly as she puzzled over what to choose. I totally closed my mind, feeling guilty for doing so but knowing that it was necessary. Prying Esme from me I took a deep breath, choosing to ignore my family staring at me from behind her shoulder.

"Esme... it's not like that" I mouthed the words, sounding sad even to me. Is that what I wanted? Me and Bella? Together? I thought it would be impossible to get even closer to her, but being together....

"Really?" Jasper quirked an eye brow _That's not what I was getting from you during class or outside _He added, thankfully saying it in his mind and not out loud, saving my already shattered pride as I stood in the foyer talking about a girl in front of my entire family while she was in the kitchen.

"Really? But you two...." Esme looked at me imploringly, almost begging me to take it back. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't.

I saw images of children, a choking sound gaining all of our attention, but I was slightly distracted by the sudden knowledge that these were supposed to be our children. Mine and Bella's children.

"Esme... stop" I begged her, knowing that Bella could hear everything. This was getting worse and worse. Talk about coming home to meet the parents... this was a nightmare.

I sighed in resignation as I opened my mind back up again, having to control my thoughts as I ran to the kitchen, smirking when I found Bella in near hysterics as she leaned against the counter, tears running down her cheeks as the bottle of Fanta stood beside her.

"What, may I ask, is so funny Bella?" I asked, but even her mind was filled with laughter. Her eyes were clasped tightly shut as her body shook with her attempts to 'control' her laughter.

She managed some choked up response in her mind, and I had to laugh when she called me infertile. I was a vampire, I couldn't have children, but putting like that...

She slid down the cupboards and sat on the floor as she laughed even harder at her own wording. Her laughter coming silent now as she rocked slightly. Only Bella could have a hysterical giggle fit in the home of seven vampires.

Speaking of which, they were all listening, their thoughts filled with confusion as to what was so funny. Because to them, nothing had happened to be amused by.

I couldn't help but laugh as I picked her up and held her for a moment to make sure she wouldn't fall. Bella and gravity seemed to be at war with each other all the time, gravity always winning.

She made an effort to control herself and calmed down a little, managing to stop laughing, but she smile was unwavering. I looked at her for a moment, actually really looked at her.

Her long brown curly hair, her huge chocolate brown eyes, her button nose and her full lips. Her small body and thin waist made me concerned but I knew that she had been through a lot and things were bound to take its toll on her physically as well as mentally and emotionally.

She was beautiful, there was no question about it. Inside and out, Bella was a beautiful person. I could hunt to the ends of the earth and never find another like her. No-one could ever mean to much to me as she did. I would give up everything just to hold her hand or hug her to me.

I needed her like humans needed air. I needed her to survive, to function, to... exist. She was my world.

She was my love.

* * *

**Okay, I didn't want to repeat everything, but I had to. I hope I did this alright... :)  
I like Edward in this one... he's just... different.  
:) REVIEW!!!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer  
****I hate these! I am in denial! Why can't I own Twilight and not Stephenie Meyer? :(**

**Do I Know You?**

**Previously....**

Her long brown curly hair, her huge chocolate brown eyes, her button nose and her full lips. Her small body and thin waist made me concerned but I knew that she had been through a lot and things were bound to take its toll on her physically as well as mentally and emotionally.

She was beautiful, there was no question about it. Inside and out, Bella was a beautiful person. I could hunt to the ends of the earth and never find another like her. No-one could ever mean to much to me as she did. I would give up everything just to hold her hand or hug her to me.

I needed her like humans needed air. I needed her to survive, to function, to... exist. She was my world.

She was my love.

**Now....**

**Bella's POV **

Waking up in Edward's room could possibly be the most bizarre thing I have ever done.

I honestly thought that we had done a body swap and that I was in his body and he was in mine. Until Edward walked in of course and laughed at me, all the events of the previous day flooding back into my mind.

Oh. I was at Edward's house. Wow, I was at Edward's house. Edward.

"Come on lazy bones" He chuckled, sitting on the end of the sofa as I sat up and rubbed my eyes free from the sleep.

_So yesterday really happened? _I questioned as I stretched and yawned, wanting nothing more than to never move from the godly sofa. Like a cloud...

_Yes it happened _His mental voice laughed at me _and you'll have to get up _

Why did he sound guilty?

_Alice has given you two more minutes before she drags you out of bed herself _He shot me an apologetic look _In their defence they were going crazy all night wanting to talk to you _He nodded.

"Fine. I'm getting up now!" I raised my voice slightly intending the last part for Alice as I rolled my eyes.

_Can I use your shower? _I asked, looking at the door I knew housed a lovely pristine bathroom.

_Sure, oh and... well Alice went late night shopping and... got you some clothes _He gulped as I glared at him.

"What?!" I screeched rather in a unlady-like way.

"Well..." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, knowing how much I hated when people did this. I am not a charity case!

_She didn't mean it like that Bella, honestly. But you know how Alice is. She saw that you would need clothes and took advantage of the situation _He defended his sister and I sighed in defeat, knowing better than to argue with Alice or Edward. I simply bit my tongue and cringed as I _saw _the amount of clothes she bought. An entire new wardrobe.

"Stupid rich vampires" I grumbled as I stood up and walked over to the bathroom, looking back and finding Edward staring at me again. Rolling my eyes and smirking I shut the door behind me and locked it. Yeah, locking it was pointless but it was a habit.

I took care of Edward's shirt, folding it and laying it on the counter before stripping completely, as usual, avoiding looking at myself.

_"Please Edward! Please please!" _I heard Alice begging Edward through his mind as I scrubbed my hair with shampoo. It was Edward but... eh.

_What does she want? _I asked him as I rinsed my hair and staring at the white tiles of the wall in front of me.

_To take you shopping _He laughed freely in his mind, and I could just picture the smug smirk on his face.

_No No No No No No _I chanted in my head, threatening him with everything I could think of, decapitation, fire, food, drink, watching the Tweenies -a show he abores- listening to some of my music -only the ones he hates of course.

_"Sorry Alice but I am not willing to watch Fizz, Milo, Jake and Bella prance around with their oversized feet and heads" _He replied before walking away and leaving everyone confused. I couldn't help but laugh, remembering how angry and frustrated he used to get when I watched Tweenies for hours. Mainly because there was someone called Bella though.

I got out of the shower with a towel wrapped around me, wondering what I was going to get myself into when I go downstairs. But it was when I walked into Edward's room that it began. Alice was waiting for me.

"Please let me take you shopping" She begged as I stood there wide eyed and holding my towel even tighter to my body. Could she not wait until I'm not naked except for a thin piece of fluff?

"No. I hate shopping" I told her as I went to grab the pile of clothes I wore yesterday.

"Don't be silly Bella, Edward told you I bought you clothes" She tutted and I turned to find her dangling three clothes hangers on her finger as she pouted at me.

"And" She accentuated the word "I saw you needing some new clothes anyway" She turned on the 'Alice charm' that I had seen so many times through Edward. I always found it amazing how whenever he saw that face his mind would totally break down his resolve until he gave in to what ever she wanted.

"Yeah, but not now" Okay, that was a lie, but I hated shopping. Only in dyer times would I ever shop.

"Please?" She begged as I took the hangers from her extended hand, and I could actually here my own resolve melting the longer I looked at her. Damn her and her pixie magic!

"I'll think about it" I mumbled, heading back to the bathroom as I heard a squeal. Closing the door with a heavy sigh and wondering how horrendous shopping with Alice would be. No doubt I would get blisters, she would allow fifteen minutes for food and drink before dragging me off again. I bet she would force me to go into shops like Victoria's Secret. I shivered at the very thought.

_"Honestly Alice you were lucky to get her accept the clothes" _I heard Edward laugh as she pouted in confusion and annoyance.

_"But why?!" _She demanded as Jasper wrapped an arm around her shoulders, coming to sit next to her on the sofa's the others were congregated on.

_"Bella has never had the money we have. She has been brought up to work for what she wants, not being given it. I think the term she used was 'Charity Case'" _He shook his head sadly but I rolled my eyes.

_Glad someone understands_ I remarked as I tugged on the jeans and fastened them. They were a little tight for my liking but Alice would be Alice and I knew if I said anything she would make me trade a new pair for shopping. It was safer to accept it.

"_I guess that makes sense" _Alice conceded as the others laughed at her.

I smiled and rolled my eyes again as I pulled on the shirt and jacket, leaving the hangers on the counter as I stepped out of the bathroom, towel still wrapped tightly around my hair. After taking my phone out of my trouser pocket, dumping them on the floor again afterwards, I realised that it was already half last ten in the morning. Charlie will be going crazy. I'll have to call him at some point.

_Edward! _I screeched in my mind, not a moment later he appeared in a blur in front of me, smirking down at me. Curse his height!

_Do you have a toothbrush and a hairbrush I could use? Please? _I stuck my bottom lip out as I pleaded with my eyes, watching as he shook his head and blurred away for a moment. A second later he was back and handed me a toothbrush and a hairbrush.

_How do I know that this hasn't been used before? _I tapped the toothbrush against the palm of my hand, watching Edward critically. I was no stranger to the pranks and jokes they played on each other and I certainly didn't want to be on the receiving end of any of them.

"A little trust Bella" He smirked, turning me around and pushing me back to the bathroom.

I liked his bathroom. It was big, light, tiled yet somehow not cold at all. Everything looked expensive from the glass shower to the ornate bath tub and sink. I wouldn't be surprised if the towels had been hand crafted by the finest craftsmen in the world. Just to be sure I checked the label, sighing a little disappointed when I read -100% Egyptian Cotton. A girl could wish.

I brushed my teeth after staring at the toothbrush for a full minute, trying to find some sign of previous use or potential traps and finding none. After I was minty fresh I left the toothbrush on the sink, not knowing where to put it.

Drying and brushing my hair was another story all together. Yes I loved my hair, but it took forever to do anything with! My arms actually started to ache after a while of rubbing my hair, and I just gave up and tried to brush it. It always took a while to get the knocks out I made from trying to dry it.

_Jesus Bella you're going to rip your head off _I heard Edward mentally cringe from his bedroom as I dragged the brush through my hair again.

_Not everyone can just run their hand through their hair and be satisfied you know _I shot back.

_I told you it would be better for me to be bald _I groaned in my head as I found a particularly unforgiving knot, pulling so hard that my eyes actually staring to water.

It took a while but I breathed a sigh of relief when it was over. My scalp stung a little and I wiped my eyes and sniffed away the pain tears, finding Edward leaning on the door frame with a sly smirk on his face.

"Honestly Bella, how can someone take so long brushing hair?" He asked, comically rolling his eyes and walking over to me and taking the brush from my hand, showing it to me.

"By the end of it you will be bald" He chuckled as I saw the brush covered in my hair. Maybe being bald wouldn't be a bad thing after all, I could wear hats and stuff to keep warm.

"Bella you are not going bald" He laughed, popping my little fantasy world bubble as he pulled me out of the bathroom.

"Edward... strange but serious question" I told him as we walked out of his room and into the hallway. I knew my way around this house anyway, but it was nice to finally see everything for myself. Edward's vision is still way better than mine though...

"Aren't all your questions strange but serious?" He laughed as I tried to shove him but failed.

"You know vampires..." He gasped a 'No!' but I sent him a patronizing smirk "If you were bald when you're human and then you get turned into a vampire would you stay bald or grow hair? 'Cos vampires are supposed to be attractive and bald people just have shiny heads" I watched the various pieces of artwork pass as we walked down the stairs, wondering what they all meant.

"Honestly Bella I have never seen a bald vampire so... I don't know" When I looked at him he looked truly curious. He was used to this by now though. I had asked him loads of these kind of questions. What would happen if you bit a rabbit? Can you get vampire OAP's? What about if you're pregnant?

My stomach grumbled, sounding more like an old man than part of my anatomy and I frowned at my stomach as Edward laughed.

"Shut up. I don't laugh when you get hungry do I?" I poked my tongue out at him as he continued to chuckle. Edward had always been careful not to get too thirsty. Once he left it for a while, and I started to feel it too. I have never drank so much water in my life, but the thirst didn't go away. Not only that, I started to get angry and snappy at anyone and everyone.

I was not a very nice person for those few days. Edward finally realised it was him doing it when I had the urge to pounce on a teacher. He went hunting immediately.

"I wonder what would have happened if I didn't" He mused, looking down at me.

"I would have probably gnawed at her neck for a while" I laughed at the mental image of me pouncing at little old Mrs Green, my music teacher.

"What the hell are you two talking about?" Jasper frowned at us but a small smile was creeping up his lips as he walked out of his and Alice's bedroom.

"Well... you know that we feel each others emotions if they are strong enough?" Edward reminded him and Jasper nodded "Well one time I got a bit thirsty and... Bella did too" He laughed a little at the end and I huffed. It was not funny! But Jasper joined in, and I swore I heard other laughter too.

"Sorry... but you... growling at someone and..." Jasper laughed at me and I clicked my tongue in annoyance at being laughed at.

"It's not funny! I couldn't help it!" I crossed my arms over my chest, drumming my fingers on my forearm, waiting for them to get over it.

After a few seconds I simply sighed before continuing down the hallway and down the second set of stairs, listening as their laughter got quieter and quieter as I reached the floor, turning and walking into the kitchen.

_When you're finished... _I glowered at the ceiling for a moment before continuing into the kitchen.

"Hey Esme" I smiled as I sat down on one of the bar stools in front of the island in the middle of the kitchen, yawning and blocking out the laughter that was echoing around in my head.

"Good morning Bella" She smiled and I was glad that someone I saw as a Mum had accepted me so freely. I glared in the direction of the stairs as I heard the laughter get louder as the two walked down them.

"Ignore them Bella. It was Edward's fault anyway" She grinned as she turned, and I realised she was washing pots. I don't know why. They don't use any.

"Forgive me Bella... but this is rather..." She turned, wiping her hands on a kitchen towel as she searched for a word.

"Bizarre?" I smiled wryly as she nodded.

"Don't worry about it. You had no idea who I was until yesterday, and I come in and say I've known you all my life... it's bound to be a little... strange" I explained as she nodded seriously, coming to sit opposite me on the other side of the island.

"Not that we don't love you anyway. I mean, you just... accepted us for what we are, you've fitted into this family like you've been here all your life, and I suppose you have. Besides... I've never seen Edward so happy as he has been these past seventeen years" She smiled widely, a smile I had seen when she listened to Edward play piano, or on Christmas when she sees someone get a present they really like.

"I didn't just accept you, I've had seventeen years to get used to the idea. But... I've watched you for seventeen years, I've seen arguments, fights, pranks, all the sentimental moments" I bit my lip as I wondered if I should continue, but I didn't want to scare her away.

I felt like I was part of the family, I have been there for as long as I can remember. But the fact is that I might be an unwanted family member. Besides, I can't just invite myself into a family. They don't even know me, no matter how I knew them.

_She won't mind Bella, she already thinks of you as a daughter _Edward prompted in my mind, choosing to give Esme and I some time to talk in 'private' while the others sit in the living room.

"I hope you didn't see some of the things they got up to" He gave me a measured smile and I nodded, remembering the pranks, the broken walls and holes in the ceilings from the dares and games.

"Well, I hope their antics didn't rub off on you when you were growing up" She quirked an eyebrow as I clicked my tongue and smiled guiltily.

"Remember when Emmett climbed the huge tree and pretended to be Tarzan?" I asked, watching as an expression of horror crossed her face.

"Yeah, I got stuck at the top. Though the view was quite good" I nodded, remembering how I could see for miles and miles.

"Oh God" She put her head in her hands.

"Don't worry about it, Edward was always there anyway, though sometimes I chose to ignore him" I thought back to all the times he told me that something would be dangerous and I would just do it anyway.

"Do you have any idea how many heart attacks you nearly put me through?" Edward blurred next to me and I simply smiled sarcastically on hearing and seeing his approach, rolling my eyes.

"Aw poor Edward" I patted his hand in fake comfort.

"What's it like to be the only human member of a vampire family?" Edward sent me a fakely serious look as I gaped at him, looking nervously at Esme as she stared at me with wide eyes.

_Edward what the hell are you doing?! _I yelled in my mind at him, watching him wince at the volume of my 'voice'.

_Relax _He rolled his eyes at me.

_No. I may be family to you but they don't know me Edward! Has it ever occurred to you that they might not want me in their family? They are vampires for Gods sake! _Okay, I realised that I was blowing this out of proportion. But I honestly thought of the Cullen's as my second family, and I wasn't ready or prepared to be told that they didn't want me.

_I'm a vampire too Bella, or have you forgotten? _He challenged, frowning at me and I glared at him.

_It's not the same thing and you know it! We were forced together! I bet if we met in real life we would never be friends simply because you're a vamp and I'm a human. Well they aren't forced to talk to me, they have a choice! They may not want a human walking around their house! Have you ever thought of that one?! _

I stood up abruptly but Edward grabbed the sleeve of the jacket Alice gave me and tugged me back.

_Bella, just listen! Calm down! _He urged, and I knew he was right. This was no subject to be getting all angry about but it was a sensitive one for me.

_No! Edward all I have is Charlie. That's it! I think of these people as my family and I don't want to wait and see if they yes or no! I can't! I'd rather live with the illusion that they think that same as me _I stared at him as my eyes filled with tears, watching his frown melt away into an understanding mask.

_Bella... I'm sorry, I didn't realise it meant so much to you _He blurred in front of me until I was being hugged fiercely, my heard turned into Edward's chest as he squeezed me tightly, my arms snaking around his waist and hugging him to me.

_I think my Mum was right, I'm menopausal _I laughed quietly in my mind, letting a small smile creep up on my face as he pulled away and looked me in the eye, wiping away the tears with his thumb as he watched me tenderly.

"That was the strangest thing I have ever seen" I turned as I heard Emmett, shocked to see the other Cullen's stood in the doorway watching the two of us with raised eyebrows. Damn it, I didn't even realise they were there!

"What was all that about?" Jasper hedged but Edward and I shared a look and Edward simply looked at him and shook his head.

I blushed a little when my stomach growled, not liking to be ignored when it is demanding to be fed. Edward simply pulled me back to the stool and pushed me down again. I avoided Esme's stare, not wanting to answer the question that I had left hanging.

"What do you want to eat?" Edward announced and I had to scoff, standing again.

"Edward, no offence, but I have seen your cooking skills and... I do want to live through the weekend" I laughed, forcing the previous subject to the back of my mind as the others snickered, walking in and sitting on the other bar stools against the island.

"What do you have?" I asked him, quirking an eyebrow.

"Er... bread, milk, Fanta" He smirked as I looked around the kitchen, spotting a toaster and smiling.

"Watch me hunt" I winked at him as I went to the cupboard above kettle and grabbed a loaf of unopened bread, knowing they wouldn't have any opened. I paused on the way to the toaster, sending an icy glare to Edward who was watching me with an amused expression. The expiration date was next week. It should be alright I suppose.

I tutted as I found the toaster, the plug still having its plastic cover on it since they've never plugged it in. Honestly, they pretend to be human, maybe they should actually cook food and then throw it away, at least then the kitchen would look more like a kitchen and less of a show home.

I popped the bread in and pushed down the little lever thing, walking over to the fridge and opening it, having to step back and hold my nose as the putrid stench was impossibly worse than yesterday.

"My God! What have you got in here?" I found the culprit in a pack of ham, the entire top being a sickly shade of green. I allowed a small sniff like we all do as if the visual isn't enough, gagging as I held it between my finger and thumb, walking to the bin and depositing it.

"That was gross" I told them all with a stern frown.

I made a little mental note to clean out the fridge at some point.

_Bella, honestly. You're our guest, you don't clean our fridge _Edward chuckled but I stopped in the middle of the kitchen on my way to the fridge.

_Well since I'm the only one who uses the thing it would only be fair wouldn't it? Besides, if you don't then everything else will go mouldy too _I explained as though it was the simplest thing in the world, making my way back to the fridge and grabbing a bottle of Fanta. I was glad this stuff wasn't out of date.

"Okay, I'm not going to ask what that was all about" Alice permitted but sent the two of us curious looks "But what is with all the Fanta?" Alice sighed, shaking her head.

"It's my favourite drink" I shrugged innocently as I carefully unscrewed the lid, glad it didn't fizz up everywhere.

An image popped into my mind of me when I was younger. I was stood in front of my Mum's bed, facing her wardrobe -which was open since she had gone shopping and was half way through putting all her new clothes away when she said she needed a drink- and cabinet as I opened a can of Cola. It exploded, going all over her bed, her new clothes, her old clothes, her cream carpet, the wooden wardrobe door and some even hit the ceiling.

But the worst effected? Me. I was covered from head to foot in Cola. I remember being momentarily shocked by how much such a small tin can could hold. But I was slightly distracted by my Mum walking in and screeching blue murder. I stay away from Cola and any drinks cans now.

"That was hilarious!" Edward laughed loudly and I glared at him as I took a sip of my drink.

"It was not! I got yelled at for hours because of that stupid can!" I exclaimed as he laughed, replaying the exploding again and again. Of course Edward had been there, he was there for everything.

I saw Carlisle frowning and looking between the two of us but I let Edward take this one when the toast popped. I got a plate from where I knew they would be and put the two slices on it before going to the cutlery draw and pulling out a knife.

_Be careful Bella _Edward warned and I looked at him incredulously before looking back at the small knife in my hand. I knew it was sharp but I wasn't five anymore.

_Please Edward, I can cut bread can't I? _I asked him, pointing the knife at him before cutting my bread.

"Now what was dangerous about that Cullen?" I challenged him as I dropped the knife into the bowl and went to stand next to him, eating my toast. I preferred it dry, not that they had any butter anyway.

"Bella, anything is a potential danger in your hands" He sang and I raised my eyebrows at him for a moment before shaking my head.

_I will treat that comment with the disdain it deserves _I sniffed before taking a bite out of the toast, noting the doubtful looks on the others faces. I remembered how horrid the smell is to them and hurried to open the back door.

"You don't have to do that Bella" Edward sighed sadly. It was little things like that he hated, me having to do something because of what he is.

"Yes I do" _This is your house Edward _I reminded him "Besides, I'd have to put up with it too" I cringed at the thought of having to smell it. It was actually the strangest thing. I would smell something that smelt wonderful to me, but I could also smell what it smelt like to Edward, absolutely horrible. Very weird.

_You're really lucky you know _I commented as I started on the third slice, earning a curious look from Edward.

_You can tell them, explain everything and they'll accept it. They don't think you're crazy anymore _I pointed out sadly.

_You could always tell Charlie _He spoke up, sounding so casual and normal I couldn't believe we were on the same wavelength. Just thinking about telling Charlie the truth had me choking. Literally.

The piece of toast I was eating was stuck and Edward had to hit my back as my eyes watered.

"Are you crazy?" I breathed, wiping my eyes after setting the plate on the marble counter behind me.

"What? It'd be alright" He shrugged.

"We are talking about the same Charlie right? The one who found it difficult to accept that fish wasn't a staple diet. My Charlie. My Dad, Charlie. He'd go mental, plus he would _shoot_ you. Or try to anyway" I continued, imagining Edward trying to convince Charlie while he shot at him. Not that that wouldn't be rather amusing but it might send Charlie into cardiac arrest.

"He's stronger than you think" Edward sang upon hearing my thoughts.

"Oh, and I suppose you're going to tell me you know more about my own Dad than I do?" I quirked an eyebrow as he smirked.

"Nope, I know just about the same as you actually" He chuckled and I shook my head, rolling my eyes.

"Whatever, the point is telling Charlie is out of the question. He would either try to shoot me, try to shoot you, send me to a mental institution, or have one of several deadly attacks to his health. Now I am not particularly keen on any of those options so..." I picked up my toast, the conversation closed and pointless anyway.

"He has a right to know Bells" He used the nickname Charlie uses when he's feeling sentimental and he knew it made me melt.

"I know" I sighed sadly "And it would be nice to convince him that I'm not crazy but... he's not as open minded as them" I pointed to the other Cullen's who seemed thankful that we were finally speaking out loud as were listening with curious faces.

"He's a basic knowledge guy, he only accepts and believes the believable. Anything else, vampires, werewolves, mind reading and physic visions are included in the unbelievable category" I quirked an eyebrow, taking a breath to let him reply and to actually eat my breakfast.

"I know, but... if we showed him, convinced him, then he'd be forced to accept it" Edward grinned smugly as I looked at him expectantly.

"Oh really? So, Mr I-Have-All-The-Answers, enlighten me. How do we convince Charlie without him actually seeing inside our heads? 'Cos you know Charlie. He'd just pass it off as acting or something" I kept my tone light and teasing but inside I was worried. I wanted my Dad to know, keeping him in the dark about this felt wrong, it always had. But Edward was _here, _so were his family, and how could I explain the fact that I knew them all instantly on my second day in Forks without telling him the truth?

"He's you Dad, right?" Jasper's question confused me and I turned to him frowning, wondering why he was challenging my parentage. Renee didn't have an affair... as far as I know. So... yeah Charlie is my Dad.

"Yeah..." He smiled a little, obviously sensing my confusion.

"Well he'll understand then, you're his daughter, that has to count for something" He nodded but Edward and I shared a worried look as I scuffed my foot on the floor awkwardly.

"Yeah well, Charlie and I don't really know each other and since I... well since I was hospitalised he doesn't really trust me at all. If I spouted all this about Edward being in my head, he'd just think I was suffering some post traumatic symptoms. Put it this way... I know more about, and am closer to Carlisle than my own Dad" I looked at my empty plate and busied myself with walking over to the sink and dunking it in the water, taking a moment to turn around and look back at them.

This morning and last night, it was easy to believe nothing had happened, that I had been here all my life. That Renee hadn't died, the Charlie and I were as close and a father and daughter should be. But now I couldn't. Maybe the Cullen's could keep away the depression I fell into, but what about when I'm at home?

I don't want the Cullen's to see me like that, it's not pretty at all. I just sit there blankly staring at what ever is in front of me. I don't talk, don't move except to breath and blink, and sometimes I cry. That's it. These little episodes only last about five hours at a time but... what if Charlie found me like that?

I'd have to avoid thinking about the accident, because that's how it always begins. I see something that reminds me of my Mum or what happened, and I'll just shut down. At the beginning it was so bad that I couldn't even look at a blue car without my mind and body locking down on me. Our car was blue... _was. _Before that bastard drove into us and destroyed it.

When it happens the only one that can get through to me is Edward, he usually snaps me out of it. But when it's really bad... it's like I'm not even there.

_Bella, they don't care about all that. They just want you happy and healthy _Edward broke through my scattered thoughts and I resurfaced, realising I was staring at the tiled floor of the Cullen kitchen. How long had I zoned out for this time?

_Yeah... but Edward, I totally freaked everyone out _I remembered the people at the orphanage that found me one time just laid in bed staring at the wall. Just thinking about any of the Cullen's seeing me to weak and broken repulsed me. I think I made a good impression yesterday, I don't want to ruin that.

_Just be yourself Bella, they understand. Their lives haven't been all honey and roses either you know _Edward's expensive looking trainers entered my vision as he stood in front of me. Looking up and knowing what I'd find and I was right. He was frowning, again.

_Yeah but compared to their lives mine is hunky dory _I thought back to when Edward was thinking about what happened to Esme and Rosalie. Their lives were horrible, loosing your mother to them must be nothing compared to what they went through.

"You think they actually think like that?" I could see the Cullen's shift over his shoulder, wondering what we were talking about no doubt. I simply shrugged, feeling rather childish as he watched me and waited for a voiced answer.

_You've been here for what... _He checked the watch on his wrist _nineteen and a half hours, give or take a few minutes. But they already love you Bells. Never, ever have they ever even considered having a human in here and then you come in and... Bella they love you _He smiled genuinely as I raised my head, glancing at them for a moment before looking back at Edward.

_But... their vampires _I smiled sadly at my lame argument, watching as Edward chuckled.

_And what am I then? The tooth fairy? _I had to laugh at the image of Edward in pink tights and a tutu, holding a starry glittery wand while spinning around.

"Thanks Bella, very flattering" He nudged me and I shrugged, happily letting the hard and tense atmosphere disappear with the subject change.

"I thought you were going to call Charlie anyway" He held out his palm and showed my phone in the middle, not a second later the little screen lit up as it vibrated in his hand. I simply rolled my eyes and took it from him.

"Go work in a circus!" I yelled as I walked out the open back door and sat on the bench on the sheltered patio area on the bench Esme had chased from Italy to get, laughter following me out.

I let out a heavy sigh, getting comfy before flipping it open and putting it to my ear, immediately pulling it away again when I heard Charlie basically yelling at me. Edward's voice was in my head as always but I apologized as I blocked him out, needing to be able to lie well enough to convince my Dad I was definately not staying at my physically linked best friend's -who happens to be a vampire- house.

_"Dad. Dad! Shut up! Calm down before you kill yourself!"_I ordered as the erratic voice calmed down a little only small mumblings coming through the receiver now.

"Dad I'm fine like I said I would be" I rolled my eyes, ready for the interrogation.

_"What did you do?"_ His voice was edgy, like he expected me to say some extreme sports or something.

"What did you expect me to do? Go bar crawling? We talked, I met the family, I went to sleep, I woke up, had breakfast and now your talking to me" My voice had its own defensive edge to it as I replied, wishing for a little more trust. Normal teens wouldn't get this from parents... then again normal teens would be going out partying so maybe they would.

_"Okay okay, sorry"_ As I expected, he was tired, it showed through his voice.

_"I'm just worried about you Bells"_ Oh no, he used the name _"I want you to be happy here, I want you to make friends and get good grades. But you're still my little girl I want to protect from all the bad guys out there"_

This. Was. Phenomenal.

Charlie was getting soppy on me and I was momentarily stunned. My Dad was as hard as nails, never showed any emotion at all. I guess loosing Renee had hit him harder than I originally thought.

_"I don't want to lose you too"_I almost missed his whispered plea but I did, and those seven little words had me crying once again. Damn Charlie and his emotional admittance.

"You won't Dad. I'm happy here, I've made friends, I can keep up in class and even if I can't I'll get someone to help me. I'll be fine Dad. I'm not going anywhere" I stared out across the back lawn at the gentle trickling stream running through the garden, falling just short of the forest that it backed onto.

_"I know... ignore me Bells"_ He laughed nervously, the deep atmosphere gone _"I'm just an old man getting sentimental"_

And there he was. He hid all the hurt and pain behind this joking mask, acting like everything was okay and shrugging it all off. God knows how he deals with everything when he is constantly suppressing it but it seems to work for him.

"You're not that old Dad, I know a few older people than you" I smirked, remembering how old the Cullen's are.

_"Yeah well, my grey is showing"_ He laughed a little as I chuckled with him, letting the dark subject slide for the moment.

_"So when are you coming home?"_ He pushed, and I felt a little guilty. My first night I collapsed on my bed, and my second night and spend at my friends house. I had hardly even spoken to Charlie since I got here.

"Well... when ever I guess" I bit my lip, not wanting to tell him that I wanted to spend more time with the Cullen's.

_"It'll have to be a little later I'm afraid. Billy's waiting for me outside to go fishing for a while, 'kay?"_ He actually asked, as if if I said no then he wouldn't go. Wow, he would give up fishing for me.

"Alright, just call me when you get back in" I cringed when I realised I sounded like a nosy parent but... eh. Our relationship wasn't exactly the norm anyway was it?

_"Sure thing. Love you"_ I expected him to whisper it, or his voice to break or something that would how me that he was still the same old Charlie. But he didn't. His voice was loud and clear, it didn't break once and I was slightly astounded by his show of emotions.

"Love you too Dad" I smiled when I said it, just acknowledging the fact that I had my Dad and that he loved me and I loved him made me feel a little warmer inside.

We both put the phone down but I took a moment to think.

I lost my Mum, but found something in my Dad that I never thought I would. I found someone who I can depend on, who can look after me, who wants to protect me and will do that fiercely. But then I found Edward and the Cullen's, knowing they are real and 'living' has certainly changed my life.

So I lose my Mum but find my best friend and family, and my Dad. As much as I would like to, if I could I know I would gladly swap back. Maybe in a few years I would have come to Fork's and lived with Charlie, and as such met the Cullen's. Then I would still have Mum. But right now, I'd give up everything just to have her back.

After quickly wiping my eyes and sniffing I got up, glancing one last time as the black depths of the forest of which I had been staring throughout the phone conversation before walking inside the warm house again, shivering once I realised how cold it was outside.

The kitchen was empty but the noise that filtered through to me was unmistakeably an argument and I couldn't help but smirk as I pocketed the phone and made my way through the dining room and towards the living room.

"No way! You cheat!" Emmett stood up, holding the controller high above his head childishly as Jasper glared at him.

"I do not cheat! I'm just better than you and you can't accept it" Jasper watched with a sly smile as Emmett threw the controller to the safety of the sofa before pouncing on him, resulting in a deafening 'crack' and two men fighting childishly on the floor.

_Hey Bells _Edward smirked at me from where the others stood, Rosalie and Alice shouting encouragement to their husbands while Carlisle and Esme just watched with mild amusement, probably not even going to try breaking them apart.

_Wanna game? _Edward walked towards the television and picked up a controller as I sent him a silent 'yes', walking forwards and taking the one from the sofa seat, both of us sitting down and ignoring the two fighting vampires that were rolling around on the floor, kicking and growling at each other.

"Hey!" Emmett suddenly was in front of the two of us, looking rather indignant as he pouted desperately.

"You leave it you lose it" I quirked an eyebrow as I quoted what he told Alice when he stole her Gucci purse. She didn't leave it, he stole it, not that she ever figured it out.

The others caught on and laughed lightly, but it took Em a moment as his eyes lit up and he laughed with us.

"You didn't miss a thing did you?" He mussed my hair as he sat down next to me, making me feel like a dwarf as I looked up at him.

"It's pretty hard to miss Alice screaming at you at the top of her lungs" I sent a smirk to a beaming Alice, obviously proud of her lung capacity.

"Go on then, let's see what you've got" He leaned back in the chair casually.

_Is he honestly challenging me on Halo? _I asked Edward disbelievingly, letting a cocky expression fall on my face.

_I think he is Bells _Edward chuckled beside me before unpausing the game, both of us falling silent as we played. Now I have never played against Edward, obviously since we had never met before yesterday, but I totally understand why no-one plays with him.

"Get out of my head!" I screeched after he shot my man for the second time.

"Get out of mine!" He yelled right back. I had already found and taken out two of his men, using his thoughts to find out their location and his game plan.

So, just for spite and my own protection, I used the ultimate defence.

"No! No! Stop it! Stop!" Edward paused the game as he glared at me but I just kept on smiling and humming along to the tune in my head.

"Sweet like chocolate..." The others laughed as Edward covered his face with his hands and groaned.

"Fine! I'll stay out of your head! Just stop singing that damn song" He pleaded with big round eyes. I sighed and stopped playing the song, whacking him on the arm a moment later, knowing it wouldn't hurt but he got the message all the same.

"What was that for?" He cried indignantly.

"Don't curse! You told me off for it.. so there!" I poked my tongue out at him as he rolled his eyes, both of us going back to the game. We stayed out of each others heads... well maybe I peeked a few times.... well a lot, but not all the time.

"Ha! In your face! Humans. Are. Better. Than Vampires" I sang as I killed his last man, earning some amused laughter from the others as they had taken seats on the sofas around the huge television.

"Really? Humans are better than vampires? I think not" Edward countered, throwing his controller to Jasper who had already called dibs on the next round. So childish.

"Er... yeah. Come on, I whoop your butt" I smiled cheekily as he raised en eyebrow. I could tell what was coming. To anyone else it would sound like we hated each other but it was all joking, or most of it anyway...

"Yeah right! You're all fragile and small" Edward pointed out, earning some frowns from the others.

"At least I'm not made of stone. And I am not small!" I screeched, hating my size and how people pointed it out. Maybe I'm in denial...

"Maybe not but you're just young and naive Bella. A child" He sat back in the chair and I was slightly offended, but didn't let it get to me. I know he didn't mean it, but I was a child to him. Still, no-one likes to be called a child.

"You're old enough to be my grandad! You're ancient" I crossed my arms over my chest stubbornly.

"Er.. are you guys okay? Do you want us to leave or..." We both ignored Emmett as we glared at each other, not a sound in the room. But I saw Edward's lip twitch and I felt mine do the same in response. Pretty soon we were both smiling and laughing, to the utter confusion of everyone else.

"How could I ever hate Eddie?" I laughed even harder when he tried to glare but failed as his laughter won out. Getting up and heading back to the kitchen quickly, still smiling I heard Edward's yell echo through the hallway.

"At least we don't need smelly food"

I quickly grabbed the half empty bottle of Fanta from the side and heading back to the living room.

"Well, I would rather have to eat and drink 'smelly food' than blood" I poked my tongue out at him as he nodded in agreement, looking rather sombre as I took a sip.

I silently berated myself for bringing up such a sensitive subject with him. Edward... well he didn't hate what he was, he just resented what he had to become in order to live. I had always thought him to caring and protective to be a vampire, someone who kills things.

_Edward... don't start _I warned him as his eyes became downcast, his mind full of regret and self disgust. Some times I really wish I could hit him.

_Look at it this way... if you weren't a vampire, I wouldn't have you as my friend _I pointed out, smiling hopefully but letting it slide when his stony expression didn't shift. His mind was once again shielded from me and I huffed in annoyance.

"Maybe it would have been better than way" His whisper was quiet, almost so quiet I didn't catch it, but I did.

I balked, shocked and offended that he would even think like that. If it wasn't for him I would be dead right now, I'd be... someone totally different. I didn't want to be anyone else, maybe some of the things that have happened but not who I am. How could he even say that?!

I stood hurriedly, letting my hurt show on my face as I walked towards the stairs, intending to go upstairs to get my clothes and car keys and going home. I hated when he got like this, all self hating. He puts the weight of the world on his shoulders and wonders why every things so hard.

"Bella... I didn't mean it like that" His arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me back to his chest but I twisted around and faced him angrily, his arms slipping back to his sides and his mind open once again.

_Really, well maybe you should say what you mean then _I glared at him as I turned around again but was once again held back.

_Please! It's... wouldn't your life have been better without me in your head? _I turned back as I saw the most heartbreaking expression on his face, totally and utter vulnerability.

"No, no it wouldn't. It doesn't matter anyway, what happened happened and we can't change it. You just have to accept that I've accepted this" I motioned to the house but knew he understood what I meant. He was by no means upset that I liked him, but he couldn't accept that I could accept him for him. If he couldn't, how could I?

_Please stay _He begged, literally begging me with his huge eyes but after years of being in his mind and on the receiving end of this pleading I had grown accustomed to it. But it still made me weaken a little.

_I have to get home, I want to make a good impression on Charlie. Besides, I haven't even had a chance to talk to him yet _I pointed out, thinking about heading home early and actually looking around the place, probably clean up too since Charlie was inept to do such things.

He blurred away for a moment and I waited patiently as I watched through his eyes, picking up my clothes, finding a bag and then arriving back at my side.

"Since when are you going?" Emmett stood up, clearly confused.

"This is so confusing. Can you give us a warning at least!" He whined and I smiled in apology as Edward dropped the keys into my palm.

"Can't you just let me drive? Please?" He begged but I walked towards the others with a smug smirk on my face.

"Madman" I called as an answer, watching the others laugh. They all drove stupidly fast, just because they can get away with it, have the money to buy the fact cars, and the fact that no matter what happened to them they could walk away perfectly fine. Stupid vampires.

"Aw... but you're fun" Emmett whined again as he blurred in front of me, hesitating for a moment before picking me up and squeezing me tightly. I sighed happily, glad that he liked me as I wrapped my arms around his neck and squeezed him back, though compared to his mine was a mere poke. Damn their strength!

"You'll come back right?" He set me back on my feet looking rather worried about the subject until I nodded dumbly.

One by one they hugged, even Jasper. The feeling that surged through me was amazing, the feeling of acceptance and love. It was a while since I had felt it, and never in such potency. Jasper kept sending me knowing smirks that I answered with an eye roll, thoroughly confusing everyone else but they let it go.

Esme was probably the hardest, probably because she told me that I was part of the family when she wrapped her arms around me. I managed to keep the tears away, but Edward of course knew, chanting _I told you so _in my head.

I was glad Alice had gotten over her fear of me, honestly seeing such a thing was beyond bizarre. But then she mentioned shopping again and I hurriedly told her I would think about it. To which she replied-

"You can't avoid it forever. Sooner or later you will give in"

She stopped glaring at me with her index finger at my chest when I told her she sounded like a cliche evil witch, much to the amusement of the others.

Well... all but one. Rosalie stuck to Emmett side and simply nodded which I returned, not particularly wanting to get anywhere near her if she wanted me dead. No thank you.

Edward and I walked in silence to my car, only stopping when we heard Emmett's 'ooo', turning curiously a moment before he appeared on the porch.

"You. Me. Halo!" He yelled even though I could hear him perfectly through Edward and I smirked.

"Prepare to get your ass whooped!" I yelled back, laughing gently as he scoffed, waving before going back inside.

Both Edward and I shared an understanding smirk before getting in the car, Edward frowning and sulking as I started it and drove back up the driveway.

"Hey, since when were you coming anyway?" I realised as I turned onto the main road that I had never said Edward was coming and that he had taken it upon himself to invite himself back to my home.

Edward simply shrugged, knowing I wouldn't complain anyway, smirking smugly when I turned my attention back to the road with an eye roll.

"Charlie's not home, and I still don't know if or what to tell him about you" I frowned as I parked in the driveway, getting out and locking the car with a little beep before tucking the keys into my pocket.

"He'll believe you Bells, and I'm sure he'll need some sort of explanation for your behaviour" He mused, raising an eyebrow as I glared at him. "Come on Bella, even I messed up at times and the others noticed something was going on" He explained, and I sighed in acceptance before turning and reaching up to the eve, glad when I met the cold metal of the key instead of some giant spider.

I opened the door with a click and walked inside, kicking my shoes off and leaving them at the side of the door before making my way to the kitchen, depositing the bag of clothes on the counter as I looked in the cupboards. I was astounded by how little Charlie had, and I idly wondered how much money he had squandered on pizza and take aways.

Edward stood watching me inspect the kitchen, leaning on the counter casually.

A soft beeping filled the kitchen and broke the silence as I walked over and checked the screen, a habit, before flipping it up and smiling.

"Hey Dad" I offered as a greeting, hearing a soft chuckle from him on the other end of the line.

_"Hey kid, just wanted to let you know I'm heading home now so..." _He trailed away, obviously not wanting to tell me to get my ass home. Maybe I should tell Charlie to yell at me or something for practice. He really was bad at the whole punishment thing.

"I'm already here Dad, I headed home early" I told him as I quietly asked Edward to move away from the tins cupboard so that I could check his stock.

_"Who's there?"_ Charlie's voice was slightly more edgy and I grimaced at my own mistake.

"Er... I brought a friend home for a while... is that alright?" I hesitated, standing from checking the cupboard and running a hand through my hair, a habit Edward had ingrained in me and he knew it from the smirk he was wearing. Either that or he was smug that he got what he wanted anyway. Charlie would know.

_"Sure"_Charlie was significantly more relaxed, and I could almost hear the smile in his voice. Yeah, little old anti-social Bella had a friend. Whoop-de-doo.

_"I'm pulling up now"_ And I heard the hum of the engine purring in the background before stopping totally. Oh God, he was here. And Edward was here. Would the fact that my friend was a boy make a difference to him? He did have a gun...

"Okay, see ya" I put the phone down quickly, looking worriedly at Edward and getting a little annoyed when he seemed totally at ease.

_It'll be alright Bella. Put it this way... even if he doesn't believe you, we could make a point of doing strange things around him to make him believe _Edward suggested, moving and sitting down on one of the dining chairs instead of directly in the hallway doorway.

I was slightly amazed by his cunning but my wonder and swe vanished as I heard the double thud of the door opening and closing, two more smaler thuds and gentle but heavy footfalls on the wooden floor.

Until, there stood in the doorway of the kitchen, was my Dad who was smiling broadly at me. You'd never guess I had only seen him yesterday.

Much to my shock, he crossed the kitchen in three strides and hugged me tightly as I hesitantly did the same. Me and Charlie had never shared thoughts or emotions like this, hugs always being awkward and distant.

"I'm fine Dad" I rolled my eyes, anticipating the question that was quickly becoming the three most hated words in the dictionary.

He did not answer, simply looking me squarely in the eye and searching for something for a moment before smiling and nodding.

"Dad... this is Edward. Edward Cullen" I pressed, motioning to Edward as Charlie turned, a little stunned obviously not seeing him previously. Edward stood too, both of them shaking hands and I rolled my eyes. Men would be men I suppose.

_Well... I expected a girl but the Cullen's are a good family. I'm just glad it's not that big one... I may have to put my foot down on that one. Hang on... didn't she used to have an old friend called Edward? An imaginary friend? _

I clicked my tongue in irritation upon hearing his thoughts, totally stuck as to how to explain all of this to him.

"It's a pleasure to meet you sir" Edward said politely as the two let each others hands go.

"Call me Charlie" He waved his hand lazily as he took of his thick green fishing jacket, flashing both Edward and I looks I couldn't decipher.

"So how did this happen then?" Charlie turned to the both of us who were stood on opposite ends of the kitchen, Edward looking like he had read the script to this over and over again while I was totally shitting myself.

"Bella and I have been friends for a long time Charlie, since we were both babies" Charlie missed the scoff I made behind his back as he frowned at Edward. Of course if Charlie was to know about our... connection, it didn't mean he had to know about vampires too. So, since Edward is supposed to be the same age as I am, we would have both been babies when it all began. He had to at least pretend to be human, Charlie isn't that stupid.

"Babies? Did you move from Phoenix?" Charlie was visibly flustered, eyeing Edward with piercing eyes.

"No, my family and I moved from Alaska a few years ago Charlie" Edward told him evenly, even his thoughts calm whilst mine were running a mile a minute like my heart.

But that little snippet of information peeked my interest. The reason I didn't know that the Cullen's were in Fork's was because of the fact that geographical location is useless when you think that the other is someone in your imagination. Neither mentioned it much, but Edward being a vampire knew where I was anyway, but last I had heard they were in Alaska. Of course I noticed when the house had changed and instead of snow there were loads of green trees.

But I never bothered to ask, because what ever it was would be lie anyway. Oh how stupid we were.

"Then... how?" Charlie turned back to me for answers but I was speechless. Edward, being my saviour once more, moved quickly to my side and took my hand in his. I cringed when Charlie stared at our hands for a moment but made no move to let the hand go.

_It'll be alright. He'll understand _He told he, even his thoughts were confident.

"Charlie... Bella and I have known each other all of our lives, but only met the other yesterday" Edward attempted to explain, squeezing my hand when Charlie started to slowly turn a light shade of pink. Please don't shoot him, please don't shoot him.

"I wasn't Bella's imaginary friend Charlie and she isn't crazy" He continued when it was obvious he wouldn't be responding any time soon.

"So... no... impossible... this... this Edward" He gasped at me and I nodded a little.

"Charlie.. if I may. My family also notice something... strange with me. But we explained everything to them yesterday" If anything Edward's comment made it worse. The light pink was quickly turning a deep red and spreading down his neck and up his forehead.

"I don't... so you can... can hear each other? In.. in your minds?" He choked out, slowly going and sitting down heavily on one of the dining chairs, rubbing his face with his hands tiredly.

"Yes but... it's more than that" I wanted to gag him, just shut him up. Charlie looked like his head was going to explode.

"You see Charlie, we can hear each others thoughts, we see what the others sees, smell what they smell... you understand?" Edward let my hand go, actually going and sitting down on a chair two from Charlie, smartly putting a chair between them.

"So... so.. you..." Charlie's voice broke and this felt wrong. Never should a strong man like Charlie sit there and cry.

"I saw it sir, I felt it" It was Edward's voice that broke this time as he bowed his head to the table solemnly.

I felt a little annoyed that they were speaking about me while I was still here, but the fact that they were speaking about the accident had me quiet. I hadn't heard Edward speak about it like this, only when he was comforting me or planning on hunting down and killing that young man who did it.

I realised with a horrified shock that Edward would have felt every ounce of pain I had. How could I have forgotten about that particular side of the connection? Poor Edward.

"I was there when Renee... when it happened" Edward's voice was a mere whisper as he kept his head down, his mind as quiet as his voice. Charlie however was staring at the top of his head with wide watery eyes, his face slowly returning to its normal colour.

"Why? Why are you telling me this?" Charlie gasped, reminding me of someone who had just been told they had a week to live.

"Because.. I know what it;s like for people to think you're crazy and I wanted to set things straight. Sir, finding Bella is a miracle in itself but having the chance and opportunity to prove to everyone and ourselves that we are not insane" He finally raised his head and look Charlie in the eye, and what ever expression Edward was wearing seemed to be having the desired effect.

Charlie looked absolutely torn, his eyes dancing between Edward and I as he let out a huge breath.

"This... this is not what I expected when I came home" He stood up letting out a nervous and strained chuckle, and I smiled in agreement.

"Is this true?" He looked at me with so much trust hanging on my reply and I took back what I previously said. Maybe he does trust me.

"Yeah, it is" I nodded, speaking quietly as he walked towards me, Edward twisting around in his seat to wink at me with a small smile on his lips. Stupid smart vampire!

"Bella, I never thought you were crazy" Charlie came to a stop in front of me, looking me in the eye sadly.

"I saw the way you looked at me sometimes Dad" I looked him in eye as a flash of guilt passed across his face.

"Well I'm honestly not sure if I believe all of this now" He told me, running a hand through his hair in such a familiar way that I wondered if it was Charlie who had gotten Edward into the habit.

"I know its a lot... and its not exactly normal but it's the truth. It does explain a lot of things too" I pointed out hopefully, relaxing when he nodded.

I opened my mouth to speak but I knock at the door had us both looking at it distracted. As soon as Charlie disappeared in the hallway Edward was at my side.

"It's Emmett, Jazz and Alice. They couldn't resist" He chuckled into my ear as I smiled hesitantly, remembering what my Dad had thought of Emmett earlier.

"Hey Chief. We just came to pick Edward up" Alice's sing-song voice danced through the hallway and we both smirked, rolling our eyes. I peeked into the hallway and watched a still rather flustered Charlie try to strong a coherent sentence together.

"Come on, we have to save him from himself" I whispered to Edward as I grabbed his hand and 'pulled' him down the hall, smiling at the Cullen's.

_I think this might be a little too much for him all at once _I sent a concerned glance at my Dad who seemed rather out of it at the moment.

_He's fine, it might take a while for him to accept it though _Edward squeezed my hand and looked at the others on the doorstep.

"Stop doing that! Not everyone can hear thoughts you know!" Emmett whined, making us all laugh and Charlie break out of his little trance.

"You... you know too?" That did not sound like my Dad at all. He was the Police Chief and he was stuttering around some 'kids', this had obviously knocked him out of whack.

"Yeah, they told us yesterday after school. It's some freaky shi-... stuff" Emmett seemed to remember who talking to as he suddenly changed his words, but I do believe he could have pulled out a gun and aimed it at me and he would have still been unaware.

"Yeah, you're telling me" Charlie scratched the back of his head, frowning deeply.

"You know we are here!" I yelled, much to the amusement of the others.

"Sorry Bells" Charlie sounded more like his old self as he turned and smiled apologetically at me.

_He's comforted by the idea of others in the same position as himself. Maybe we should introduce him to Esme and Carlisle _He mused with a small smile but I think he had a point. Of course Esme and Carlisle would have to think of some fake baby stories to tell him...

"Come on Eddie, you can talk to Bella any time you want" Emmett physically stepped inside and grabbed Edward, pulling him out of the door with a simple 'Sorry chief' as Edward huffed, Jasper and Alice laughing as they walked back to a huge jeep that was parked in front of Charlie's police cruiser.

We both stood there as they drove away, a moments silence before Charlie exhaled loudly, shutting the door with a small thud as he turned to look at me.

"Is life ever easy with you Bella?" His voice showed his tiredness but his eyes and small smile told me he was joking and I shrugged with a small smile of my own.

"Come on, I need to wrap my head around this" He flung an arm across my shoulders, heading into the living room and the both of us sitting down beside one another on the sofa. I watched Charlie anxiously as he stared at the blank television screen, clenching and unclenching his teeth, something I had seen him do when I was younger when he was thinking about something.

"Is all this true? I mean... I remember when you were younger and you told me about a Edward but... I never thought anything of it. Of course both... Renee and I noticed things about you, reactions and things that weren't normal. Was that why? Where you... er... talking to Edward?" He stuttered, his eyes never moving from the television screen.

"Yeah, but some of the times it was just things that his family did" I explained, jumping a little when Charlie suddenly turned to look at me with a deep frown.

"That's how I knew all the Cullen's Dad, how Edward was so comfortable with you. I see what he does, I see his family. I've seen them everyday of my life Dad just like Edward has seen you... and Mum. Of course it freaked them out when I told them" I smiled a little encouragingly, hoping to placate him by letting him know he wasn't alone in this big mess.

"How was he? With... the accident I mean" He frowned at me but waited for my answer.

I bowed my head, a little reluctant to reveal the extent of my problems but knowing he had a right to know.

With a deep sigh I lowered my eyes to the sofa as I spoke "If it weren't for Edward I wouldn't be here" I whispered, not wanting to see his reaction. No parent wants to hear that their child was suicidal.

"Every time he would talk me out of it, remind me of what I had instead of what I didn't. He helped me so much..." I shook my head disbelievingly, a little shocked to acknowledge that Edward had, literally saved my life even though we were in separate states.

"Is he there now?" He motioned to my head, looking a little scared and I smiled.

"We can't turn it off Dad, the most we can do is block each other but that only lasts if we concentrate, it isn't permanent. But don't worry, we've lived reasonably normally for the past seventeen years, we're used to each others lives. But right now..." I searched for his presence but found only a blank hum.

"He's giving me some privacy to speak with you" I told him, not really knowing if it was true or he was ignoring me again. Edward's behaviour seemed to erratic to me, his thoughts being normal one minute before they suddenly change and he blocks me before I can understand why. I knew he was hiding something, but I only hoped he told me before it drove me mad or us both apart.

"Wow..." he trailed off, flopping back in the chair and staring at me.

"Dad... this doesn't change anything. I mean... I'm still me, you're still my Dad, I'm still worried sick about exams" I chuckled nervously "I mean... this has always been there but now you know. Nothings going to change right?" I cringed, wondering if my Dad will start eyeing me cautiously every time I walk in the room or I'll wake up to find myself strapped to a bed in a padded room.

"Of course. I can't say I... understand or really accept it, but you're right. It explains a lot of questions, and it sounds like I owe Edward quite a lot. I can't promise anything Bells but I'll try my best" He smiled as I did, leaning back to sit next to him as he laid his arm across my shoulders and I leaned against his shoulder.

After a moment I grabbed the remote to the right and flicked the television on, turning onto sports despite Charlie insisting I watched something I wanted. I didn't really care that much so I left it. But it when I heard Charlie's stomach growling loudly that I got up, promising him a pizza.

After a rather short and rude conversation to the boy on the phone I sat back down with my Dad and tucked my feet up beside me. This was something I had never done before with my Dad, just... bond. I wasn't lieing when I said that I wads closer to Carlisle than I was to Charlie, but it seemed that after the accident he needs me like I need him.

I suppose I wasn't the only one it affected, knowing full well that Charlie still pined for my Mum even though she left years ago. Maybe it had pushed Charlie to make the most out of what he's got.

Charlie got up and paid the pizza delivery boy before sitting back down and laying the pizza box half on my knee and the other on his.

I was shocked.

By the end of the night I was munching on a cold piece of Meat Feats pizza, sitting on the edge of my seat and watching a game of baseball with Charlie, yelling at the screen when the referee gave the other team a foul that was so unjustified. Charlie had taken it upon himself to teach me the rules of baseball since I watched with a permanent confused expression.

"YES!" We both jumped up as our team came out victorious, the empty pizza box falling to the floor as we high fived each other and ignored the oily box that could stain the carpet and the various pieces of meat and cheese that were now scattered on the floor.

Never would I ever thought I would be doing such things with my Dad of all people. For once I was glad of my mental privacy, letting me have some time with my Dad so that I could actually get to know him. I found he wasn't as distant as he comes off as, you just need to push him and break the shell he wears. As you share on common interest -baseball- you're fine.

My Dad was actually a pretty cool guy.

The fact that my mind was my own made me actually forget about Edward and the entire mess of the connection we share, it even made me forget about my Mum. But I couldn't help but wonder how long it would last.

Because eventually it will all catch up with me, all the freedom from the nightmares and the images will come back to bite me in the ass. I just hope no-one sees when it does. Anyone seeing that would be absolutely mortifying, not to mention it would ruin the little charade I've managed to build for myself.

I've been able to come off as strong and independent, at least I hope I do. I don't want people to see my weaknesses, sick of being the one everyone has to care for and baby because of what has happened in my life.

It was about half eleven when we called it quits and went upstairs, both promising the other to clean up the mess of pizza grease, ham, cheese and bread crumbs the next day. But right now all the pizza had me feeling like an umpa lumpa but in a good way. I hugged my Dad goodnight before walking into my room and smiling happily as I let my body flop back onto the bed.

It was actually pretty pointless since I got up a moment later with a slight groan, kicking my shoes off before quickly stripping down to my underwear, opening my draws and pulling out some old pyjama's before turning back to my bed with a longing glance, not wasting any time as I climbed in and snuggled the quilt around me.

I had my Dad, I had Edward, I had the Cullen's and I had my sanity. I only wished my mother were here to see this, yet I couldn't help but think that the accident was the catalyst to everything that had happened since.

But I had safety, I had my family on both sides, I had friends, and most importantly I had hope that my life was going to get better.

* * *

**I don't know what to put... **

**REVIEW!!!!! Please?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer  
****I hate these! I am in denial! Why can't I own Twilight and not Stephenie Meyer? :(**

**Do I Know You?**

**Previously....**

_It was about half eleven when we called it quits and went upstairs, both promising the other to clean up the mess of pizza grease, ham, cheese and bread crumbs the next day. But right now all the pizza had me feeling like an umpa lumpa but in a good way. I hugged my Dad goodnight before walking into my room and smiling happily as I let my body flop back onto the bed._

_It was actually pretty pointless since I got up a moment later with a slight groan, kicking my shoes off before quickly stripping down to my underwear, opening my draws and pulling out some old pyjama's before turning back to my bed with a longing glance, not wasting any time as I climbed in and snuggled the quilt around me._

_I had my Dad, I had Edward, I had the Cullen's and I had my sanity. I only wished my mother were here to see this, yet I couldn't help but think that the accident was the catalyst to everything that had happened since._

_But I had safety, I had my family on both sides, I had friends, and most importantly I had hope that my life was going to get better._

**Now....**

**Bella's POV **

Thanks to mine and Charlie's late night of watching baseball, both of us slept in and met in the kitchen, only grunting and using hand motions instead of talking. I guess I got my hate for mornings from my Dad's side.

We munched on toast in silence, both looking half dead with heavy lidded eyes and messy hair, neither had managed to reach for the hairbrush so early in the morning. It was a shock to the system when the flashing clock on the microwave read _11:28. _I trudged upstairs after dumping my plate in the sink, aware that Charlie was watching me carefully but not in the mood to call him out on it.

I quickly took a shower and washed my hair, getting out and finding myself more awake than before. My zombie faze had faded. Walking downstairs with a towel wrapped around my hair and in sweats and a baggy shirt, I almost ran into Charlie. I was shocked to find him dressed in his police uniform, looking a little more awake and a sad expression on his face.

"I got a call from the station, there's something they want me to check out" He told me with a deep sigh as I squashed myself against the wall to let him past me in the narrow hallway. A little saddened that we wouldn't be spending the day together like we had hoped, I nodded lightly with a small smile letting him know it was okay.

"I'll be home as soon as I can" He quickly kissed my cheek before he strode out the door, the dull thud seeming to echo in the empty house.

The silence was deafening. Edward was AWOL still and I had every intention of beating his brains out if he kept on ignoring me but I let it slide. I didn't want any fights or arguments. My father and I were alright, even closer than I had ever hoped. I had met the Cullen's, my long distance family. I was on a winning streak and I wasn't going to taint it by starting a fight.

So I settled on the sofa, curled my legs up beside me and took advantage of the quiet and alone time to watch television. It wasn't anything I couldn't have done anyway, but the fact I had no-one in my head made every difference. My thoughts were my own and no-one elses. It was nice, but I did miss Edward to share opinions with.

After watching the third episode of 'It's A Simple Life' and discovering that there was a marathon on the channel, I groaned loudly. I had no intention of watching this drivel for such a long time, only putting up with it now because it was amusing to see the two woman prance around and do the stupidest things.

In the end I got bored, rolling me eyes as they dragged a locked fridge across a courtyard to try to open in for some overweight campers. It was so stupid. I fetched my old Wuthering Heights book from my bed side table, retaking my place on the sofa and reading the book. Books are very addictive, and I found myself engrossed in its printed words and pages, so much so that I didn't even hear Edward's timely appearance in my mind.

_Bella?! Bella! Hello! _His voice rang in my ear, escalating from a dull hum in the back of my mind to a deafening roar in my ears. The book tumbled from my hands and to the floor as the noise made me jump, my shock immediately turning to annoyance as I swiped it back from the floor. I spared a glance at the crumbs that still lay on the carpet.

I'd clean it later.

_What, so you're talking to me again? Thank you _I let the venom and sarcasm leak into my voice as I turned the pages with a little more force than necessary since my place had been lost.

_Please don't be like that Bella _He didn't sound apologetic. If anything, he sounded annoyed and snappy. Well two can play at that game.

_Like what? Am I just some temporary distraction for you or something? When you get bored you go somewhere else? Because you sure as hell aren't the same as what you were before. If you don't want to be friends all you have to do is say the words _I snarled, getting myself riled up so much that I threw my book aside before I tore every page out in frustration.

Edward was silent once again and I glared at everything in front of me as I stormed into the kitchen and flung open the cupboard under the sink, grabbing a cloth and some carpet cleaner before kicking it closed and storming back into the room. I might as well take some anger and frustration out on the marks on the carpet.

It was a minute later that I found myself on my hands and knees, rubbing the carpet harshly, my damp hair falling out of the loose pony tail I put it up in. I could at least channel by excess anger into something productive.

_Can I come over? _Edward's voice startled my hand into stillness, not used to his new silences. His voice had adapted the apologetic tone I was getting used to, but he obviously wanted to talk about something.

_Not today _I sighed, carrying on my assault on the carpet, finding my anger decreased now that Edward had dropped the attitude.

_We'll talk tomorrow _I amended, hearing his mental sigh as a silent agreement. He faded once again, leaving me with nought but Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie to fill the silence left behind. It took half an hour but the dark stains on the carpet had gone, the crumbs in my palm as I stood and wiped my forehead with the back of my hand.

I replaced the cleaning products under the sink, dropping the crumbs into the bin and returning to my place on the sofa, picking up my book and continuing. This time it couldn't hold my attention at all.

Edward was hiding something, I knew it, his silence proved it. I told him everything, held nothing back but those that I feared would hurt him. But now he was hiding something from me, and though I knew he was protective of me and could be hiding it for my own good, it still hurt that he didn't think I would want to, or be able to handle what ever it was.

I found my gaze lingering on the word _then _as it had been for the past twenty minutes, shaking my head and trying to clear my mind. It did not work in the slightest. Taking a deep breath, marking my page and setting aside, I knew I had to do _something _other than sit here and mope.

I needed space and time to think in peace. So, without a moments hesitation or doubt, I walked into the hallway and slipped on my trainers, not bothering to change. I was in scraggy clothes but no-one was going to see me anyway. Making my way through the hallway and into the kitchen, I quickly scrawled a note in case Charlie came back early and freaked out.

Then I unlocked the back door, stepped out and then shut it behind me. Damn, it was colder than I had originally thought. I didn't let that deter me though.

Stuffing my hands deep in my pockets and hunching slightly so that my chin disappeared beneath the collar of my jacket, the cold quickly seeping through the thin jacket and making the material of the jacket frigid to the touch. Still, I walked down the garden path that looked to have been seriously neglacted and squeezed through the broken gate that was almost over run with a blueberry bush. I had cleared the way when I was younger, having come here for a few weeks and having nothing better to do than go exploring the forest.

Of course, Edward hadn't moved here yet so I wouldn't have met him anyway.

I knew my way around the forest, glad to find that the only things that had changed since the seven years away had been the extra moss and loss of leaves. I always came here in the summer, the trees were full of colourful leaves and the ground was covered in beautiful flowers. But now the ground was frozen and glistening with frost, leaves lay on the ground and the branches stood bare.

I remembered a little place I used to go to, immediately heading in the rough direction, my hands resting on familiar tree trunks as I slowly made my way between them. My knowledge of the forest helped me greatly, letting me dodge rabbit burrows and step over tree roots. Things happen so slowly in forests, hardly anything changes.

I found my old thinking place after ten minutes, a small smile lifting my lips as I realised that this too had not changed in the slightest. A large clearing, nothing in its centre but leaves, all around stood tall trees, protecting the open area from rain and snow. But at one side lay a fallen tree, it's roots still standing by the side and looking like the tree had been savagely torn apart by some creature.

Feeling a little strange, like I was going back in time. I almost expected to see myself appear on the log, a deep frown in place as I thought. I smiled a little at how much things used to worry me. I had prayed for Mum and Dad to get back together, for us to be a family again, but of course, my wish never came true. Now that seemed so childish.

Now I had vampires to think about, and though I knew what the Cullen's were back then, it was never such a big deal as it was now. It didn't change how much I cared for them, not at all, but the fact that vampires were living up the road from me, and vampires I knew none the less, made things a little different. Things were so different when you're a child and everything seems so black and white.

Sitting down on the log, I picked at the bark just the way I used to. Cold seeped through my joggers and made my butt go slightly numb but I didn't mind. It was there that I thought. I thought about Edward, the Cullen's, school the next day, Charlie, my Mum, my future, my past. I was a little absorbed in my thoughts.

"Bella?" I jumped out of my skin, my butt slipping from the tree and to the hard floor with a rather painful thud.

"Ow" I struggled to stand, but settled for pulling myself back onto the log, rubbing my aching butt a little as I frowned at the grinning vampire. Alice sat on the lowest branch of a tree at the edge of the clearing, her legs swinging as she giggled lightly.

"Yeah yeah" I waved my hand at her as I sat down, scowling slightly and making her stop laughing. She sighed, her smile instantly falling as she leapt down from the branch and walked over to where I sat. Something was wrong. Alice is always jumpy and smiling, never does she walk as slow as a human when she's not in public.

I remained silent but watchful as she sat down heavily beside me, rubbing her face with her hands for a moment, seeming rather tired.

"You okay?" I asked with a frown, genuinely concerned as she sighed once again.

"I'm fine. It's just..." She trailed off, keeping her eyes away from me and on the ground in front of her feet.

Once again, I remained quiet. Though Edward felt comfortable enough to clue me in on the family secrets -not that he had a choice in the matter- Alice barely knew me and of course it was not my place to pry.

"Edward's being an ass" She spoke after a moment, blowing my theory out of the water.

"Again?" I smirked as she did, nodding in the process.

"What's he doing this time?" I laughed lightly, hiding my curiosity. Alice knows everything that happens in their house, she'd know what Edward's hiding.

"Oh the usual, ignoring my visions and going against mine and everyone elses advice. You'd think he'd at least trust me since I'm psychic, but no, Mr Mind Reader thinks he knows more than I do" She trailed off in a mocking voice, sounding so human I had to smile.

"He's hard headed, that's all. You of all people know that" I raised an eye brow as she hesitated for a moment before nodding.

"Yeah, but I thought that he'd take a day off from being an old man and loosen up a bit" She turned away from me, muttering something under her breath that I couldn't catch. Once again, I burned to know what she was talking about.

"Alice..." I asked, even my voice sounding guilty. I didn't like going behind Edward's back to get answers but it was driving me mad, and I didn't want to lose him. Maybe if I knew, I could help.

"Yes Bella?" Alice turned to me, a patient set to her eyes, once again reminding me of her age and wisdom.

"Well... Edward is... acting really weird" I cringed, realising how stupid I sounded, quickly back tracking.

"I mean... Edward tells me everything and I tell him everything. I know about his rogue days and his human family, as much as he remembers anyway" I gushed, relaxing as she nodded patiently, motioning for me to carry on.

"But... he's blocking me again" I mumbled, clasping my hands in my lap to keep from fidgeting under Alice's scrutinizing gaze.

"Even after what Carlisle said?" Her voice rose an octave as her eyebrows threatened to disappear into her hairline.

"Yeah. He only opens up if he wants to talk, but... it's not the same. I mean... maybe he wants privacy now that he knows I'm real and that would be okay but he's being so secretive and it's got me on edge because-" A cold hand clasped over my mouth and I gave Alice a sympathetic look as she removed her hand.

"I know how close the two of you are and I will be having a talk with my dear brother" Her double meaning didn't miss me, though I got the impression that this meant a great deal more to her than it did to me. Her eyes flashed and her jaw was taught. She was angry, I just didn't know why she was getting so riled up.

"Believe me Bella, he doesn't want privacy. That would explain why he's being an ass" She nodded to herself, explaining when she saw my confused frown.

"You always made him happy Bella, even if we didn't realise it was you we knew something was going on. Now he's even worse than he used to be when he didn't have you in there" She smiled gently, tapping the side of her head "Now he's sour and horrible to even be in the same room with" She concluded with a disgusted look on her face.

"He's hiding something, that's why he's blanking me" I voiced my thoughts, knowing I was right. Alice quickly looked to the ground, avoiding my eyes.

"I know" She whispered, making me glare at her. I wasn't sure if she meant that she knew he was hiding something or she _knew _what he was hiding. Either way, her guilty actions and expression had my jaw clenched and I wanted to yell at her.

"You won't tell me will you?" I spat out, knowing she would never betray her favourite brother.

"It's not my place Bella. He will tell you, he just needs time" She gushed out, her eyes wide as I stood abruptly, glaring at her for a moment before turning and walking back in the direction of the house.

"Bella! Wait!" She yelled, her hand grabbing my jacket sleeve and tugging me back round to face her.

"Why? If Edward wants me out of his head then fine, I'll stay out! But this has only just started, he was fine before I came here" I seethed, yanking my jacket back, knowing she let me go since I would have never been able to get out of her grip if she hadn't.

"He just needs time Bella" Her eyes were wide, almost pleading. It didn't help, if anything it made me even angrier. She knew everything, the reasons and the secrets. Edward was my best friend, but he was pushing me away. I couldn't hold on if there was nothing to hold on to.

"He has had all the time in the world, and he has forever! What's wrong with then? Why now?!" But I knew the answer. It was no coincidence that he started acting weird after I got here. I understood why he blanked me, Carlisle had advised him to. But this was different. I wasn't some long distance friend he could call when ever he liked.

"Because..." She had no argument, simply gaped at me.

"Exactly" I took a step back from her "I know this has something to do with me Alice, I know it" I shook my head sadly, letting my anger leak away as I turned and made my way back to the house. I head no footsteps behind me but knew Alice wasn't following me.

If Edward wanted me gone, I'd leave. But my heart ached at the very thought. He was my best friend, my closest ally, the one I'd let into my heart because I trusted him when he said he would never hurt me.

I had two contrasting arguments. In one, I berated myself for pushing everyone away when I had just got them back. I could leave Edward, let him push me away and carry on like I didn't know the Cullen's. I knew that was how it would have to be. If Edward was pushing me away I doubt he'd want me around his house and on his table at school.

But I couldn't do that. I did know the Cullen's, all of them and I knew them like the back of my hand. I couldn't just suddenly act like I didn't and ignore them.

But then I had only one choice. Edward didn't want me here, that much was obvious. But he was acting so bizarrely that I didn't know what to think. He had seemed so happy to see me, brought me into his home and family, defended me against Rosalie and even went as far as nearly killing her because she tried to kill me.

But now he blanks me, ignored me and treats me like you would an old friend from school. I would understand if it was a verbal ignorance, knowing he would want to keep up the charade and keep people as far from their family as possible. But no-one was here to see us talk, he couldn't be embarrassed by me if no-one knew.

So he didn't want me here. He preferred me to be a figment of his imagination, a little thing on the side he could escape to when ever things became difficult. When he found out of I was real, he freaked out and wanted out.

The realisation had tears pooling in my eyes as I squeezed back through the broken gate, sniffing as I quickly walked back into the house and scrunched up the note I had left on the kitchen counter. Charlie wasn't home yet.

Sighing as I felt the heat thawing my legs and hands, my toes still not regaining full blood flow as I pulled off my trainers and threw them down the hallway, hitting the carpet at the bottom of the stairs. I guess I could make dinner for Charlie... It was all I had to do to keep my mind off the Edward situation.

So, after chopping carrots, boiling and mashing potatoes and cooking a piece of beef, my mind had not strayed from Edward once. The only thing that kept me same was knowing I would see him tomorrow.

I did feel guilty for taking my frustration out on Alice instead of Edward, but I would apologize to her tomorrow. A knot of unease curled around my stomach, my appetite disappearing as I wondered what Edward would be like.

He didn't sound happy at all when I had _heard _him. I swear, if he started yelling at me I will explode right there and then. As I dished out Charlie's dinner, I tried to push through Edward's walls and get into his head. Nothing. His defences were thicker than mine could ever be. It only made my frustration grow and the mashed potatoes hit the plate with such force that blobs splattered at the walls. Oops.

Charlie got home at about six o'clock, smiling as he saw dinner on the table but frowning when I brushed past him and ran upstairs, slamming my door like a little girl again. I stormed over to my bed, throwing my face on top and screaming into my pillow. I had never been a violent person, nor a particularly up tight one. I always prided myself on being laid back and relaxed.

But not now. Right now I think anything would make steam come out of my ears.

Not caring that it was so early, I took another shower, hoping it would calm me. It didn't. I got dried and changed into my pyjamas, even going downstairs and spending an hour with Charlie, but I was still in a foul mood and I got sick of him asking about 'if I was alright', so to avoid hitting my Dad, I went to bed at half past eight.

I tossed an turned, staring at the black blobs my bedroom furniture had been reduced to. My mind just wouldn't switch off. Edward never opened up again, so I was alone once again. I took back every comment I had ever made about rather being alone in my mind. I hated it. It was too quiet, and I felt so cold and lonely without Edward there with me.

My mind finally cut me a break at one in the morning, but it wasn't much better. Sleep was fitful, light and the slightest movement or gust of wind had me awake again for a moment before falling back under. Obviously, I had no dreams that night and when I finally gave up and slammed the button on my alarm clock down so hard that it broke off, I knew this day was only going to get worse.

I got dressed in a sleepy haze, my reflection in the mirror making my groan as I yanked my hairbrush through the knots and tangles sleep and brought to my hair. My eyes sported big black bags, my eyelids puffy and my eyes half shut. I felt terrible.

Quickly pulling out the bag of thing that wouldn't go in my room, I pulled out the pills my psychiatrist had prescribed. They were high energy and helped me when I didn't get much sleep. I hated coffee anyway.

After two of those, I felt better and even confident enough to drive to school without crashing. Grabbing my bag and ignoring the fact that I had missed breakfast, I took the car keys from the hook in the kitchen and made my way outside, locking the door behind me and pocketing the keys. I was relieved to find the drive void of any vehicle besides my car, my stomach aching as I wondered if Edward would appear at my door.

I at least had the drive there to get my mind in order.

It didn't help at all. I spent the entire ride imagining how Edward and his family would act. How would be speak to me? Would he even speak or just blank me? Would he yell at me? Would he get mad?

I didn't know, and for the first time I was astounded at how much Edward had kept to himself. I had always thought I knew Edward inside out, but after this I knew I was wrong. He knew what I would say, or at least if it was crazy or not. Edward was unpredictable, and that had me on edge. How much had he hidden from me?

I had always thought there had been a part of him that he kept apart, a secret corner of his mind that he kept me out of. I didn't mind at the time, knowing that with his age and knowledge, there may be some things he'd rather keep to himself. But just how much had he kept in that corner?

I began to wonder if I knew Edward at all, or if I just knew the person he'd created as a front. I was only a child to him after all, so easy to manipulate, too naive to realise.

Pulling into a parking space, I shook my head. No, that wasn't Edward. He may not be everything I thought he was, and yes there may be parts of him that he keeps hidden, but he wouldn't hurt me. I knew the worry and concern he felt was genuine. I _felt _it after all.

I can't believe I was questioning him after seventeen years of loyalty. But he was forcing my hand this time and making me open my eyes.

I flipped down the visor and grimaced at my reflection in the small mirror. I looked like a wreck. I felt like a wreck. In fact, I was so tired the back seat of my car started to look like the most comfortable bed in the world. Yes it was cramped and I would have my legs under my chin, but good God I wanted nothing more than to climb back there and fall asleep.

I was startled out of my daydreaming about the back of my car by a sharp rapping on my window. I peeked at the window, expecting Edward, but definitely not Alice beaming at me and waving. I thought she'd be a little annoyed with me, especially after I yelled at her.

Nodding slightly, I turned and gave the back seat one last longing look as I grabbed my bag and opened the door, Alice stepping back to avoid getting hit. Swinging the bag onto my back, I kicked the door shut behind me and pressed the button on the key, hearing the locks click as I pocketted the keys.

Before I could even turn and say hello, Alice spun me around slightly and hugged the hell out of me. I was shocked for a moment before I hugged her back, wondering what the hell was going on. I almost asked Edward, but my pride seemed to take a stand and reminded me that I could live without him. It might be hard but...

"I'm sorry for yesterday" She whispered quietly, pulling back and looking quite serious as she stared me in the eye.

"Don't be. I know why you did it" I didn't like it, but she had probably been sworn to secrecy by Edward, and Alice is nothing if not loyal "I'm sorry for yelling at you" I smiled a little as she rolled her eyes, motioning behind her. I looked over her shoulder, seeing Edward's Volvo sliding into a space a few up from my own, the others getting out and looking over at us curiously.

"You've seen worse" She laughed lightly as I sighed and nodded my head, her happiness infectious. Now that I think about it, compared to some of their fights, me yelling at Alice was pitiful. They destroyed the entire third level of the house once, but that was Emmett and Edward. Both had tempers and knew how to fight to their advantage.

"You ran here didn't you?" I smirked slightly as I realised it was the only way she would have gotten here since there was no other flashy Cullen cars in the parking lot. Besides, the others seemed genuinely confused when they saw us talking.

"Read this now, quickly" Alice hurriedly shoved a piece of paper in my hand, glancing over to where the others were stood against the car watching with deepening frowns. I was slightly shocked by her change in tone, but did as she said.

My eyes glanced over the beautiful script on the front of the folded sheet, my heart sinking a little when I realised it wasn't Edward's handwriting. I guess his secrets were staying secret.

_Please shield your mind in case he gets nosy _The front read and I smiled slightly as I put imagined walls around my mind, nodding slightly at Alice as I unfolded the sheet of paper and began reading.

_Bella, I know you want answers, but Edward's being a dickhead still and refuses to listen to us. Don't worry about it, no-one knows about our little altercation, I just told them we talked. I've been blocking Edward since then and it's driving him mad, but it serves him right for doing this to you. The others are on your side by the way, they think Edward's an ass, even Esme but she won't admit it_

I laughed lightly at that, glancing up and finding Alice smirking slightly, nodding for me to carry on.

_Edward wants to talk, but you know how he is. He wants to protect you from all the scary shadows, he doesn't want you hurt. He cares about you so much that he'd rather push you away than see you hurt because of him. He will tell you, I've seen it, but you have to be patient. He's never been one to make snap decisions._

_Everything will be okay, but hear him out and don't give up on him. He may be an ass, but he's a nice ass _

_Love Alice _

I couldn't help but laugh as I looked back at Alice, but she motioned for me to carry on. I spotted another line of writing below that.

_P.s. Edward wants to talk to you at lunch but thinks if he tried to approach you you'll attack him. Puff. _

I handed the paper back to her with a small smile, watching as she discreetly folded it in her fist, squeezing it for a moment before opening her fist and letting the wind blow the tiny particles of paper away.

"Okay..." I had to laugh at the absurdity of it all. Secret notes and secret meetings, this was sounding like a supernatural spy movie every minute. But the fact that Edward was scared of me had me a little apprehensive. I knew I was thoroughly pissed at his yesterday, and he knew it too. But I wouldn't attack him here in school. Not in public anyway, and not if he didn't push my buttons.

"Oh, I've always wanted to do that" Alice bounced slightly, her eyes light with mischief and secrets.

"It was pretty cool" I agreed as she started walked towards school, grabbing my hand and pulling me along with her, dropping it when she was happy I was going to keep up.

"I'm glad you're here Bella" She sang as we walked through the school doors, following me as I went to my locker to drop off some of my books that I wouldn't need until after lunch. We both ignored the stares of the other students, who had obviously witnessed the display between Edward and I in the cafeteria on Friday. Whispers broke out but I simply sighed and ignored them like the stares.

"So am I" I meant it, but it didn't sound like it. My voice caught in my throat and I fiddled with the combination for a moment before it opened, distracting myself by putting my books in the locker.

"They don't know about any of this do they?" I spotted the others walking through the doors and carrying on towards us but there was no point in lowering my voice. They'd hear me anyway.

"No, I haven't told them" She sighed sadly as Jasper wrapped his arms around her and hugged her form behind, resting his chin on her spiky hair as he smiled at me. The others walked past with brief smiles, Edward was nowhere in sight. If Rosalie would smile, then couldn't Edward at least face me? I smiled at them a little, but was unable to summon a believable one.

"I do feel rotten about it too. I don't like keeping secrets" She continued, leaning back on Jasper but frowning lightly as I closed my locker and picked up my bag again.

"I'm not the one with secrets Alice, you can spew them all for me" I mumbled as I turned and walked to my first lesson, dodging through the crowd.

"Hey Jazz" I said, turning a little as I spoke, smiling a little when I saw him mouth a 'hello' back at me.

I had Social Studies Cullen free, and I was happy I didn't have to watch my back 24/7. I knew they would be keeping an eye on me, if not because of Edward's behaviour then to check I wouldn't tell anyone their secret. I knew I had Alice's trust, and maybe Emmett and Jasper's too, but I wasn't sure about the others.

Unfortunately, with no Cullen's to force me to at least pretend to be doing work, I found it impossible to do _any _work. In the first half an hour of the lecture the teacher was spewing at the front of the class, I had not heard a word. I wasn't thinking of anything, not really. I was just trying to clear my mind of the hectic mess it was in.

Alice wasn't here to make me smile and I had no-one to keep me remotely awake, and so I rested my head on the cool table top and closed my eyes. Sleep was almost instantaneous. Unfortunately, with only half an hour I didn't dream and it seemed that as soon as I had closed my eyes I was prying them open again.

Sitting up and yawning as I tried to shut off the bell by glaring at it, I noticed several other students still had their heads on the table. Sluggishly, I swept my books into my bag, telling myself it was only three more hours until lunch. Then I had Edward to look forward to. Oh great.

Math passed quickly but then again, Alice was with me. Edward was still AWOL in my mind and in person but I tried not to think about it. To her credit, Alice did distract me for an entire hour, but as I walked to English and she departed for her own class, I was on my own. I passed Emmett in the hallway and he offered a small smile that I was unable to reciprocate.

Mike eagerly swapped from sitting with Eric to sitting with me, constantly trying to talk to me. I may have wanted Alice to keep my mind from Edward, but Mike was different. I wanted him to go back and sit with Eric but I nodded and 'hmm' ed to whatever he was saying. Angela must have sensed my discomfort and came to rescue me. She is a saint.

"Mike, I think Jess is looking for you" She hinted, appearing at the end of our table as the bell rang, winking at me as I stood and shoved my books into my bag. I look of confusion crossed Mike's face for a moment before he smiled and quickly left the room without a word. Both Angela and I laughed.

"Thanks" I laughed lightly as we left for I.T.

"No problem. Mike has a thing for Jess and Jess has a thing for Mike, though neither will admit it" She smiled but rolled her eyes, shaking her head at the High School drama.

I had to bite my tongue from asking my question. I didn't understand what a girl like Angela was doing being friends with people like Jessica and Lauren. They were bitches, airheads, and she was smart and nice. I guess some things you can't explain.

"What's wrong? You've been down all day" She spoke up as we neared our class "You look like the world's about to end" She smirked but it fell once she saw my expression.

"It sure feels that way" I admitted with a sigh, walking through the doorway and quickly making my way to the back of the class where there were quite a few spare computers.

"Parents? Boyfriend? Friends? Money?" She listed off, holding up her hand and dropping a finger with every word she said. I shook my head with a small smile, stopping when I saw her smirk and get a rather mischievous glint in her eyes that, quite frankly, reminded me of Alice.

"Would a certain Edward Cullen have anything to do with this?" She wiggled her eyebrows comically, her expression dissolving when she burst out laughing. I simply shifted uncomfortably, unable to even force a laugh.

"Okay... so I hit the nail on the head" She sobered up quickly, frowning at me but in a caring way. I opened my mouth to reply but I heard the nasal voices of Jessica and Lauren approaching and so I merely nodded. I didn't want mine and Edward's... thing to be public knowledge.

"You two looked like you've been friends for a while" She commented, not noticing the two girls that were quickly making their way towards us. It was only when they sat down next to Angela that she jumped and looked at me apologetically.

"Yeah Bella" Lauren chimed in, instantly dumping her bag on the floor and turning to stare on me. "How do you know Edward?" She smirked, seeing my discomfort as I squirmed in my seat slightly.

"I've known him since I've been a baby" I shrugged as I tapped on the keyboard, logging into the school server, wondering why the one time I want a teacher to be on time, they're late.

"Ooh, cute" Angela chimed in, glancing worriedly at the gleam in the other two's eyes as she forced a smile.

"Yeah, you're little reunion was sweet" Jess spat, seeming rather sour as she glared at me. I had no response for that one.

"If you're so close why were you so excited to see him?" Lauren asked, looking as if she wasn't going to give up until she found a hole in the subject. She wouldn't have to look far, everything she will find out will be at least a half-lie.

"We... we lost contact for a while. I hadn't seen him in... quite a long time" I gushed out, feeling my cheeks redden as I lied. Damn it!

"Yeah right" Lauren sneered at me "If you ask me, there's something weird going on with you and him. Why else would he talk to you?" She stuck her nose in the air indignantly as I breathed out loudly, my hand pushing down on the space bar a little to hard to be considered typing.

"Jealous that the amazing Edward Cullen talks to me and won't give you the time of day?" I snarled back, breaking my rule to blend into the background. I very rarely lost my temper with anyone but Edward, and had never actually had a fight with someone face to face. So I was shocked when I blurted that out, sounding rather venomous.

She looked like I'd slapped her, her mouth gaping as she glared at me. Unfortunately, she quickly recovered.

"Whatever" Was her wonderful response before sending one more glare and turning around, Jessica copying her instantly but her glare was obviously fabricated.

"Freak" Lauren's quiet remark wasn't so quiet and several people began to laugh, knowing who she was talking about since everyone had been listening to our conversation. The Cullen's were enigmas to these people, and who wouldn't want to figure them out? I guess I forgot about our audience.

My cheeks burned as my eyes did, but I refused to cry.

Was this how it always happened? Had I always brought this on myself? I knew Lauren's type, the queen bee, the gossiper and the back stabber. I don't even know her and yet I wouldn't put it past her to spread some foul rumours about me. It's the type of girl she was.

Angela was silent beside me, my eyes fixed on the grafittied table top, all I could hear was Jess and Lauren whispering and giggling to themselves. People around the class kept sneaking glanced at me and whispering to their partners but I put my arms on the table and let my head drop onto them, closing my eyes and trying to imagine being anywhere else.

I could hear Edward in my mind, having taken down his barriers. But I didn't want to listen to him, still hurting by his temperamental and unexplained behaviour. So _I_ tuned _him _out. Maybe it was childish and stupid, but he couldn't just ignore me one day then come crawling back whenever he wants.

So I suffered in silence. I ignored the whispers and laughs from my classmates, not acknowledging Angela as she patted my back lightly. I don't know what we were supposed to be doing in I.T, but I didn't even look at the monitor. The teacher was one of those 'do what you want, it's your grade' types and so he left me alone for the entire hour.

When the bell rang, people quickly left the room with not so much as a backwards glance. I intended to leave after Jess and Lauren did, but they hung on purposefully, thankfully so did Angela.

Grabbing my back and slinging it on my shoulder, I ignored the loud whispers and walked out of the room, glancing at the teacher whose eyes had never looked up from the pages of his book since he sat down. Feeling rather annoyed at him, I let Angela catch up and we walked together to the cafeteria, not knowing quite what to say.

"Are you sitting with us today?" She asked, pushing the doors open and making her way to the queue, me behind her and grabbing two trays for us.

"Yeah, sure" I shrugged, feeling Edward's eyes on me but refusing to acknowledge them. He wants this connection to stop, fine, but then if he wants to talk to me, he'll have to do it the traditional way.

I was rather aware of Jess and Lauren behind me in the line, their string of insults and comments too loud to be considered 'polite whispers'. I knew what they were doing, trying to get a rise out of me, to get me to snap.

I was oh so close to smacking them around the face, school rules be damned.

Thankfully for them, Alice appeared at my side "Hey Bella, we already got you lunch" And without another word, she grabbed me wrist and pulled me out of the line, grabbing the tray and flinging it back on the pile as she steered me through the tables and people.

"Thanks Alice" I whispered, knowing she'd hear.

"That's okay Bella, I saw what was going to happen and I don't think Charlie will want his girl being excluded on her second day of school" She laughed happily as I scowled, wondering what I would have done to warrant getting excluded.

Unbeknown to me, she had led me back to the Cullen table and I now stood facing them all as they stared at me with varying expressions. Rose was trying to remain neutral but I could see the distaste in her eyes. Emmett and Jasper smiled knowingly, hugging their wives close and Alice simply beamed.

And Edward... well Edward was basically begging me with his eyes to forgive him. His eyes sported bruise-like bags beneath them, but I knew that was from lack of hunting. But he looked tired, his hair standing on end the way it does when he runs his hands through it all the time. Honestly, he looked half crazed with his tense arms and hands, his eyes wide as he stared at me.

"You wanted to talk, so talk" I didn't like to see him like this, but it was his own doing. He started this, blocking and keeping secrets from me, so now he has to deal with the fall out.

So quickly that he blurred slightly, he stood, grabbing his bag and not even bidding farewell to his family as he walked past me and started towards the doors.

"Good luck" Alice smiled sweetly "And go easy on him please, he's going mad as it is" She smirked, shaking her head as I frowned, motioning for me to follow. Rolling my eyes and offering a half hearted wave to the others, I started after him at a steady pace. Whispers followed me, stared burned into my head and body, but I didn't care too much.

I had dealt with worse. Phoenix kids were a damn site worse than these ones.

Finding Edward outside the cafeteria waiting for me, I walked beside him silently, still angry at his behaviour. I followed his steps, leading out to the car park and I dumped my bag on his bonnet, sitting on it and putting my feet on the small ledge the number plate made to keep me from slipping off.

"Why are you hiding from me?" I crossed my arms, glaring at him as he shifted his weight from foot to foot, looking like he couldn't stand still as he stared at me with unnaturally wide eyes. His hands fidgetted with the strap of his bag as his mouth opened and closed for a long moment.

"Er... well..." I had never seen him stutter before. Actually, I had, but that was when Tanya Denali decided to strip in front of him in yet another attempt to 'show him the light' and make him fall in love with her. But the difference between the two situations was glaring.

The main discrepancy being I had all of my clothes on.

And so I waited for him to blurt out anything coherent. He was unsettled by my silence, I could tell. My mind was still being shielded from his, and I refused to offer him an out. He was going to answer the question one way or another.

"I can't... really... I can't just... It's complicated" His hands ran through his hair as he dropped his bag to the floor and started pacing back and forth in front of me. It tugged at my heart strings as I simply tilted my head to the side, still silent.

"I can't tell you!" He yelled, obviously frustrated by my calm reaction when he was frantic and looking to be quite panicked. Pushing away the anger that made me want to tell right back I curled my hands into fists and forced myself to calm down.

"Give me an answer. Either tell me what's going on, or the reason why you're not telling me" My voice never wavered or shook once, his eyes becoming even more frantic as he stared at me, begging me to stop and give let it go.

Not this time. I'd let people walk all over me, saying what they like and doing what ever they wanted. Not anymore. I wasn't someones doormat, and I certainly was not going to be Edward's little pathetic human friend when ever he wanted me to be.

When he didn't see me waver his pacing continued, though I could hear his loud breathes from my place on his bonnet. I kept where I was. Alice appeared at the entrance we had walked out of, frowning as she watched Edward but nodding at me. It was the right thing to do. The others appeared behind her, stepping outside and watching their 'brother' clutch at his hair and try to think.

He paid them no credence, though I wasn't sure if he heard their thoughts or was just ignoring them.

"It's a simple question Edward. Tell me why" I demanded, feeling my own anger and frustration getting the better of me, my stomach aching with the force I was pushing my fists into it. I bet I'll have bruises when I get home.

"It's not simple!" He yelled, turning to me "Nothing about this is simple" He whispered, stepping back and away from me.

For the first time since we had begun this little interrogation, I snapped out of my harsh and tough exterior, fear of loosing Edward gripping my mind. Was I pushing him too far?

Alice caught my eye from over Edward's shoulder, giving me a small smile and a nod letting me know I was once again doing the right thing. It hurt to push him this far, seeing how much anguish and strain it was putting him through. But if it got him to open up and stop keeping secrets, then so be it.

"Do you think I'll be scared? That I won't be able to handle it?" Indignation coloured my voice as he stared at me, his expression seeming to be stuck on shock and panic. I received no reply.

"Edward... this secret has something to do with me, whether about me or for me, I don't know" I slid off the bonnet, not going to sit outside when it was cold and wait for Edward to thaw out.

"But it's got you going insane" I reached down and grabbed my back, putting the strap on my shoulder as I looked at him evenly.

"If you want to keep secrets, that's fine, but not when it makes you like this. You're pushing me away and you can't just expect me to jump when you want to talk. In the end, I'll be the one to walk away" I told him, staring him in the eye. He didn't move, he didn't blink and I was pretty sure he wasn't breathing either.

I sighed, shaking my head as I stepped around him and headed back towards the school. Tears stung my eyes and I felt like a complete bitch for saying that and pushing him so hard when he obviously didn't want to tell me anything. But I had faith in Alice, and if she said it was the right thing to do... no matter how hard it would be for me and painful for him, I'd do it.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I felt a cold arm snake through my own. I didn't react, watching the grey slabs of the path to the school pass under my feet.

"It'll be okay, he just has to get his head out of his ass and realise what he's putting in jeopardy" Alice whispered to me as we neared the school. I didn't look at his family but I knew they were all watching me. I didn't know if they would be angry with me for making Edward like this, pushing him and hurting him.

"What if I'm the one pushing him away?" I whispered, my voice sounding choked and hoarse. The laughter and mindless chatter from the cafeteria filled my ears as Alice steered me back towards the doors. I put up a poor resistance.

The chatter continued as we walked back inside, though I kept my eyes downward. Every laugh I heard made me cringe as I believed they were laughing at me, every whisper that was just beyond my hearing I believe to be snide comments about me. I hadn't always been so self conscious, but standing next to the Cullen's, I heard all the insults from kids back in Phoenix echo in my ears.

"You're not. He needs a reality check and someone to push him to the limit. He has to be the one to pull himself back" She sighed as she pushed me down into a chair. She sat down next to me, offering me a small smile which I couldn't return. His family came back too, silently watching me with sympathetic expressions as I struggled to keep from crying. Edward did not reappear.

Edward kept me afloat, I owed him my life and so much more. What if he didn't pull himself back?

A single tear escaped my eyes but I hurriedly wiped it away on my sleeve, sniffing as I looked around at them all. I didn't feel like I had on Friday when I met them. The girl who squared Rosalie Hales glare was gone. I wouldn't dare joke with Emmett. This was how I got when I started the downward spiral.

I knew what was coming next. The pain would rear its head and I would be forced to take cover in my own mind before it consumed and killed me. I should call Kim, warn Charlie and maybe the Cullen's. But I didn't. These were my problems. No-one else completely shut down their mind and body to keep them from going insane.

So I would suffer in silence, as usual.

OoOoOoOoOoO

Charlie knew something was wrong, and I knew he knew something was wrong. When he came home from work I already had dinner on the table but he didn't look happy about it. He watched me like I was ticking time bomb, taking off his jacket and pulling out his gun. I was shocked when he pocketed the bullets instead of putting them in the draw like he usually does.

I guess Charlie notices more than I give him credit for.

He was in over his head and he knew it. He ate his lasagna as I just ripped mine apart with my fork. I wasn't hungry, the pain starting to rip away the normal functions. Kim had told him the 'symptoms' of my little episodes, and there was no doubt in my mind that he knew what was coming. His eyes remained glued to me all through dinner and I got up when he finished, dumping my dissected food in the bin and washing the plates and cutlery.

He didn't leave to watch baseball like I expected, I could hear him shuffling around behind me.

"What happened Bella?" He stood against the counter next to the sink, staring at me as if he wasn't expecting an answer.

"What is it? School? Friends? Edward?" I winced as he said his name, Charlie immediately focusing on Edward. I wasn't sure if he liked him yet, not having brought up the subject since I thought he was still processing the information about the strange connection we shared.

"Maybe you should call Kim" He sighed, though not moving.

The kitchen was silent apart from the ticking of the clock, but even that seemed duller than usual, the ticks dragging on and on. Every tick was another second of life I wasted in this sadness, another second of breathing in and breathing out, another second that should have been my mothers.

He saw my shift in expression as I hurriedly dried my hands on the towel, feeling the pain beginning to gnaw at my heart. My chest was constricted so tightly I thought it was going to burst and snap. I knew I was shaking as I pushed away my Dad when he tried to get to me, to comfort me and console me. Running past him, I made it to and up the stairs, across to my room before slamming the door.

There was no lock.

I didn't care as I slowly shuffled over to my bed, feeling the need to just slow down. Everything had happened so quickly, to my accident to meeting the Cullen's. Though the ticking clock seemed slow, my life was on fast forward.

Not bothering to get into bed fully clothed and with shoes on, I simply crawled on the covers into the middle and curled up as tightly as I could, my arms around my stomach as in effort to keep the pain away. I knew that they'd be dead when I 'woke up'.

The pain came as I knew it would, churning and biting, clawing at my mind and heart and rendering me unable to do anything but lay there and take it. I couldn't fight the pain. It wasn't physical. It wasn't _real _as I had been told many times. It felt real enough.

I often wondered if this was how the vampire change felt. I couldn't imagine a pain any worse than this.

Images of my mother, of my previous life flitted before my eyes like a movie. That was my cue, and I quickly locked down, scuttling to the back of my mind to escape the reality. It numbed the pain, blocked the images and sounds that made me want to claw my eyes out, it was the only way I could escape.

Breathing pushed my body back and forth gently, blinking kept my eyes from stinging, but that was it. I was aware of Charlie in my room, but I had purposely faced the wall, not wanting to see or hear anything that would catch my attention and pull me back to reality during the pain. This was my denial, how I dealt with the loss of my mother.

I didn't. It was that simple.

I knew if I stayed... lucid during the pain, that I would get better and grow a stronger resistance against it. I knew it, but I didn't put it into practice. Because I was a coward. I didn't want to face the pain, the images and sounds of her laugh.

_He needs a reality check and someone to push him to the limit. He has to be the one to pull himself back_

It did occur to me that our predicaments were similar. I needed a reality check, I had to come to terms with what happened and yet I couldn't. Maybe I needed to be pushed to my limit, go right to the very edge and then yank myself back. Perhaps that was the only way to escape this.

But what if I couldn't pull myself back?

_I'll be there Bella _Edward's voice startled me and yet I was expecting him to turn up. My defences were down as usual, letting Edward into my head no matter how much I tried to stop it.

I could hear voices behind me, hands pressing against my wrist and neck, a hand clutching mine tightly, someone tucking some hair behind my ear. But my body was as numb as my mind. The touches were mere feathers against my skin. I could feel the pressure, but I didn't take it in. When I was like this... it was like my body and mind refused to take in anymore.

I would compare it to being put in a black room soundproof room, no windows and no doors, no sun. Air filtered around me though it felt stale and thick. I was blind and deaf to the world.

The only thing I could not numb was Edward. Even when I forced myself into the recesses of my mind, I found it impossible to block him out. He always found a way in.

_I'm here Bella _I felt a hand touch my cheek as the words were spoken.

I wanted to turn and look at him, to get out of this vicious cycle, but I couldn't. The pain was too strong, to potent for me to handle. If I did snap out of it, the pain would consume me. It wasn't worth it. I'd talk to him when it had passed again.

It had occurred to me that I was being moved, colours passing before my eyes and the soft thudding of footsteps. I didn't really care too much and blocked it out again, delving deeper into my mind when I came too close to the surface and the pain blanched through my body again. On instinct I curled up and closed my eyes, trying to fend off the agony.

Someone was talking to me, I realised, but their words were a dull drone in the front of my mind. The very place I was hiding from.

I don't know what happened after that. Guessing I blacked out for a while, being too absorbed in maintaining the numbness that I let the world slip past.

When I did allow myself to reach a little closer, I found my senses not so dulled. I was sat in someones lap, staring at their neck blankly. It was Edward. I would know his scent anywhere, and right now it was everywhere. I could feel his hand running through my hair gently as his other cradled my cheek to his chest, his thumb softly stroking the skin there.

_Bella... _That was all he said to me, but I didn't shy away this time. Edward understood, at least to some extent. Just his voice comforted me to some extent as he held me.

_Don't do this Bella. _His voice sounded strained and desperate, but it bounced off as usual. _You're stronger than this. _He implored as his hands stilled for a moment before continuing.

_No. _That was the extent of my vocabulary at these times. Any more eloquent and I'd have to think, and I wasn't going to have any of that.

My eyes hurt, so I closed them and let myself relax. The pain with still there, on the fringe of my mind and forever biting and clawing its way through me, trying to break through the numb shield I had placed around myself. But I had lived with this so far, and I knew how to ignore it and push it from my mind.

So it was easy to fall asleep, to block out everything and let my mind consume and play out before me. But this wasn't what usually happens. Usually the numbness lets my dreams be blank and empty. So why was I sat in my Mums car again? Why was she driving?

No! I couldn't live through this again. I'd seen this so many times I knew every word we both said. No!

I fought to get free, to wake up because there was no way this was happening twice. I felt my lungs burning with my screams, I could feel my body twisting with my efforts to escape, and yet I remained sat in the passenger seat silently.

I wasn't in control, I never have been.

Unable to stop this from happening, I let the crushing defeat fall on me as I stopped trying to escape and watched helplessly as it all happened again. The stupid boy racer plowed into Mum's side of the car, I was knocked momentarily unconscious when my head connected and cracked the passenger window. I never wanted to open my eyes but of course things played out like they did before.

I felt the impact, I could hear the screeching metal and tires trying to gain friction but failing. The world span as both cars collided and twisted around each other as we were both thrown from the road by the force of the other driver, ending up in a ditch in a cloud of steam and dirt.

And there she was. Eyes closed as if she was sleeping, but her window was smashed and it looked like half of the other car was inside ours, pushing my Mum our of her seat and towards me. Glass was everywhere, stuck in my palms from where I tried to unbuckle myself and get out, in my head from the window...

I wanted to shake her, to make her wake up, but I couldn't touch her. I couldn't bring myself to be near her yet I couldn't force myself to leave, even if my seat belt wasn't stuck and I was trapped. The dashboard had been pushed forwards, trapping my legs beneath it.

There was one difference this time, one largely glaring difference. There was no Edward in my head to calm me down, to soothe me, to get me through it. I knew this was just a dream, a nightmare, but he wasn't here. I needed him. Where was he?

A ghostly cold settled over me, stealing the little warmth I had gained. Edward wasn't here, but I could imagine he was. I didn't know how to wake up, how to get out and save myself.

Waking up was instant yet horrendous. My surroundings didn't blur or fade, they changed immediately before my eyes from a mangled car wreck to the soft glowing lights and dark windows of a house. Being no stranger to this, yet never getting used to the pain, I tried to curled up as much as I could, trying to hold myself together. I only got so far before something got in the way.

Great ripping sobs escaped my mouth as tears ran down my chapped cheeks. It felt like they'd been running for a while. I didn't care. I just needed to survive until I could function again. The numb veil on my mind was gone, the pain raw and biting once again, acid creeping through my veins, intent on destroying me from the inside out.

Vaguely aware of someone being with me, murmuring to me quietly, I struggled to force away the pain and the memories that took hold in my mind and refused to let go. My senses seem to catch up with me slowly, each coming back to life gradually. I could feel the frigid hard surface that lay beneath me, that had me sat in their lap and hugged me closely.

No rust and salt permeated my nose, the only thing I could smell was Edward. It was a nice exchange.

The thin material brushed against my hands as I trembled, and I couldn't help but grab a handful of his shirt, needing him to ground me. I felt like I could slip away any minute. I only realised his arms were around me when he squeezed me tightly. He would hold me together.

My chest ached as swallowing became painful, my breathing erratic and my mind too scattered and panicked to concentrate on any one thing. Edward never stopped muttering, and I am quite sure that if I controlled myself, I would be able to hear him. But I wasn't hiding anymore, my little corner in my mind seemed too distant to reach with the pain blocking the way.

The pain refused to be ignored no matter how much I tried to fight it. My tears wouldn't halt, my trembled wouldn't cease. Once again I found myself out of control and unable to grasp the reigns of my own body and mind. I couldn't fight this, the feelings so familiar by now.

So I let it go. I stopped fighting, keeping myself numbed the best I could to keep the edge of the pain away, but for the rest... I let it have me. It wasn't like I could stop it. I stopped trying to control myself, I let my mind run through the accident and recall my mothers smile and laugh, her voice and singing along to the radio.

If I was giving in, I might as well make the most of it, regardless of the consequences.

* * *

**This was actually really hard to write, especially the last part. Sorry it took so long to get out, especially after the feedback I got. Thank you to everyone that reviewed, and I am super duper happy to say that I have had over 16,000 hits in five chapters. Compared to others, that isn't much, tut to me that is amazing!**

**Yay!**

**Review! Pretty Please!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer  
****I hate these! I am in denial! Why can't I own Twilight and not Stephenie Meyer? :(**

**Previously....**

_My chest ached as swallowing became painful, my breathing erratic and my mind too scattered and panicked to concentrate on any one thing. Edward never stopped muttering, and I am quite sure that if I controlled myself, I would be able to hear him. But I wasn't hiding anymore, my little corner in my mind seemed too distant to reach with the pain blocking the way._

_The pain refused to be ignored no matter how much I tried to fight it. My tears wouldn't halt, my trembled wouldn't cease. Once again I found myself out of control and unable to grasp the reigns of my own body and mind. I couldn't fight this, the feelings so familiar by now._

_So I let it go. I stopped fighting, keeping myself numbed the best I could to keep the edge of the pain away, but for the rest... I let it have me. It wasn't like I could stop it. I stopped trying to control myself, I let my mind run through the accident and recall my mothers smile and laugh, her voice and singing along to the radio._

_If I was giving in, I might as well make the most of it, regardless of the consequences._

**Now....**

**Edward's POV **

**Don't I Know You?**

I am a twat, a complete and utter asshole, a douche bag, the biggest bastard on the planet.

That was according to my family anyway, and right now I was rather inclined to agree with them. They had all told me to just tell her the truth, tell her that I loved her, but I couldn't and it wasn't that simple.

I knew Bella, and she had always been appalling at blocking her thoughts from me up until now anyway. She had never even wondered about a relationship with me; though that may be because we only recently discovered that each other was real. But it didn't matter. I couldn't tell her how I feel.

"For Gods sake Edward! Just bloody tell her and get it over with" Rosalie huffed, never taking her eyes off the large television screen as she flicked through much too quickly than could be good for the remote.

I remained silent, as I have done for the past three hours, staring blankly at the television and annoying the hell out of everyone. Emmett and Jasper were simply a little frustrated about my logic, Rose was just annoyed that I had what I wanted but refused to take it, and Alice…

Well, Alice was furious. She hadn't spoken to me since she went out for that run and her mind was also blank to me. I knew she spoke to Bella that day, but what they spoke about was still a mystery to me, a mystery that no-one seemed keen to divulge.

Esme was merely disappointed. Bella had come here, filled with hope and acceptance towards us; something we had never experienced personally of humans. Esme loved Bella already, having seen her comforting Jasper when we could not and calming me from the point of all encompassing rage. Yes, even Esme could see that Bella was special to me, but now she was special to all of us too.

_What are you so scared of Edward? _

I didn't like it anymore; this mind-reading thing. I liked it at first and could hear how the mind processed information and how I knew everything someone thought about; and then quickly grew to detest the constant intrusion of my mind. The only voice I want to hear in my head now is Bella's, and any others seemed like a consolation prize. It was all her, and without her, I didn't want anything else.

"Of losing her" I whispered, my voice more hoarse than I intended. Breaking my silence gained everyone's attention in the room, only Alice understanding the meaning to my words since she had broken her silence for a split moment to ask. But my family were not clueless and were pretty quickly catching on.

It was true; that was my biggest fear, the one that held me shackled and prisoner in my own mind.

If I told her the truth; if I bared my soul and heart to her, professing my undying love, would she run? Would she be scared?

I knew better than that though. Bella showed incredible resilience to anything and everything she got thrown to her. No matter how wounded she was, she always survived. Yes, she maybe scarred but she was still here. And that was testament to her strength. No, I do not believe she would be scared. It would take a lot more than a declaration of feelings to scare Bella.

But could I take that risk?

I was happy with Bella, my life had colour and I could smile and… I felt alive, human when she was with me. It was only when she left that I was reminded of what I was. I changed when she was around; everyone saw it and I felt it.

But what if she didn't want to come around anymore?

I would rather keep my emotions to myself and keep Bella as my best friend than declare my love and never see her ever again. Anything is better than nothing.

I wasn't too sure I could control myself though. When I saw her standing there in nothing but my shirt it took every ounce of self control not to pounce and take her then and there. She made me feel things… things I would be even mortified to think of. And the thoughts that one event provoked in my mind…

Bella, in my bedroom, in my shirt and nothing more…

That thought kept me occupied for most of the night; driving Jasper mad and making the others rather amused when he clued them in on my… situation. They had never seen me like this. I have seen a naked woman in the form of Tanya when she tried to force herself on me, and not even then was I half as… aroused as I had been when faced with a partially naked Bella. Thank God I had enough sense to block my thoughts before she saw any of that.

I stood, getting irritated and tired of my family's thoughts and seeking the solace of my room. My legs were almost taken from under me when I was hit with an overwhelming wave of pain. My eyes scrunched closed as I doubled over, putting my hands on my knees and trying to breath through it.

Vaguely, I knew my family were instantly around me, trying to talk to me and figure out what was wrong. It took a moment to fight the pain away enough to think, but I realised that this was Bella's pain that I was feeling. I had felt this before, though never this acute, I knew what it meant.

Bella was going to shut down, numb herself while she had an 'episode' as she called them.

"Edward what's going on? Talk to me damn it!"

I realised somewhat belatedly that I was on the floor on my knees, Alice forcing my face up to hers as our eyes met. I couldn't help but groan as the pain shot through me, my eyes closing again and wishing for it to just go away. My hands formed fists on the floor as my body shuddered, my jaw clenched tightly in an attempt to keep from crying out.

I sought out Bella, trying to soothe her in any way, but it was always difficult when she cut herself off. I always had to push that much more and concentrate hard to get through to her, and now with myself in a similar state I was in no condition to concentrate on anything for any length of time.

"Carlisle will be here in 20 seconds" I heard Alice say quietly, whether to me or someone else I couldn't be sure.

It didn't matter. I had to get to Bella, to get through to her, to talk to her. She told me that often I am the only thing that pulls her out of the pain, the pyre of which she holds onto while she burns; the sliver of reality she clings to. I had seen into her mind when she has an 'episode' and I understood what she meant. The line between reality and nightmares becomes blurred and it can become frightened and a real challenge to tell the two apart. She needed something real to help her tell the difference.

"Edward. Edward, talk to me" Carlisle's voice reached my ears, though I did not hear his approach at all. It seems my own abilities were momentarily incapacitated too; come to think of it I couldn't hear anyone's thoughts at all; though Bella may have been the exception had she not buried herself in her mind.

"It's Bella" I hissed, my head remaining bowed to my chest and my forehead almost touching the floor.

Immediately I heard a phone being dialled and the monotone ringing of the dial tone. The conversation was quick and quiet, the words escaping me as I concentrated on trying to breath. If this was what Bella felt I was in no way surprised she hid herself. The very feeling of the pain brought memories and thoughts of my own pains to the forefront of my mind which only worsened it.

My mother's face settled behind my eyelids and I bit back a groan as the faded and blurry memories flitted past quickly. I watched her condition deteriorate before she died. Yes, she may have been dead for a long time now, but she was still my mother. After my change I was too busy in my newborn state to grieve for my family. It seemed like an insult that I was too busy killing animals and running around in my new life to stop and even visit my mothers grave. I did go back a few times but I was too thirsty in my newborn haze to really feel anything.

It seemed like I was making up for every second of lost grief and pain right now on the living room floor.

The pain seemed like the shadow of my own change, Carlisle's hand on my shoulder the only thing that reminded me that my change had been almost a century ago now.

The pain abruptly spiked and I pushed my hands against the floor, feeling the wood splinter against the pressure, an agonizing groan slipping through my lips as I shuddered again. The faces of my many victims flashed in front of my eyes; the murders, the rapists, the thieves and monsters of humanity. Yes, I may have saved many people who would have been their future victims but the monsters had families too. I saw them in their minds, always in their last few seconds their minds would rest on the faces of those they loved.

Only a few, the most monstrous of them all, held steady and remained guilt-free and only scared for themselves right to the end. Indeed, when facing death people seem to see their life in a different light and wish for penance from their sins. Though in the last few seconds it was too late and they were dead anyway, so even though they may have gone on to never commit another crime, I had ripped the opportunity from them.

"Alice, get Jasper out of here" Esme said quietly, almost begging. I realised that there was a strange heavy breathing somewhere in the house, and only now realising it was Jasper. Of course, this was emotional pain that was transforming into physical pain, it would affect him too.

"Edward you need to block her out" Carlisle told me quickly, his hand squeezing my shoulder gently. I snarled at the very idea to deserting her now when she was in so much pain. Not that I was doing any good...

"I know you don't want to, but if you want to help her you have to go over to her house, and you can't even stand right now. You have to push it away" He explained, and though I still balked at the very idea I knew I would have to do it if I wanted to get through to Bella in time.

Pushing it away was harder than I ever imagined. The pain seemed to cling to me, not wanting to be parted as it burned through me. Never the less, with Carlisle and Emmett speaking quietly, though to each other and not me, it became _my _pyre that I clung to and the pain receded some.

"Edward?" Esme's voice was shaky but I couldn't answer. It was taking everything to sit up and unfist my hands and stop the shaking. Emmett immediately came to my side and Carlisle to my other, one arm around my waist and another around my shoulders as they heaved me to my feet.

Thankfully my legs didn't give out again though the hands remained just incase. I was a mess, completely falling apart and I knew that, but I had bigger worries right now.

Emmett let me go and Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder as he guided me outside and to the car. My legs were like lead weights, and for the first time since my change, I worried about falling over. I felt… dizzy, like the world was blurry around me and it took several blinks to clear my vision before I sank into the car seat and shut the door.

We were silent as Carlisle raced down the streets, pushing 100mph and I had to bite my tongue to keep from telling him to go faster. The pain was like fire, licking at the doors and walls I had forced it behind, creeping over the edges and begging to be released.

"Charlie said to go straight in" Carlisle told me as we pulled up outside the house, the sky already an inky black so we were able to move quickly. Ignoring my tired and slow responding body, I ripped the door open and ran to the house, not stopping as I crossed the threshold but continuing upstairs where I could hear the two heartbeats pounding from.

Carlisle was only a step behind me when I stood in Bella's bedroom doorway, taking in her foetal position as she faced away from me and stared at the wall. She was completely still spare the slight rise of fall of her back with her laboured breathing. What struck me most was the rather stricken man sat on the end of her bed, staring at her with a pained expression. I wished for my mind-reading this one time so I could see his thoughts. Of course it could be the death of his ex-wife, the pain of his daughter, or the pain of seeing his daughter in pain… or all three.

"Charlie… we got here as soon as we could" Carlisle walked past me, glancing at me questioningly when I didn't make a move to enter the room.

It was harder here, and I was beginning to wonder if proximity had anything to do with the strength of the pain. But seeing her there, in such pain and yet showing none of it as she breathed calmly… it was almost surreal.

It was when Carlisle touched her that I had to bite back a growl, though my hiss didn't go unnoticed by my 'father'. He turned and frowned for a moment before looking back at Bella, his eyes widening as he sighed and carried on checking for her pulse in her neck and on both wrists.

A strange possessiveness came over me, a jealousy that I knew was pointless and unjustified, but it simmered none the less. I hadn't touched Bella since Saturday since –to borrow one of my brothers' colourful phrases- I had been a complete and utter douche bag, and now Carlisle was here touching her in front of me! I doubt I could even speak to her without provoking some anger, which I knew I brought upon myself with my actions and insecurities.

So I couldn't help it when I stalked forward, having every intention of ripping Carlisle's hands away from Bella's body and not caring who saw. He stopped me though, knowing me so well after so many years did have its perks I suppose.

"Edward…" He took his hands back, motioning to Bella and eyeing me knowingly. I stood beside him, the pain biting at my mind, barely being restrained as he pulled Charlie away from Bella and to the doorway, speaking of further treatment.

I put quite a lot of concentration on releasing my fists and sitting down beside her, though her back was to me. I peered over, seeing her blink but her unfocused stare settling on the wall mere inches from her face. I couldn't help but reach out, running my hand over her arm that was tucked tightly around her stomach.

Her thoughts immediately became more focused and clear, her heartbeat accelerating a little, showing that she was even the smallest bit more lucid to us.

I concentrated on her thoughts entirely, swallowing back the pain and simply listening. She was remembering a conversation she had with Alice after our conversation at dinner. Something about her pushing me but I had to pull myself back. She had twisted it around back onto herself, thinking that if she could push herself so far and then pull herself back everything could get better.

It brought a whole new round of pain to think that I had been a partial cause for her 'episode' and so couldn't help myself when she wondered what would happen if she couldn't pull herself back. I knew she would; Bella was nothing if not a fighter, though not confrontational unless something she loved was in question, she would fight to the ends of the earth for someone or something she cared enough about.

She would also harbour the guilt and pain about said person or thing for the rest of her life. It was one main trait we seemed to share.

I couldn't help but pick her up and sit her on my lap, scooting back until my back was against the wall and I was sat on her bed cradling her in my arms. I didn't give a damn about the looks Charlie was giving me; Bella mattered more than his opinion of our relationship.

I tried to comfort her, knowing I wouldn't be able to pull her out of this, only supply the hand she would need to hold onto. Already, she was calming and becoming more conscious, her eyes a little more focused and her breathing more than laboured.

Carlisle immediately came over and made a show of checking her pulse again, telling Charlie that she was showing signs of coming out of it but slowly. Charlie's gaze quickly turned from a warning to a begging. Still, my eyes never left Bella, even as I tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. She didn't react but I heard her note the feeling in her mind.

She wasn't completely lost.

When Carlisle suggested that we take her back to our house Charlie put up no argument. Clearly, he had put two and two together and saw how I helped Bella. It didn't matter to me; I wasn't leaving her side until she was my Bella again. We took our leave, leaving a teary Charlie in the doorway as we quickly made our way to our car. I sat in the back this time, glancing down and seeing Bella's eyes open again.

I had never seen this before, always inside her head instead of outside and being able to be a physical comfort. I was at a loss for what to do. I knew what and what not to say to her, how to calm her and how to lull away her fears and nightmares, things that came with the time we spent together.

My heart jolted in hope but it quickly died to the same grim pain as her blank expression shifted for a split second. However, instead of 'waking' she merely closed her eyes and made an effort to curl up even tighter in my lap. I didn't stop her of course, knowing she'd need to do it to feel the least bit safe and held together.

My own pain was there, seeming to burn a hole in the back of my mind as I put a conscious effort into ignoring it. Somehow and though Bella was the cause, just having her close, holding her to me was like a balm on a wound. Bella was like a shield, protecting me from the hurt even as she was fighting her own battles.

Nothing else mattered and no-one else was substantial enough. I had tunnel vision as I sat down on the sofa in my room, Bella's scent having lingered after her stay over. I didn't speak to my family as I raced up here with Bella in my arms. This… this was private in some strange way. Bella's pain was my pain, and anyone that encroached on that would never understand.

Sat there, in my room with Bella, I tried to get through to her and was happy when she replied, even if it was in a monosyllable. It was something at least.

My hand had weaved into her hair while the other couldn't resist gently pressing her cheek to me as I stroked it with my thumb. She didn't have to speak or even do anything; this was soothing me more than Jasper ever had.

She was beautiful, even now when she looked too thin and exhausted she was gorgeous. I could never hurt her, and I cringed at the very thought of ever living in a world without her. I hated it when she brought up the subject of her death so casually, though I used the excuse of her own thoughts of suicide.

Bella was to me what the sun is to a plant. It needs the sun to live, to grow, to _be_, and without the sun, the plant would wilt and eventually die. It was a rather apt analogy I think. No matter how much she doesn't believe it, I depend on Bella so much for the simplest things.

She fell asleep quickly, her thoughts becoming fuzzy but I would know that car anywhere, her own dread coursing through my veins when she too recognised the scene. She was reliving the whole crash, the catalyst to everything that was happening now.

I was unable to speak as her own pain increased, making the pain blanch through my veins once again and rendering me unable to do much of anything except breath. When she woke, her breathing was heavy and her heart was beating loudly and quickly. There was a moment of silence and stillness in the house before she made an attempt to curl up again, though this time I stopped her.

I turned her and rested her head on my shoulder as I crushed our chests together and squeezed my own eyes tightly shut as I heard her ripping sob, wet tears hitting my skin and soaking into the collar of my shirt as she shook and trembled. Her pain was only increasing as the numbness faded. My hold was too tight, I knew it but I couldn't break my grip. I needed her.

Her hands gripped handfuls of my own shirt, pulling it taught. I heard her thoughts, knowing I was grounding her and that she couldn't even feel my arms until I squeezed her a little, trying not to use too much pressure since I was sure I was already going to leave bruises.

But she didn't seem to care about it; in fact I wasn't even sure she even felt the pain I was sure I was causing.

I couldn't breathe, so I did it as little as possible. The only thing keeping me from letting the flames of pain lap me up was Bella. I whispered words of comfort to her but her breathing only became more erratic and her thoughts became frenzied and incoherent. She wasn't listening, but the words were helping me too; keeping me in there here and now when my memories were creeping up and threatening to overwhelm me.

As a vampire, a predator, I had never felt so weak and vulnerable. It was definitely not a feeling I would ever wish to replay.

But I heard it louder than ever before when she stopped fighting it, when she let the pain wash over her and drag her under. I heard her eyes shut and she let out one shaky breath before she allowed the memories to bombard her.

My first instinct was to throw away the thing that was causing me so much pain, but another instinct was to clutch the thing that was keeping the pain at bay. It was torture that they were both the same thing.

Bella's small battle had in turn waged my own, giving me the courage to stand in her shadow and fight my own demons. But now she had consciously given up, of her free will, and now I was left stranded on the battle field with my monsters closing in around me.

I wasn't weak, and neither was Bella. If she could face her fears, then so could I. We would heal each other, of that I was sure. It was simply a matter of how long it would take.

Her head turned in to my neck so that her warm breath hit my neck and made me shiver slightly. Her trembles were ever present and as were her tears, but her mind was fading from my own. This was my war now. Bella's fears had sparked my own whether I was prepared to face them or not. I had been a coward all these years, I knew it but I had never made any move to alter it. Now I would, because it was the least I could do for my girl.

I wasn't sure how long we both sat there, eyes closed and simply breathing, too lost in memories and pain to do anything else. I couldn't tell you if any of my family came and went, my senses being totally blocked. Even when I opened my eyes it was like there was a fog surrounding me, distorting my vision.

I wanted to know if Bella was alright, but my own demons were blocking my access to her.

I watched myself kill those men, snapping their necks and greedily and thoughtlessly killing them, thinking I was doing the world a favour when really I was merely finding an excuse for my own thirst and need. I saw the many would-be victims cry out in fear of me, begging me not to kill them.

I should have realised then that it was not what I thought. I wasn't a saviour and no-one thought me as such. All they saw was a monster killing someone mercilessly. The very people I was saving would rather be killed and hurt by those men than have me near them.

And I couldn't honestly blame them.

My final moments with my mother also played out, though the picture was bad and it was impossible to pick out details I knew roughly what was going on. These are the only memories of my human life I have left and I clung to them strongly, not wanting to forget my own mother.

My own change was probably the worst, the ghost of the venom burning through my veins almost had me balking, but Bella stirred in my arms, waking me up some from my own memories as she sniffed and shook.

But my own pain wouldn't be ignored, and now that it started, it would not be stopped. I heard Bella whisper my name and try to move, but my arms remained as rigid as ever around her. If she weren't here, I would have never been able to face this and come away with my sanity intact.

My eyes remained closed; my head leaned back against the sofa as though I were merely resting. Bella was moving, but where and how far I couldn't discern. I felt trapped between two worlds, both pulling at me but I could only choose one. One was a burning hell, and the other an eternal battle with my own hell.

"It's okay Edward. Everything's okay now" Bella's voice was surprisingly gentle as she spoke, her lips so close to my ear that I could feel her breath. I felt her hands then, the pain not hers anymore, but my own; all my own.

Her fingertips traced around my eyes, her thumbs grazing over my closed eyelids before she lowered her hands and cupped each side of my face, her thumbs stroking my jaw.

The pain was receding, being extinguished by Bella's simple touch.

When I could open my eyes I did so, immediately coming face to face with a rather small looking Bella as she sat not an inch from me. Her eyes held the pain we had both just experienced, but more… almost knowledge.

She quickly wrapped her arms around my neck, though my grip did not have to tighten in the slightest I squeezed her lightly, finally letting out the breath I had been holding for God knows how long.

"I saw it Edward… your pain, your memories" She whispered, her trembles lessening as I heard her thoughts becoming more clear.

"We're really fucked up aren't we?" She laughed humourlessly and I had to join in, because you couldn't find a more dysfunctional and odd pair anywhere else. But we fit together perfectly.

"Are you alright?" Ugh, my voice sounded horrible and I cleared my throat before asking again, something I hadn't had to do since being human.

_I think I'll be okay _She squeezed me tightly before sighing and relaxing again.

_What about you? _She enquired, releasing me and pulling back, her eyes scanning over my face and settling on my eyes.

_I've never seen you like that Edward… I've never heard or seen things like that in your head… not the way you were thinking of them. _She frowned caringly as she reached up and began to trace my eyes again. I let them slip shut, feeling my mind trying to reboot and piece itself back together again.

_I'll be fine _I sighed and I heard her do the same. I felt a pressure on my forehead and opened my eyes a little, finding Bella to be looking rather deep in thought as she rested her head on mine.

_This is so complicated. Why can't anything just be simple… why can't life just flow? _An irritated scowl turned the edges of her lips downwards for a moment before she opened her eyes, finding me staring at her and blushed lightly before sitting back.

She finally seemed to take in her surroundings, looking around and smiling a little at my room.

"Where is everyone?" She asked, looking back to me with wide eyes, blinking innocently like nothing had just happened.

_I don't know… my senses were unresponsive _I admitted, watching her eyebrows shoot up.

_Explain _She shifted a little in my lap and I stiffened a little at the friction, trying to keep the sudden shift and reaction of my body to myself as I cleared my throat and looked at her, praying that she didn't move anymore to the right. That would be absolutely mortifying.

I showed her what happened, keeping the pain out of the memory for both of our sakes. I told her about how I couldn't hear any thoughts at all, how I felt tired and lethargic.

"I still do actually" I sighed, finally acknowledging the thing that has had me worrying for some time. Vampires should not get tired, it was impossible. Then again it was impossible for humans to hear thoughts to, so there was that theory out of the window.

"Just rest. Maybe you need to hunt too" She frowned a little and I was a little startled about her casual reference to me going out and killing something.

"Edward give me a break. I've been doing this for seventeen years" She rolled her eyes at me and I couldn't help but smile lazily, shrugging.

"You should sleep" I pointed out as she tried to hide a yawn from me.

_It was worth a try. _She smiled sadly before a large yawn interrupted and her eyes drooped dramatically.

_Carlisle will want to check us both out; just a warning, _I told her as I watched her slip off my lap, thankfully my little 'situation' was gone by now and I didn't have any worries about mortification unless she grabbed me… God I hope the doesn't.

The sofa was pretty big so she was able to stretch out, her toes pushing against my thigh as she tried to get my attention. I cleared the worried frown off my face when she pointedly asked about it, refusing to explain to her that I was scared she was going to grope me.

Nope, not even going to go there.

_Come on; _She yawned, nuzzling into the leather as she showed me an image of someone laid on the sofa beside someone else. Getting the picture, I slid down onto my side and crawled up, resting my head beside hers on the arm rest. I really was tired, and couldn't even bring myself to fetch a pillow or quilt, instead simply pulling her to me so that her back was against my chest and hanging my arm over her hip.

She wiggled around a bit, sighing a few times, once she almost fell off the sofa but caught herself before she hit the ground, the next time she _actually did _fall off the sofa, huffing before demanding that we swift places since I wouldn't fall.

So, here we were now, both laid out on my sofa, one of us asleep and the other trying to put my mind back together again. Bella nuzzled into my chest for the third time, her head resting above my heart and her small hand pressed against my stomach. I did feel bad though, seeing her squashed against the back of the sofa on her side but whenever I tried to move she'd wrinkle her nose and clutch at my shirt until I stopped.

She was utterly adorable and beautiful.

I knew she'd have to talk about what happened that it would be painful and difficult, but it needed to be done. But for now, we would settle for the peace and quiet after the storm; the rebuilding could wait until later.

I didn't need to sleep and so by just laying there idly my strength was returning along with my senses. It seems that mine and Bella's connection is stronger than my mind reading since I didn't hear Esme downstairs as she hummed to herself, her thoughts a whisper and too quiet for me to make out. However, I did note that no-one else was in the house.

Carlisle had thankfully called us both in sick at school – I learned when Esme's mind became a little louder – and that he did indeed want to look us both over for any other… side effects. It seems that both Bella and I had been 'unconscious' all night and most of the morning since it was now almost eleven am.

Despite the pain of the previous night, the memories that were still fresh in my mind, I was content now. Bella and I had some talking to do, though whether I divulge my feelings for her or not, is still in question. But for now, I let that slide from my mind, which it did surprisingly easily and quickly. Usually it takes a lot to empty my mind, with everything to think about and then all the thoughts I'm surrounded by clearing my head can be nigh impossible. But today it seems my mind was as slow and exhausted as my body and I had no quandaries or objections as my eyes slipped shut and I allowed myself to encompass the illusion of sleep.

--

My little 'nap' turned out to be rather productive. I got so lost in the gentle hum of my mind -created from the dull hum of Bella and Esme's thoughts and stray ones of my own- that I think that was as close to sleep as a vampire could ever get. I was deaf and blind to the world around me, totally and utterly immersed in my own head and nothing else.

It was only at half past three when the others returned from school that I resurfaced, concentrating rather hard and becoming bombarded with worry and concerned thoughts from them all. Cringing, I relaxed again and was glad when my mind was significantly quieter without the incessant chatter about Bella and I. I glumly 'woke' up and shook the cobwebs from my mind, feeling though resisting the urge to stretch and yawn like I had seen so many humans do in films and television shows.

My eyes wandered down to where Bella still laid, her lips slightly parted as she breathed evenly, looking more peaceful than I could have ever thought after the night we just had. There was no fear, no worry, no anger or even confusion or frustration, just peace.

I couldn't move even if I wanted to, not that I did. Bella's warmth was amazing; though the hours pressed against me had cooled her temperature she was still significantly warmer than my own skin. She had me pinned and I had to think of the irony; a human pinning a vampire. But if I wanted to get up I would have to wake her up and she was so calm right now that I didn't want to shove her back into the harsh reality of life.

I couldn't help but smile when I heard Esme order the others to leave us in peace and let Carlisle speak to us when he gets home. They were all worried about us both, which honestly shocked me.

Then again, they were all on her side for me telling Bella how I feel. Yeah, my family is siding with Bella over me. I didn't know whether to be annoyed at them all or happy that they had all accepted her and were getting along.

I didn't want to move, and so I settled myself in for the next few hours of watching Bella's dream, something I do quite often. It was truly amazing what her mind cooks up sometimes; dancing cutlery, evil iPod's and once even everyone turned into robots. Her fear was rather amusing though she didn't find it the least bit entertaining at the time.

I got rather immersed again in Bella's dream, watching as she vaulted out of a random garden centre window, which immediately turned into a 30 story flat that she was falling out of. At some point she acquired a Japanese friend and then some men in cliché black outfits were chasing them both with guns which fired small stuffed animals.

Ah, the wonders of the human mind…

I left Bella to her dreaming when she suddenly had the urge to go to Greggs, which appeared in the middle of the desert they were currently trekking through for some unknown reason.

I did need to go hunting, and though I knew I would never hurt Bella I needed to get my strength up again and cover all of my bases just in case. Yes, I was acclimatised to Bella's scent after seventeen years of it, but having hearing her heart thudding, feeling it surging through her veins beneath my hands… I may not want to hurt her but that didn't mean that I wouldn't accidentally.

Carlisle came home at half past four, much too the growing impatience of his children and even his wife. Their thoughts were still a little dim even as he made his way to my room, politely knocking lightly on the door before opening it and stepping inside.

He stared for a long moment, either at mine and Bella's position or my smile I couldn't be too sure. Eventually he simply chuckled and shook his head dismissively, grabbing my wheelie chair and dragging it from beneath my desk before sitting down in it, clasping his hands in his lap before looking at me meaningfully.

I only understood a moment later. He was trying to talk to me in his mind.

"People's thoughts are a little fuzzy right now Carlisle" I let my smile drop as I spoke, letting a spark of fear finally free in my mind. No matter how much I dislike my ability without it I'd be lost.

The whole family agreed with me, though their thoughts were a hum unless I really concentrated on them; I guessed it from the lack of enthusiasm. Everyone complained about the lack of privacy so I had thought that this would be a chance of retribution for some _**Emmett**._

Carlisle recovered from his shock after a moment, simply nodding before moving on.

"Can you still hear Bella's thoughts?" He asked, leaning forward a little.

"Loud and clear" I made a point to lower my voice when Bella shifted a little, her heartbeat increasing a little before she sighed and settled again.

"And… are their any other repercussions of what happened?" He looked rather unsure about how to go about this whole thing, not that I could honestly blame him. I mean who ever heard of a vampire being almost incapacitated by a human and their pain?

"I'm… tired I guess" I shrugged lightly "After it passed my senses were down too" I added, knowing how that would pique his interest.

Immediately his eyes widened, and I couldn't resist the urge to picture him as a dog with its ears twitching. It brought a wry grin to my face.

"Like smell, touch, sight…" He trailed off when I nodded.

"I could barely feel Bella even though I probably hurt her with my grip" I cast my eyes to Bella's back, clenching my jaw taught for a moment before continuing.

"My sight came back after a minute, but smell and hearing took a few hours. I didn't know who was in the house for quite some time" I expanded, knowing he'd fish for details and that I would be asked about this for some time to come. My eyes lingered on Bella's probably injured back and I had to swallow my own disgust for the time being.

"I don't honestly know what to say. Nothing like this has ever happened before, certainly not pertaining a human and a vampire." He sighed and I took my gaze of Bella long enough to see his brow pucker in thought.

"All I can say is rest and hunt, I'm afraid we're running blind on this" he ran a hand through his hair and I didn't need to read his mind to know he didn't like the prospect of not knowing at all.

"How is she?" His eyes held a strange tenderness to them as he gazed at Bella for a moment. I wanted to hear his thoughts, but the most I could hear was a dull hum of his words, none of them were distinguishable.

"She seemed to be doing okay" I trailed my hand up and down her hip lightly, not stopping when Carlisle caught the movement and smirked knowingly.

I rolled my eyes and where his thoughts had probably gone. "Usually she hides inside her mind; it blocks and numbs the pain some. But this time she let it have her" I pointedly steered the conversation back on track, not wanting to discuss my feelings or reactions towards Bella at this time.

"Perhaps that was why your senses were blocked then" he mused, only expanding when I quirked an eyebrow questioningly. "Well when I saw her, she was totally unresponsive meaning that she had cut off her senses. If the connection between the two of you is as strong as I believe it is, then she could have inadvertently caused your own senses to shut down when she did the same"

Wow, I hadn't even thought of that.

"And she… stopped blocking the pain consciously?" He asked and I could only nod, once again wishing for my mind reading to be in the know. I hated being out of the loop.

"But you didn't" he pointed out quietly, and I nodded in understanding.

He thought that, much like I had with fighting our demons, Bella had provoked my own horrors and pulled me into the fire right with her only for her to leave me when she went on her own tangent. I was never in control of any of it, so of course I wasn't able to gain any semblance of control when I was deserted by the only one who could control what was happening.

We both lapsed into silence again but Emmett's sigh of annoyance was loud enough to reach even my dull hearing and we both snapped out of our heads and smiled knowingly.

"Do you think she'll be up to answering any questions when she wakes up?" He asked patiently even though I saw the raging curiosity in his eyes. At least he was trying to calm it.

"Maybe… she's strong but I'm not sure how much she can take at on time" I frowned but he nodded in understanding. Hopefully he'd keep the questions to a minimum for a while to let her get a grip again.

"What happened to you last night? Jasper said that you were incapacitated but still in pain…" He hedged, looking honestly rather terrified as he leaned back in the chair, trying to keep his calm mask on. Unfortunately his bouncing leg had him sussed; sometimes human's mannerisms are rather amusing to witness on the vampire though.

"I felt her pain too, the emotional hurt transformed into physical as it sometimes does with humans when the emotional pain becomes too much" I began, pausing as he nodded and motioned for me to carry on.

"Well Bella was reliving the accident which caused the pain, and I relived… my rogue days and my own change. I think my own mind conjured up the memories as an excuse for the pain" I frowned, once again wondering the extent of the many things Bella Swan could do to me if she wanted to.

"Familiarisation" He mumbled as he nodded his gaze unfocussed for a moment before he looked back to me. "If someone is put in an unfamiliar situation, the mind would try to conjure a similar scenario to put the person at ease. If something is familiar then you are less likely to panic" He concluded easily.

Yes, I knew how humans hated moving out of their comfort zone, how the hated change and loved anything and everything that was familiar to them. It was just strange how my mind works similarly.

"So I relived the most painful experiences of my existence because my mind needed to find a reason for the pain?" Would it be strange to say I didn't like my own mind? Yes, I suppose it would.

"Possibly" Carlisle hummed thoughtfully once again. "Remember Edward, we were once human and we have retained some human mannerisms" His looked pointedly at my hand which was still drawing patterns on Bella's hip while she slept.

Oh, why does everything come back to sex?

I was waiting for the lecture he was going to give me; the one about being careful when touching her, about keeping my head and not getting carried away because I could hurt her. Oh joy, I doubt I would ever live it down thanks to my brothers.

No, it would never happen because I wasn't going to tell her!

Okay, so maybe I did wonder sometimes, maybe I was curious about what she would say, her own feelings towards me and anything else she'd likely throw into the mixture. Bella wasn't a child anymore, I knew it but seeing her was a totally different kettle of fish.

When I held her away from me that first day, when I looked at her body I couldn't deny that I was shocked. We weren't perfect with the connection and sometimes we slipped, ending with both parties embarrassed because one had seen something we had both promised we would hide. Yes, she'd seen my penis and yes I had seen her breasts but there was a pointed reason we didn't tell anyone that tiny fact.

I'm sure Emmett would goad me for information for the rest of my existence if I ever let that slip. Esme and Carlisle would be rather horrified and the others would merely laugh. I had a loving family didn't I?

No, she definitely wasn't a child and though I hadn't seen or heard any strong affection for any boys she had met I knew it was only a matter of time. Humans usually follow the same pattern; grow up, go to college, meet a boy, leave college and go to work, fall in love, get married, have kids… yada yada yada.

But the very thought of another man touching my girl had me on edge, and I was slightly ashamed to remember my reaction to Carlisle's contact with her.

It was sure to be torture to hear her thoughts of love towards another man, yet I wouldn't deny her the happiness she would undoubtedly feel. I could never hold her back no matter how much she wanted me to stick around.

"But that is a conversation for another time" Carlisle smiled slightly when I blinked dumbly, coming out of my own thoughts and backtracking to try to remember what the hell we had said. I nodded gratefully, already able to hear Emmett and Jasper snickering from downstairs. Damn it!

"We'll talk more later" he said as he stood, tucking the chair beneath the desk as he looked at the two of us for a moment.

"You make a good couple you know" he commented, ignoring my grimace as he carried on. "I've never heard of a human understanding or comforting a vampire and she has shown an amazing capacity for acceptance of all things strange" he smirked and shook his head lightly.

"Edward I have guided and watched over you for the best part of a century, and not even I could understand you as wholly as that girl there. You're both just as messed up as one another" he smirked as I did, nodding and not taking offence since Bella had said the same thing earlier, plus a curse though. "But you can support one another and heal each other. You need her" He concluded, stunning me into silence and stillness for a moment before I mutely nodded.

Was I that transparent?

"I'd tell you to sleep" he chuckled as he opened my door "But I suppose 'Just rest' works just fine" He smirked for a moment as he began to walk out "And have fun" He chortled for a moment before quickly shutting the door. I could tell the others were laughing even if I couldn't hear them.

Shaking my head and allowing them to gloat for now, I rested my head back on the sofa arm and sighed, allowing myself to relax once again. With Bella in my arms it was only too easy to recapture the peace my mind had sought out; making even the hum of thoughts disappear as I closed my eyes.

--

Bella's Perspective…

I had survived, I was breathing, I was warm and I was fine. I had survived the storm.

Hang on, I was _fine? _Since when was I ever _fine_ when it came to the after effects of an episode? I was always guilty, depressed or just shut off for at least a couple of weeks before I bounced back.

But… I was fine. Sure, I was a little tired but that was to be expected after all. My mind though… I felt lighter, freer as I thought. There were no demons lurking in the shadows waiting to pounce.

Facing my fears actually seemed to have worked, making them seem further away than ever. I felt… normal, or as normal as I could ever get I suppose. The pain had been intolerable, all encompassing and uncontrollable but I had made it through it and here I was.

Still, I was undecided if it was worth the pain for the freedom. I guess I'd have to wait and see how long this lasts.

I peeked my eyes open blearily, not really wanting to move as I sighed and blinked a few times to clear my vision of the haze sleep as settled over me. I was immediately aware of Edward beneath me, his chest rising and falling with his breath but he made no move to acknowledge my awakening. His thought also seemed far away; not blocked, just fuzzy and indistinct.

I cringed as I remembered the pain in his features, the pain I had inflicted upon him, the images and memories he had relived. I knew how he hated himself and what he did, how he sometimes wished for his own death for penance of his sins. It hurt to know I conjured the very monster that tormented him so, that I forced him so face it when he had been consciously and studiously avoiding the entire situation for almost a century.

It seemed that we had both missed an entire day, the setting sun dimply lighting the room through the large windows to my right. I would have gotten up but I simply couldn't find the will to move myself. I could gladly remain sandwiched between Edward's side and the sofa back for ever if I could just hold onto this feeling.

It did take a while, but eventually I did realise where I was; in Edward's house, with Edward's family would undoubtedly be here since they would never leave Edward alone after such a horrendous day. I had told Edward that I didn't want them to see me like that; so vulnerable and weak. Yet here I was, in Edward's room with the man himself with his family close by.

It didn't matter what Edward said about them, they remained his family not mine, and I knew that they liked me to some degree because of how Edward had changed. However, I didn't think that would extend to offering any sympathy or support since I had been the one to cause Edward such harm.

How very wrong I was.

It couldn't have been three minutes later when Carlisle walked in, pausing in the doorway when he saw me awake and smiling as he continued towards me. Edward remained still spare for his breathing, his mind still a mix of hazy words and images. I did wonder if he had his eyes closed but I didn't dare move in case I broke him out of it. After seeing him in so much pain, seeing and feeling that pain through our link, it was nice to feel some peace come from him.

"Bella" Carlisle crouched down in front of the sofa we were laid on and I offered a small tired smile back, not trusting my voice too much.

"How are you feeling?" His brow was furrowed as he frowned, his intense gaze settling on me with an odd shine of concern. I guess I mean more to them than I thought.

"I'm okay" My own voice made me cringe, though I couldn't clear my throat in fear of disturbing Edward. Carlisle eyed me peculiarly for a moment before smiling and standing again, sighing as he did so.

He held his hand out to me and I eyed it with a raised eyebrow, shaking my head when he frowned in confusion.

"I'm kind of stuck between a lump of a vampire and a sofa" I explained, wiggling a little and finding a little room to manoeuvre. Carlisle chuckled, either at my wording or my actions I couldn't be sure, but nevertheless, he motioned for me to take his hand.

Somehow he got me out without disturbing Edward - though I may have kicked him at one point. Carlisle had to stop me from falling as my legs gave out on me but I explained that I'm always weak afterwards, to which he simply nodded stoically. He held onto me for a moment before letting me go but hovering, his arms returning to his sides when I remained upright.

When I looked at Edward I had to do a double take. Was he… sleeping? It looked like it; his eyes closed as he breathed evenly and a peaceful mask covering his face. It was a strange thing to witness after years of knowing that vampires couldn't sleep at all.

"It's the closest to sleep any of us can reach" Carlisle murmured, motioning to Edward's bathroom door across the room.

"Do you want to get cleaned up?" He asked and I grimaced, nodding quickly as he pointed to the doorway.

"Alice will get you some clothes. Just come down afterwards okay" He smiled, resting his hand on my shoulder before disappearing and closing the door behind him. I remained where I was for the moment, not able to resist raising my hand and ghosting over where his own hand had just been.

It was such a simple touch, but I had seen it in Edward's mind many times. Carlisle was by no means a harsh man, though nor was he stupid. He knew who to trust and he was a good judge of character. To have his acceptance was an amazing accomplishment for me.

I snapped myself out of it when I realised that my eyes were smarting and I was still stood in the same spot. Casting my glance back to a 'sleeping' Edward, I quickly slipped into the bathroom and peeled off the crinkled clothes, ditching them in a corner as I turned the shower on.

I always feel horrible after an 'episode', so I didn't rush through the shower. I stood for a good five minutes beneath the spray, letting the water wash away the tears and sweat my thoughts had brought to me, letting the sound soothe me further until I was almost asleep once again when I got a blast of energy from somewhere. My eyes jolted open immediately and I blinked a few times, unaware that I had moved and was leaning against the tiled wall.

After sending some gratitude Jasper's way for the wake up, I washed my hair and body absentmindedly, more interested in what was going on with Edward.

I had never heard of a vampire being so peaceful or… vulnerable. I had gotten the impression that they never tired, never wanted for anything besides blood. They were always alert, ready and prepared.

Apparently not.

I had by no means forgotten how much of a dick Edward had been, or the message I sent him in parking lot about telling me or loosing me. Still, it was hard to be upset with him after hurting him so much and him still holding me. He was there when I needed him; the only problem was that I didn't know how much longer I had that security.

I watched his thoughts closely, or as closely as I could when trying not to get shampoo suds in my eyes. I could make nothing of the blurry images and sounds there, only that he seemed to be remembering something long ago.

It was twenty minutes later when I stepped out of the shower wrapped in a towel that I sighed and gave up trying to figure it out. Clearly there was more to Edward than I had presumed, but he still refused to let me in.

My annoyance was growing again, and I quickly used the aggression and took it out on towel drying my hair rather than throwing something at the vampire in the other room.

The images moved at such a fast speed in Edward's mind that it was actually beginning to give me a headache so I made a pointed effort to block it. Still wrapped in the large fluffy towel, I cracked the door open and shivered at the cool air that hit my body.

Edward was still 'asleep' on the sofa and I scowled at him for a moment before my eyes roamed the room again. My eyes landed on a few hangers hung on Edward's closet door and I quickly made my way over to them, sending a quiet thank you to Alice; both for the clothes and for giving me sweat pants even though I know she detests them.

"You're welcome Bella" Alice must have yelled because I heard it from the third floor, swiftly followed by laughter and mumbling from the first floor. Chuckling lightly and unhooking the hangers from the closet door, I turned.

Of course, then my view was obstructed by a very hard and blue chest and I couldn't move because his arms were tightly wrapped around me, crushing me to him.

I would have returned the hug if I wasn't still wet from my shower, wearing only the towel I was wrapped in, and holding hangers of clothing.

He said nothing at all; in fact I wasn't even sure he was breathing as he clutched me even tighter. My annoyance ebbed away as I remembered the pain in his eyes, the desperation and fear that I had become oh so familiar with. Ignoring the fact that I was still wet and in a towel, I dropped the clothes and wrapped my arms and tight as I could around him, burying my face in his chest and letting his scent surround me.

I hadn't had any physical contact with Edward since Saturday when he told Charlie about us. God that seemed so long ago now. Still, after having Edward in touching distance suddenly, the fact that he was gone from my sight was even harder to bear when I wasn't angry and bitter.

I realised belatedly that his thoughts had returned to my head and I stopped trying to block them and let them in. To say he was frantic would be an understatement. I could only pick up the odd word, but his emotions spoke loud enough for me to hear.

He was scared, utterly petrified though for which reason I couldn't be certain –there were quite a few after all. It all seemed to centre around me though, my name and face appearing a lot from different perspectives.

I pulled back when his emotions got darker, his grip loosening to allow me the movement. Anyone who didn't know Edward wouldn't see it; the pain and sheer torture in his face. But I could, and it tormented me the longer I saw it swirling in his golden eyes.

_Come on_. I took his hand in mine and was glad when he allowed me to lead him back to the sofa. I sat him down, finding his eyes brimming with emotions that I couldn't possibly begin to understand or comprehend. The urge to comfort him was overwhelming; to soothe his pains away the only way I knew; though at this point I seriously doubted if Edward could hear my thoughts anyway.

But I wasn't restricted to thoughts anymore; I could touch him, hold him and speak to him. I could soothe him more effectively than I ever have before.

I quickly told him to sit there and wait, knowing it was pointless since I doubted he would be moving any time soon. I swiped the clothes from the floor and dashed into the bathroom, almost slipping on a puddle I had made but thankfully grabbing the counter before falling. Getting dressed was a whole other fiasco.

You know when you're in a hurry and so move as quickly as you can, but in the end it would have been faster t go slow because you messed up so much because of your own clumsiness brought on by the panic? Yeah, I hate it too.

So I hopped back into Edward room, pulling on a sock and managing to finally get my arm through the damn sleeve of the shirt Alice had provided.

I had been wrong however; Edward had moved. Instead of staring at me intently as though trying to burn something into my eyes he was slumped forward, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, bowed to his chest so I couldn't see his face.

Not that I needed to; his thoughts and emotions were clear enough. I didn't hesitate to rush to his side, sitting on the sofa and wrapping my hand around his wrist and gently tugging.

He raised his head after a moment, letting his forearms dangle off the ends of his knees. It was difficult; what with his own emotions threatening to engulf me as well as my own, but I somehow managed to get him to understand. Either that or he needed the same thing I did.

Before I could even blink I was in his lap, in much the same position we had been last night, out chests smashed together with his arms wrapped tightly around my lower back and his face buried into my neck.

But this was different; he wasn't surrounded by his own demons anymore, he was scared and utterly broken. I know how much it haunted him; his past and how he hunted humans and to have that flashed in front of your face would be horrendous to say the least. He would argue that it was no easier for me, but he would be wrong. I was used to this; this pain, albeit not to acute. He wasn't and I hoped he never would be.

It took a moment for me to realise he was sobbing – or dry sobbing really since vampires can't cry. His whole body shook with the force of them, and the very sight was enough to spring tears in my own eyes. I hated to see Edward in such pain.

My hands wound into his hair, knowing he found it soothing from when Esme used to do it. Tilting my head to the side a little, I allowed my head to rest against the top of his as I closed my eyes and sighed, wishing that somehow this wasn't all so very complicated.

My mind strayed to Carlisle, how he had said to go down 'afterwards' but I guess they knew we would need some time to ourselves. That, by no means, means that they would leave to give us any privacy and I had no doubt that they were all downstairs listening.

We didn't talk but we didn't need words. I knew his pain, even understood it to some extent though I know I could never truly comprehend the extent of it no matter how long I remain in Edward's mind and privy to most of his thoughts.

"It's okay Edward" I cooed though my own throat was constricting. The 'free' feeling was fading now, Edward's pain only reminding me of my own. Still, he endured his pain for me; the least I could do was reciprocate.

I rocked us both slightly, feeling Edward's cold breath fanning across my neck and chest as he turned his head. Biting back my own tears, I flicked a lock of his hair from my eyes.

"Everything's alright" I whispered, choking a little as my tears broke the dam and ran down my cheeks silently. I felt Edward's finger unlock from their grip around one another, both hands rubbing my back soothingly as my hands remained in his hair. His sobs subsided and his shaking died down to stillness as he calmed down. His thoughts became clearer too once he stopped panicking and managed to clear his mind.

Edward pulled back and I begrudgingly raised my head and gulped when he stopped a few inches from me, our eyes level and locking on one another's. God knows what he saw in my own features.

He stilled for a moment, his eyes darkening before he closed his eyes and clenched his jaw tight shut. Only having his mind to work with, I searched for the answer to his mood change. Though certainly no more hectic, his mind was once again a whirlwind of emotion.

"I hurt you" He hissed, opening his eyes and gazing at me with jet black irises. He was blaming himself; his self loathing and guilt itching up a few notches as he spoke.

"I'm fine Edward. I didn't even know" I was glad when he didn't pull away as he reached up and rested my palm against the side of his cheek, wondering when he had hurt me. I knew he would never intentionally cause me any harm so I couldn't exactly blame him.

_But I hurt you. _He thought as he leaned into my touch, his eyes lightening and softening as he took a shaky breath, showing me when he'd hurt me.

"Edward, we were both out of it and can't exactly be held responsible for our actions. It's fine. I didn't even notice them when I had a shower" I whispered, my words being like balm on a wound as I felt his self loathing receding some along with his guilt.

"You can't bare all this Edward, all this pain and guilt… you have to let it go or it'll consume you" My thumb brushed over his cheek as I whispered my words, truly hating how he put the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"It's not that easy" He mumbled, his eyes remaining closed. He looked almost peaceful like that. Sighing again and feeling my exhaustion returning, I leaned forwards and rested my forehead against his, letting my eyes close.

This was how we were; no matter how much we argued or fought, no matter what was said, we were always there for one another. We couldn't help it. It was a need, almost like an instinct to be there, to help, to soothe and to calm the other in times of distress.

I allowed myself a moment's reprieve before opening my eyes, meeting Edward's own eyes as he gazed at me. Our faces were so close I could feel his breath hitting my own lips as we stared at one another. He seemed to be searching again, searching for something I didn't know or understand.

This was all so complicated.

My eyes closed again, tired both physically and mentally of all the commotion recently. So much had happened and there was so much that I didn't understand.

My attention was brought to Edward as his thoughts shifted suddenly, though his mind once again became a haze of confusion and doubt for a long moment before a surge of resolution surged through him.

I didn't have time to try to understand what that was because I felt something press against my lips, though not necessarily bad, the shock and unexpected pressure was enough to make me gasp and for my eyes to pop open. The sight before me had my mind going blank and my brain coming up empty as I saw Edward closer than before, his eyes shut but his features relaxed.

It was a difficult thing to grasp in that moment, the shock jarring my thoughts for a moment before I felt his lips _move _against mine.

Edward kissed me. Edward _is kissing me!_

* * *

**_Okay, so this one took forever but I do have an excuse... or a reason even though I do feel bad about it now._**

**_I got one message -I know 1 message is only 1 message but it was a big deal to me. I have only ever had one bad review and it really but me on edge. Anyway, back to the point. I got this message from a reader -I will not disclose the name- who said that no-one takes me seriously -as serious as you get on FanFic anyway- because I hardly ever update and that there was no point in even doing this._**

**_Needless to say that I was put out and a tad angry. Honestly, it put me off this story for a while. Every time I tried to write it wuld remind me and I would just get angry and do something else._**

**_Then I felt bad becayse of all the other guys -YOU!! AMAZING RADERS OF MINE!! - that don't hassle me about updating and if you do, you do so kindly. I do have a life outside of this website - though admittedly I used to be thoroughly obsesses - and have exams, holidays and heaps of stuff on my plate right now. I've only got two more weeks at school before I leave and start exams, then its college..._**

**_So yeah, most of you can hopefully understand how I can't really update so often._**

**_Anyway, I'm over the message now so no worries on that front. If updates are few and far between, don't fear there will be more. _**

**_DON'T GIVE UP ON ME!!_**


	8. Chapter 8

**I don't even know where to begin with my hanks to all of you that reviewed. I got almost 140 reviews filled with support, and some filled with such foul language that I laughed. I'm grateful for you're words of kindness and wisdom, especially those that referred to the 'Evil Reviewer' as a Hoe. That one made me giggle.**

**You are the best readers I could ever ask for, especially for putting up with me and my scant updating recently. But my exams are now finished, I am not going on holiday, and my college is sorted. I have a month and a half free... so you might be seeing a little more action in the updating department.**

**Anyway, on with the story...**

**Don't I Know You?**

**Bella's Perspective...**

This did not add up. Nope. It was like adding 5 to 9 and getting 3. It just didn't happen; ever. But it was. This was happening. Why was this happening? And yet… yet… I couldn't bring myself to pull away.

His lips were soft; cold but gentle against my own. I had never even imagined kissing Edward but… this was pretty nice. Unfortunately, my body disagreed with the 'nice' statement and it was like a switch had been flipped.

My hand wove into his hair as I pulled myself ever closer, my lips moving against his. My God, he tasted amazing…

I had never kissed a boy before, never mind a vampire. I had honestly never saw the big deal with it, but this… this was special, sensual almost.

I felt Edward's hands on my waist, his thumbs rubbing circles into my skin through the shirt Alice had given me. I needed more; I craved it. I didn't know what this was; an addiction? An urge? I didn't know, but it seemed impossible to ignore. And Edward was the answer, the drug and the medicine to cure it.

I was aware of everything that was Edward, as strange as that sounds. I felt every heave of his chest as he took breath, I could feel a small lock of his unruly hair tickling my forehead; I could feel his legs either side of me as I knelt on the sofa and the subtle way he pulled me ever closer.

But then his hands started to move, and my God I was having an aneurism. They moved up, over my shirt, quickly coming to a halt on my shoulders. I suddenly felt one on my face, cupping my cheek as his thumb stroked my jaw gently, the other tucking my hair behind my ear before cupping the other side of my face and pulling me impossibly closer still.

I couldn't think, in fact I couldn't do much else than kiss him back. I couldn't even control myself. Edward's mind was blank, though it may have been my inability to concentrate on anything else that did it. After all, I couldn't even hear myself right now.

Unfortunately, I, unlike Edward, had to breathe, and I was dangerously close to passing out as it was. My head was swimming and my body was feeling awfully light by the time I pulled away and gasped a lungful of air. My eyes slipped shut as I desperately tried to ignore the questions and simply bathe in the strange bliss that was encompassing me.

Edward was still beneath me, utterly frozen, and it terrified me. Whilst I got a grasp again and recovered from the almost-passing out, I peeked my eyes open, rather scared of what I would see.

I didn't expect a grinning Edward, or for him to still have his eyes closed and a look of total contentment on his face. Contentment I put there; partly anyway. The contrast to his expression now to how he had looked before; stricken, scared and lost to peaceful was amazing.

There was only one problem. It was the typical things you see in teen movies, the bits that make you roll your eyes and wonder why they have to go the long way around and why they can't just say things outright. Why is everything always so simple to everyone but the people it concerns?

I had just kissed Edward, and it was rather heated kiss. I had not been 'saving myself' for anyone really, I was just waiting for the right time. And now it had been Edward; my best friend. The closest person to my heart; closer, even, than Charlie.

But we were friends. _Friends. _And where did all of this come from? We were friends, or so I thought, and then he kisses me? Not that I am complaining or anything… but now I was confused.

But should I be complaining? I had never thought of Edward in a romantic way; not until now that is. Should I be angry that he kissed me? Should I storm out, hit him or yell?

I didn't want to; I didn't want to do anything but kiss him again; to feel his lips against mine and his hands on my face. My tongue unconsciously darted out and tasted him on my lips as I stared at his euphoric face. I wanted him.

And that scared me more than anything.

Awkward doesn't even begin to cover it.

Once he did open his eyes, they settled on me and his smile quickly faded to one of mortification and horror. I was hurt by his reaction, my own emotions descending too, but I wasn't given the opportunity to make it right.

In a flash Edward was gone and I was still bouncing on the sofa cushions where he dumped me. After a rather angry pep talk to myself, I sighed and went downstairs. Of course his family knew what happened up there, there was no doubt about that.

So my blush was constant and bright as I sat in the living room with everyone sat around and answered Carlisle's questions with as little syllables as I could. Honestly, I didn't feel too bad after the episode. Edward had provided a rather big distraction for me after all.

Edward was hunting, as Carlisle told me when I inquired. He looked confused at my question, and so I explained that Edward had blocked his mind so thoroughly that I couldn't even catch a whisper anymore. I had never seen Carlisle angry until then, but I wasn't scared. Not too much anyway. Out of them all, Carlisle had the best control.

He wouldn't elaborate any further than: "It's not right" and I didn't push him for more. After leading me away from the sitting room and the others who had remained silent and creepily watchful during the discussion, he sat me down in his office and explained that he wanted to give me a physical examination. After a rather bright blush, he assured me it was only my vitals he wanted to check.

Stupid brain going into overdrive.

Of course I was fine, sighing and pulling my shirt back down after he checked my breathing and heart. I fidgeted in my seat, sitting on my hands and chewing my bottom lip as I wondered what Carlisle thought of what happened upstairs. Edward was the prodigal son, the first to have been changed by him, the lonely one and the brooding one. In a way, he was the favourite.

As soon as Carlisle was finished, I asked if one of them could possibly take me home. Of course, I felt rude for even asking, and my blush only deepened when Emmett appeared in the doorway, beaming before blurring next to me and draping an arm across my shoulders and pulling me against him, all the while proclaiming that he would be the one to take me home.

I don't know why he was so dramatic about it but I let it slide. It was Emmett we were talking about after all.

My departure was lame; being too embarrassed to even make eye contact and too caught up in my own head to really even be there as I said my goodbyes; vaguely hearing their own calls in return.

Still, I saw another side to Emmett on the car ride home; a side I had only seen a handful of times.

As soon as he turned on the engine, the smile slid from his face and he frowned out the windscreen. How did I know? I could see his reflection in the window I was pretending to stare out of. My mind wandered for a moment, to the forest we were driving through. Was Edward really hunting; or just running? He always ran when he wanted peace and time to think by himself.

"Bella, Edward is an ass. We all know it" He sighed "and don't even try to correct me" He hurried to add as I turned and faced him, ready to defend my best friend but coming up short as he sent me a meaningful look.

"He's been a total jerk to you" He spat, narrowing his eyes only for a split second before they widened again, "I mean, he preached for hours how much you mean to him, he even went as far as to threaten to kill Rosalie, which I am sure you remember" He raised his eyebrows and I nodded silently, wishing for some background music or something to break the tension in the car. It was me of course, I knew that. Emmett was calm and casual; it was me that was wound so tight it was shocking I could still think.

"So if he cares about you so much why is he such a prick?" He muttered quietly, and I sat silently beside him, unable to answer. Of course I had been thinking the exact same thing for the past few days.

Emmett had taken Carlisle's Mercedes, and so it brought a lot of attention as we rode through town and towards Charlie's house in silence. It was attention I could have done without, though the tinted windows did help.

"He kissed you" He said thoughtfully, seeming at random as I glanced at him and found him watching me intently.

He kissed me. It sounded so… so casual, so forced. But it hadn't been. It was consensual and, though we didn't get any further than lips, I was sure it would never be forgotten. My first kiss.

We pulled up to Charlie's house and I quietly thanked him, reaching beside me and unclipping my seatbelt. Emmett's huge hand gripped my wrist, halting my movements as I glanced up at him questioningly. My cheeks were already growing hotter from mentioning the kiss; I didn't want any more talks about that right now.

"Listen alright" He took his hand back quickly when I relaxed again in the seat, turning a little towards him and waiting for him to carry on. Emmett was not one for many words; well, not when it came to being serious anyway, so when he did speak like this, people had better stop and listen.

"Alice was right; like she always is" He rolled his eyes and smiled slightly as I nodded, urging him on.

"Edward needs to be pushed right to the edge, and I don't mean literally. He's doing this to himself and he's miserable about it. Lord knows why he's doing it, but nothing will get through his head and stop him. So let him go, if only for a little while. I know it's hard; I've seen the two of you together" He gave me a piercing look that made me want to melt into the seat and disappear. Where all vampires so perceptive?

"Edward will push himself further and further, simply because he's a masochist and that's how his fucked up mind works" he pulled a face but composed himself quickly, carrying on. "Eventually, when he has pushed himself so far from you, he won't be able to stay away any more. When he is on the edge, teetering between coming back and running away; just when he's vulnerable, you have to go to him. He has to know what he's missing, and this is the only way without beating his balls like I want to" He pouted a little, looking rather adorable as he sulked for a long moment, his eyes cast out the front window as he thought.

Suddenly his eyes snapped to mine and he smiled apologetically.

"Charlie's waiting impatiently for you inside". His smile was careful as he watched my face fall quickly. Charlie…

I'd broken down in front of him; I'd been unresponsive to everything and anything he had tried to do to snap me out of it. The details were shaky at best, but at some point the Cullen's had taken me to their house, leaving Charlie to go berserk with worry. I bet he was inside right now having an aneurism.

The very thought had me reaching over and kissing Emmett on the cheek before flying out of the car, hearing his laughter as I called my goodbye and thank you over my shoulder. I almost fell, having caught my toe on a gap in the pavement slabs. I sent a small glare over my shoulder as I gripped the door handle, watching Emmett lean over and shut the door I had left open, his laughter dulled even more as he waved and drove off.

He was right of course. Charlie was beside himself with worry, not even realising I was there in the doorway. I took a moment to watch him pace in the kitchen, his right hand clasping the phone tightly and the other simply flexing as he stared at the tiles.

"Dad?" His head whipped in my direction and without a second of hesitation, he strode over to me and engulfed me in a hug. Me smelt like laundry detergent and… simply Charlie. It wasn't awkward, it wasn't uncomfortable, it was one of those tender moments you never want to forget.

I don't know how long we stood in the kitchen doorway simply clutching at one another and breathing. It was nice; the first real peaceful moment I had managed to grab.

"Bells? Are you alright?" He let me go and I released him begrudgingly. He kept me at arms length as he stared right into my eyes. I had always thought him to be a distant man, one who ignores his emotions and just goes along with everything. But the pain and worry in his eyes spoke volumes.

I couldn't have lied if I tried.

"I'm… I'm alright I suppose. There're no lasting effects anyway" I shrugged nonchalantly but his face crumpled for a moment before he pulled me back into a rough hug, his hand pressing against the back of my head as I leaned against his shoulder, sighing as he kissed my forehead soothingly.

"I'm sorry I pushed you before, about what was wrong I mean" He hurried to say, making me remember what set me off in the first place. Edward was being an ass and I was worried about it – him – us- I wasn't sure which analogy to use anymore.

"It's alright dad. You shouldn't have to worry about these things. But I'm fine now" I squeezed him tightly, making him grunt and that made both of us laugh as we let each other go.

And just like that, a new relationship was born between us. It was fun, light and free.

Charlie ordered pizza and instructed me to go and change into pyjamas because neither of us was leaving this house until Monday morning when I was needed in school. And since it was Friday and instead of sitting in my Biology class, I was sat at home with my father I suppose that meant we had the remainder of today and then the weekend.

It was fun even though we did make some more grease stains on the carpet and once again, we both promised to clean it up.

It wasn't like it had been with Renee; where ever silence had to be filled with talking or laughter. We were content to sit on the sofa, curled up beneath a blanket with the curtains drawn, and watch reruns of Friends over and over again.

We did not step foot outside either of the doors, remaining in the house and only eating what we had; although we did have to open the door for the delivery men a lot.

Friday, Saturday and Sunday night, we had ice-cream for dinner. Every night, we both fell asleep on the sofa, leaning on one another and snuggled up. Every night, I would wake up to Charlie snoring in my ear and I would nudge him awake and help him to bed.

It was the most fun I think I've ever had. I learned a lot about my Dad in those two and a half days. I learned that he loves deeply and with everything he has; that he is cautious and wary of everyone he doesn't know; and that he is fiercely protective.

This was proved when I opened the door to a pimply pizza delivery boy. I gave him the money and he handed me the pizza but stepped forward before I could close the door, almost stepping inside the house.

"So… you wanna go on a date or something?" He smiled what I guessed was supposed to be a 'dazzling' smile, but I was a little stuck on how to say no.

What I wasn't expecting was Charlie to appear behind me. No words were said, but the sound of him cocking his gun was loud and clear. The boy turned as white as a sheet before stumbling back into the small car and shooting down the road.

I shut the door with a small sigh and a head shake before turning around and eyed my father. The smug look on his face spoke thousands of words as he pretended to blow smoke from the end of his gun. It would have been impressive if he hadn't been dressed in large woollen socks and red plaid pyjamas. The sight only made me giggle madly, refusing to explain to him why his 'display of masculinity' was so amusing.

I love my Dad.

Laying in bed on Monday morning, I realised it was one thing I had never truly thought or felt. When a parent says 'I love you', you always say it back, because they are your parents and of course you love them. Of course I loved Charlie.

But I didn't love him as my Dad; I loved him for more than that now. I loved him for his sense of humour and his strange mannerisms. I was proud to call Charlie my father.

If I was being honest, I had forgotten about Edward, about vampires, about everything. Without Edward being in my mind, I felt… normal. By hibernating inside the house, Charlie had blocked me from the outside world; and with it, all of my worries.

But I had school, and I couldn't hide forever.

My worries seemed to clog my throat as I drove to school the next morning; though not before being grabbed and hugged ferociously by Charlie and having him whisper his encouragement. I don't know how he knew I was so worried - he didn't know about the kiss and it would hopefully remain that way – but I accepted the comforting, wishing partly that he could come to school with me. He made me forget, he made me feel like I was just his daughter, not best friends with a vampire.

I watched soberly as he climbed into his police cruiser and drove away, disappearing around a bend and leaving me solitary once more. Of course, the drive to school passed quickly, for I knew it well enough by now that I didn't need to think about it anymore.

What I was thinking about was Edward and the Cullen's. I didn't care what people thought of Edward and I both missing Thursday and Friday, but I did wonder if Edward would even show for school. There hadn't been one whisper from him since he ran off and I, once again, found my ire mounting against him.

In a way, my little car had become my bubble of tranquillity, the last defence against the world. It smelt like Charlie, and I realised that he must have used it at some point. I didn't mind; it smelt like home.

And I did not want to leave under any circumstances. It was easy to close my eyes and imagine I was still resting in the living room with my Dad. That was until I heard a knocking and begrudgingly opened my eyes and turned my head to find a rather apologetic looking Alice smiling sadly at me.

I couldn't be mad at Alice.

So I left my safe haven and stepped out into the cold, dark world next to Alice who simply watched me closely. The two days in the house had been good, but now the memories were raw in my mind, flooding back, and the cracks were beginning to show.

"Come on Bella" Alice was much more subdued as she led me towards the school. She gracefully loped and I trudged, staring at the ground the entire time and trying to ignore the whispers about my absence.

Only one student lingered in my mind now; Edward. If he couldn't talk to me in his own room when it was just the two of us, he would never even entertain the idea of talking to me in school.

"He's not here. He hasn't come back yet…" I offered no response to Alice as I pulled a math book from my locket, not even looking at her as I began towards my English class. We walked in silence, even sat down without a word as we waited for the teacher to arrive.

A small piece of neatly folded paper fluttered across my wrist and fell onto the open pages of my book. I really wasn't in the mood for this, but I also wasn't in the mood for a pestering and angry Alice either.

I opened the small square piece of paper and read the beautiful script quickly but discreetly.

_Bella, _

_Edward didn't come back and he hasn't made a decision to return any time soon. He's close to it now; I know it. He's pushed himself too far and is so close to coming back. _

_Everything will work out, I promise you that. Just hang in there._

_Alice _

_Xxx_

It seemed wrong to crumple the paper up, so I silently slipped it into my bag and glanced at Alice. I opened my mouth to sound my thanks and apology, but she cut me off with a knowing wink and a smile before turning to the front of the class the same second as the teacher walked in.

With a sigh I took her lead, trying to at least look interested in the class. I don't think I succeeded since Mr Tipplo kept sending me deep scowls. I didn't mind too much.

Throughout the day, my excuse was that I wasn't here for the assignments and work. That was what I told them, and that was the excuse I was riding on so that people would leave me alone. Teachers gave me catch up work to do in class and so no-one had the opportunity to grill me.

I made it to I.T. again, sitting beside Angela and blatantly ignoring the two snide girls sat on the other side of her. I wanted to go home, to hide underneath that blanket and ever come out ever again. Childish, I know, but it was the truth.

"So Bella, where were you Thursday and Friday?" Lauren leaned back in her chair so that she was peeking around Angela's back. I didn't even spare her a glance as I typed in my password into the computer.

"I wasn't feeling very well" I replied, my hands flexing involuntarily as I remembered the pain.

_The all encompassing burn…_

"Oh, well what was wrong with you?"

_I was dying all over again…_

"I don't know"

"And where was Edward? He wasn't at school either"

_He was my pyre while I burned, and then I was his…_

"He must have caught it too"

When it became apparent that I wasn't going to snap again Lauren and Jessica went on sniggering about a girl across the room who was wearing pigtails. Like it was a crime or something…

"Her name is Jenna. She's actually really nice" Angela leaned over to me and whispered, even though I was pretending not to be listening to the pair bitching.

I could only nod in response, not sure why she was telling me but not willing to call her out on it. During the hour-long lesson, our eyes met six times. All of those six times, I would see an understanding shining back at me. Of course she didn't know, but she understood why I didn't want others to know.

It was the first smile I had managed to summon all day.

At the end of class, I was too lost in my own thoughts to hear the bell ring. When I did realise, the class was almost empty. After snatching my bag off the floor, I hitched it on my shoulder, only to pause mid turn.

It was three minutes into lunch, and in this school, the cafeteria is the centre point and everyone can reach it in about two or three minutes.

So why could I still hear Lauren and Jessica outside the classroom door, jabbering on in strange high pitched voices and dragging out the last syllable of every word?

Without a word to the teacher – who, upon closer inspection, was sleeping behind those shaded glasses – I crept out the door slowly, hoping to go unnoticed by the two. With no-one here as a buffer and nothing to distract me, I don't know what I'd do. I'm always a little unsure of myself after an 'episode' as I seem to become 'highly strung' as Kim put it.

"Bella! Thank _God!_"

I span around upon hearing Emmett bellow, frowning when I saw both Emmett and Jasper stood against the wall beside the classroom door I had just walked out of. Lauren and Jessica shot me disdainful looks and it didn't escape my notice that neither of the vampires seemed to appreciate the inch of air that now separated them from the humans.

From the looks on their faces, they were more than just happy to see me.

"Hey guys" I smiled, ignoring the two girls who were vying for Jasper and Emmett's attention. It was amusing to watch big, tough, intimidating predators flinch and cringe at the words of lusty teenagers.

"Well come on; I'm starving" I turned and started walking towards the cafeteria, knowing the two vampires were following when I heard Lauren and Jessica's voices echo around us in the corridors.

"Call me! You have my number!"

That last one from Jessica had me giggling and turning when I heard a distinct groan from beside me.

Jasper scowled down at me, his hands deep in his pockets and his expression tired. "It's not funny Bella". But his lips twitched a little and he turned away. Yeah, he knew it was funny too.

"So to what do I owe the pleasure of two vampire escorts? Or did you really want to be subjected to the garish flirting of two hormone fuelled human girls?" I sent a smirk to Emmett who sidled along silently at left.

They knew I was only teasing; after all, vampires are nothing if not eternally loyal to their mates. Plus Rosalie would have Emmett's balls if he so much as looked at a human with a fraction of the passion he looks at her with.

"Nah, you know I'm a one-woman man" He nudged me in the ribs before slinging an arm across my shoulders and pulling me back against him as we walked. I stumbled, but it seemed that having a giant boulder hanging onto you was steadying.

"Has anything changed?" I whispered as we walked into the cafeteria, once again ignoring the instant silence which was quickly followed by whispers and hisses. No-one would have heard me over the commotion, but that was one of the perks of speaking with vampires.

"No" Emmett's arm tightened as I dropped my head and sighed tiredly. "I'm sorry Bella"

"It's not your fault Em" I tried to be okay and normal as I shrugged, but tears started to burn my eyes. I had avoided thoughts of Edward thus far, but now the silence in my head was ever present. I can remember a time when I wanted privacy, for Edward to be gone. How I wished he was back now.

Numbly, I sat down at the Cullen's table, in Edward's chair. Uncomfortable didn't even begin to explain it; and I knew from the looks I was getting from Rosalie and Alice that they wanted to ask me something. My bet was on the kiss.

Thankfully, my phone started vibrating in my pocket, making me jump and frown as I pulled it out.

For a moment I thought it was Edward; then I remembered that we hadn't even exchanged phone numbers. Charlie had my number, but he said he would only call in an emergency. Had something happened to him?

Before I could panic even more, I glanced at the name that was flashing on the screen. I both tensed and relaxed when I saw it was Kim. Charlie must have called her and told her about what happened.

"I have to take this" I mumbled, but was already out of the seat and heading towards the exit. Two minutes later I was sat outside on a soggy wooden picnic bench, trying to work up the courage to press that little green button. I didn't want to talk to her; not now anyway.

But if I ignored her, she'd call Charlie and he'd probably come up here and worry frantically. So, it was with a defeated sigh that I pressed that damned green button and raised the phone to my ear.

"Hello Kim" I slouched against the table, rubbing my spare hand over my face and feeling the drizzle soaking through my hair and resting on my clothes. Nothing new there though is there.

"Bella, I was wondering if you were going to pick up" Her usually cheerful voice was ever present, but as you do after spending such time with someone, you could read between the lines.

"Sorry… I'm in school at the moment and I wasn't sure if I could really do this here" I told her honestly, knowing it would be pointless to lie.

"Of course, but I shall be calling you tonight. Right now I just want to check you are alright. I was under the impression you take some time to recover from an episode?" I noted her tone change from pleasant to professional but I was too used to it to care. Maybe this was what I needed; someone from my past, someone I could talk to, and someone who could ultimately help me. Though I couldn't see how a shrink could help my situation, it was worth a go.

"I'm not sure" I mumbled as I picked on a loose thread on my jeans, wracking my brains for any reason that might be other than 'my vampire best-friend and his family, who used to just be in my head, are here'.

"Maybe it's because I'm away from Phoenix or something" I shrugged before realising she wouldn't be able to see it. She seemed thoughtfully silent for a moment before she hummed and agreed with me.

"Well, you seem to be handling it better this time 'round" She clarified, missing my irritated sigh as I pressed my knuckles into my eyelids, trying to force the world to just go away for a while.

I was not 'handling' anything; in fact it felt like I was coming apart at the seams. I had never really 'handled' anything well before. When my Gran died, I was a sobbing mess for weeks, and afterwards I refused to even speak to my mum because she didn't understand why I was so sad. She thought I was too young to feel it, but I wasn't. I felt the pain of the loss, the regret, the loneliness…

There was a long silence, which probably didn't shock Kim since I'm not talkative after an 'episode' at all. Well, not usually anyway. In the children's home I never had anyone to talk to anyway so no-one saw a difference in me. I always wore the same blank expression and walked with a deflated slump. But Forks was my new lease of life; the air to my lungs.

If only…

Yes, if only Edward were here now, then it would be just about right. But he wasn't, and he wasn't coming back. God knows what he'd convinced himself of to keep him away, but I was going to stick to Alice's and Emmett's advice for now. I wasn't sure how long I could leave him, but I had the Cullen's on my side and they would support me.

Kim and I said our quick goodbyes and we both hung up without hesitation. I'm not sure how long I sat on that bench, staring at the soggy grass beneath my shoes and wondering where Edward was. My phone remained clasped tightly in my palm, my fingers flexing every now and then when cramp set in.

There was no-one else out here, and the peace was nice to behold. If I looked to my right, all I could see was the forest, and then a misty mountain in the distance. It was a beautiful sight to behold and I did wonder about just going for a walk.

"You'd miss class and get lost; Charlie would go crazy with worry and send out a search party for you while you lay on the ground somewhere with a sprained ankle from trying and failing to get over a fallen tree"

I shouldn't have been surprised to find Alice suddenly sat opposite me, but I couldn't help but jump a little. I took in her words with an eye roll, knowing that was probably a lie, but with me I couldn't be too sure. Walking wasn't exactly my forte.

"Well hello to you too Alice" I sighed tiredly, dropping my phone heavily on the wooden table. There was a giant pink elephant sitting beside me as we fell into silence, mocking us as we danced around the subject we both knew needed addressing.

Our eyes met, both pleading and begging the other to just say it. Thankfully, Alice broke first – which surprised me honestly since the only time I ever recall her caving first was when Emmett was dangling her Gucci shoes over a bonfire.

"He's close Bella, I can feel it. The only problem is…" She bit her lip and diverted her eyes, something which clearly showed her nerves and apprehension. Right now, I couldn't care less about how uncomfortable she was; she knew something and I needed to know it too.

"What is it? Alice?" Her eyes flashed to mine, wide and glistening as they filled with moisture. No words were spoken, but the facts were staring me in the face and hit me like a hammer to the gut.

"You know how he gets sometimes… he hates himself… he broods and self-loathes and… right now, he's leaning towards staying away", she put mildly, but if that were the case she wouldn't be crying, or at least the vampire equivalent.

I stared her in the eyes, willing her to be wrong, to see another vision and for his decision to change. I had no such luck. Her eyes remained sad but hard as they watched me closely while I struggled to wrap my mind around this.

Edward ran from me; from what happened. I cast my mind back to what happened on Saturday morning in his room; how we had kissed. My hands twitched at the very memory, but I didn't understand why he would run. I thought that, if anything, he would laugh it off and make a joke about it so it wouldn't be uncomfortable; But to run…and now to staying away permanently…

That wasn't the Edward I knew.

I refused to believe Edward had been lying all these years. I had a door into his mind all of my life, and it would be impossible to manipulate all of his thoughts. He can do what ever he wants, but I know Edward, maybe better than even he realised.

"So we have to have a plan; something that will give him no choice but to come back and stay" Alice said, successfully gaining my attention again as she bashed her fist down on the wooden table, her eyes shining with thoughts as we stared at one another.

"What do you have in mind?" I crossed my arms and laid them in front of me as we lowered our voices despite our isolation. It was clear that Alice missed her brother, and I knew that, despite what they say and do, every single one of his siblings wanted him home too.

"I'm not sure to be honest. He's so set on staying away but he's battling himself" She rolled her eyes angrily. "He has some seriously warped ideas of what is right and wrong"

We fell into silence as we both contemplated plans. I didn't like lying to Edward, or tricking him into coming back but it had to be done. Alice was right – of course – Edward had such high standards of right and wrong that he would probably stay away just because he thought that kissing me was inappropriate.

Unfortunately, now that Edward had successfully been able to block our connection, I was neither use nor ornament. I couldn't contact him, or chase him down. I was no vampire; I didn't possess any fantabulous abilities of persuasion. I was human.

I was too busy trying, and failing, to come up with my own strategy, that at first I didn't even realise that Alice was having a vision. But I would recognise those glassy eyes anywhere, and was instantly tense, waiting for any news on Edward; whether it be good or bad.

In the space of the twenty seconds she had been still for, my leg had began bouncing and two of my finger nails had perished. I almost leapt over the table to throttle her into reality when she blinked and smiled knowingly at me.

"Esme wants to see you after school" Her eyes remained hard as I mulled over the meaning of her words.

"Has she heard from Edward?" It was the first thing I thought of.

"No," she shook her head, but the smile never fell "but she has an idea about how to get him back"

I was honestly shocked that Esme would get involved in this. I knew she loved her Edward the same as if he were her own, and she would do anything to get him home again.

There was only one thing left to question.

"Will it work?"

I tried not to squirm; to give away how much this meant to me. I failed miserably. If it wasn't for me wringing my hands together, the fact that they were trembling, or even the return of my bouncing leg, I am sure my breaking voice would have done the trick.

Her face fell a little as she gazed into the future again, though this time she returned a mere moment later.

"It will if you play your cards right". Her words didn't instil the confidence in me I was hoping for, in fact I was downright frightened he would return and he would run again because of something I said or did.

"Just listen to what Esme has to say"

So it was three hours later than I pulled up to the Cullen's house, greeting Esme on the porch as she engulfed me in a tight hug. I allowed myself the comfort for only a moment before I forced myself to concentrate on the task at hand;

Bringing Edward home.

"Don't worry, Alice sent everyone else hunting and Carlisle is working until later" Esme told me kindly, catching my glance at the stairs as we made our way to the living room. She sat down beside me on the large sofa, taking my hands in hers as her eyes swirled with emotion and the pretences dropped.

"I don't like doing this Bella; tricking him into coming back isn't what I want. I would prefer him to _want _him to come back and do so from his own free will, but I know Edward too. He probably does want to come back but is ashamed of whatever he did" She shook her head sadly, lowering her eyes as if ashamed of herself. She didn't say it but I knew she was talking about the kiss.

"I know that you are the closest one to his heart, and that is why he has pushed you away. He is frightened you'll get hurt because of his actions; he cares about you so much that he is willing to lose you to keep you safe" Again, she shook her head but this time she looked directly at me, her golden eyes piercing through the hazy bubble I had been smothered in.

"You're the only one that can bring him home Bella. No matter what he says or does, he is terrified of losing of losing you. We can use that to our advantage…"

We lapsed into silence, her eyes cast away from me as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. I was still a little high after realising that I could do more than just watch and hope, however I didn't particularly like the pressure that was now on me.

"Esme, I don't blame you for doing this. I've watched your family all my life, and you should never part; it's all or nothing with you" She nodded absently, acknowledging my words.

"And I would do the same thing as you. I don't like forcing Edward to come back, and would sleep better at night if he did so on his own. But we _both_ know that no matter what Edward wants, he will do what he thinks is best anyway. He needs to come home Esme, and I'm willing to do anything to make that happen?"

"Anything? Absolutely anything in the world?" A small smile lifted her lips as she squeezed my hands a little at my nod.

"Would you leave?"

**Edward's Perspective…**

_Her warm skin beneath my fingers..._

No.

_Her lips moving against mine… wanting it as much as I did…_

No!

_The feel of her nails scraping against my scalp as her chest pressed against my own…_

No! No!

_How her body responded to my touch, pressing into my hands, writhing beneath my attention…_

The tree I had been sat in was decimated, ruined and laid dead now two miles away where I had thrown it. Someone may have seen a flying tree somewhere…

At this point, I didn't care what people thought or saw; I didn't even care about the risk of exposure. I needed these thoughts out of my head; I _needed _these images to be washed away. They were driving me crazy, and yet it was all I could think about. Her feel of her skin teased me no end, the taste of her on my lips drove me to kill seven elk before I could be free of it with no trace.

I couldn't have any reminders; none at all.

I wanted to touch her again, too kiss her, to feel the way her body curved and dipped, to feel her delicious heat pressed against me again. But I couldn't, and I wouldn't.

I should have never kissed her; I should have kept a better control about myself.

_You didn't hear her complaining…_

I growled and gripped my hair in frustration as recently my thoughts have taken on Alice's personality as well as her voice. It didn't matter that she reciprocated, it _didn't matter!_

I set off running, but this time it did nothing for my worries and fears. Bella's face plagued my mind, her voice clinging to me like a leech to a wound, and yet I didn't want it to ever fade. Her voice was still there, in the back of my mind as it always has been; only now I was putting a significant effort into blocking her totally.

I was hurting her, I knew it, but I couldn't help it, not if I wanted her to be safe. This went beyond the simple matter of telling her my feelings. The fact is, I _know _Bella, and I know that if I tell her how much I cared for her; she would reciprocate simply because she didn't want to hurt my feelings. And I could never put her in such a situation.

This whole thing was wrong, disgustingly wrong. She was human, a _human _who also happened to be my best friend. And I was a vampire, a demon, a creature with a half life, and no matter what her feelings, I could never allow her to stoop so low.

She deserved a full man, someone who can take her walks along the beach when it's sunny, and someone who can hold her and cherish her without worrying about crushing her. She deserves someone she can grow old, and – even though it pained me to think it – die with.

I would always be there; I don't think I could ever leave her completely. But I would let her go so she could live her life; so she could find a man and get married, have children and settle down, and grow old.

A roar erupted from my throat as I punched a hole in a tree as I raced past. My mind balked at the very idea of another man touching her, holding her, kissing her… _loving her. _Only I knew her that well, I was the only one she let that close to her heart. No-one else.

_Not forever though. She is going to move on eventually, she'll grow up and pass you by, and you'll be stuck like this forever…_

Another tree was sacrificed but my pace never faltered.

As a vampire, the urge to stake my claim was painfully prominent. The moment mates meet, the rest is simply history; but not with Bella. She has a future, and I don't. She has the world at her feet, and I have nothing to offer her at all. If anything, I would be robbing her of the things she _could do._

Vampires mark one another; they _claim _one another to show others that they are taken. It is for that reason, and that reason alone that I ran. I could feel my control slipping as she pressed all of herself against me, as she silently begged for more. I knew as I slipped my arms up her body, raising the bottom of her shirt a little to reveal the silky smooth skin there, that my control was almost out the window.

Not my bloodlust though; I had no trouble with that and gave it no second thoughts anymore. It was the lust I had for her, her body and her mind. In a split second when she gasped for air above me, clinging to me, I felt my erection throb painfully and thoughts of simply taking her filled my mind.

And I ran, because I knew that if I stayed I would do it. She deserved better, she deserved more than me. No, I would never force her into anything, much less sex. I wanted it, God yes, but I could never allow myself. I shuddered to think what my body would do to hers.

_You've smelt it though… her scent… her arousal…_

Again, I smashed a tree because I was right. I had. But that meant nothing; it was something all vampires had to deal with when handling humans. They are easily aroused, and most women get themselves excited simply by the sight of me or my brothers; it was part of the charm.

_But you're her best friend… and she's not just any human is she?_

I contemplated yelling to myself, to tell myself to shut up, but then again, Alice is probably keeping an eye on me and she's worrying enough without thinking I've gone completely crazy.

_Is it so hard to believe that she wants you the same as you want her?_

That one ground me to a halt, my feet stopping instantly as I let my mind ponder it for a moment- only a moment – before tossing the matter aside and carried on. My pace was slower, more measured, and my temper was more controlled. Even half an hour later, I couldn't get the idea out of my head.

What if she liked me like that too?

No, the idea was not something easily tossed aside. It had been two weeks since that errant thought, and here I was – in the same place I had been for the last three days – thinking about what would happen if she did.

I had succumbed quickly, and began my imaginary life, imagining what it would be like. She'd take my hand as we walked through the school hallways; She'd kiss me goodbye before we parted for our separate classes; she'd let me hold her as she fell asleep…

Many, many scenario's played through my mind, more than a couple being so dirty that Emmett would have covered his eyes. I basked in it, letting the lust flow freely and simply loosing myself in my own imagination.

Bella was broken; she was sweet and caring but hurt inside, and I would be damned if I let any other man get the chance of hurting her even more. She had enough to deal with without some stupid boy making it worse.

_Hypocrite! That's exactly what you're doing now!_

I shook my head to myself, disagreeing as I watched a chocolate brown rabbit hopped out from under a bush, sensing the movement before darting away. My eyes lingered on the dirt and grass as they settled back into position; as though the rabbit had never touched the earth, like a ghost.

I could be like that. I could leave her, leave no imprint in her life; I could be a simple passing memory, an errant thought, a phantom.

Again, it was dismissed. Bella would never let me go without a fight, and I knew that, even now, her and my family were probably conspiring ways to get me back home. Part of me wished for them to succeed, for Emmett to drag me there. I wouldn't fight him; I wouldn't have the strength to resist if it brought me closer to Bella.

It would be torture though; I could handle the uncomfortable and awkward aftermath of the kiss. But to be so close everyday, to speak and laugh with her and not touch her like I wanted; to restrain myself.

Friend.

I spat venom at the ground at the very sentiment. Bella had always held a special place in my heart even before I knew she was real. I preferred her company to that of my family and friends. I desired her opinions more than I wanted anyone else's and her verdict overruled everyone else's.

Once, I remember thinking and wondering if I was in love with Bella. She had only been fifteen at the time and her life was good. Sure, she was bullied and picked on, but it was nothing compared to the horrors of her life today. And she had always been so happy, so full of life and energy. She had, literally, been the light of my life; she was my redeeming quality.

Without her, I felt like a demon again, like a monster that deserved this eternal hell. When I was with Bella, I was simply Edward; a boy, a man, who was her friend, her protector, the one who made her laugh and smile.

My phone vibrated in my pocket but I didn't bother checking it. I had warred with myself over a week ago about the stupidly annoying contraption; wanting to switch the darned thing off or crush it to stop the incessant jingling of someone calling or the vibrating of a text message. Once again, thoughts of Bella stopped me doing such a thing. What if she was in trouble? What if she got hurt and needed me?

_If you were doing this right, you'd be there by her side protecting her so she didn't get hurt. They wouldn't need to call you because you would never leave her side._

I wouldn't be surprised if she hated me with how I have treated her. She must be confused with my mood swings and blatant ignorance of her. I go from loving and happy to distant, and then to kissing her and then I run.

Her mind must be going a mile a minute, and if I knew Bella like I knew I did, she would have cooked up several theories. The scary part was that she usually got it right.

She couldn't know how I feel about her. I knew the others wouldn't tell her, they had promised and no matter what happens, a promise in our house means you'd lay down your life to keep it. Oh, but I am all too aware of their growing affection for Bella, and I am sure they want to do something to get back at me for being such an 'asshat' as Jasper called me one morning. I panicked for a moment as I wondered if they would give her hints and tips; heck, I can even imagine Emmett saying 'fuck you' to the promise I had made them all swear and tell Bella everything.

My throat closed and I choked on air at the very thought,

_But you're out here, hiding like a coward. You're not going back, so it doesn't matter if she knows of not…_

But it did, it changed everything. Because if she knew, and then she would have an opinion on it. Oh, Bella and her opinions. She had so many, one for everything. And I wanted, so desperately, to hear and see what she was say to this. Would she accept it and carry on as normal? Would she banish me from her sight and presence so that I would be forced to stalk the shadows to be close to her?

I couldn't imagine my Bella being so harsh, and once again I wondered if she would return the feelings simply to soothe my fears. I couldn't let her do that.

I missed her, painfully and achingly, so badly that I wanted nothing more than to run back home now, to take her in my arms and never let her go. Yes, a vampire's memory is perfect but it is nothing compared to the real thing. I wondered if her hair had lightened with the coming spring; if her eyes had become bright again during her recovery of that night…

Another tree was sacrificed as I realised that I had left her; I had deserted her when she needed me most. She always finds it difficult after an 'episode'; difficult to function and to talk to people. People think that she's withdrawn as a side effect, but the truth is that the two of us spend so long talking that she blocks out the world around her. She asked me to distract her from the thoughts that kept bombarding her; to just keep talking about things to keep her from succumbing to the pain and falling apart again.

Was she alright without me there? I wasn't self righteous enough to think that she would fall apart without me; Bella was nothing if not a survivor. My family was there to look after her anyway; and she had her father now.

_She still needs you…_

Yes, I knew that she needed our connection as much as I did. She kept me afloat and I did the same for her. If I didn't have her, I would remain the brooding ass I was before she was brought into my life. Bella had never been without me, however, and so being apart for the first time would ultimately be difficult for her.

My steps faltered and I almost stumbled when a strong wave of resignation and pain slammed into me. The onslaught of emotion constricted my chest and made my breathing accelerate to the point where I had to stop running and rest my weight against a sturdy tree trunk.

This was Bella; and whatever was going on back in Forks was hurting her. Instantly, as easy as breathing, I ripped down the wall to her mind. I recoiled when I head my name. That was all I needed to shut myself out again, forcing the divide between the two of us and sinking back into myself.

Had she heard me? My mind was running wild, it had been ever since I had kissed her, and I doubt if I took down that wall, I would be able to remain quiet and undetected.

I ached to know what was wrong, to soothe her. I felt it even now, pushing against the wall between us, seeping through the cracks. She was worried and scared about something. My mind went to situations she could have gotten into. It was six in the afternoon; she would be in at school, probably eating lunch with Charlie by now… or she could have gone over to my house. I knew my family had taken a shine to my best friend, and Bella loved them as though they were her own

Had one of my siblings slipped? The very thought had a snarl ripping from my mouth. If any one of them had touched her while I was away… if they had hurt her…

_You promised her you'd protect her forever. If someone has hurt her, it's your fault…_

I growled in frustration, knowing that I couldn't blame every little thing on myself. However, that didn't stop it from happening. I could imagine her falling and breaking her leg, or getting lost when she went out and running into the wrong person…

Instantly, my phone was in my hand and my feet were beating the path I had just ran for the past two weeks, scowling at the many fallen trees that had paid for my incompetence. In those two or so weeks, I had moved slowly through the 107 miles from Forks to my place now in the remote valley of some of Canada's most treacherous cliffs and peaks. Snow, of course covered the ground, only small dips in the surface showing the long-gone presence of myself and other animals.

It was nice up here; quiet and picturesque. Yes, I knew I should be astounded by the magnificent sight of the sun setting behind the Heliski Mountain to my east, the last rays of sun bouncing from the luminous snow and casting an almost other-worldly glow to the wildlife.

But not even I could properly appreciate the beauty of the sight. My only thought, every night when I had witnessed the sun setting, was that I wished that Bella could be here beside me to see it for herself. Maybe it was my influence on her growing up, but she seemed to see the beauty in the small things. I knew without a doubt that she could love what I was seeing right now; even without the benefit of my sight the significance of the moment wouldn't be lost on Bella.

Now I had to turn my back to the sight, ignoring the last tendrils of light as they waved goodbye until tomorrow at least. I had more important things to do than to watch a sunset; I had to get to Bella, I had to make sure she was alright.

_And then what; you're going to run again? Oh, she'll love that. 'Yeah, I'm glad you're alright Bella, and maybe I'll see you when you get ran over or something. Bye'_

No; I shook my head of those thoughts. I knew, as I swiftly passed the third fallen tree and followed my own scent, that if I went back I would not be able to leave. I wanted her, I needed her, and I if I saw her face, if I looked into those bottomless brown eyes, and felt the heat of her skin on mine, I would be lost. There would be no more running for me; my place would be at Bella's side or nowhere at all.

Periodically I checked on Bella's mind, sure to keep my own thoughts as silent as possible to escape her notice. She was deep in thought, so deep in fact that she wasn't seeing anything in front of her though it could have helped me find out the situation. She was completely enveloped in her own mind, oblivious to the outside world.

I realised, as I swiftly passed the Canadian border into Washington, that no-one was hurting her. No-one had laid a finger on her. It was her own thoughts that were frightening her, something had happened to set her off and now she was terrified.

Had someone said something to her? Who was it? Was it about me; her or something else completely? I knew of Bella's ability to hear one small insignificant piece of information and dissect it until she had riled herself up.

But it didn't matter that she was safe, she was scared. In fact, as I rapidly closed the distance between myself and my home, I noted that now she was terrified. I wondered if she would let me see her; if she would even accept my presence.

It was such an abrupt departure, and just after kissing her… I couldn't have done a worse thing if I had bitten down on that large vein below her jaw. No, this was emotional hurt and Bella had been through enough of that without adding my own battering to the pile.

She liked it; I stopped denying that a long time ago. She was into the kiss as much as I was, in fact if I remember correctly she had pulled me closer, she had made small whimpering noises…

Deep breathes calmed me before I got too excited again; oh the amount of times I have thought about her. When did I _not _think about her? Everything about her turned me on, even something as simple as her small hands. What those hands could do to me…

I felt the now-familiar stirring and straining of my erection against my jeans. Never before these past few weeks had I even experience such a thing. I had probably felt this during my human years, with raging hormones and all, but such a small thing was easy torched in the burning change. Now this was new to me; frightening but so good at the same time.

The first time I had even felt this, the first time I had even acknowledged appreciation of her body, was when she stood in nothing but my shirt. I remembered praying that she wore no underwear beneath the thin fabric. I had clutched the bedding close to me, hiding the tent in trousers as I stared unabashed at her.

Her legs…

This was getting out of hand. I knew, of course, that the lust would never subside completely, but I knew how to sate it. I knew that if I could do what I wanted, if I could relish in her body for one night, I would once again be able to think of her with a less prominent reaction than I have now.

Only I knew that if I had my way with her once, I would want more. I would never get enough of her. Images sprang before my eyes; Bella screaming my name; Bella moaning and quivering in my arms; Bella writhing beneath me as I pounded into-

Forcing myself to stop; my legs grinding to a halt as I grit my teeth and clutched my head between my palms, pressing as hard as I could as if trying to push those thought away. They didn't diminish; they danced around the fire I was burning in. My desire was burning me, consuming me, and I knew that if I didn't do something about it soon…

Well, I didn't know what I was going to do. I couldn't very well ask Bella to have sex with me because if she didn't I'd probably go crazy.

The pull of mating wasn't meant to be rejected or denied. Once a vampire mates, it is for life. There should be no hesitation between the two since the pull is normally mutual, but I didn't know if Bella had felt anything. Of course, with such emotions and urges being so fresh, they would be strong and overpowering until those urges were fulfilled. It is for this reason that in the first months of mating, the two spend most of the time… consummating their bond. The pull is strong enough to bind you together forever, though the urges do diminish somewhat after a while.

But what if those urges are never sated? What if that satisfaction is never fulfilled? What if, instead of letting the bond pull the two together, you push against it and fight against it?

Picturing Carlisle in a yellow polka dot bikini assured my excitement to wane and I quickly restarted my journey back home. My first stop would be my house, to see if something had been said or done there to upset Bella. If she was there still, I would request her attention and privacy from my family. There could be no more secrets between the two of us.

If she wasn't there, I would be sure to incapacitate the one who frightened her, and then go to her home and beg for forgiveness.

_I'll be surprised if she forgives you fantasising about her; those thoughts were pretty strong…_

My step only faltered for a moment as panic seized my heart once again. For the second time, I dived into her mind to check if she had caught a whisper of the lewd images and noises…

Her thoughts were incomprehensible, just as they had been since I had felt her fear. I couldn't be sure if it was her fear that made her thoughts so mashed together, or if it was her mashed thoughts that brought out her fear. For the thousandth time, I wished to be with her to know for certain.

I listened for longer this time, confident that she wouldn't hear or 'sense' my peeking into her mind. I could pick out the faint word, but she seemed to be saying so many things at once that even I was having trouble deciphering it all.

The words, '_Hell', 'forgiveness', 'home' _and_ 'hope' _were repeated many times, though without context or sentences the words meant little.

That was, until an image appeared before my eyes through Bella. She had broken from her thoughts to take in her surroundings. I watched her hand reach out and grasp a small slip of white paper that sat beside her. She was sat on her bed; it appeared, in a familiar pair of worn jeans. Her gaze was fixed on her knees as she pulled the small piece of paper into her lap, holding tightly with a forefinger and thumb at either end. I wanted to tell her to read it already, but doing so would alert her to my presence.

My chest automatically expanded as she took breath, exhaling as she did. It was something we couldn't help doing. We were so connected that, if I had a heart, they would probably beat in tandem. As it were, we breathed as one. It was a peculiar feeling in the beginning; feeling a phantom set of lungs drag in a breath when I had not. It had felt like my own body doing so, and it was simply natural to breath as she did.

Her hands shook, that much I could see even with her eye sight. I was used to seeing through her eyes after so many years, the grainy and dull colours did little to excite me as my sight did her. She loved looking at the same thing that she was seeing through my eyes.

She was nervous, something I didn't hear because her thought were even more muddled than before. Something was going on… she was scared and nervous, and all that had increased now that she clutched that small sheet of white paper.

This was it. My mind instantly wondered what it could be; a message from the Phoenix Police Department, requesting her attendance at a hearing, or simply an e-mail from one of her distant relatives relaying condolences for her mothers passing?

Both fit the bill of the situation, but I couldn't have been more off the mark.

When her eyes did focus on the words, she didn't even read them, simply staring at the paper in fear. She may not have been reading, but I was. Ice gripped my heart, and this time I really did fall to the ground.

My fists wanted to pummel the ground; my throat wanted to let rip a searing snarl; my heart wanted to tear in half. But no, I didn't do any of those things. I sat, knelt on the ground, my hands falling limply at my side, my eyes on the grass roots in front of me and feeling my heart slowly but surely break.

She had given up; she had had enough and that was it.

Because in her hand was a plane ticket, for tomorrow at half past one in the afternoon; a plane that would take her from Port Angeles, to a connecting flight in California, and the straight to New Zealand.

That was over 500 miles away; 500 miles away from me. Was it selfish to think that this was a bid to get away from me? I attempted to dismiss the concept, but what else could drive her from her father and my family that she loves so much? She loved Charlie, and she was slowly growing to love Forks along with it. What other reason could there possibly be?

Pain licked at my skin as I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, trying to force the wall between us back up. It wouldn't go, and Bella was still staring at the plane ticket. I could see the black ink, the letter 'New' smudged a little and the right hand corner had been bent over slightly.

She was leaving… leaving me… leaving Forks…

What could I do to make her stay?

Immediately, I was on my feet, using the pain and the very thought of loosing her to propel me forwards, towards home. I wouldn't lose her, not now after everything we'd been through, not after everything we've fought through. No, I may have run before, but not anymore.

There was no way Bella was getting on that plane tomorrow and stepping foot out of Forks; there was no way I would let her get that far from me. It didn't matter what I had to do to make her stay, I would do whatever it took.

I would bare my heart and soul if that is what it took.

**Again, my thanks to all of you. I'm not sure if this is what you all expected or wanted but... this is the way it is developing. **

**I am in something of a dilemma however; I thought of this story over a year ago now, and it had taken so long to actually get out of my head on onto here that I have forgotten where this story was intending to go. **

**I am open to suggestions, so if you want it to go in a particular direction then tell me your ideas.**

**Thank you all! **

**Review!  
P.s. The 'Evil Reviewer' mysteriously forgot to comment on my little rant. XD I think you all scared them off...**


	9. Just Fuck Off!

I apologise, but this is not an update.

I simply request that if you are simply reviewing to post horrible things, then don't bother. If you hate it so much, why bother wasting your time? Why even bother reading it? Really, it's pathetic.

And at least have the decency of not being 'anonymous' every time. You need to grow up; it's not like this is serious, it's a bit of fun and entertainment.


	10. Chapter 10

**I am sorry for my little insecurity meltdown before, and I promise you all that I will ignore any of that from now on.**

**I AM BACK!**

**Don't I Know You?**

**Bella's Perspective...**

I never believed in self discovery; A discovery of your own Individuality.

I always thought I knew who I was; I thought it strange and pointless for people to go half way around the world in search of something that was inside of you the whole time. But now, after the revelations of the past few months, I am forced to come to the conclusion that I don't even know myself anymore.

I have spent so much time being this person for everyone else, that Bella Swan has been buried deep within me. All the forced smiles, the fake laughs and pretending to be interested; this new persona I have adopted has shoved the real me out the window.

I didn't want to be anyone else; I didn't even know how I had become this person. Since when was I so emotional? Since when had I let others pull me down? Yes, everything had gotten worse after the accident and with the whole Edward thing… I knew things were going to be different. But not like this.

But I didn't need Edward to live, and I didn't keep blaming the accident for every little fault in my life. It was so easy to just sit back and let my life pass me by, letting the pain and grief of what happened cushion me. No-one would begrudge me; they would simply assume I couldn't get over it.

They would be right, but in a way, I felt ashamed.

Ashamed that I wasn't living my life; ashamed that I had spent the last week in something of a 'coma' where I simply walked around like a robot. No-one yelled at me or shook me and no-one tried to break me out of it; they simply watched mournfully as I went about my day. And it was then that I realised that this picture is so very wrong; because it is not normal for people, any people, to simply ignore the world around them for a week. And yet, here it was as though it was expected of me.

It was time to stop letting the pain and grief overwhelm me, and actually fight for the reins on my life again.

Did I even know what my favourite food was? I hardly even taste my food these days, never mind look at what I'm eating. When was the last time I even picked up a book to read? What was my favourite book?

_I know I'm a coward…_

My eyes lingered on the glove box to my right; the same one I had been staring at for the last few minutes and had avoided like the plague. In that glove box was the plane ticket Esme had handed me last week.

It was a rather smart plan, and one that only Esme, Alice and I knew about. We didn't want to risk any of the others slipping up if Edward did return. I had, of course, agreed that I would leave if that meant Edward would return. It broke my heart, but Esme assured me that she wasn't trying to get rid of me, and in the unlikely event that I do step foot out of the state, I would be back within the next 48 hours.

As it turned out, Esme had cooked up this plan and thought it through rather thoroughly. With a quiet apology, she admitted that she had done some 'research' on me and found out that I had an aunt living in New Zealand. Yes, she was Charlie's sister, Beth, but we didn't speak to or about her. Nobody would tell me why and I never felt the need to ask. Once I realised Esme's plan I hurriedly informed her that I had never met the women and her and my father do not get along.

She didn't even bat an eyelash, and later told me that she had seen no calls from her home to Charlie or vice versa in many years so had anticipated my reaction. I was scared to even ask how she knew about their phone records so I let that one slide.

And then she handed me the ticket, all the while telling me that if it got that far, she would book a hotel and a car for me. I was honestly a little shocked. I mean, usually getting someone to come home involves begging or promises, not running halfway around the world.

Still, what can I expect with rich vampires?

I had yet to tell Charlie about this little trip, but once again Esme jumped in and saved me, informing me that she would make the necessary call and make something up. I did feel guilty about lying to my Dad when he had just started trusting me and when we were finally building some sort of relationship and rapport with the man. But this needed to be done.

I needed Edward here, not to live, but to smile and laugh, to be _happy. _Life is more than mere survival. That was what he always told me.

And that is what knocked me into my 'comatose' state. Because I was terrified that, upon doing this, I would not only fail to bring Edward back, but throw away everything Dad and I had built together. Or what if Edward did come back but everything was different?

_He kissed you, of course it will be awkward, but this __**is Edward!**_

Yes, but Edward ran away. He ran away from me, from the inevitable talk and feelings that were going to be dragged into this. I mean, he can't have just spontaneously thought to kiss me. Edward did nothing unless it was thought through thoroughly, a result of being the only child and heir to a company his father owned as a human. He always had responsibility, and never jumped into anything.

_So he planned on kissing me…_

Oh, I just didn't know anymore.

"Whatever it is isn't worth wrinkles,"

My heart thudded double-time in my chest as I jumped and squealed in surprise. "I'm going to buy a bell to put around your neck. Make some noise, will you?"

That would have sounded better if I wasn't struggling to even out my breathing and keep a glare on my face. At some point, Emmett had snuck up on me, somehow managing to silently open my car door even though the hinges squealed loudly. And said vampire was now laughing at me as I laid my head on the steering wheel, giving up my glare as I faced away from him.

"Sorry Bells,"

I turned only to roll my eyes at his lame apology since he was still laughing about it. I quickly grabbed my bag, my eyes straying to the glove box for a moment before I forcefully pushed the matter from my mind and climbed out of the car. Emmett shut my door for me, finally stopping the laughter but still unable to wipe the huge grin from his face.

"Alice said you were having some sort of epiphany and to not disturb you," he shrugged somewhat innocently. Though I found it comforting that Alice gave me space to think, which means that it must do some good at some point. I couldn't help but shake my head at Emmett.

"Alice tells you to leave me alone, so you, of course, scare the shit out of me?"

"Duh!" He nudged me playfully and I chuckled a little. I knew Emmett well thanks to mine and Edward's connection. I knew he didn't like anything serious or seeing people upset. Of course I knew he would make it his personal duty to cheer me up. The only reason he hadn't tried the last week was that Alice and Esme had specifically told all of the Cullen's to leave me be for a while.

Apparently that order was no longer in action, and to be honest I couldn't be happier to be surrounded by them.

We walked towards the red convertible where the others were stood talking quietly. Jasper and Rosalie were both frowning at Alice and neither looked particularly happy at her. Alice was simply shaking her head at them, not even offering her husband words of wisdom. I knew what they were talking about; I saw it in the exasperated look Alice sent me over Rose's shoulder as we drew closer.

I was caught up in watching the altercation that I once again jumped when Emmett threw his arm over my shoulder, effectively grinding me to a halt there beside him.

"Bella… we're not stupid; we know you and Ali have something cooked up. What we can't figure out is why neither of you will let anyone else in,"

He had turned to face me, pouting and wearing the most sincere expression I think I recall seeing on his face. I realised, as I stared at him for a moment, that Esme must have played her part as worrying mother to avoid suspicion. She was a devious vampire that one.

"Emmett…" The quiet warning came from my left and I turned as Emmett sighed. Hs shoulders slumped he turned and faced Alice as she stood beside me. Rose and Jasper stood at her side, both of them watching Alice and I closely as though the answers would just come pouring from our mouths.

"You can't blame him Alice; Edward is our brother too you know! We deserve to know what's going on," Rose hissed quietly, her eyes narrowing on her tiny sister in a threatening way. I knew what she said was true; no matter how much she and Edward clashed and argued; they loved each other like siblings.

"Nothing is going on Rosalie," Alice hissed, stepping forward as though provoking the blond vampire. Jasper and Emmett quickly interceded and pulled their partners away before any fights –whether physical or verbal- could begin.

It was then that I felt the divide. The Cullen's were my family, and yet since being inside Edward's head, and feeling Edward's emotions for so long, I felt like the loner. And now, here I was in his position; his siblings holding each other and whispering loving words in their ears. And I stood to the side, helpless and hopeless. When Edward was here it was alright; I had _someone. _

Is this how Edward always felt around his family?

I stood there beside the red car, watching Emmett whisper soothing words in Rosalie's ear and Jasper pull Alice into his chest and kiss the top of her head. It hurt, to watch such displays of affection. I didn't necessarily understand why of course. There were couples everywhere I looked, but I'd never felt like this before. I hadn't felt lonely.

I wanted arms to hold me tightly when I got upset, or for someone to hold my hand and whisper words in my ear. I wanted that. I fought to bat the emotions away from me; I didn't need _anyone _to make me whole. That was the one thing that Renee had always emphasised on me. No woman needs a man to be strong.

But God, it would be nice to be needed.

The day floated by; Alice dodging and weaving the accusations and questions being pelted at us throughout lunch. I was lucky to have her really; I was on automatic again. I knew how it felt to need someone so badly that when they left, you felt like a part of you was missing.

Like right now.

I knew I could survive without Edward; I could probably go as far as to say I could move on. I know, logically, that I could. But I didn't want to. Maybe that was what this whole mate thing was about. Looking around at lunch as the two mated pairs sat together in silence, I saw people that _chose _to be there. They didn't have to be with one another, but they wanted to be.

I didn't need Edward, but I wanted him. I wanted it to be his voice that calmed me down, his laugh that made me smile, his arms wrapped around me. It was then, a few seconds before the bell rang signalling the end of lunch, that a thought strayed through my mind.

That one thought would be the downfall of me; I knew it, but it was too tempting to pass.

Like Alice and Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett, Esme and Carlisle, I could survive without Edward. But, also like them, I didn't want to even think about being without him. And, with this theory conjured, I could only come to one end.

_What if Edward and I were mates like the others?_

It was a strange concept, but I surprised myself by not dismissing the theory immediately. Alice sent me a small nod and something that was either a wink or a twitch as I stood and bid my farewells. Mumbled goodbyes and even a 'hang in there' from Jasper followed me as I made my way to Biology. I hated this class without Edward now. His empty paid tribute to my best friend who had run away. Even now, days later, I don't understand why he ran away.

He kissed me and then he ran away.

Alright, so maybe he kissed me, I kissed him and _then _he ran away.

Why did he kiss me? Why did I kiss him? Honestly, I don't know the answers. I wished I did, but I was in the dark on this one. I just had to trust that Alice was right about her visions and the plan would work. I don't know what will happen if it doesn't. After calling me his 'best friend', he kisses me?

_Maybe my theory is right… _

But we couldn't be mates. Sure, Edward had never felt anything akin to attraction before; I would have felt it. He had shown me what it feels like from his connection with Jasper and the others. He hadn't felt that towards anyone else; nor had he _ever _kissed, or even looked at somebody inappropriately. And suddenly he's kissing me.

_The evidence is mounting…_

It didn't matter, because I knew it wasn't true. Edward would have told me. After being together for so long and knowing the other from the inside out, i would have found our or he would have slipped and told me. Then again, as I sat silently in my seat pretending to listen to Mr. Banner ramble on, I begrudgingly had to admit that Edward was impeccable when it came to concealing his thoughts.

That night, after hours of theories circling in my mind, I strictly told myself that Edward could hide his feelings and thoughts as easily as breathing. If he didn't want me to know something, I wouldn't know it. If there was a reason for his behaviour, then I would _patiently _wait for the answers - no matter how infuriating it was that I wasn't deemed able to be let into this secret.

Days past as I returned to normal – or as normal as I could guess everyone else was. With no voice and second sight in my mind, I found I could focus and concentrate much easier. I received praise from both my calculus teacher and Coach Clapp for my sudden improvement. It was a bittersweet moment.

Charlie was outwardly pleased with my uplifted mood. We settled into an easy routine; something it seemed that both of us had needed. I would go to school, come back, and if Charlie was still at the station, I'd cook dinner and afterwards, he'd do the dishes. I agreed to do my share of cleaning, though Charlie did admit he loathed the hoovering and dusting so I took those jobs. At night, either I would sit in my room doing my homework or we'd sit downstairs and he would attempt to teach me the rules of various sports. Usually it ended up with me laughing at him when he yelled at the television.

Normal was good; it was simple and easy. But it wasn't me.

Of course, there were those little things that still stood me out from the rest. Alice kept asking me to see if the shield around my mind was keeping him out. I didn't see why I should have to since he was ignoring me anyway, but she said it was imperative. I couldn't argue with her; she knew more than I did. It was frustrating knowing that she _knew _all of this. In fact, I'm sure they all knew. From all the eyebrow raises, small smirks and solemn head shakes, I could only deduce that they knew something that I did not.

Damn vampires.

The class wasn't up to sharing though, and no amount of screaming and cursing would loosen them up. That theory was tried and tested, and earned me a shocked face from Esme and a high five from Emmett. I spent an increasing amount of time at the Cullen's house and with the family themselves. Jasper, especially, seemed to be making the most of the one human he could get close to. They invited me over to dinner and to 'hang out' almost every night. Even when I declined, explaining that I had homework, Emmett said I could do it over there.

I couldn't work out whether they were trying to keep me on their good side, or just trying to keep an eye on me. Either way, it stopped me moping so I wasn't going to call them out on it.

There was one thing – as there usually is – that was circling around in my mind. No amount of laughing or company could keep it from biting right back.

Renee.

When I had lost her, lost my mother, I _needed _Edward in every way possible. I was hurt, physically, mentally and emotionally. I was angry and confused – I didn't understand or believe what I was being told. I thought everyone was lying to me and holding me against my will. He had been there, through every ugly thought and every tear. He hadn't left me.

I fell into a depression whilst at the orphanage, seeing all those children smiling and laughing. I couldn't understand how they could be happy. They were here because nobody cared, because they had no family left. I wanted to hurt them; to make them see that there was _nothing _to smile about. The world was painted crimson in my eyes; every door led to pain no matter what. Nobody could be trusted; I didn't even speak to anybody for all my time there. Nobody was worthy of my voice; I didn't have to break my silence for _them. _They were stupid and naïve, making friends and playing childish games. None of it mattered.

Nothing mattered anymore. It all ended, and it all ended in the same way. It didn't matter when, where or how. It's unavoidable.

That was when I sat in the communal bathroom, on the edge of the bath holding a razor blade to my wrist. I knew to cut straight down – no chance of the veins being stitched up. I was going to die – I might as well do it now and spare myself the pain life will bring. I had been so focussed that Edward had been shoved to the back of my mind. But he screamed and screamed, and as I pressed that small blade to my skin, I felt his emotions wash over me.

The panic, the fear, the anger…

It made my hands tremble and my vision blur with tears. The blade almost slipped from my hand but I held steadfast, unwilling to give in. I didn't want to be weak anymore. No more pain to cripple me – no more regret and shame. I had wanted it that day, and many days before and after. I had wanted death. I had wanted peace, but most of all, I had wanted an end. I didn't care if it was painful or not. It would never amount to the pain life would cause.

Edward had screamed at me, begged me and threatened me. He had even gone as far as to say that if I killed myself, he would follow. I had scoffed then, mistrust even seeping into the deepening cracks that had formed between Edward and me. I had been difficult to contend with. I could see it now – how irrational I was being, but to me, it was all logic and sense. It was everyone else that was blind.

Apparently I had sat on the edge of the bath for seven hours – door locked and, as usual, not speaking a word. I am sure people tried to use the toilet throughout the day, but I couldn't remember the door being tried. Even now, I couldn't figure out how I spent that long in there. Of course, eventually, the guardians did a head count and figured out I was missing. The lock was unscrewed and the door pushed open. The children had been taken away – they didn't know what to expect to find.

They didn't try to talk to me. I didn't even look at them. I forgot the blade in my hand. Edward told me a story – I can't remember what he said, and I never want to lest it bring back harsher memories. I let him back in, I let his words soothe me as paramedics arrived. They spoke to me in soft gentle voices that I ignored. The man was holding his hand out, shaking it slightly as he spoke to me. I still didn't raise my eyes from the floor.

The blade, it seemed, had slipped during my time in my head, and had now cut through my skin. It was only a small cut of a few inches, but the blood was running down my wrist, past my palm and dripping from between my fingers onto the blue carpet. I didn't feel the pain, I don't even think I realised what I was doing. Edward told me that I had to give the man the blade. I didn't understand why – I didn't understand much of anything – but I trusted Edward. I did as he said.

And throughout all of that, he had stayed with me. Throughout every night in the hospital bed, every counselling session – he'd tell me to listen, that they'd help me. At first I was angry with him – once I realised what he had done. Being hooked up to all those machines, and being guarded around the clock made me resent life all the more. Though the pain was being numbed it remained in my heart. I hated Edward for a few weeks – I told him all the time how much I loathed him, how I wished he'd never been born, how he'd ruined my life.

He was still there a month later when I was in the mental ward and everything just seemed to snap into resolution, when I broke down and apologized over and over again. The nurses had to sedate me, but called it progress. It was the first time I had spoken in a month of me being there, even if it wasn't to one of them.

I owed him my life. I owed him everything.

It seemed selfish, looking back on my life, that I felt so hurt and betrayed by him now. He had sacrificed so much for me – he had gone through everything I had from the beginning. I owed him everything I had now – was it my place to want more from him? Maybe he didn't want to be around anymore; maybe he wanted to get away for a while. Either way, it wasn't my place to question it.

Esme had spoken to Charlie and asked him if I could accompany her and Alice on a trip to New York. Apparently, I would be learning about the world in a new light, and it would be very beneficial. I hated lying to him, but he seemed to buy it after learning that it was just us three girls, and even then I could tell it was begrudging.

It was the Friday night I was at the Cullen's that I let slip my thoughts on the entire affair. Since, as far as Charlie was concerned anyway, Esme and I were leaving at four in the morning, it made sense for me to stay over there for the night. Alice had taken it upon herself to deem me unable to dress myself, and so was packing my bag for me. I was sat in the guest bedroom, on the middle of the bed, watching Alice root around, mumbling to her and pushing clothes aside.

I was quiet, but she didn't question it. I have always been quiet, so nothing was really different there. But I had had these thoughts for a while, and now seemed to be the last chance to air them.

"Alice," I called her name softly, hearing a hum but all I could see was her behind wiggling around as she looked for shoes.

"Are you sure we're doing the right thing?" The unease that accompanied my voice settled in my stomach, looming over my head and lodging in my throat. Was I really willing to give Edward up? Could I be selfish and hold him to be forever, even if he didn't want to be?

"Of course we are Bella. Edward belongs here; he just doesn't know it yet." Her head popped up for a moment but she simply held a pair of shoes in each hand, seeming to weigh them up before placing the black boots in the suitcase and the pumps back in the wardrobe.

"But what if he doesn't _want _to come back?" I implored, tapping out an irregular rhythm on my knee as I sat with my legs crossed, my hand cupping the side of my face as I rested my elbow on my other knee.

"Of course he wants to come back Bella." She dismissed my words with a dainty snort and a short shake of her head, putting her attention back on the matter at hand. "We're his family, and you –" Her hands stilled and she sighed quietly before carrying on, "He needs you."

It hurt to think of it like that now, after realising another angle for this. Maybe he does miss me; maybe he does want to come back. I couldn't get my hopes up.

"I'm going to get a drink." I said quietly, not gaining a response as I quietly climbed off the bed and out of the room. I met no-one along my way to the kitchen, and allowed myself a moment to breathe and come to terms with this.

I was about to fly across the world, to get Edward back. He may want to come back, he may not. Either way, I _would _live through it. It would hurt, but I was prepared for that eventuality. A part of my mind prompted that I shouldn't have to travel half way around the world – to New Zealand – to get him back. He should want to come back by himself.

Hugging the glass of water to me, I leaned back against the marble counter. My throat still felt constricted, but it didn't seem to be budging any time soon. It seemed wrong to be here now – a familiar pace for him to be – within his home with his family. I felt intrusive, as though I was taking his place. Even when Carlisle and Esme told me that I was welcome any time, and that it wasn't simply because of Edward, I couldn't help but hesitate. This was his home, not mine – his family, not mine.

"You worried."

I didn't jump or squeal like someone would usually do when snuck up on. My mind registered the shock, but I was too busy to show it outwardly. Instead, I allowed my eyes to travel from my rippling water, to the doorframe. Jasper stood, watching me with sympathetic eyes as I shrugged. I couldn't hide from him, we both knew it.

"But calm. Strange – at least given what you're about to do." He continued, stepping inside the room and pulling out a bar stool before jumping up on it with a bounce. With a small grin that made me smile despite myself, he tapped the seat beside him and I sighed and obliged. Things with Jasper were good – having spent so much time with me, we had gotten close over the week or so. He was my self-appointed favourite brother. It made my heart sing to think that he liked me _that _much.

"So… why all the calm vibes?" He quirked an eyebrow in my direction, leaning forwards, setting his elbow on the island top and pressing his palm to the side of his head as he turned his head to face me. We had done this before, the both of us. I found it was easy to talk to him, since he had the gift of open mindedness, as well as being able to know how I feel too.

"I figure it could go either way. But what ever happens, I'll survive. I know what I'm getting myself into and what is at stake. I've accepted it I guess," I shrugged again, brushing my fingertips over the glass and creating grooves in the condensation.

"You're willing to let him go if that's what he wants?" Incredulity coloured Jasper's voice, but I still refused to turn. I could predict his expression after all. Having been so receptive to everything recently, it would come as a shock that I was digging my heels in and voicing an opinion that no-one expected. I had spent the last few weeks just going along with things and agreeing – being easy.

"How could I hold him back? He's been my crutch for so long – maybe he wants out." And there was the pain again – right in my heart and stomach at the thought of losing him. I tried to conceal the cringe at my words – seeming so much harsher when spoken aloud than in my mind.

"I can't speak for Edward-" he paused at my cringe but carried on, "But he cares about you, so much. I don't know what he's doing, or why he's being such a prick, but I'm sure he has some twisted logic that makes sense to him." He chuckled and I caught him rolling his eyes when I peeked over at him. I smiled shakily, still feeling the ache in my heart, but remembering the way Edward always make sense of the most sense-less things.

"I know he cares about me. He has to have to have stayed with me through everything." I sighed, my eyes returning to the glass of water as I began to trace the lip, feeling the edge digging into my finger and allowing it to distract me.

"Was it that bad?" He sounded hesitant but curious – scared to approach the subject. It was the one thing everyone skirted around in conversation. It hadn't come up, but there was always a lull in the conversation, or an uneasy silence when something hinted towards it. Their eyes always watched over me with silent questions and always – always – the concerned frown.

"I was in a bad place," I shrugged one shoulder as I suddenly felt inexplicably old, "The world was full of darkness and pain and I didn't want any part of it anymore. I wanted an out, but Edward took that away from me." The kitchen fell silent for a while, the hum of the microwave filling the lull and I let my hand fall to the marble counter as I sighed, and feeling guilt worming back into my bones.

"I hated him for it." Wanting to know his reaction to that, I turned to face him full on. He wasn't looking at me anymore, and for that I was thankful. He was staring off into the distance with a slight scowl on his face. When he realised I was watching him, he turned and motioned for me to continue, the scowl never leaving his face.

"He betrayed me. He left me here with all the pain and reality. It got worse of course, with the hospital and the stupid councillors. I hated him even more because of that."

"He was your best friend and he took away what you wanted most." Jasper mumbled with a small nod of understanding, though his scowl only deepened.

"I resented him. I was always angry, and bitter. I couldn't help it. I felt cheated." I swallowed thickly before continuing. "It took a month but I finally realised how fucked up I was, and how irrational I was acting. I could barely live with myself – God knows how he did."

"Hey," I felt Jasper's chilly fingers gently nudge my chin up and I begrudgingly allowed my eyes to leave the floor. "Just because bad things have happened to you, it doesn't make you a bad person. You reacted how you felt – there's nothing wrong with that. Stop blaming yourself for Edward's ass-holery."

He released my chin but I was still staring at him. I knew Jasper could be sensitive – he didn't really have a choice. But I also knew that he preferred to be the strong, silent one in the background. I was touched that he'd reach out to me, even if his words made me want to smile.

His thumb reached above my eye, to one of the many scars I have from the accident. The dashboard was responsible for that one. Despite the heavy atmosphere, and his darkened mood I laughed lightly. The action was relieving for me after our conversation and reliving all that. "You do realise you almost quoted Harry Potter,"

When his scowl was replaced with a smile and his hand dropped from my scar, I relaxed even further. "Well, what can I say eh? Those Potter people know a thing or two." Without a word he slid off his seat, turning and offering me his hand to help me slide off. "Alice wants your opinion," he nodded towards the ceiling with a wry grin when I rolled my eyes.

"Thanks Jasper." I smiled somewhat shyly once I realised that I had not only told that to Jasper, but to all of the occupants of the house. Maybe the details would make it too much for them – but I flicked that thought away. They had been through a fair bit of pain in their own lives. Instead of answering me, he simply opened his arms. Without even thinking about it I stepped into the embrace and wrapped my arms tightly around him, letting the feelings of security and safeness wash over me as Jasper squeezed me tightly. With a simply kiss to my forehead he released me and motioned for me to go upstairs.

Feeling significantly lighter than before, I ascended the stairs and even allowed Alice to badger me with pointless questions about which blouses to take. Though my answers had not been answered my mind was at ease with my decision. Whether this worked or not, the outcome would not make or break me. I would not be a weak, little dependant child anymore. Edward had been my rock for far too long now – and it was wearing on the both of us.

The others had inevitably found out about our plan. Esme and I had remained tight lipped – not even giving any hints. It was Alice that had told Jasper, thinking no-one was within hearing range, but Emmett had just caught wind of it and told Rosalie, who then took it upon herself to tell Esme and Carlisle. After a tantrum from Alice and many probing questions from the others, we settled into a resigned plan.

"Right. You know what to do," Alice hovered in the doorway, worry etched on her face. Her confidence has been slowly dropping – it was clear in her voice. I was sat on the bed again, holding the plane ticket in my clammy hands. Everyone knowing was a large risk to take, but it did make things a hell of a lot easier. We didn't have to sneak around anymore, and we could get this done.

With a small nod and smile, Alice slowly slipped from the room and shut the door softly behind her. Their job was simply – be silent and wait. My job, however, was much harder. Not only had I ensure that I not slip up in my thoughts, but that I concentrate solely on the little piece of paper in front of me and not what I knew was going to happen in the next few days – a hard feat since it was all I could think of.

The house fell silent, and even though I was alone, I could feel my cheeks flushing. I knew they were all listening to my every breath and move. The knowledge made the room seem somewhat smaller and my hands shook a little with the pressure. A wave of calm washed over me, my hands stilling and allowing me to regain a footing in soothing myself.

Now came the hardest part.

Focussing my eyes on the little piece of paper in front of me, I fought to recite things about it. The words, colours, texture – anything I could that would block out anything else. Details like my whereabouts didn't matter, but my emotions would have to be in check too. Of course, it wasn't exactly difficult to conjure the feels of betrayal and sadness. Taking it a step further and still concentrating on the plane ticket, I fought to lower the wall around my wall slowly, brick by brick. I could have easily ripped it down, but doing it this way is more realistic to how the emotion would wear it down.

Plus I might not want to be assaulted by his thoughts, and thus a distraction. We had to be careful and Edward was smart – something I was not appreciating right now.

I expected some white noise, some mumbling as I eased down the wall around my mind, letting him in piece by piece. But there was nothing at all – nothing but silence. It was frightening to know that nothing stood between us and yet there was nothing. It was like he had disappeared; it chilled me at the same as it made my eyes well up with tears. Not only had he run away, but he had completely shut me out. There wasn't even a whisper, no images or sounds; just my own rapid thoughts.

Bitter at his independence, and completely forgetting my earlier argument of letting him go, I pulled my knees up to my chest and let my tears fall. The sobs shook my shoulders and made my chest hurt, but I couldn't find it in me to stop them. Before there had been a hope that maybe I had been wrong and he hadn't shunned me completely. He had well and truly severed the link between us, physically, mentally and I'm pretty sure emotions were in there too. It hurt that he was able to block me out when I needed him so much.

Arms wrapped around me, trying to pry my arms from around my legs gently and raise my head. All I wanted was to curl up in a corner and wallow in my own pitiful misery and pain. Unfortunately, since I wasn't really in the mood to talk, the person didn't get the message and wouldn't just leave me be.

I heard him sigh. "Bella, please talk to me."

I wanted to stamp my foot like a child and scream that I wasn't doing anything for anyone for anything. But my bones suddenly felt heavy in my body and all I could muster was a simple head shake. I don't think I have ever acted to petulantly before but damn it felt good to be a child – despite the fact that I was supposed to be seventeen. Of course, eventually I gave up trying to get him to go away and let my arms relax their grip. Sensing my dwindling fight, the bed shifted as he sat in front of me, not wasting any time before hugging me to him and squeezing the hell out of me. I didn't care that I was snotting on his shirt or that my tears would most likely stain the material; and thankfully, he didn't either.

Jasper held me for a long time – way after I told him _why _I was upset, and way after the sun disappeared. Every time he felt me clam up and put that wall around me again, just wanting some peace, he'd squeeze me a little tighter and tell me to let it go. He didn't want me to hide, and though it wasn't exactly a pleasant sensation, I didn't hide from it. This was _me _after all; these were a part of me.

"So what do we do now?" My throat felt too thick to let words out – my tongue heavy and too big for my mouth it seemed. My words were barely legible, but my mind was working a mile a minute and none of it was very cheerful. "He's not coming back, Jasper. He doesn't care!" I wailed as Jasper gently shushed me and simply held me tighter. Hiccups burst out of my mouth and even forced out a giggle at the noise interrupted the silence that surrounded us.

"So you couldn't get through to him?" He asked gently as I closed my eyes, all the tears and emotions wearing me out. With my head resting in the crook of his neck and the tip of my nose just touching the column of his neck, I was pretty comfy.

"No. He's put his shield up again. I can't get through it – I've never been able to. It's the same thing he did when Carlisle told him to ignore me. I don't see or hear anything from him, and he can't see or hear anything from me. We completely cut off from each other until he lets it down." I sounded like a God damn robot – no emotions or energy. Honestly, I was all out of emotions. Before Forks, I worked hard to be as numb as possible, and now everything is so overwhelming – at least it is to me.

Jasper's hum vibrated down his throat and into my nose, making me scrunch it up and moving back out of reflex. He simply nudged me back into place and gently pressed my face into his shoulder again. I couldn't ask for a better brother – while Emmett would be the one to beat the ass of anyone who bothered me, the brute force, Jasper was the one who you just spilled your secrets to. He could be hard and sometimes scary as fuck when he wanted, but that was Jasper. He may not look it – sometimes anyway – but I knew for a fact that Jasper was a damn sight more lethal than Emmett.

I could hear the others moving around downstairs again, thankfully allowing me at least the illusion of privacy. The room grew dark but neither of us moved to switch on the light. It was nice to just sit and imagine you were looking in on everything – that you were the observer. Eventually I found that my closed eyes wouldn't open, and as much as I tried to move my arms they simply refused. Exhaustion was swallowing me whole, paying me back for the recent sleepless and restless nights. Though even through the haze of sleep, worry was niggling away in the back of my mind.

"So what do we do?"

I couldn't really hear myself very well, but even then I could hardly _understand _myself. Thank god for vampires and their keen hearing, maybe Jas will be able to decipher it.

"We go ahead with the plan. Can he feel when you try and get through to him?"

"If I try hard enough," I mumbled somewhat coherently.

"Well then he'll check in on you sooner or later, and when he does he'll come back. It's only a matter of time Bella – when he lets that shield down."

I wanted to tell him that Edward would never take that shield down – not if he wanted to be left alone, and thus far that is all I have to go with. It's obvious he doesn't want to come back or he'd be here. The same questions were running over and over in my mind and I was too tired to actually give a damn.

I welcomed sleep as she pulled into her tender embrace, shrouding me in darkness and fighting away the worries and hardships of reality. The world blurred around the edges as my mind revelled in the silence – the blissful calm and numbness sleep had to offer me. Her warmth permeated my skin, erasing the icy loneliness with soft tendrils of nothing… just nothing.

As the human slept above on the third floor, the vampires in the house could only assume and take a random guess at the events that would shape, not only the lives of their brother, son and friend, but the newest addition to their strange dynamic.

Bella had come as a shock to everyone in the Cullen family – her familiarity with Edward, as well as how she seemed to know them all too, unnerved them. For many minutes they all wondered what they would have to do about this little human who knew far too much about them to go on. She spoke with such clarity and calmness in the face of six unknown – though apparently familiar – vampires. Her nerves were obvious, especially with the empath in the room, but it was her bravery that set the coven back a step and let her and Edward speak.

There was no going back once they both began to explain – the very concept of this girl, this human girl, making Edward so happy. It was undeniable, watching them, it was painfully obvious. Edward had been right of course when he said that seventeen years ago he had changed – they all knew it, they all saw it, but none of them understood it. This girl had been the key, and as much as they all revolted against the idea of letting anyone, let alone a _human _into their fold, they could hardly push her away when she held a piece of their family.

They held nothing against her after hearing the why's of the situation – it wasn't as though it was her fault she and Edward were telepathically connected after all. After years of being shied away from by humans, and being scoffed and dismissed by vampires alike, they had found someone – one human who did neither. She had both accepted them, and had come to love them like her own. In the end, it had been her comfort and sincere trust that won them over. It was beyond bizarre to talk about such things as vampirism in the presence of a human, but it seemed that such rules were made to be broken.

Though the girl was a major detail, it was Edward that drew the gaze and attention of the family. They had been this behaviour before, unprecedented and unorthodox though it was sometimes. They now all understood why, and were keen on seeing it for themselves. Their eyes only brightened as they watched the lonely member of the family laugh and smile – they watched as he teased his human girl and as his eyes lit up. He was happy – so happy that it shone through every pore in his body. Edward had always been the recluse, and someone uncomfortable in his own skin. He had always suffered with his gift and his own self-loathing for what he was. And though they had all wished for it to be wrong, they could no longer ignore the fact that they didn't really _know _Edward at all. He had hidden himself away for so long that his family thought that this _was _Edward. Now this girl – Bella – was showing him for who he was. She knew him through and through, and it shamed his family that it had taken a century and the mind of a teenage girl to tear him from his ways.

It should have been his family who had helped him, who guided and supported him. For this, they could only show gratitude towards this amazing human who had not only brought their brother to life but revealed him for who he was. How could they ever feel animosity or even a threat from this girl who had helped them so much?

It was after Edward was gone that they realised just what they had to do. To Bella, they had always been a family, but the Cullen's were still learning. Then again, even centuries-old vampires could see when someone who they cared about needed them, and they were all too eager to step up to that plate. With Edward gone, there was no real connection to Bella, not on the Cullen's side anyway. They barely knew the girl. But after so many weeks and tears, hours of stories, of laughter and sobbing, they came to know the girl behind the miracle. They saw her hurt for her heartache and it hurt them in return, to see her in such a state. She was no longer just a girl – she was a member of the family. And while she already thought of the Cullen's as her parents and siblings, the Cullen's were beginning to see Bella in such a light too.

Of course Edward was never too far from their minds. They couldn't understand him – they doubted they ever would. He had told them, those many weeks ago when he had brought her home for the first time, that Bella was not to be touched, threatened or even attacked. Their thoughts were thoroughly scoured for any hint of aggression – and he emphasised his words as his gaze lingered on Rosalie.

"Anyone who touches her forfeits their life. You try and hurt her, in any way, and I swear, you'll never be able to run fast enough."

His words had brought shock to his family, but none of them spoke out against them. They had never seen anything like this from Edward – he had never been so possessive of anything, or anyone. Yes, he was protective of his family, but not to this standard. The only time he had ever been like this was when he hunted – when he let out his primal instincts and gave over to his most basic needs. It both thrilled and scared Carlisle to see such a reaction from his first son. He had seen it before in Emmett, Rosalie and Esme – the instinct, the need to protect and claim. He knew what it meant, but kept his mind quiet for the time being. He knew his son well enough that if he wasn't ready for such a revelation – not just yet.

It hadn't taken the others long to figure it out too – the behaviour and mannerisms so similar to those they had all displayed themselves. Edward was, of course, oblivious to them all since Bella was so close. Edward had found his mate, his soul mate – call it what you will, they all knew that now that they were together it was be nigh impossible to separate them.

But then Edward had run away.

Bella was, of course, distraught. She felt it too. After a quiet afternoon with Esme curled up watching movie after movie, she had opened up. Esme didn't say anything about it, but watched in slight amazement as the girl before her rattled off her feelings and thoughts with shaking hands and tears in her eyes. Bella felt it to – the connection. They all knew by experience that upon finding your mate, the need to consume, to possess and to mark was almost too strong to abstain. It came as no shock that Edward had kissed her, or that Bella had kissed him back – it was inevitable as far as they were concerned. It was simply a matter of time. But Edward was too overwhelmed and too confused by it all and ran – in shame and anger, he fled from his family and his love.

Bella felt it too. The others kept an eye on her of course, not wanting her to harm herself. The separation was hard to deal with soon after the mating and the vampire – or in this case person was prone to mood swings and irrational behaviour. Thankfully, while Bella felt the connection, it wasn't strong enough to cause such a powerful effect. She was pained by Edward's absence, that much was painfully obvious, but she wasn't completely distraught and beside herself.

It hadn't taken long for the others to figure out what the three women were plotting – though they did point out and full in some holes in the plan. They were slightly chagrined that all they could do was take a back seat and watch it all unfold. Edward was bound to come back – he had to, his heart wouldn't let him stay away. It hurt to hear that she was giving up – that she didn't believe he was return. They couldn't blame her – though Edward's behaviour was understandable, it was far from acceptable. Leaving Bella here suffering angered every member of the Cullen family but in the end they knew that it was not their battle to fight. As the days grew shorter and the time was upon them to set their plan in motion, it was clear that Bella had taken another path.

While she had attempted her hand at acceptance of Edward's actions and decisions, Jasper had revealed that she angry and it was building. Her anger was completely necessary in this situation, but it wouldn't help soothe the way any. Jasper had taken it upon himself to monitor her carefully over the weeks. After hearing her say that she tried to kill herself, he felt it was his duty to make sure that it never happened again. What frightened him was that another person she loved had gone, and it was the same person that dragged her from the hole last time. Without Edward, would she be able to pick herself up?

He needn't have worried – her emotions never betrayed anything close to such destructive behaviour. She was trying to be independent, but after having Edward there all her life, and leaning on his especially these past few months, it was bound to be hard. The family felt hopeless as they watched their plan fall flat – Edward wasn't even paying attention. The wall cracked and crumbled then – all the acceptance, anger and feigned ignorance stamped out by hurt and betrayal, by pain and desolation. Edward had his own thoughts to sort out, he had to come to terms with this himself and no amount of prodding would speed up the process – this they knew for certain. The fact that his mind wasn't open wasn't a dismissal of Bella's attention or presence – he simply had a lot to think about. Unfortunately, they could do nothing to soothe Bella's obvious distress as she seemed to fall apart before their very eyes.

Bella fell asleep eventually, much to Carlisle's relief. She hadn't been sleeping, eating or really interacting much over the past few weeks, though it was obvious that she was making a considerate effort. Charlie was understandably distraught. He had had such a little amount of time with his daughter and though it had been rough in the beginning, it was starting to be better. The death of Renee had hit them hard, but Bella was done being the adult. Charlie knew it was time to step up and be man, but the pain was forever in his mind. When he looked at Bella, he saw Renee and God it hurt. He took solace in knowing that he could very well have lost the both of them. It was with these thoughts and Bella's rapid decline that had him phoning Carlisle and demanding an explanation. Bella had been spending a lot of time with the Cullen's recently – at school and at their house. No specifics were made – simply that there had been a misunderstanding where Edward had unintentionally hurt Bella and he had gone. After a very lengthy conversation and yelling on Charlie's side, Carlisle got Charlie to agree to give his daughter over to the Cullen's for five days. He had to promise that he would have to bite his tongue when Bella was there, and in turn Carlisle had to promise to bring his daughter home safely and that they would do everything they can to make things better again. While Charlie was dead set against Edward going anywhere near his daughter ever again, he was willing to do anything to get rid of the dead light in her eyes. He wanted her to smile and laugh like the used to. Her sudden loss of appetite and social abilities immediately concerned Charlie but he had faith in Carlisle and Esme. They were all in the same boat after all – their children having some whacked up telepathic connection. He still had trouble accepting it, and most of the time he simply ignores it. It wasn't the best tactic but he had always been one for facts and reality – nothing remotely sci-fi related or supernatural hence why he became a cop.

He pretended to have accepted Esme's alleged lie about showing Bella how the world worked. It made him smile to see the light coming back in her eyes when they ate in silence. She spent a lot of time thinking – too much time Charlie thought, but kept his opinions to himself. The up and coming trip to God-knows where had Bella in high spirits and that had been enough to unstill some hope and trust in this plan the Cullen's had concocted. He didn't like keeping things from his daughter, especially after the distance between them over the years. He should be trying to gain her trust not purposefully deceive her. His hope was that this would make her happier, and in turn make her more comfortable here and with him. He just hoped it didn't backfire and threaten the tenuous relationship he now had with his daughter.

He had been so excited to hear she was coming to stay with him – that was before he was given the news about Renee and the accident. His heart broke at the news at tears had spilled down his cheeks. He had never let go of Renee, his first and only love. The only good news was that of his daughter – she was alive and well. Of course, then there was the next phone call a few weeks later informing him that his daughter had been admitted to a psychiatric unit after trying to kill herself. That was round about when the panic set in. Before then, he had been assured that Bella was fine, coping well and that she would be on the next plane to Port Angeles. But then there were more and more setbacks – fully booked flights and more hospital checks than he knew possible. In the end he was so close to just saying 'fuck it' to his job and driving the couple of hundred miles to Phoenix to get to his baby girl. But then she was on the plane and she was on her way – and then the panic _really _set in. Phone calls had been established between the psychiatrist Bella had been seeing and he'd spilled all of his worries and fears down the phone to her. She simply advised him not to push her but not to treat her any differently – it was a fine line to walk but he was fairly certain he'd been doing it pretty well so far.

He'd had to call Kim when he majorly fucked up and sent Bella into something he never wanted to witness again. He watched his little girl snap as she reached her limit and then he watched her close off from everyone and everything around her. Kim had already assured him that she did this as a defence mechanism whenever she felt things got too close or difficult. It didn't help the reality that his baby was hurting and he had inadvertently caused it. The hardest thing had been watching Edward and Carlisle walking away with her. Carlisle promised that she'd be okay but it didn't stop him from wanting to grab her and never let her go. He wanted to be the one to make her alright, he was her dad, and it was his job to look after her. He had failed all those years ago to hold onto his wife, and he was losing his daughter too. After a strenuous call to Kim proclaiming that he couldn't handle Bella and that he wasn't cut out to do it, he was sternly told to shut up and listen.

Apparently it would have been a miracle if nothing _had _happened in the first few weeks. Charlie didn't appreciate the sentiment. He didn't care if everyone else was going through this – it was his daughter that was hurting and it made his heart heavy and impossible to bear knowing that he wasn't helping in the slightest. After a few hours flitting between anger, desolation and hope she finally got through to him that simply showing that he cared was helping his daughter to heal. She had given up on the world and knowing there was people there who loved and cared for her would keep her afloat when she couldn't find her footing just yet.

Even as he put the phone down, Charlie hung his head in shame. He even had to phone a psychiatrist to talk about his own daughter. The same daughter he had almost talked himself out of caring for. Thank God for Kim.

He had told her that Bella was taking a vacation for a while, but then was shocked when Kim told him not to worry about it. In all the drama Bella hadn't phoned Kim once since that second time. Instead of flying off the handle, Kim sounded pleased by the lack of contact. Apparently it was only a sign of concern if she got a call from someone saying that she was sinking into herself again. Her lack of communication because of other things was seen as progress – of moving on, of healing. The fact that Bella was able to concentrate and worry about other things was seen as a positive thing. Charlie had wanted to throttle the damn woman and ask her what the fuck was wrong with just wanting his little girl to be happy.

And now his little girl was gone, sleeping the night at the Cullen's before they depart tomorrow. He trusted them – not enough that he forwent the threat of hunting each and every one of them down should anything happen to his little girl, but enough to hold onto the hope that they could help. They seemed to know what they were doing at least – and it was in that field that Charlie felt that he had failed. He laid in bed for a while that night, wondering what his little girl would be doing this time tomorrow and if he would ever see her smile again – really smile, with the light in her eyes and colour in her cheeks. He ached to see the little girl in the pictures, the one with a toothy grin and pigtails. He just wanted her to be happy again, no matter what. That included getting a restraining order against Edward or having him stay over for sleepovers – though he immediately retracted that one. There was no way they would be sleeping here together.

He wasn't an idiot. He saw how those two were together, how Bella moped around and barely spoke. He could see the difference between the pain of losing her mother and the pain of this situation with Edward – whatever it may be. They might be blind but his keen old eyes saw it – he was a cop after all.

The sun rose the next day, the chief rising with it and getting ready for his work. His thoughts lingered on his daughter as he drove to work, worry gnawing in his mind and stomach as he realised that he didn't like the knowledge that his little girl was so close and yet too far from him. He settled himself with the knowledge that a headhunt would be called if his daughter was a second late through that front door. There were so worries in the Cullen house – though Charlie's threats had been headed. They were hardly worried about being hunted down by a human, though it would cause complications should he chose to dig a little too deep into their background. No, they acquiesced to his promises simply because he was looking after his daughter, he was doing the best he could – that the Cullen's understood that, if nothing else. The Cullen's had no need to sleep, but often found their endless life tiring. Not today though – today they had a purpose. As the sun rose, Esme went to wake Bella. At five in the morning with the sun peeking over the horizon and with promises of sleep on the plane, she managed to get Bella moving.

She didn't want to go; in fact she was regretting ever agreeing to this. What would she do if he didn't turn up? Would they just come back to Forks and carry on as normal without him? Or would they go even further? Just how far were the family willing to take this without accepting defeat?

And while she found it difficult to mask the pain and hurt Edward had caused, she had no hope of concealing the hope that was erupting in her heart now. Maybe she could bring Edward home – they all could. Everything would be alright, normal almost, or as normal as it ever could be. Maybe, just maybe, things could be good.

She could only hope.

**A/N:**

**Okay, so it's been 5 months. I am on my hands and knees in apologies since even then the update was telling someone to fuck off. In my pitiful defence, my computer broke and I have a weird fear of writing in front of people, so I have to fit it in around college and being alone; hence why it has taken 5 months. There really is no excuse, but I can only hope that you can forgive me.**

**^.^**

**Please? **

**I'll be good and update… I might even be getting a laptop, which means I can hide away and write all night if I want. But I **_**might **_**be getting one. I hope. **

**You can hurl abuse at me, give me everything you have! **

**I started a blog though, just because I felt the need while all the snow was pouring from the sky and shut everyone in the house. If anyone is interested I could start posting things on there about Don't I Know You? But up till now it's just kind of a posting thing for me. **

**Thank you, my ever faithful Readers xx**

**I owe you everything.**


	11. Chapter 11

AN:/ So I promised that I would be good, and here I am updating. This may seem quite some time for for my track record this is nothing short of a miracle. Those that have been with me from the beginning will know that.

…

Hindsight really was a bitch. Even with a hand wrapped tightly around my neck and a growl ripping from my throat, I knew I was the one in the wrong. It couldn't be helped. My instincts seemed to be extremely sensitive – tenuous, as if the slightest weight would make that thread snap and fall.

"Just calm the fuck down Edward." The knee in my back and pinning me to the ground dug in painfully. With my face pressed against the dirt and my hands yanked in awkward positions behind my back, I was subdued by my family. Logic told me to shut the fuck up so that they could just tell me where Bella was. But logic rarely stood a chance against our instincts.

"Breathe Edward. Just breathe."

The sound of my sire did little to calm me. I recalled all those years ago when he had talked me down from killing so many in my first years. I remembered how he had told me to just lock my muscles and listen to him. I had done as I was told, forcing myself to remain still and to not attack. He had told me about the humans I wanted to snap and destroy. He calmed me until their scents abated and it was safe to move.

It did me little good now.

Instead, I ignored him and conjured the voice I knew would soothe me. She had done it many times, after all. Just talked. It was the most we could offer one another after all. I had wanted to hold her tight when ever she was upset. Even when she was angry – infuriated even, it quickly became hurt and she cried through her glares. It was her voice and thoughts that lulled the anger that licked through my veins. It was her sweet and tinkling laugh that would make my body feel lighter again.

Now all I had was memories. _I had to get to her. _The memories would have to do. Her voice filled my head, though it sounded tinny. I knew it wasn't – but the knowledge that it wasn't actually her killed the illusion. Still, I found my muscles relaxing when I remembered how hard she had laughed when Jasper had fallen over. I recalled how she had shouted in her mind and out loud, at me. I had been somewhat terrified at the time. _Terrified of a fifteen year old. Have I been whipped for that long? _I didn't like her angry with me. But she had shouted for so long, in such a powerful and passionate voice that I found myself just listening to her voice instead of her words.

"Are you going to attack Carlisle again if we let you go?" Emmett asked and I felt the weight of his knee lift slightly as he shifted. Closing my eyes against the shame, I shook my head as much as I could with limited movement. I hadn't been thinking. I had gone to her home, only to hear Charlie's indistinct thoughts about Bella having a good time with Esme in New York. Knowing for damn certain they weren't in New York had me snarling before tearing off towards my home. _It was too sunny in New York. Where had they taken her? Why had they taken her?_

I remembered how my own thoughts had taunted and betrayed me.

_"You know too much. You need to be taken care of" _

His sisters words rang in his ears. She had meant it then, what if something had happened and he hadn't been there to stop Rosalie? Or Jasper? Lord knows he had shared the sentiment with her. They saw Bella as a liability. If Aro were to ever touch one of us in the future, near or far, he would know and we could very well be killed for breaking the law. For myself, I she was well worth the risk of death but he could not ask so much of the others. They had no choice now though – he had left them with no choice. By knowing about Bella's existence, every one of them had broken the law.

I could understand my families reasons from a point. To protect their mates and themselves, Bella would have to be killed or changed. I pushed away the possibility of Bella becoming one of us. I hated it as much as I loved it but now was not the time.

I had intended on attacking Rosalie, believing in my twisted mind that she had been at the root of Bella's disappearance. My anger was completely directed towards her without rhyme or reason. But then I saw Carlisle stood beside her out on the porch – I recalled quickly how everything was his fault. How he told me to ignore her. If I had been paying attention, I would have known she was coming, we could have done something, anything. But no, we were plunged into the deep end.

_I should have never listened to him._

And so I attacked. Because Bella was gone, and in my mind, it was all his fault. Bella was gone because of him. Thankfully Carlisle's experience with newborns allowed him to pin me after a moment. Emmett quickly and effectively disabled me until I was useless and forced to see sense.

All three stood back and allowed me to stand. I did so with my head hung low and a large sigh. I wanted to apologize, to look my sire in the eye and ask for forgiveness. But now I had another, larger priority.

"Where's Bella? Where did you take her?" I watched Carlisle, knowing from experience that he was excellent at shielding his mind from my intrusion. Unfortunately, as with humans, suggestions and familiarity often prompts thoughts to come to the for-front of someone's mind whether they want them or not.

Seething, I watched Bella through Carlisle's eyes. Though his shield had only slipped for a second, his raging thoughts had provided all the information I needed. Stepping back, I set my mind on getting to the airport and getting the hell to that Island. Why had they taken her to the Bahamas was beyond him – not only could his family not even venture outside but the constant noise of the sea and gritty sand beneath their feet was so irritating that on the one time they had gone there they had preferred to stay indoors.

_Bella likes the beach though. She loved sunbathing in Phoenix. _

I wasn't listening to their thoughts. The image of Bella in a bathing suite was enough to get e moving, but the thought of Jasper even looking at her made me furious. I was long past the denial I had been living in earlier. I knew what mating was – I had felt Carlisle and Esme's bonding, as well as Emmett's and Rosalie's. I knew what happened but had refused to believe it had happened to me. I mean, it _was _Bella.

_It was always Bella._

I couldn't believe I had kissed her but I guess my body was tired of my mind to catch up. Mating was more than a simple choice of who to be with. Not only is it uncontrollable, but physical as well as emotional and mental. If I were to try and... be intimate with someone else, my body would revolt against it. Because they weren't my mate. Because they would never be Bella.

"We're flying out tomorrow morning. You'll have to sit tight until then I'm afraid." Carlisle's hand came down on my shoulder as a sign of kinship, of understanding. Instead, I felt like a child being told that if he didn't cry he'd get a treat. I knew I had earned this wariness and confusion from my family. I had never acted like this before. I was usually very rational, much to the point where Bella had asked if I ever did anything spontaneous. I couldn't exactly blame them for acting the way they were.

_But when it came to Bella, the blame was on everyone._

"I'm going now." I seethed and shrugged Carlisle's hand off of my shoulder. I had forced myself from her for weeks and I was paying the price. Like an addict seeking a high, I was crawling right back. My chest ached and my limbs felt too heavy. I needed her. My body knew it as much as my mind and heart knew it.

"I think you've caused enough damage for a while, Eddie." Emmett's arm blocked my exit as it held fast and strong against my chest. I could have easily stepped around it but his thoughts had me waiting and almost begging for more. He showed me Bella laughing and talking, curled up quietly with Esme.

When he showed me a picture of Jasper holding Bella almost too tightly, I turned and growling at him. It was more of a plea than a threat. I couldn't handle the thought of anyone else being near her, touching her... knowing her. It had been the same for the others when they were newly mated.

But that didn't mean he had any sympathy for me.

_Shut the fuck up and deal with it. This is what you did._

And he showed me all the times that Bella wasn't laughing and smiling. He showed me every tear he had witnessed and every sob he had heard through the ceilings and floors separating them. I watched Bella's eyes become shadowed with darkened rings and her skin become sallow. Whenever she got stressed or upset it had always reflected in her eating habits.

When he had shown me how, only last night Bella had tried for one last time to pierce through the mental barrier I had put between us. And she had failed. Jasper had held her until she fell asleep. That should have been me. Instead, I was the one to put the tears on her face and cause her small body to shake. Emmett had listened to many conversations between Bella and the others.

_"I figure it could go either way. But what ever happens, I'll survive. I know what I'm getting myself into and what is at stake. I've accepted it I guess," _

_"How could I hold him back? He's been my crutch for so long – maybe he wants out." _

It hurt that she was loosing faith in me, that all the words I had spoken and emotions I had felt hadn't gotten through to her. How could she ever doubt me, after everything we've been through? I could see how she was reacting to the bonding as clear as the others had observed it. The swaying of emotions, spiralling depressions followed by a gush of hope and wonder. It was a roller-coaster but I couldn't imagine trying to contain it all if I were human.

"She doesn't know." Emmett lowered his arm and scratched the side of his head somewhat guiltily. He could see how hard this was for me, and let a tiny sliver of sympathy slip through. "We agreed that it was something that would be best coming from you."

I nodded my thanks but didn't try and run. He was right. I couldn't blame Bella for doubting me when I was constantly sending her mixed messages. Rushing out there without a thought would be a very bad idea. So I joined my family as they warily turned their backs and made their way inside. Sitting around for hours almost killed me. The thoughts were trying to batter through my mind – Carlisle trying to ask me if I was okay, and Rosalie humming loudly. I pushed them all away and concentrated on Bella.

She had tried to get through to me, to talk to me, to bring me home. At that time, I was so deep in thought I wouldn't have seen a bear attack until the creature has subdued me. Shame ran deep in my veins as I realised how much she had wanted me home – how much she had missed me. I spent my night remembering the happier times, like her eleventh birthday. She had been so happy back then, skipping around and singing _happy birthday _to herself. I missed those seemingly random and naïve thoughts.

But I wouldn't change this for anything.

Being able to touch her, to talk to her out loud as well as in our minds... it was perfect. It was strange how we ever did anything before it. I was desperate to get to her, to apologize as well as to touch and hold her. I was low enough to even hug a pillow. It didn't help and I threw it at the wall. By the time morning came, Emmett had to hold back his laughter.

_You're bouncing more than a five year old high on sugar._

I ignored the jibe. I had been stood in the garage by the car for almost an hour. I knew they had things to sort out, people to call and lies to tell. But I was excited as much as I was nervous. Emmett had taken pity on me and had come to keep me company. So while he sat on Rosalie's black toolbox and watched me with a sly smirk and teasing thoughts, I was hovering on the line between angry and desperate, and giddy sugar-rush.

"I can distinctly remember you laughing at me when I first met Rosie. She went out hunting for the first time and left me behind." Emmett's smirk widened as my bouncing stopped and I looked over at him. I remembered well enough. Carlisle had been unsure to leave Esme alone for too long – they had been literally joined at the hip until the desperation and endless yearning abated a little. But Rosalie was more independent, and even denied the bonding at first.

Emmett embraced it, but had to watch his other half run away from him. He had literally paced a hole in the floor since he hadn't been used to his speed and strength yet. His endless questions and growls when he got frustrated and angry. I found it hilarious that he was so attached to her when she didn't seem to care less about him. He attacked me twice that day.

"I remember." I nodded because it wasn't so funny anymore. I felt like I would crawl out of my skin, like I would gladly loose limbs to just get closer to her.

"Not so funny when it's you, is it?" Emmett chuckled and I growled warningly at him before turning and resting my head on the roof of the car. My legs wanted to run, my arms wanted to hold, my mouth wanted to... well, devour. But I couldn't and it was killing me.

"No. It's not."

Emmett stopped laughing and came to stand beside me quickly. They had all mated during one of their newborn years. Carlisle handled his mating well but he hadn't left Esme's side. I didn't know how a mature vampire was supposed to act. I had imagined it wouldn't be as frenzied as it was to newborns, but I guess I was wrong.

"Listen, the two of you are made for each other. The both of you are screwed up to shit-" He changed his next words when I turned my head to him and glared. Sighing, he leaned against the car, making the suspension grown beneath the weight of him. "-and even when you fucked her over and hurt her, she still cares about you."

I nodded at his logic but it wasn't helping. "And even though you want nothing more than to run to that island, grab her and never let go, that won't help either. You've gotta use that vampire brain and figure out a way to make it up to her." He continued with an amused chuckle at the end.

"Oh, and by the way. A message from all of your family," I heard it in his mind before he said it, but I allowed him to speak it aloud since he had been looking forward to it for a while. "If you ever hurt Bella like that again, we'll hunt you down and tear you apart ourselves." His words were almost drowned out by his growl but I nodded all the same. I waited until the instinctual anger and need to protect was gone from his mind before speaking.

"I'm glad you all like her." I stood up straight, glad for the deviation in the conversation. There were two snorts – one from my father, and the other from my sister as they went about the house. Emmett simply rolled his eyes.

"Well you didn't really give us much of a choice. I mean, what was the alternative? Turn you away and then report you to the Volturi?" Emmett crossed his arms over his chest as he frowned and shook his head. "Family always comes first – you know that. We'd all die for you." Emmett told me seriously and I felt emotion welling in my chest.

"As I would for you." I reciprocated, turning and mirroring his stance. However, I only leaned back a little since I feared the suspension wouldn't be able to hold up with both of us on it.

"And since Bella is both the problem and a member of the family... well, it didn't take many brain cells to figure out what we were going to do."

_How many risks have you taken with us? You could have killed me when I killed all those people – the Volturi very nearly came for a visit, if you remember. But you didn't. You said to spare me. We're only offering what you have given us. A second chance._

"I would have never asked you to choose you know. I would have left and ran with her. Meeting her and finding out she had prior-knowledge of us was one thing, but befriending her for seventeen years is another." I turned to my brother. "You know if Aro ever finds out, he'll hunt us down one by one. That's my fate, and I've accepted it. I won't ask you to do the same."

"Edward, as touching as your selflessness is, it's not going to happen. Even if we wanted to leave, by leaving Bella and you alive we'd be breaking the laws same as you. And I don't think we're about to kill either of you." My brother told me shortly before turning and watching the door Carlisle would pass through in a few minutes on his way to packing the car.

_Unless you change her..._

He peeked at me from the corner of his eye to see my reaction. Speaking of such things with Rosalie so close was unwise, as we had all learned over the years. I shuddered at the thought of Rosalie finding out.

_Have you thought about it?_

With a small nod, I ducked my head.

_I can see that smile you know. There's no shame in wanting to keep her with you. Besides, mating is mutual. I wouldn't be surprised if she asks you to change her at some point._

My eyes widened at the prospect. Because I didn't know what I would do if she asked. Would I be able to say no? I wanted it, God I wanted it. And if she wanted it too... then it could hardly be selfish, could it?

_I mean, look at Carlisle. He was mated with Esme before she died. He even stuck around for a few years as she grew up and then changed her._

I nodded, seeing the parallels between Carlisle's past and my present and future. But I would not be able to stand back and allow Bella to marry another man, to sleep with him, much less stand by as he beat her. Carlisle decided he couldn't stand to see her with another man and we had left shortly after, only returning after a few months because Carlisle found that he could barely function with out her. At night he had carried a screaming woman through the door and had never looked back.

"I couldn't do that." I shook my head against the idea of leaving her.

_I'm not saying that you leave her – Lord knows that didn't work out so well this time. _I winced but he carried on. _But she'll feel the same as you do. And even if she doesn't, do you really think she'd want to grow old and die while you live on at seventeen?_

My growl was loud enough to stop his thoughts for a moment. Unfortunately Carlisle walked into the garage with a cardboard box in his hands. His eyes looked over at the two of us before his thoughts reminded him that I needed others to talk to now, people other than him. After putting the box in the car, he announced that it was time to leave.

Within two hours we were sat on a plane, and I was regretting not going for that last minute hunting trip with Carlisle. My father's thoughts were on Bella and I and the possible outcomes of this – what would happen. Human's were much more susceptible than us at making split second decisions and changing their minds at will. And, this was Bella after all. She had never been exactly predictable.

The plane ride was fairly uneventful. Emmett narrowly missed being vomited on by a child who was flying for the first time and apparently had a slushy before coming on board. Less than impressed, he spent the remainder of the flight as far from the green-faced boy as possible. Thankfully, the tugging in my abdomen and heart lessened with every hour that passed. And upon hearing that we were five minutes from landing I returned to the '_five year old high on sugar_' mentality, much to the amusement of my family.

_I don't think I have ever seen you look so young._

The passing comment from my father had me turning in my seat to frown at him. He thoughts had been somewhat quiet as he sat next to me – so quiet I would have believed his thoughts to belong to one of the many humans who had fallen asleep. Instead I found his bright eyes watching me with a small smile lifting his lips.

_You always were very... mature._

He recalled how I had shut myself away, preferring to be by myself rather than with others. My heart felt like it was harbouring more bitterness and hatred than that of an old man. With a small smile of my own, I shrugged, a little uncomfortable with the observation as true as it was.

"She makes me feel seventeen." I missed off the _again _because of the prying ears that were listening to us speak. Two young women of around twenty had been eyeing Carlisle, Emmett and I for the entire trip. Rosalie was furious which was why she had Emmett had disappeared into the bathroom for a while and then proceeded to return to their seats reasonably dishevelled. After receiving a whispered warning from Carlisle and making sure the girls were no longer eyeing her husband, Rosalie calmed down.

_Damn, a little young. I don't fancy going to prison. Maybe he's here for his birthday... I hope I see him on the flight back to I can give him my present..._

I almost gagged but I was too used to such thoughts that I simply cringed and focussed entirely on something else in an effort to drown out the images and noises the woman's mind was playing through my head. Carlisle, knowing the expression all too well, simply laughed as his thoughts conveyed his sympathy for my plight.

I was glad to get off the flight and away from the woman. Her companion wasn't too bad but bad enough. Emmett was right behind me since the kid seemed to like him and was wandering away from his father to follow him. Thankfully the child was grabbed by his parents and Emmett didn't have to worry about slushy puke anymore.

"You alright there Eddie-Boy?" Rosalie asked as she flopped down in the plastic chairs beside me. I was too buzzed to even care about the dreaded nickname. I nodded somewhat stiffly. The amount of concentration it took to _not _bounce and jump up, and run left little for anything else.

"You want some privacy when you get there, or some back-up?" She asked quietly, and I was glad that she was pretending to look through a magazine in her lap. Her thoughts were focussed on me and trying to imagine how Bella was going to react. In Rosalie's mind, Bella would get angry.

"You think she'll be angry?" I had, at some point, also began to think like a five year old. I was now hung up on the fact that I didn't like Bella being mad at me. I hated it. The way she ignored me and turned away. It hurt.

_God, I sound like a whiny kid._

"Well, she was 'round our house a lot when you pissed off. Sometimes she seemed like, if you ever did come back, she'd try and stake you." She whispered consiprationally before leafing through more than half of the magazine without even looking at the pages. I was silent then, wondering what would happen if Bella _didn't want _to see me. I had hurt her – again. It was becoming a hated pattern of mine.

"Rosalie, don't make him any more terrified than he already is." Carlisle gently tutted before sitting on the other side of me. I really didn't appreciate the pandering or babying I was receiving, but I suppose I was being treated like I was acting – like a child.

"What if she won't even talk to me? What if she can't look at me? She might not even want me there!" My head dropped into my hands. I wasn't used to being so unsure about things, so insecure. My family were momentarily stunned. I had always been the type to never reveal a weakness – I still didn't like it, even around them.

"The girl flew away from her home and father in a last-bid attempt to get you to come home. I'd say she wants you to come back." Emmett assured me, thankfully not teasing me about this just yet. The airport wasn't the ideal location for this conversation, but it was the last stop before he got to the docks and the car wasn't going to be here for another half hour.

"But how she takes your return will be another thing entirely." He continued and I groaned in hopelessness. "Look, she wants you back, but you hurt her. Badly." His thoughts turned a little darker with his thoughts. "And we all know that she's been hurt enough as it is. Did you really think that she'd just open her arms and accept you back? Jesus Edward, I've only known Bella for a month or so but even I know her better than that."

I would be forever glad for the amount of people and noise in the airport in the moment I lunged out of my chair and towards my brother. Carlisle, faster than I had seen him move in many years, anticipated my reaction and managed to throw my momentum off so he could push me back into my chair.

"Emmett, do you have to antagonise him?" Carlisle's sharp and low comment made my brother hang his head and apologize almost silently. I shrugged off my fathers hand and stood, ignoring his warning. After glaring at the top of my brothers head, I quickly made my way through the crowd. People pushed up against me, walked into me and hit me, but no-one avoided me. Apparently being somewhere on time was more important to these people than staying away from vampires.

Once outside, I leaned against the wall and got my bearings. This was what it had been like for Emmett – like an elastic band all the time when Rosalie was gone. The slightest mention of her would have his attention. If you insinuated something negative he had you pinned against the floor by your throat and if you tried some other smart ass comment you were in the same situation. We're very protective over our mates, and suggesting that he knew Bella better than I did... admittedly ridiculous and a crock of shit, made me angry.

How dare he think like that! No-one knows her better than I do, not even her father!

I heard Carlisle's thoughts warning me of his approach in case my instincts are still on the alert. I awaited his arrival with a heavy heart and even heavier mind. My behaviour had been so scattered in the few hours I had been with them that I knew I resembled a newborn now. Damn it.

"Are you alright son?" Carlisle came to stand beside me, watching me closely and wondering how he could help me. With Emmett, Rosalie and Esme had guided him. He had had his mate there with him. But since I had exiled myself and the only way to fix this was to get us together, he didn't know how to make me feel better until then.

"I'll make it." another few hours and I would be on that island with Bella. I could hang in there until then.

… _hate seeing him like this. I should have been there, been more supportive..._

"Carlisle, I couldn't have expected any more from you." I shook my head at his thoughts. How could be think he hadn't done enough. He had been kind enough to keep me and not pass me over to his friends with the Volturi. I was putting his mate in danger – that was something we all felt very strongly about. When he thought about all the times I had ignored him and shrugged him off and sort of understood where he was coming from.

"I'm sorry Carlisle. I don't... I didn't realise what I was doing." I realised that I had been pushing him away when he was trying to help and guide me. "I just... God, nothing makes any sense..." I clutched my head in my hands. Immediately, my hands were covered by my fathers as he pried my fingers from my hair.

_Can you remember when I did that. Esme had gone missing..._

I nodded when I remembered. She had ran off after catching the scent of a human. Carlisle was crazy with worry and pain. The rain had washed her scent away as quickly as she had passed by. We managed to get a hold of her in Illinois after she had killed twenty six people. To this day she refuses to talk or even think about what happened. It was the one mark against Esme's compassionate heart.

He spent a few hours clutching at his hair, and when he finally released it he realised that he had actually pulled it out. It was a running joke now, but Esme had been devastated. We had all assumed that it would grow back but it never had. With a smile and a small nod, I allowed my hands to drop to my sides. Bella liked my hair – she'd told me on many occasions, and I didn't want to have bald patches.

"And I understand Edward. Nothing makes any sense without her – and it won't until she's with you." Carlisle shrugged casually and I nodded. I didn't mind spending every waking and sleeping hour with Bella but I would have to share her. After all, my family were besotted with her, and she had her father to think of.

"It'll get easier." He clapped a hand on my shoulder. I didn't shrug it off, but allowed his fatherly wisdom settle into my mind and calm me. He knew what he was talking about after all.

Two hours later had Emmett and I sat on opposite sides of the boat and silence surrounding us. Emmett had run his mouth again but Carlisle had stepped in before I could swing for him. I settled myself down after a moment and contented myself by watching the island getting bigger and bigger. It was only around two in the afternoon thanks to the early morning flight. The sun was out, but we had donned light jackets to cover most of our skin and from this far out from any boats or mainland, we could be passed off as the reflection from the water.

Rosalie was left manning the controls since she shouted at Emmett, then at Carlisle and me, before proceeding to call us all 'ass hole's before storming off the to front of the boat. We hadn't heard a thing from her since well, not out loud anyway.

"_Jasper! They're here!" _

_Thank God. _

Alice's thoughts were the first I picked up, closely followed by Jasper's and then Esme's. I remained closed off from Bella. I had wanted to peek into her mind to try and see what her reaction to my presence would be, but had decided against it. By doing so would be taking the cowards way out – just like I had done when I had run away. If I was going to be there for Bella, I at least had to do it the proper way.

The sound of the cascading waves and birdsong thankfully seemed to drown out the noise of the boats engine. While my family come out to greet us, Bella was nowhere to be seen. Climbing out of the boat and knowing that I was on the same soil as her, almost broke me. Thankfully a hug from Esme grounded me well enough to stay in place in time to greet my family. And as annoying and infuriating as they could very well be, I will admit to have missed them.

Jasper first threatened me and even sent me a heavy dose of fear to back up his claim. When he was sure the message had gotten through, he offered his forgiveness and a brotherly hug. Alice pried the two of us apart after less than a second, and stood between us with her hands on her hips glaring up at me. I couldn't help but smile at her.

_Don't you smile Mister! _She tried and failed to keep serious and upon giving in, launched herself into my arms. As much as I wanted to hug my little sister and apologize for being a complete dick, I had bigger things to think about. I was glad when she let me go, patting me on the arm and smiling in understanding when I wasn't even looking at her.

_She's out back on the deck. We'll give you some privacy._

The others must have disappeared at some point, because now I stood alone. However, I wasn't stood for long. My body sang with the knowledge that she was so close. My feet swiftly carried me up the sandy path and through the small tropical garden Esme had built around the large wooden porch. The front was made of windows mostly, but I couldn't see her.

Inside was the same as it had been all those years ago, only the aged wood had been renewed and more updated entertainment had been installed. The fifty two inch flat screen plasma television mounted on the far wall was a testament to that. I walked through the kitchen, dining room and living room which was, essentially one large room. This place was all one floor anyway, so it was pretty big.

I was distracted for a moment, however and it caused me to pause in my stalking. I could hear the beat as that of a drum, thrumming around me, beckoning me, singing to me. _Thump, thump, thump. _I had never been able to deny it. I should have heard it from the water but had been so eager to _look _that I hadn't bothered to _listen._

With quickened steps vampirism allowed me, I dodged around the second living room and past the bathroom. At the very end of the hallway, was my Bella.

I could see her now, through the fragile pane of glass separating me from her. Her scent was strong around here. I disregarded the quiet patter of feet as my family left us to talk. Instead I watched Bella's lungs expand and contract beneath her skin, hidden beneath a small tank top. I realised that he should be walking towards her and asking for her forgiveness but was momentarily stunned by the way the wind and sun, combined, cast her hair into a dozen shades of copper and chocolate brown. How had I ever looked at her with anything less than awe?

I was thankful for the silent sliding door that allowed me my smooth entrance. A smile was creeping up my face. I found that my lungs were more willing to work. My arms, however, wouldn't be satisfied until they held her. I just wanted to see her smile, and hope that she doesn't send me away. My feet silently padded over to her as I left the door open behind us. I didn't want her to feel trapped with me. I wanted her happy.

"So you finally came."

Her voice brought my feet to a standstill and my heart to my throat. God, my memory would never be enough. Nothing could compare with the real thing. I ignored how her voice was rough, but could not even begin to pretend like I hadn't heard the thickness or sniff after her words. My smile fell and my arms automatically reached out to comfort her.

"How did you know?" It seems that while my body was screaming _I love you! I'm sorry! _My mind was hooked on the logic. I wasn't sure if I was grateful for it or not at this point.

"I felt it. I can breathe now. I feel a little saner. The others should be happy about that." She sniffed again and her head dropped a little as she looked over the railing of the decking. This place was sat on the beach front but the back was built up since the beach sloped downwards. It looked like she'd been out here a while – just stood watching. Her bare arms were laid on the wooden railing in front of her.

_Please turn around _I begged. She could yell at me – throw things at me. I needed her to look at me.

"Are you happy?" Even I didn't know what situation I was talking about. I heart her heart stutter for a moment before picking up in speed. I stepped forward, the heat of the sun not even nearing the warmth Bella made sear through my veins. She was an inferno that I was all too happy to let scorch and char me. I was hers to destroy.

"You should be with your family. They missed you." She told me, clearing her throat and refusing to look up from the sand beneath the deck. I honestly considered walking down the wooden steps that lead down to the beach and standing in her eyesight.

"I missed you."

There, I had said it. It was but a small pebble in an ocean of things that I wanted and needed to say to her, but it was a start.

"You should have come back sooner then." her hair swayed from side to side as she shook her head and looked back up and out to the ocean. I couldn't see her being all too interested in the view – she had seen a similar one out of her bedroom window for most of her life.

"I know." I sighed. She had blocked my attempt to tell her. But I noted how her back had straightened slightly and the sniffing had stopped. Emmett may have been with her for a month or so, but that was nothing compared to the seventeen years I had. She was riling herself up for something, and I prayed that it wasn't a fight.

"So that's it? You _know? _Why did you even come back Edward?"

Cringing away slightly and yet taking a step forward, I searched my mind for a suitable answer. I didn't want to anger her even more, but that seemed to be fruitless anyway. She was already angry with me.

"I had to. I wanted to. I... I missed you." I was stating things. This wasn't going well and wouldn't unless I could string a sentence together. Bella was silent now, and I wanted so desperately to drop that wall between us and see into her mind. What I didn't want was for her to think I was prying and being an ass.

"I think we've already established that." Her sharp words were emphasised by the way that she spun around and glared at hole right into my skull. I knew I really should have looked guilty, or apologized at least. I was a little busy staring at her as though I had never seen her before. In truth, I hadn't – not like this.

_I've turned into a love-sick fool._

Surprisingly the thought made me smile. Unfortunately, my jolly mood only soured Bella further. Her glare deepened as she stepped towards me and I had to fight from stepping back with her. "You expect me to just jump into your arms? Is that it? You think I'm just going to roll over and play along with your fucked up games?"

Her finger jabbed into my chest with every other word, her cheeks reddening as her anger flourished and bubbled over. "I didn't-"

"You didn't do anything! You ran away and fucking left me! After everything, you just ran! And now you come back a month later and just expect everything to go back to the way it was? Well it's not going to happen!"

"I never-"

"You think you know what's best just because you're older than me? That gives you no right to to do what you did!"

"But-" I began again, and the impatience and irritation was wearing on me now. I had wanted to explain this to her, but she wasn't giving me a chance to do so. So just when she was about to deliver another insulting and screaming exclamation, most probably punctuated by her finger, I yelled right back.

"Would you just shut up so I can explain!" I really hadn't meant to yell at her, and I instantly felt bad for doing so. Bella looked honestly baffled for a moment but just as I was about to apologize when her eyes sparked to life and she stepped even closer.

"Go ahead. Is outside a better place for you? There's plenty of places to hide after all!" She sneered at me and crossed her arms over her chest. I really did try to not look at her chest, but there were right _there. _I just thanked God for vampire speed or she would have definitely caught me.

"I know I fucked up, okay? I know it! I knew it as soon as I walked away!" I yelled right back. Maybe this was what she needed – someone to battle with. I just had to make sure I was the winner. I had fully expected another tirade but to my surprise, she stepped back. Her head dropped to her chest for a moment as she took a deep breath.

"Exactly," She looked up at me. "You walked away. And you didn't come back."

And with that, she walked past me and into the house. I allowed her a few moments to herself before following. The need to claim her as mine was warring with the need to make her happy – to clear all this up.

"I'm back _now_." I walked into the kitchen and found her bent over, her back to me as she looked in the newly stocked fridge. I couldn't be sure if she was looking for something or just avoiding me.

_Don't look at her ass... God damn... ugh!_

"Yeah, a month or so after running out. Not one call... God, you even locked your mind down." Her voice thickened as she carried on pretending to look at something in the fridge. I stood so that the island in the middle of the room was between us. The urge to wrap her up and stop her hurt was ultimately hard to resist.

"I thought it was the right thing to do... I'm sorry. It wasn't – clearly." I snorted and shook my head before letting it drop into my hands again. I hadn't imagined it to go like this. I knew I would have to apologize, beg, grovel. It hadn't mattered at the time, but now I doubted it would even get her to pause long enough to listen. I lowered my hands when I heard her sigh – and watched with trepidation as she stood up straight and shut the fridge door.

"Clearly." She fight had dwindled from her voice now, and her head hung low. "Look, I don't have a clue what's been going on in your head, or why you felt like you had to run. But..." She hedged, hesitating before turning around. The spark had been doused and replaced by pain – an expression that was all too familiar in those eyes. Her entire body language screamed of exhausting and defeat.

"I know that, recently, I've been hard to live with. And... you've been there for me all the way. If you... I mean," She swallowed as her voice choked up, her eyes filling was tears that was tried to blink away. "If you needed to get away... then I would have understood. I would never hold you back if you wanted to leave. I owe you everything – it's-" The first tear fell. "the least I could do for you." Tears began to fall in earnest and I abandoned my position behind the island to stand in front of her.

Not knowing how I would be received, I hesitantly reached up slowly and wiped her tears away. Thoughts flooded my mind without regard and I found myself awed and immensely distracted by the creature before me.

_So soft... So warm... but so sad... this is my fault... FIX IT!... _

Thankfully, she allowed my touch. Stepping ever closer, I could feel the heat pounding from her and soaking through to me. Her eyes had closed gently, her lips parted slightly as she breathed in and out. When her breathing began to pick up along with her heartbeat I realised that my hand was now cupping her cheek and caressing the soft pliable skin there.

"I can't do this." Her eyes opened slowly, and I forgot her words. Her breath fanned across my skin, warm and damp. I knew I should have dropped my hand but my will power wasn't that strong. I wasn't strong enough to let her go.

"I want to scream at you. I want to throw things at you and hurt you like you've hurt me. I want to hit and curse you." her eyes closed again for a moment as her hands clenched at her sides. "I'm so angry Edward. At you, at what you did." her eyes opened again but there was no anger in their depths. Only vulnerability. "But I need you here, with me. I can't... I can't drive you away like I want to. I hate being so dependant on you but... but I don't know how to fix it. I want to be able to live without you... but I don't think I can."

Her tears came faster now – hot and scolding my skin as I caught them and wiped them away. "I know how you feel." She opened her mouth to speak but I pressed my thumb against her bottom lip, pleading with her to allow me to speak. When she closed her mouth, I continued. "I wanted you to have a chance at a normal life – or that was what I was telling myself. How could I hold you to me when you have such potential to be and do so much more than I can offer?"

"And that's why you ran?" She asked, her large eyes shining with tears, hopeful and trusting as they penetrated my soul.

"No. My reasons aren't that moral." I shook my head and made to retract my hands. My will allowed me to do so this time, but Bella did not. Touching her had been like flying through the open air. Loosing that touch was something akin to falling and knowing the impact was imminent. My hands itched to touch her, and who was I to pull away when she grabbed my hands and held them between her own.

"I ran because..." we both looked at our hands. When I looked up, I found her watching me. She was close – her nose was almost touching mine. "Because I was scared..." I whispered, my throat seeming to be unable to make a noise any louder. My eyes flitted between her eyes and lips, unsure where my loyalties lie. My inner gentlemen told me to go for the eyes, but he had failed to keep my attention from her chest and ass thus far. I guess my inner gentleman wasn't much of a gentleman.

"What were you scared of?" I watched her mouth move, her lips bending and pressing together as she enunciated. I was done for. Completely ruined by this girl, and she didn't even know it. I managed to tear my eyes from her lips to look in her eyes.

"You feel this." I asked, gently taking my hands from her and putting them on her hips to pull her even closer. I was well aware of the hum of the fridge behind her, as well as the clunking of the washer in the other room. It wasn't the best way to do this. But then again, we had never been the typical people.

I watched, mesmerized as her adams apple bobbed when she gulped. When she nodded, I smiled at the exhilaration that coursed through my veins. She felt it. She knew. Feeling somewhat more confident and a damn sight happier I let loose a small laugh before resting my forehead against hers.

"Let me show you." I squeezed her hip in a plea for her to let me do this. She hesitated for only a moment before sighing. I allowed the wall to drop brick by brick so as not to startle her. My thoughts were caged and held behind steel bars when I felt her mind against my own.

_Explain everything and _then _go into the mushy stuff._

She, too, had collected her thoughts and hidden them away for the time being. It seems she had gotten better in the time we had been apart, at hiding her thoughts. I was both overjoyed and distraught. Pushing that aside for now, I allowed my eyes to shut so that I could fully concentrate on recalling the memory.

With trepidation, I allowed her to witness my the events from my eyes and with my thoughts. I showed how how I had completely given in to the urge – to the carnal need of having her so close to me that we were one. I felt the shadow of the thrill I had felt when I realised that she was kissing me back echo back through her mind. Admittedly, I got rather sucked into the memory of how my hands had ran up her back, pulling her into me tightly. I remembered how she had pulled away, panting and her heart beat stuttering spastically.

Giving in, just an inch, to my instincts and urges had been like forgetting to lock the lions cage and simply expecting it to stay where it was. _In no world would it ever happen. _But I had revelled in the feeling of giving in. it was nice to not fight it all the time. But now the thoughts of holding her tightly, consuming her, marking her as mine...

It was too much. When I had opened my eyes to her smile and eyes, I knew I had to go. I had wanted nothing than to complete the bonding – whether she was willing or not. I ached for it. I still did. Thankfully I had a better control of it now. But then, I was moments away from ripping every item of clothing from her body. Another vampire would have felt the same and I wouldn't have held back, but Bella didn't have the same basic instincts that I had.

"You would have hurt me." Bella's voice pierced through the memory that was swiftly becoming a nightmare. Shame washed over me, because she was right. If I had stayed, I would have done it. Whether my family had stopped me or not wasn't in question. I knew they would. But it would have happened – I would have _tried... _and that in itself is too much.

_You did the right thing. _I felt warm hands on either side of my face, just holding me as I drowned in my guilt and self disgust. Not pushing or pressuring, but guiding and savouring. My mind was cast back to her smile, and I wondered if it meant what I hoped.

_Are you asking me if I liked it Edward? _There was a teasing to her mental voice, and I heard her quiet hope that it would snap me out of whatever funk I was in. I allowed her teasing to lighten my heart and mind as I opened my eyes and forced a small smile.

She shook her head at my attempts. "As mortifying as this is..." A blush began in her cheeks but rapidly spread down her neck and throughout her body. I smiled, having missed the trait about her. Her eyes chose to look at the toes of my filthy shoes instead of me. Her hands fell from my cheeks and clasped in front of her as her nerves and embarrassment got the best of her. "I enjoyed it."

Instincts reared up once more. The fridge looked like a nice place to press her up against. Her blush only deepened when she heard my scattered thoughts, but the shine in her eye and small smile encouraged me. My mind was going frantic again, the more aggressive needs and wants surfacing. I pushed them back down again. I wouldn't hurt her. I couldn't hurt her.

"Sshhh..." Warm hands encased my face again, pulling it from my chest. Unable to deny her anything, I allowed her to pull me close. "It's okay. It's alright." She hummed quietly, her fingers creeping from my cheeks to my hair. A quiet growl of pleasure rumbled from my throat at the feeling of her nails scraping against my scalp. Without a warning I felt her lips press against my own, and my growl grew as that small control I had harnessed broke as easily as a bubble is popped. This girl was going to be the end of me.

My hands tightened on her hips, and I was lucid enough to check her mind for any sign of pain. Thankfully there was none, but a while lot of pleasure and her imagining herself against the fridge. Swiftly, I reached my hands down from her hips to her ass, stopping to palm them. God, when did I turn into such an animal?

_Mine._

The thought was alien and yet too true. Without much effort, I pulled her forward and upwards at the same time, breaking our lips apart as she gasped in shock. After securing her legs around my waist she seemed to gain more confidence. With an almost violent growl her hands wove into my hair and she crashed her lips back to my own. I was looking forward to that fucking fridge.

There was an incredible gap between the two of us as I carried her the two steps to the fridge. Thank God it was a large one. Unfortunately I not longer had to hold her ass to keep her from falling. On the good side, her breasts were pressed against my chest and the heat attacking me from between her legs was sweet fire. After crushing her between myself and the appliance, we got right back down to business.

It was a mess of hands and lips, of grinding and pushing. And my God, it was magical.

…

Please don't kill me. Pretty please? I honestly did around six different versions of this from Bella and Edward but all fell a little flat. I can't say I'm completely happy with this one, but it was the best so here it is.

A question for you all... the natural progression is a lemon. A dreaded _lemon. _I always hated the 'fade to black' in the book, and I don't want to do that.

For those of you who are still with me – Thank You! I actually love you all. Every single one of you. But the credit for this update must go to my new laptop, without whom I would be trying to right in the few minutes I have no-one looking over my shoulder.

Now I just hibernate in my room. My parents are getting concerned.

xx


	12. Chapter 12

_If my family could see me now... _

What a strange thing to say. Why are you wishing that your family could see you in the middle of a precarious situation? As soon as the thought entered my mind I batted it away. They'd be shocked for sure. Innocent little moody Edward being... well, rough and downright dirty. Though I will admit to smirking at the thought of Emmett's face.

"It's nice how you think of your brother while doing... ah... _that." _

I shut her up with my mouth as I wrapped my lips around her nipple. It was amazing how receptive she was. Honestly, how much had I been missing out on? I pushed forward, Bella pushed back. We'd have to leave the doors and windows open for a while. The scent of sex was quite pungent in the air.

We had set out with no destination in mind. Oh, how that had now changed. After getting her bearings and balance, I learned that Bella was a force to contend with. Her thoughts were disjointed and somewhat dark in her mind. Like a bad signal. The lust was blocking it. Her lips were fervent against my own, and it was all I could do to reciprocate and push right back. When those little hands of fire danced up my back I shivered. Bella pulled back and ordered the shirt to be gone.

One by one, Bella deemed our clothing unacceptable. Somewhat begrudgingly I set Bella on her feet again, her face flushed and her hair a mess from where I had buried my hands. With barely a pause to catch her breath, Bella stepped forward and paused when she was faced with my chest. Without warning her hands slipped beneath the hem and ignited my skin. I gasped at the feeling. I was such a pussy around her.

"I've never heard such foul language from you Mister Cullen." She purred, dragging her hands up my chest causing my shirt to rise and pool around her wrists. Laughing as I growled, she finally got the offending item off of me and threw it somewhere behind me. It had been nigh torturous to be stood still while she was touching me. Now that I was free, I lunged forward and caught her lips in mine. Shocked for a moment, it took her a second to register the speed.

"Oh, what you do to me." I growled as I peeled my lips from hers long enough to speak. Knowing that her own clothes had to go, I planted a kiss to her shoulder and dotted small ones over her collar bone as my hands wandered. I felt Bella's head fall to the side and a small moan escape her throat when I kissed a spot in the crook of her neck. Feeling a little playful, I licked at the skin, humming at the taste of her on my tongue.

My lips latched around that sweet spot, and Bella writhed in my arms. When I pulled away, I smirked at the small mark that was sure to last a while. It wasn't exactly the 'mark' I had in mind, but it was as close as I was going to get. My fingers scraped her low slung jeans, feeling her hip bones and nuzzling her neck when I felt the curve of her stomach and dip of her hips. I wasn't as patient or teasing as Bella. I quickly lost my patience with the amount of material and quickly stripped it over her head and left it to join my own.

_She's beautiful._

I felt her lust decrease a little as nerves came into play. I was staring at her. I knew I probably helping, but I couldn't help it. How could she have been in front of me all these years? Feeling the animalistic lust wash away a little, I pulled her close. The feel of her bare skin against mine was one I wished to experience for rest of my life. Like a charring fire and smoking ice we were together, fuelling and extinguishing together.

Only ever together.

There was a quiet stillness to us. Like it was just us. No-one else here. No-one else mattered. Just us. Here. Now. That was all we had. I felt Bella's small hand on my chest and I looked down at her. Her eyes were large, pupils dilated with lust and smile small and content. Hearing my assessment, she hummed in agreement, tapping out a quiet rhythm with her fingers on my chest.

_You know what would make me a little more content though..._

Quirking an eyebrow at her, I allowed her to pull me back down into a kiss. But this one was different. Slower. Softer. It spoke less of lust, passion, urgency and desperation. Instead it sang a gentle melody.

I'm sorry.

I'm here.

I'm yours.

This is it.

My hand found its way to her cheek. My thumb stroking the soft, burning skin beneath it. Savouring, thanking. For everything. For her.

I knew when her lust was creeping up again. Her hands became less gentle and her lips a little more forceful against my own. "You're going to be the death of me." I groaned as I felt her finger tracing the waistband of my jeans. Her tinkling laugh answered me. She seemed to enjoy teasing me. My little demon.

With a small smirk, I utilised some of that vampire speed and hiked her over my shoulder. With a loud screech, followed by laughter and her hands dipping underneath the back of my jeans to palm my ass through my boxer shorts. My own laughter rang through the house as I carried her to a bedroom. I don't know whose it was. But it was ours now. I'd apologize later. I might even mean it.

Grabbing Bella by her hips, I lifted her like a doll and sat her on the edge of the bed. I got a shock when I found her without a bra. I hadn't taken it off. Feeling a little cheated by my smirking demon, I growled before diving on her. Her squeal of laughter turned into a moan of pleasure as I closed my lips around her breast.

_Not too big, not too small... fit just right... _I thought as I palmed the other in my hand. I was no stranger to the anatomy of humans. I'd seen it in person, touched even. But Bella was mine. These were mine. I rolled her nipple between my fingers and released the one I was laving with my tongue with a pop. Sitting back with Bella's legs either side of me, I smiled at her heaving chest and flushed skin that seemed to expand all the way through her body.

My hands reached out and flattened against her ribcage, feeling the pumping of her heart beneath the surface. I placed a small kiss to the spot directly above her heart before resting my head in the valley between her breasts and just breathing. Everything had been so fast, so sudden. I had gone from total stagnancy to such a fast pace that I was taking everything as it came at me. Bella's hand came to rest in my hair as she absently ran her fingers through the locks. I looked up after a moment, gently allowing my chin to rest on her chest as I struggled to keep my eyes on her face and not on the breasts above me.

With a move that I would later be in awe of, Bella hooked her leg over me and twisted her body. I followed like a bee to honey. Somehow she ended up sat on me. I don't know how. This little human was conquering a century-old vampire with a scary ease.

"It helps to know his weakness." Bella leaned down and pressed a small teasing kiss to my lips before sitting up. Sliding down off my stomach, she passed over where I wanted her the most. The friction made me groan deep in my throat. Bella laughed. I was about to rip every item of clothing off of her body and be done with it when I felt her hand on the buttons of my jeans.

_Oh Lord yes..._

With a steady hand she undid every button and pulled the zip down. I was ready for this. More than ready. _Painfully _ready. I lifted my hips off of the bed when she tugged at the bulky material. God knows where they went. There was silence for a moment and doubts began to creep in.

I had freaked her out. Or it was all too much.

All doubts, and thoughts for that matter were scattered and lost when her hand dipped beneath the band of my boxer shorts and grabbed a hold of me. I think I had an aneurysm. My body was caught between seeking pleasure and locking down to let her do what ever the hell she wanted. She won of course. My head was thrown back as she dragged the last shred of clothing off my body.

And she was touching me. Touching me like she knew exactly what to do. It _felt _like she knew exactly what to do anyway. Her thumb rubbed me tightly before gripping all of me in her palm.

"_Fuck." _

She called to me in my mind and when I opened my eyes, I swore to never close them if my girl was partially naked. With her breasts on full display, she leaned down and licked. All of me. Before taking all of me into her mouth. Her eyes never left mine and I couldn't have looked away even if I had wanted to. Her thoughts remained somewhat neutral, but I searched for discomfort or, God forbid, pleasure.

When she pumped me a few times I had to close my eyes as the sensations washed over me. Her hand was scorching, and if that was hot enough to feel like fire, what is it going to be like once I'm inside her?

_Like a lolly-pop. _She thought as she released me with one last appreciative stroke. She stepped off the bed and I let her for the sole reason that my muscles were still taught with restriction and control. I looked at her though, messy hair and puffy eyes included. I saw a scar on the left side of her hip from when she fell and broke two mild bottles when she was thirteen. And the one just above her belly button from where glass had embedded itself in her from the accident.

Forcing myself to relax, I sat up before crawling to the end of the bed and sitting on the edge in front of her. I opened my arms and she willingly stepped into them. I pressed my face into her stomach for a moment before pulling away and pressing a kiss to both scars, thanking God that she was still here.

"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you." She whispered as she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed the top of my head. I was getting a little tired of this switch that seemed to be swinging from _rough and desperate _to _loving and gentle. _It was making my head spin.

"Do something about it then." Bella mumbled into hair before leaning back a little and reaching for the button to her jeans. With a frown I playfully smacked her hands away. Sat face to breasts with her was something I had never expected, but I guess it had its advantages. It was with ease that I hooked my fingers in the belt loops of her jeans and tugged her towards me again. She came willingly and with a smile. Little demon knew how to get things going again.

_Well it doesn't take much..._

I rolled my eyes as she laughed at her thought. Getting back down to business, I slowly popped each of the three buttons before sliding the zip down tooth by tooth. She was getting impatient and I laughed at her discomfort.

_You're sporting wood, and you think I'm uncomfortable. _Bella snorted as her eyes travelled south. With a shrug and I smile I replied that I had been dealing with it for a while. It got the smirk off of her face and a pout replacing it.

I tugged the jeans from her waste and dropped them to pool around her ankles. She stepped out of them but caught a leg on her ankle and used it to kick it across the room. Something fell to the floor with a crash. We'd figure it out later.

Now I sat at breast height with my eyes a little lower. I was staring again, feeling like a kid on Christmas. I wanted to open it, explore and play with it. I ignored Bella's raised eyebrow at my apt comparison. But I wanted to keep the anticipation of mystery – you know?

"Edward, what the fuck? Seriously? Come on!"

She stepped away from me, slid her panties down her legs, kicked them away and them crossed her arms and huffed at me. All I could do was stare. Again, it wasn't the first time I had seen one. Again, I had even touched a few – drunken women, I found, were very forward. The aching in my groin had me shifting in discomfort.

Smirking the entire way, Bella sauntered over to me until she stood between my legs with my dick between her knees. I needed friction – anything. God, this was torture. The lust was back with a fierce vengeance and I could feel it as a growl crept up my throat. Bella didn't stop coming towards me, but put a hand on my shoulder to move me back a little. And then she proceeded to put a knee on either side of my hips and sit on me. She was oh so close.

I'd had enough of teasing. Too fast for her eyes, I grabbed her knees to keep her to me before turning us over so that she was on her back. Spread out. For me. I motioned for her to move up the bed – after all, I didn't want her to be uncomfortable. She complied quickly and without a word. The playful atmosphere was swiftly becoming thick with unspoken words and heat. Too much heat. I could smell my girl perspiring. It was only around five in the afternoon – the sun was still shining brightly in the sky. I wasn't surprised she was hot.

When she was comfortable, I put my hands on either side of her head to keep her. No more delaying. No more joking around. It was almost painful to be so close and yet to not...

I walked a thin line that night – the line between passionate and aggressive. I'll admit to swapping sides often but Bella made no complaint. There had been pain and tears at first. I had forgotten about that, and it seems that she had too. I kissed her tears away and stilled until she could get her bearings. She asked to me go slowly, and so I did. Inch by inch. I was burning alive, I was sure, but I'll be damned if I escape it. It took a long moment for Bella's heart to calm, but I waited. With our lower bodies crushed together in the most intimate of ways and my arms braced on either side of her head, she was trapped beneath me.

_But somehow it felt more like she was trapping me..._

And so began the age old rhythm. But this was so new. So foreign. So _good. _Pained gasps turned into quiet moans. One of her hands came to rest on my chest as I moved. And then she moved. I was dying. So much more. More heat, more depth. That was when I almost lost myself. A guttural snarl had ripped from my throat. It took me a moment to beat the monster into submission, and I looked beneath me to see how Bella was reacting.

Her eyes were clenched shut, her lips parted with stuttering breathes as her back arched with every one of my thrusts. _So beautiful. _The build was perfectly torturous. I heard her thoughts, such dirty thoughts coming from my sweet little Isabella. But the final fall... now there was something to be seen over, and over _and over again._

And we did. Not too much. She was only human. I didn't want to hurt her. She didn't mind though. She wanted _more, more more. _That was all I could get from her mind. Apart from the words she would never say out loud. We made love, but the word wasn't spoken. Somehow I had the feeling that _that _declaration would be bigger than any other.

We finally rested when the moon was high in the nights sky and the air fell humid and damp around us. Bella was exhausted. And smiling. Happy. I smiled back at her, knowing I had put that smile there. We laid next to each other, Bella's head tucked into my chest and an arm slung across my stomach as our legs tangled together. I ignored her thoughts of sweat and stinking. She smelt like sex. She smelt like me.

It didn't take her long to drift off into a somewhat peaceful slumber. I had always been inside of her dreams. Always observing. It was strange now to see her eyes closed and breathing evenly beside me. Even as I watched her, her murky dreams played in my mind. I found that she wasn't a comfortable sleeper. She was forever shifting around, nuzzling into me, muttering words, and even licking me at one point. I wasn't sure it was on purpose since nothing in her dreams was to do with licking.

I was happy. She was happy. But there was so much left over. Baggage. We both had tonnes of it. I had gotten her to listen, to watch and understand. But she hadn't forgiven me. She hadn't said it out loud or in her thoughts. I had hurt her, I knew it.

But the doubts and insecurities were far from my mind. Confidence was an alien concept but it bloomed in my heart. With her. Because of her. For her. She had been my mate. And I was hers now. The act had been completed – she had given in and accepted it. Maybe not in her mind but in her heart. Everything else could be dealt with. Our lingering problems were a hole in a wall. Quickly fixed. They leave a mark, for sure, but the wall remains standing and strong.

So I pushed those thoughts away and soaked up the smiles and girl in my arms. Who would have thought it? I, Edward Cullen. No longer a virgin. Bella swan, no longer my best friend. No questions and mistrust. For there had always been mistrust. She thought she was crazy. That I wasn't real. I had much the same ideas. We were real. The both of us. Everything we knew was true. The doubts of '_it's not real'_ were disregarded in the face of the reality we faced.

Bella rolled away from me once again. For the fourth time. The sun was rising in the sky – the glass door allowed the light to illuminate Bella's side of the bed. I hoped she was warm. I didn't try and pull her back to me this time. I watched. She now laid on her side. Half of her arm trapped beneath her while her hand hung over the edge of the mattress. Hair fanned out behind her. Thin sheet barely covering her ass. Way too little threads. My eyes could see through the material.

I found my entertainment in the form of Bella's curved back. I fascinated at the dip between her shoulder blades. My finger traced the crevice all the way down to the small of her back. I pulled my hand away. The lust had dulled somewhat. The craziness had receded. Logic told me to let her rest. She must be tired. Even I felt tired. Or lazy. It was a strange feeling.

At some point, my family returned somewhat hesitantly. Their thoughts were full of shock and amusement. I was too blissful to care. I had forgotten about the clothing in the kitchen. And to open the windows and doors. There was no way to hide anyway. Not with us. I just didn't know how Bella would take to it being common knowledge. I wanted to wear it like a medal. It was how we were. How could I not be proud that she was mine? That we were together?

"Get out here Edward."

So it was with a smile and placing a small kiss on the back of Bella's shoulder that I climbed out of bed. I was almost at the door when I heard Alice screech _clothing! _I looked down and saw that I was still naked. So much for our perfect memory. After quickly pulling on a pair of trousers and pulling a clean shirt over my head, I stepped out of the room. It was difficult to do so. She was laid there, naked, trusting... mine. How could I ever leave that behind?

"Easy there Lover Boy. She's just a few feet away." Jasper smirked from the sofa. I didn't know whether to be angry or not for his teasing. Honestly, I couldn't be angry right now. He laughed at me. I wasn't surprised. I was smiling like a fool. I was a fool, but damn it was good.

"So everything's okay now?" Alice asked, tucked into Jasper's side. Her eyes knew my answer. Her smirk told me so. When I shrugged she giggled. My smile ruined the façade. She jumped up and gently hugged me this time. No jumping on me. No squealing. But her excitement was no less. Her pride was overwhelming though. And she was happy for me. Happy to see me smile again. Happy for me to be happy. So I held her a little tighter and whispered my thanks. She was my little angel when the devil was whispering evil plots in my ear.

Congratulations went around the family. Gentle hugs were shared while my love slept in the next room. Her soft snores kept the smile on my face. Even when Rosalie held up Bella's shirt on the end of her finger with a raised eyebrow, I had it in me to laugh. Because how could this be wrong?

"It stinks in here." She complained, but then opened her arms to me. Rosalie and I have always clashed. Always. But there were reasons. She was a private person. There were things in her past that she only felt comfortable sharing with her mate. Unfortunately, around me that wasn't an option. She resented me for making her feel weak. Deep down, she knew it wasn't my fault. But then she would have to think about it, which she hates doing. It was easier on her to let the others think we didn't get along. But I felt her shame and mortification when she remembered. When I saw what she saw.

_I'm happy for you, brother. _And she even kissed me on the cheek and stepped away with a tender smile on her lips. I guess I had been the baby of the family for a long time. For _all _of the time really. With a somewhat abashed smile, I accepted the thought, knowing that to say it for the others to hear would make her feel uncomfortable and vulnerable.

I turned to Emmett. He was watching me so carefully. But his mind, his thoughts were focussed on Bella. My Bella. When a growl tore from my throat and I made a move to advance on him the others stepped forward. Emmett knew what he was doing. He knew what his thoughts would do. He knew me too well.

"Emmett, stop what ever you're doing." Carlisle commanded, looking me in the eye with a hand on my chest as he urged me to calm myself. Bella was restless in the other room. My growl had been loud enough to rouse her. Anger welled as I switched my glare back to my brother. "Stop it! The both of you!"

_You're going to hurt her! _Emmett growled and moved to approach me, but Carlisle and Rosalie held him back. _She's human – you're a vampire. It's unnatural! You think you'll be able to control yourself? What about when she gets sick? Or when she moves away? She's not going to stay by your side Edward! She's not a vampire!_

I growled loudly at his thoughts, ignoring Carlisle as he continued to implore that the both of us calm down. _She has a life. She has a family. How can you make her choose between you and Charlie? She's not even mated to you! Human's can't mate Edward! She's not your mate!_

"Get Emmett out of here. Now!"

But it was too late. My thoughts our actions had woken her. I heard the patter of her bare feet as she quickly dressed. Her thoughts were concerned for me. For the family. And shamed. Ashamed that she was pulling us apart. She blamed herself. I was too angry to talk to her. I didn't want to snap at her. It wasn't her fault.

I didn't turn as I heard the door open behind me or when she walked towards us slowly. _Edward, are you alright? _

My brother and I were locked in some battle of wills. Our quiet growls a warning to one another to back down. Our blackened eyes a threat. Alice let go of my wrist as Bella stood in front of me. Carlisle had moved to make room for her between Emmett and I. He shook his head at Bella's questioning look.

_Edward, it's fine. _She implored as she rested her hand on my chest. Her mind was sluggish with sleep. She should have been dreaming sweet, sweet dreams. Had she heard what was going on? What Emmett had said?

_I heard everything. It incorporated itself into my dream. _She allowed a small smile to grace her lips but it fell quickly. _I'll talk to him – make him listen. Make him understand._

I growled, taking my eyes from my brother and now resting them on the small girl before me. The very thought of her being near him had me wanting to tear my dear brother apart. I may allow Carlisle to be close, perhaps even Jasper. But not Emmett. He was against this. Against us. He couldn't be trusted.

_Think past it Edward. Past this argument. _She pushed against my chest until I understood and took a small step back. _He's your brother. He's always been there for you, as you have been for him._

She took my hands in hers and wished for me to calm down. _I hate it when you get like this Edward. It's like you can't think rationally. I never know what to expect from you. _She admitted with sadness and trepidation colouring her mind's voice.

_I know. _I sighed and allowed my eyes to close. _I can't help it though. It'll get easier – better. _I assured her, resting my forehead against hers and wishing that my family would just leave us be. It had been fine with just the two of us here. My mind flashed to our activities during the evening, and Bella smirked before shaking her head and stepping back.

_I don't think now is really an appropriate time for that Edward. _She chastised before letting go of my hands and turning to face the six vampires who had watched the interaction with a great curiosity and awe. I could hear it in their thoughts – their pride and relief to see me happy. All but one.

"I think we need to talk."

It wasn't a question. My Bella was glaring at Emmett with such a ferocity I had never seen on her before. _You're not the only one who's protective, okay? _She defended herself. With a small smile, I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around her waist from behind. I watched her smile spread across her face through my family's minds.

My brother was watching us with a pained expression. His thoughts were muddled and confusing. He was confused. He didn't understand. He didn't believe. _It doesn't matter. _Bella gently pried my arms from around her but kept a hold of my hands and allowed them to drop to our sides. _Us against them. _

_No. Never. _Bella disagreed whilst watching my brother. _Her _brother, too. She loved him as he loved her. Fiercely. Protectively. I knew he loved her. They all did. But he was going too far. Way too far. He'd never seen someone become mated. He's only experienced it. It had been difficult for me to release Carlisle to Esme all those years ago. He and I had been companions for so long – father and son, as much as brothers and best friends. When Esme joined us, I admitted to feeling pushed out. I didn't like her. Carlisle was my father, not her _mate._

If I could get past it, so could he.

My brother agreed with Bella's terms with a small nod. Rosalie and Carlisle released him and he simply sighed. We were still for a moment and I easily saw the line dividing the family. The others agreed with Bella and I, with the _us, _but they were stand by Emmett, help him understand. I felt Bella's distaste at the situation.

"What time is it?" Bella released one of my hands to reach up and rub her eyes. I stepped forward and encouraged her to relax. She was still exhausted. She movements were slow, and her thoughts even more so. Carlisle answered her with a small voice.

"Half past five."

Outwardly, Bella had little response. Inside, she was cursing all of us for dragging her out of bed at such an ungodly hour. Annoyance tainted her thoughts and words as she bid us all a goodnight. Her thoughts threatened castration if I couldn't keep I control of my temper. She quietly asked Jasper to incapacitate us if need be. He laughed since she was in the other room and sent her a large dose of lethargy.

_Or he could do that... _Bella grumbled in annoyance but fell prey to the emotions Jasper was sending her way. After raising an eyebrow, he apologized and stopped sending her on her way into a coma.

_Edward, you should go hunting. _Carlisle suggested while Rosalie dragged Emmett out to the deck. I shook my head, feeling the overwhelming need to protect and attack recede as my brother moved away. But I didn't want to leave her anywhere near him. Logically, I knew that he would never harm a hair on her head. But if there was even the slimmest chance... and there was...

"We'll take care of her." Carlisle assured me. I knew, out of anyone, I could trust him with his word. They may mean little to others, but words are the only thing that bound Carlisle and I together. When I had woken up from my change, I had been so angry I could have killed him. But I hadn't. Because I had listened to the words coming from his mouth, and then to his thoughts. He spoke what he thought, and people very rarely have the ability to think extensively in lies.

I have always trusted his word – apart from when the monster was rattling his cage.

Even with the knowledge that she would be safe here without me, I didn't relish the thought of it.

"When was the last time you hunted?" Jasper's thoughts were much more poignant than his words. _I know you don't lust for her blood Edward, but is that a chance you really want to take? _

There was no foul play or ulterior motives behind his words and intentions. He knew how hard is was for a vampire to restrain themselves with humans. I watched his shudder at the thought of having to consciously restrain himself during sex.

"Too long." I admitted. I had hunted sparingly on my way towards Bella, but I had barely drained half of the deer when my urgency caught up with me and I carried on my journey. I knew that my eyes would be a constant black with hunger and emotions. Bella hadn't thought anything of it – no worry or concern about my attacking her anyway.

"Go." Jasper urged softly, remembering how he had stayed diligently at Alice's side and suffered his thirst because of it. He didn't want me to go through that – especially not when my mate was a human. _We'll keep her safe._

The sentiment was shared by my family – even Emmett and Rosalie who were down on the beach. And so I left via the front door. It wasn't easy to leave Bella, but her dreams assured me of her safety. The forest was literally on our doorstep, so it took me only fifteen minutes to find a herd of wild boar. Boar wouldn't be my first choice, but it was either that or a few dozen raccoons to quench my thirst.

My thoughts had been focussed on the hunt and my prey. As a result, when the haze of thirst cleared I wasn't shocked to find Bella's dream being about animals stalking their prey. With Bella sleeping, my family's thoughts safe from my mind and the only noise being the lapping of waves on the sand, I chose to slowly make my way back into the chaos. Yes, my Bella might be the silver lining, but it felt surrounded by so much shit that I was glad to be away from it for a while.

Bella was with me in mind, at least. It reminded me of before; of when we were just thoughts in each others minds. No complications. Just friends. Someone to turn to when we got bored, or lonely. Someone who understood when no-one else did. And though I would never give up what has developed now, it would be ideal to go back and do it all again. But better. No messing around. No doubts.

But that's hindsight for you. Like I said – what a bitch.

Still, no matter how we got here, the fact remained that we were _here. _We got here, eventually. _Finally._

I returned quickly despite my intent, and found my family dispersed around the property. Carlisle and Esme were curled up on the sofa when I walked in. they bid me a small hello before acknowledging in their minds that I needed to go to Bella. I slipped into our room quietly, almost silently had it not been for the click of the door behind us. She was still sleeping, on her back with her arms splayed widely. The picture of ease. I thanked God that she'd chosen to keep the clothes on. With the covers piled on the floor beside her, I shuddered to think of what others would have seen if they had entered in my absence.

_What they had no right to see._

The thought irked me. My family shouldn't see her like that. Only me. Because she was mine. And those things were private – at least to me they were. I knew Bella would hardly walk around my family naked. Still, the thought of it had me sliding into bed beside her and pulling her close. To keep eyes from her. Because only my eyes should be seeing her like this. Vulnerable.

In her dreams, Bella acknowledged my return. In reality she rolled over so that her arm was, once again, splayed across my stomach and her leg was hitched over mine. Her heated breaths were soaking into my shirt and skin gently, and I allowed my eyes to slip shut. This would be my sleep. Who needs to dream?

At half past nine, Bella woke up. When she was a child, she would run and hide so she could sleep for longer. Every time, Bella would find new places to conceal herself as she dreamt. Her poor mother ran around after her, searching blindly. Needless to say that Bella had never been a morning person. And things hadn't changed from when she was younger.

In a bid to hold on to her dreams, she buried her face into my shirt-clad chest and tightened her grip on me. The more the held on, the faster the dreams slipped away and so she was soon yawning against me and yet still refusing to move.

_It's too early. _

She had actually refused to move. At all. Truthfully, I didn't want to move much either. In here, where the scent of sex was strong in the air, where the memories were still fresh. Why would I ever want to leave? But for once, I was the voice of logic. My family wanted to talk to her – us really. They were worried about her – the effect mating with a vampire would have on a human is unknown. There had been Esme and Carlisle, but they had only bonded after Esme had been changed.

"Get up." I poked her as I stood at the bottom of the bed. She groaned loudly and snuggled into the pillow next to her. She knew sleep was too far now, but the relaxation was the thing she didn't want to relinquish. It was similar to the feeling vampires had after feeding. Just... utter contentment and peace. Physically anyway.

_I'll drag you out if I have to._

She had picked up the quilt from the floor when she had woken. It was the only time she had moved really – rolled over and blindly reached her hand down the side of the bed. The air in here was warm but she felt somewhat naked and bare without something on top of her.

_You didn't mind last night. _I had reminded her, curious of her thought. As a child, she had believed as many do, that any limb outside of the duvet would be sacrificed by some axe wielding murderer. She knew it wasn't true, but still felt uncomfortable about leaving any skin vulnerable to attack at night. It was similar to letting hands or feet dangle off the edge – she'd gotten it into her head that someone would grab her and drag her away.

_Like a quilt or bed would stop them..._

But she had answered my enquiry with a simple, _But you were there last night. _

It made me smile stupidly that she felt safe enough with me that she allowed limbs to be threatened. At that point, I had hoped to coax her out of bed by my presence. That was when she'd grabbed the quilt. I then offered breakfast. She said she wasn't hungry. I even offered her some shower sex – not out loud of course. She'd thought about it for a moment before disregarding the offer and seeing my blackmail for what it was.

So I did the last thing I could think of. I tore the quilt off the bed and dumped it on the floor behind me. She'd have to climb out of bed to get it. Instead, she sat up in bed and glared at me. Her mind was clear of sleep or other intrusions. It was now almost eleven in the morning. She had woken up fully. And was now angry.

"Get your lazy ass out of bed." I teased her as she pouted and crossed her arms over her chest. I tried to keep my eyes from her chest. And failed. She smirked when she heard my thoughts.

"So you drag me out of bed and then expect me to be... nice?" She had remembered my family's return and edited her words quickly. Her mind was another story. Limbs, groans... a shower wall, water...

"Its not totally out of the question..." I sincerely hoped it wasn't. As much as I liked teasing her, she played the game well. She knew just how to get one up on me. And she knew it.

"I don't see why I should be so nice to you." She shrugged, climbing off the bed without a huff, now that she was having sufficient fun teasing and torturing me with mental images. Memories. I watched her, searching her mind for a sign of weakness so that I could strike. I found none. Damn. So she smirked as she walked past me, and I decided to play my own little game.

Vampire's mind are extensive with immeasurable space for memory. And imagination. It wasn't hard to conjure up one of many scenarios. I watched Bella's smirk fell as she gasped and flushed. "You play dirty." She narrowed her eyes before turning and continued on her way to the bathroom.

_That was never going to happen._

Before she could hear it in my thoughts, I rushed forward, threw her over my shoulder and then threw her on the bed. Her mind stalled at the sudden movements, but she was amused by them more than anything. While her body was still bouncing on the mattress I pounced on her. Pinning her beneath me. It had been too long.

_A few hours... _Bella agreed as she stopped teasing me. I let my face hover above hers, keeping our eyes on one another as I once again steadied myself with my hands on either side of her head. Kissing was almost as good as sex – and much less awkward to do in public of course. But it was difficult to do whilst smiling like a fool – as we were both finding out.

_Are you going to let me go? _She hummed into my mouth as I growled quietly. Her nails scraped against my scalp. My Girl was learning to play me like an instrument. While I fought off the urge to rip the clothing from her body and claim her again, I shook my head. _I need a shower Edward. I stink. _

Sure enough, she laid back down and pulled a face. I sniffed her and dodged as she made to hit me away. I assured her that she smelt lovely. And of me of course, which she smiled at. _I still need a shower though. _She rolled her eyes when I pouted. Letting her up, I pulled her close before she could get too far.

_I'm sorry about this morning. Things got out of hand. _I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head. She hummed in agreement and I felt her snuggle into my chest slightly.

_It's okay. I'll talk to him and sort it out. _Her mind recalled Emmett at various times over the past month or so. Threats aimed at me and my anatomy were frequent. But even I could see the sincerity as he held My Girl in his arms and comforted her pain. I could see that he was protecting her as much as he could. But she wasn't just a human.

_I'm your mate. _

She pulled away and stared me in the face. Searching. I didn't know what for, but let her search continue. We hadn't talked about that yet. But with the physical instincts somewhat dealt with, it was easier to see things normally again. We could talk now, or later. It was going to be said either way. I just didn't know _how _to say it. I wanted to declare my undying love for her, but at this moment I doubted that she would believe me all too much.

Up till now, things had been running strictly on primal instincts. Now it was time for decisions and logic and I was in over my head. Deep. But at least I wasn't alone.

_That you are. _I assured her, kissing my mate on her cheek.

I was glad she seemed to be taking it so well. It was the one thing that was left to chance. Her reaction to all of this. But her thoughts were happy. No shock. I guess she'd figured it out before I had. The smile on her lips had me smiling back. Everything would be alright. Even after we got through this part. With a quick peck on my lips Bella skipped from my arms and disappeared into the bathroom.

_So no shower sex? _I asked, only half joking.

_Your family can hear everything we say and do, Edward. _I heard her turn the water on and her peel her clothes off. For the first time, she didn't avert her eyes. She let me see. I had seen it all before. Last night when I had attempted to memorize every inch of her skin.

"Are you serious?" I muttered whilst dragging a hand through my hair. I knew it wasn't all about sex. I was the century-old virgin after all. But the physical connection... it was truly amazing. Though I could understand her need for rest, I was a little perturbed that my family's presence would hinder us.

"Very." She spoke from beneath the water. I sighed in defeat and left her to clean herself up. Her hands not mine. Damn. So I joined my family in the kitchen. Esme was cooking pancakes after learning they were Bella's favourite. Carlisle, Alice and Jasper were sat at the dining table and Rosalie and Emmett were idly watching television. Since Esme had designed this entire place and had put the kitchen, dining area and living room all in the same place. In one large room.

Emmett quietly promised to behave himself. He didn't even turn his eyes from the television he was pretending to watch. For a moment I worried about Emmett and I – if he could get past this. But his casual dismissal had me pushing the thoughts aside as I sat beside Carlisle and opposite to Alice. Alice and Carlisle said a cheerful good morning but said nothing about the activities they undoubtedly heard. Not out loud anyway. Their minds were full of teasing and happiness.

Well, apart from Jasper. _If you both keep this up, I'll have to relocate somewhere and take Alice with me. _I cringed at the thought of my brother and sister together. Even after these many years. I honestly hadn't concerned myself with the empath who would be feeling everything we were too. The lust, passion...

"I'm sorry." I told him.

"No you're not." He smirked and leaned across Alice to punch me in the arm. I shrugged as I smiled. I wasn't sorry. Not one bit. After the years of listening and being subjected to their thoughts of one another my family were the furthest concern in my mind when it came to sex. I had to convince Bella to come out of the bedroom. Without the sleepy haze over her mind, she was extremely conscious of everyone knowing what had happened between us.

So I pulled her chair flush with my own and let her curl into my side as she got more comfortable. My family found it amusing but didn't mention it. Her burning cheeks and mortification were enough to keep their teasing to themselves. She ate quietly beside me, tucked under my arm and almost in my lap.

_Edward, would you mind if I spoke to the two of you after Bella has finished? _Carlisle asked me quietly in my mind. The house was quiet, but it was nice. The calm _after _the storm. He didn't want to disturb it and I could hardly blame him for it. He also wasn't sure how Bella would take his probing questions.

I nodded vaguely in his direction, knowing he would understand the gesture. "Bella, I was wondering if-"

"I heard it." She looked up at him somewhat shyly, her voice soft. The only few words she had spoken this morning. Carlisle smiled and nodded in understanding. Her skin flushed before she looked back to her plate and continued eating. I squeezed her gently in encouragement, hoping to get her back to normal.

_It's too weird. They know everything. This is mortifying! This is like... like Charlie catching us... Ugh! _

I chuckled at her thoughts and kissed the side of her head. My sweet girl. I wanted to tell her to just be happy. Fuck everyone else. But she wouldn't. She was too self conscious. Of herself and everything around here.

The others dispersed, leaving Bella to relax and eat without eyes watching her. Well, apart from my own. I was somewhat entranced by how her mouth moved. In turn, she watched Emmett and Rosalie on the sofa, her thoughts quiet and thoughtful. I stilled upon hearing the inflection in her tone. For Emmett. Her brother.

_You have to understand Edward, they helped me. I guess they understood even when I didn't, s_he implored, not needing to turn to know that I was listening.

Indeed, I knew that Bella had been the last to discover our mating. I, being stubborn, had refused to believe such things. My family, however, had seen and experienced such things for themselves. Vampire's don't get as close as I was to Bella without there being something between them. It made sense that my family would help – though not telling her a word of the truth. Finding out for yourself was the best way after all.

_I don't like sharing. _

I nuzzled into her neck as she giggled quietly. It was only too true. My things were my things. No-one touched my music. Just as no-one touched Esme's kitchen or Alice's clothes. They were ours.

_I'm not a possession. _

_No need to turn into a feminist on me. _I chuckled, pressing a kiss to her bared shoulder. _I'm as much yours as you are mine. _

Bella gave no outward response to my thoughts. Though her pancakes were finished, she kept a hold of the fork. The others paid us little mind. Privacy. They saw it as the greatest gift they could give to us at this time. Especially Bella. With them no longer in the immediate vicinity they didn't enter much into her thoughts. Just the two of us in our own little world. When she stood, I searched her mind for a reason to her heavy sigh.

She seemed torn. After putting her plate and fork on the side, she turned, beckoning me in her mind to look at me. Without hesitation, I twisted in my seat and sat sideways to watch her. Her eyes were steely as she watched me. No jokes. No playful atmosphere.

_I'm still angry with you. I haven't forgiven you. _

It stung, her thoughts. I knew they were deserved, and I had anticipated them eventually. It still hurt. Solemnly, I nodded in understanding. I could expect nothing more. My agreement caught her off guard. She had thought I would deny it, that I would beg for forgiveness. I snorted at the very thought and stood to approach her.

_I know you too well. If I begged it wouldn't make one bit of difference._

She smothered a grin but rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. Walking forwards and almost pinning her to the counter, we stared at one another without any thought of backing down. A quiet voice told me to force to her to see it from my perspective. To _make _her understand the pain I had endured along with her.

Instead, I let the amusement fade from my mind and I saw her smile slide from her face as a result. I was fully sincere. Prepared to do anything. Everything. I couldn't joke about the hurt we had both gone through. For a moment, I remembered the small child I had watched grow from the inside looking out. The first time she lost a tooth, the first -and only up till now – to hold her hand. Even though everything felt so new with her, it wasn't. Hadn't she been there for the past seventeen years? Hadn't she seen been my companion for everything I had been through since her birth?

My hand came to rest on the side of her neck, my thumb stroking the curve of her jaw. Her features used to be softer with youth. Age had given her curves. Delicious curves. I was truly finding it hard to merge the two people together in my mind. My mate, standing before me, and the girl I had watched grow for almost two decades.

_It doesn't matter, _I told her, thinking back to her anger and distrust. _I'll spent the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. _

For my mate, there was little I wouldn't do. It was programmed in there. To make your mate happy was the most important thing. To make sure they were safe came in a close second. For my little Bella, it was much the same. Even without the mating, I would have done anything for her. There was a slight negative emotion from her mind for a moment before she sighed and nodded. Her eyes, which had avoided mine up until them, now sought mine out as her arms fell from her chest. My thumb continued its ministrations while my other hand reached out and braced myself against the counter beside her, cornering her.

I knew the moment the air changed around us – we both sensed it. Her heart accelerated a little and her eyes darkened. I watched mine do the same from her mind. She imagined her hands on me, taking things _off _me. Memories of last night. And then more – blurry faces but clear intentions from her fantasies. My thoughts automatically took a dive into the gutter and I felt Bella shudder gently beneath my touch.

_If the two of you don't stop I'll have to throw Alice down right here._

I blinked and forced my eyes away from Bella. We seemed to have gravitated together. Our chests now touching, her hands spread across my shirt, warmth seeping through to my skin. Her scent drenching me from the inside out. But as nice as that was, I did see the problems we were causing.

The result was six dark eyed vampires who's thoughts were flashing with nude images of my family. Of their mates. Jasper had tried to reel in our lust but had gotten too carried away and lost control.

Bella also turned and saw the scene. Immediately a beautiful blush rose on her cheeks, and her hands dropped from my chest as she buried her head there instead. _Mortifying, _was her one thought before extracting herself from me and swiftly exiting the kitchen and standing outside on the balcony. The space made me ache, but it was needed for us to calm down.

_I can see it. _

Emmett's thoughts made me turn to him. His eyes were trained tightly on mine, but he showed no relief in his discovery. _I am happy for you brother, make no mistake. But she is a human. She needs a human life with human experiences. _

Human experiences which meant being away from me. That she needed to be away from me. That it wasn't _right..._

A growl rose in my throat again and I pushed off from the kitchen counter to approach him. Emmett stood and made to step towards me. My family rose quickly, wanting to diffuse the situation but at a loss at how to get us to an even ground.

_Edward calm down. _

The command came from Carlisle first. His words were disregarded in the anger of my mind. My brother was so against us. Why couldn't he see how happy I was? How happy Bella was? Why did he have to ruin everything? He was so set on us not being together. It didn't make a difference what he wanted. We were mated. There was no going back from that. But that didn't stop my anger towards him.

The second command came from Bella. Again, she had heard my brothers thoughts and had anticipated my reaction. She came to stand in the doorway, making no move towards myself or Emmett. I did as I was told. But our movements stilled as my eyes turned to her. As if waiting for her next command. My family hovered, undecided, not knowing whether they should act now when we weren't attacking one another.

"I've had enough of this. I'm not some pole you guys can piss on and claim." She huffed, aiming her words at Emmett and then myself. The others laughed quietly, amused by her words despite the tense situation. Bella ignored it. "We need to talk." He told my brother sternly, to which he simply offered a stiff nod and a glance at me.

_No._

I shook my head and stepped towards her, wanting to hold her to me. To protect her. Form him, from Emmett. But she stepped back, requesting that I allow her to try and explain things to Emmett. My gut protested, along with my head and heart. I didn't want her anywhere near him. And definitely not by herself.

_I'll be fine Edward. It's Emmett. He won't hurt me. _She told me, her attempt at soothing me being marred by the irritation she felt. _You'll be able to see and hear everything anyway._

I was revolted by the idea. My body seemed to be with me on this one. But I knew this was one of _those _things. I had to trust her – and I did. With my life. But I had to show her – let her prove herself. She _was _a feminist after all. So I let her go. To hold her back would only make the situation worse and her anger towards me escalate. She wouldn't appreciate being coddled and smothered by me.

Still, Emmett walked out first, commenting that he'd be down on the beach. I watched him go with a glare burning into the back of his head. He felt the threat of my stare, acknowledging it in his thoughts but not out loud. The family stood around the living area, still and silent as Bella heaved a heavy sigh and then turned and walked out, slamming the door behind her. I wasn't the only one to cringe at the offending noise.

Esme took my hand and urged me to sit with them. Eavesdropping was something that couldn't be helped. There was no point in hiding it. So we all sat together. In reality, I wanted to be alone to process and react to whatever would be said and thought. But I knew that my place was with my family. They were showing support and that wasn't something I should, or could push away. So I sat beside Esme and avoided the five pairs of eyes trained diligently on me.

_If you touch him I will rip you apart._

Rosalie's thoughts were punctuated by her growl. No-one berated her this time. Though I knew she didn't appreciate Emmett siding with this _human, _she could also see that the situation had no other alternative. She too, saw faults with it, but accepted that there was little to do now. She wished her mate had handled it differently, and yet he remained her mate. Should I hurt him, she would hurt me.

"Ditto." I glanced at her, knowing that she would understand. Her less than accepting thoughts had circled and haunted my mind for weeks. I hadn't caught any such poisonous thoughts from her recently though. She shook her head gently, her exasperation with the situation escalating quickly.

_The human isn't too bad to have around. I haven't seen Em like this for years though. _And there it was – her one problem. Jealousy. Emmett had cared for all of us – I knew he would die for us as we would sacrifice ourselves for him in return. But our loyalties ultimately lay with our mates. Above all others, our mates remain our priority. In truth, Emmett was probably the member of the family most on the fringe of things. He spent most of his time with his mate and little time with anyone else. To see him so protective and caring for another person had Rosalie's hackles rising.

_I acted irrationally before, _she continued softly, apologetically remembering how she had insinuated that Bella would have to be killed. _But she is your mate. I would never harm her Edward, and nor would Emmett. Of that, you have my word. _

With a nod, I agreed with her words. It was what she hadn't said that piqued my interest. She hadn't liked Bella because of how protective Emmett became of her. Had she felt threatened by Bella's presence in our home and lives? Was she relieved that she no longer posed a threat to her and Emmett because she and I were mated? I didn't voice my query out loud. For her tough exterior, my sisters mind is a mind field of insecurities and doubts.

And so we listened, unabashed to the words of the small girl and her large protector. It greatly amused my family to hear Bella using foul language and a sharp tongue with Emmett. How could I laugh when she was antagonising someone who could end her life in moments?

"I know what you're doing you know."

The yelling had stopped. Emmett hadn't said much – a few hums and nods here and there. He saw how his behaviour was effecting the both of us. That wasn't his intention. Emmett had sat himself on the soft sand of the beach, but Bella had chosen to verbally assault him whilst pacing back and forth in front of him. With a softer voice and eyes, she took a seat beside him and sighed.

"I just wanna make sure you're alright. This... thing, between you and Edward... a vampire and a human..." He shook his head, and I heard the block stopping him from understanding and accepting this. In his mind, a human and vampire could never be together. Carlisle had to change Esme to be with her. Rosalie changed Emmett to be with him. A human would die if a vampire acted as he would with another vampire.

"I am alright. In fact, I'm more than alright." She nudged him and I bit back a growl as he turned and smiled down at her. "I'm happy." There was a moment of silent communication, where they simply smiled at one another. After a few moments my brother threw his arm across Bella's shoulder and hugged her close to him, resting his chin on top of her head.

"If he's ever a dick-" my brother began.

"I know where to send him." Bella concluded with a small chuckle. I didn't like it. The ease of the both of them – the closeness they shared. I pushed away the acknowledgement of what was bubbling in my veins. It was stupid. Ridiculous to be jealous of the two of them. I had more, hadn't I? She had given herself to me.

"I still don't like it." Emmett mumbled quietly, stubbornly refusing to see around that mental block.

"Well it's a good job you don't have to then isn't it." Bella's snippy tone caught him off guard as he attempted to backtrack.

_Are you alright?_

I could be nice. Even when I wanted to rip her from him and run.

_I'm sick of the wedge I'm driving between your family. _She grumbled and I heard her thoughts as she edged away from Emmett and shrugged his arm off. _You've never fallen out like this, and it's because of me. You're all so damn stubborn! _

Emmett's thoughts were somewhat quiet and meek in comparison to Bella's. _… don't know how I can make this better. But it doesn't make sense! She'll just get herself hurt, and Edward will probably run off again because of it. _

"Hey... Bella... where're you going?" He called as Bella stood, dusted the sand from herself and then began to walk back towards the house. With a dejected sigh, he returned his gaze to the ocean before him.

_You are your family are going to bond. To reconnect. Whatever you do. _She informed me as she neared the house. I relayed the message to the others, who seemed reluctant but agreed. When Bella arrived and walked straight to the bedroom, they were rather glad to be away from her. They didn't know how fast human emotions could sway and change.

"I can hear you, you know." Bella griped from the bedroom and I sent a quiet apology.

The others stood, the lack of enthusiasm making them slow and reluctant to move at all. _ I can't believe I'm letting a human boss me around in my own home! _I chuckled at Rosalie's thought, earning me a glare before she went outside to her mate. Jasper was wondering if I was going with them. I shook my head quietly.

But of course she heard.

_You're going. You're the one who has this problem with Emmett. The two of you need to sort it out. Don't come back until you can be civil to one another. _

Jasper watched my expression with a patience I couldn't comprehend. "So I'm guessing you're coming."

With a sigh, I nodded. Carlisle and Esme stood in the kitchen, watching the exchange with furrowed brows and heavy thoughts. They agreed with Bella. They didn't like how the family was dividing. We needed to be together in this, especially now. But Bella was still angry with me, and though I knew it wasn't the biggest problem we had at the moment, it was the one that had me digging in my heels.

There was no goodbye. It wasn't needed since she wouldn't be leaving me. Not really. We set off from the house and straight into the thick forest. Hunting was as close to a family meal as it got for us. Besides, Emmett may be a little more receptive if he wasn't hungry. As for myself, I sat and waited. I had already hunted.

I wandered to the designated meeting place and perched easily on a large rock off to the side. It was strange how my body seemed to ache without her. _Was I that desperate? _

With silence surrounding me, I turned all of my attention to Bella. She was more comfortable now – though I made sure to keep my thoughts quiet enough as to keep it that way. She needed privacy and time to think – as both Alice and Carlisle had told me. I was still loathed to leave her though. But they had been right. She sat, curled up beneath a blanket on the sofa, watching some film that she wasn't watching at all.

And it was all I could do as I heard her thoughts fall a moment before her tears followed. I knew that her emotions had been a roller-coaster for her before the mating. But I had no idea if they were supposed to magically even out afterwards. Maybe it wasn't the mating at all. I could hear the stress running through her mind, listing off worries and fears. The Volturi, Charlie, Myself, Emmett, the family, school, and of course, Renee. She was never far in her mind, sometimes bright but others a dark shadow scaring and chasing my girl to terror.

_But I could hold her now! She's a few miles away now. There was no need to feel helpless! _

Hadn't she told me that I was the one with the problem? She didn't understand the possessiveness of the mating in the first few months. She had ordered me away because she needed time to herself, to be herself. I heard my families approach, one by one nearing from scattered directions all around me. I was in no mind to be friendly or civil to any one of them. Not with Bella crying, her hopeless thoughts running through my mind and her own tears causing an ache behind my closed eyelids.

My place was at her side, not here.

_Edward, I was hoping to have that talk with you..._

When I looked up, I found my father watching me apprehensively. Lifting my head from my hands and standing, I sighed and nodded in agreement. Inside, I begged Bella to give me permission to return to her. But my wish fell silent. I would give her silence, and space for as long as she needed it.

As long as she came back to me afterwards.

**AN:**

**Lemon... too much or too little? **


End file.
